carbon monoxide

I want to share an email I got a while back from my friend Sarah. You might have heard about the tragedy she describes here on the news...I think I heard it on the Today Show - little did I know that happened to my friend's family.

Then just a week or so ago, it almost happened to my family - to my brother. He had a carbon monoxide leak in his apartment. He hadn't been feeling well, and wanted to sleep all the time when he was home (and for those of you who know my brother - that isn't TOO abnormal!). The detector went off, the fire engines showed up, he was evacuated from his apartment, and relocated (with his cat!).

Our family story ended as just that...a story. Sarah's story doesn't end as well. Please read the following and protect your family - do it today! And remember this family in your prayers. This Christmas will be especially hard for them.

Dear Friends,

As some of you already know, our family suffered an immeasurable loss over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. The reason I am sharing this with you is because it was preventable.

My dear friend Parker Lofgren who I've known since high school, (we skied together and went to each others Junior Proms), became part of my family when his dad married my cousin Mary. Parker, his wife Caroline and their two children Owen (10) and Sophie (8) died from massive Carbon Monoxide Poisoning at a vacation home that they were staying at in Aspen over Thanksgiving. The authorities believe the poisoning came from a malfunction of the gas water heater and snow melt system. There were not any carbon monoxide detectors in the home, so there was no warning.

Please, if you have any gas appliances (water heater, furnace, oven) or combustible (fireplace, oil furnace) units in your home, make sure you have a
carbon monoxide detector for each floor of your home. Carbon Monoxide is a colorless, odorless gas so a detector is the only way to alert yourself.

There are no words to describe our family's loss. Sharing with you the importance of carbon monoxide detectors and the warning signs of carbon monoxide poisoning seems like the only thing I can do. I have attached an article with more information on Parker and his family as well as the facts about carbon monoxide poisoning for you. If you can not "click" on the links below, copy and paste them into your browser.

http://www.momlogic.com/2008/12/family_dies_of_carbon_monoxide.php

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_11103516

a word on Christmas

Dear family and friends,

Don't buy us anything for Christmas. I am serious...no gifts, please.

Every year at this time - we carefully think about and plan on the gifts we give to those in our close circle. This year is no different...with one significant exception.

We've noticed the enormous need in our community. Basic needs are not being met. The number 1 problem in South Bend is hunger...not crime, not education - HUNGER. This problem is only going to get worse as more plants close and more people are without employment.

You might have seen the New York Times article calling Elkhart the "white-hot center of the meltdown of the American economy". Nice...

So this year, we won't be buying anyone any gifts, and will not be accepting any. Seriously - if you have purchased something for us already, please return it, and use the money to donate to a cause.

We all have plenty. None of us need anything - oh, of course, we have 'wants' - who doesn't? We all have a job, we have food to eat, a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs.

The gift we would like to give one another this year is the gift of knowing our gift-giving dollars will go to help those in REAL need.

...again, I am totally serious - don't anyone buy anything for us for Christmas; no clever gifts to the cats, nothing in the mailbox left anonymously...no gifts!

apologies

My apologies for not posting much lately. I have been overwhelmed with paperwork issues, scarf making and general day-to-day junk. Don't get me wrong, I love having a full schedule and being busy, I am just struggling through the paperwork nightmare that has to be done before Christmas Eve. Sometimes it feels like the weight of it all is going to break me. The enormity of what doing the paperwork right has hit me hard. If I screw it up...Anya doesn't come home. If I don't pull all-nighters and suck it up...Anya doesn't come home.

I saw a friend this week who asked me how things were going, and how I was getting along in the pre-Russia process...and I about busted into tears (I do that when I am tired).

So, I apologize for not posting updates as frequently as I normally do. I promise as soon as I see a glimmer of light through the storm clouds of paperwork, I will!

Unbelievable Week

This week has been truly unreal. So much has gone on that my head is spinning. I just want to share one highlight.


I know I have mentioned it before - but I have amazing friends. Early in the week, I stopped by a friend's house to drop something off (and to get her honest opinion on my scarves - she is quite the crafty one). The plan was that I was going to borrow her Flip video camera for the trip to Russia. She was showing me how to use this little camera (which, by the way is BRAND new, and PERFECT for me!) when she says "you can just keep it". WHAT? Are you kidding me? What a blessing!!









Then tonight, I noticed a box in the corner of my office. I am sure it arrived sometime this week - not sure when. It was from one of those amazing people I've met on this adoption journey. I opened the box, and it was stuffed full of all kinds of things I can give as gifts in Irkutsk. For those of you who have traveled internationally to adopt, you probably can agree that the gifts are one of the BIG expenses...and every time we visit, it means another round of gifts - for everyone. Along with the gifts was an envelope with money. This is when I started crying. Her sons Sunday school class.


Unbelievable. God has blessed me in many many ways - and has truly blessed me with the love, generosity and friendship of these 2 ladies.

Scarf Sales now online!

Click HERE to purchase a scarf today!

Wanna Give some Orphans a Christmas?

I was at a friend's store a week ago, and saw these scarves that her daughter made. They were unique, simple, and a great idea.

That gave me the idea to spin off her idea, and create my own...not as a business, but as a fund raiser!

I want to do something special for the kids in Anya's group for Christmas. Doing this is going to require not only a few more dollars for gifts and snacks - but extortion money to pay for an extra bag on Aeroflot - which I am sure they will decide is overweight. I estimate this exchange being in the $200 range. The good news is that if I sell enough, I won't have to bring anything with me. If I can raise enough money, I can hire a catering service to deliver cakes and snacks in Shelechov, and purchase gifts there. To do that, I would have to pay a translator and driver to be with me. Last year, there was a need in the home for new blankets for every child. Wouldn't it be amazing it I was able to raise enough money to purchase a new blanket for every child's bed? I think there are about 100 kids in this orphanage. And imagine if I raise enough to be able to do something for Anya's orphanage, and the groups that my friends children are in. That is a lot of scarves...lots-o-yarn.

I hope to be able to place these in stores throughout Michiana. I am going to start with the stores of some friends (if you are a friend with a store - is that ok?). I am calling them Krasivaya Couture. Krasicvaya means 'beautiful' in Russian. I can also take orders (I guess...) via this blog. They are $35 - and I can ship it to you via USPS. If you want to pay with PayPal - please pay $40 (PayPal fees - blech), please pay mars@mastermedia7.com.

Anyway - here are the first dozen scarves I've made. They are very girly - very frilly...I have 2 that I've worn for the past few weeks - and I get tons of compliments. They are not stitched or knitted in any way...since I don't stitch or knit :)

If you want more details - let me know!

dreams

I had a dream I was in a bus going to Chicago with Oprah...and she passed gas.





I don't know what that means.

Redeemed for Thanksgiving...gratitude in all things

Today, on Thanksgiving - I feel that we need to look deep into ourselves and find what we are truly Thankful for. Oh sure - we all say we're thankful for friends, family, a house, job - bla bla bla. But what about the struggles? The disappointments? The frustrations?

Today, I am choosing to be grateful for everything. I will rejoice with gratitude in the 4 1/2 year wait to bring Anya home. I know this situation will be redeemed, I know God has a plan - and it is so much bigger and greater than mine (praise God for that!!).

I know many of you are struggling with so many things - the wait to bring your children home, random adoption highs and lows, illness of family members, loss of jobs, changes in life's circumstances...this is why I decided to post this.

If you've followed my blog for any length of time - you know one of my favorite blogs is Bring The Rain - I can't even tell you how many times I've been brought to tears over Angie's words. She is an amazing writer and woman of God. If you've got some time - I encourage you to read Angie's blog from the beginning. Get a box of Kleenex - and know that I am just a Twitter away...because I KNOW you will want to talk about it with someone!

With her permission, I am posting a little something from Angie's blog. I invite you to settle in - and read her words...please leave a reply at the end. Let me know if you are going to take Angie up on her challenge...

Saying thank you to God in the midst of our circumstances is definitely different than saying thank you for them. And yet, scripture tells us to do both.

I have had a bad week. I have cried until my eyes were bloodshot and the sheets were soaked with grief. I pretty much told God that we would have to talk about it later. I stared at my Bible on my nightstand and then reached for the book next to it instead. I take a lot of opportunities on this blog to show you my adoration for the Lord. Every word I have written has come from my heart, and I love Him more than I could ever begin to describe.

Really. Truly.

But I didn't want to talk to Him this week.

As a sidebar, I am sure that the God of creation is getting a kick out of me actually writing out the fact that I was acting like a 5 year old.

In a sense, I feel like these words may cause some of you lose a little respect for me, because you may have an image of me, kneeling by candlelight with my Bible while my children sew doilies and laugh about the preposterous things that society is presenting on prime time television.

Actually, I do love candles, and Kate did tell a stranger that she can't watch Dancing With the Stars because "my mom said it is trashy and those ladies don't wear panties."

For the record, that is not exactly what I said.

But I do think they need to do a little more "ballroom" and a little less "half-naked gyrating." Until then, we are sticking to Shirley Temple.

So, I try. I really do.

I look for Him everywhere, in everything. I talk to Him like He's right next to me, and I feel more safe in the presence of God than I could describe in words.

But.

Thank Him for the death of my child?

That's hard.

Monday was particularly bad for me. It was raining here, and the world just felt all wrong. Todd suggested I go to the gym and get away for a little while, so I did. I had my music full-blast, which, as I soon discovered, does not prevent God from speaking. I was staring outside at the wet road, running away from Him, content to keep up the pace.

I started thinking about what Greg had written, and I imagined how beautiful it would be for me to have the kind of faith that thanks God for death. I admire those
who can do it. I want to be a woman like that, who is so fixed on eternity that this world never shakes her. I told myself that if I could just get the words out, He would transform my heart to believe that I meant them.

Lord, thank you for...

I couldn't finish the sentence. I started crying and running faster. I put on a song I love about what the crucified life looks like and I tried again.

Lord, thank you for...

Nope.

I closed my eyes and just listened to the words, and after a few minutes I felt myself start to long for Him the way I haven't in the last week.

***keepin' it real detail- at one point I was so lost in worship that I raised my hand up off the elliptical machine handle, lost my balance, and almost fell off...***

I had a good talk with God (starting with, "Hey, God, that was awesome how You didn't let me wipe out in front of a room full of people."). At one point, I told Him I didn't understand how in the world I could thank Him for the death of my daughter. I told Him (I'm just being honest here) that I didn't think I could ever say those words.

How sweet and reverent of me.

Maybe I should post a doily pattern instead.

But as my Bible study leader Ms. Nancy says, "He loves you right where you are, but He loves you too much to leave you there." The beautiful thing about our Lord is
that He doesn't mind our questioning, as long as we do it with hearts that are sincere in longing for truth. I want to be right with God. I want desperately to bring Him glory. But sometimes, I just have to shake my head and say, "I don't get it, Lord. I don't know that I have it in me this time..."

Later that night I took Ellie and Abby to run errands with me, and on the way home we stopped by this new Thai restaurant to get some take-out. While we were waiting, we found a little table in the corner and started talking about how the day had been. I told them I missed Audrey, and as soon as I said it, I remembered something that Ellie had said in prayer.

"Ellie, you know how sometimes I ask you to tell God something that you are thankful for?"

She nodded.

"And you know how sometimes you say that you are thankful that God took Audrey away?"

She nodded again.

"Why do you say that, honey?" My voice cracked. She looked at me like she didn't
understand why I was so confused.

"Because she's in heaven, momma. And she is so happy. So we say 'thank you. And we will see her again.'"

"So no matter what, Ellie, you can say thank you? Even if you don't like it?"

"Yeah."

"So would you say 'thank you' if someone stole your bike?" I studied her face.

"No."

"Well then, what would you say?"

"I would say 'would you please give my bike back?'"

I laughed out loud.

Because it made sense to me. I am just human, and you know what? It isn't going to be tied up in a neat bow. I can say all the fancy, pretty words that come to mind, and at the end of the day, sometimes I just want my bike back.

Maybe you do too.

We all want to feel like our hurts have been redeemed, don't we? If we could just see the big picture, and all of the things that God sees, maybe it would be easier to thank Him for the things we shake our fists at. The things that cannot be fully redeemed in this life.

For those of you who have read my blog for awhile, I won't have to explain this photo. A few weeks ago, I heard Abby yelling, "I figured it out, mommy!!!! Come see!!! Now it's going to be so great!!!" I started walking toward her room, and this is what I saw.

We want to fix it in this life, don't we?

And it hurts so much that we can't.

It will be redeemed, friends.

Maybe not here, and maybe not soon, but it will be redeemed.

So, in the meantime and in the midst of great disappointment, may we keep our eyes on He Who knows what we do not.

I am going to give you a Thanksgiving challenge, and I want you to know that I will be taking part in it as well. Sometime today, I want you to find a quiet moment in your day to sit in the presence of the Lord. Write down one thing that you are thankful for.

And here's the catch.

It has to be something you don't feel thankful for. It may be something you are carrying with you everyday, and haven't found a way to let go of. A divorce, a death, a loss, a deep wound, a regret you can't shake.

I want you to write the words. "I am thankful that..."

You might not feel like you mean them yet.

That's okay.

Tuck the paper away in a book, put it on your nightstand, throw it in the trash if you must, but write the words. There is astounding beauty in obedience-the act of trusting the Lord with the parts of life you want to cling to the most. I am praying that the Lord will take this seed, this offering, this piece of crumpled paper, this giving of thanks, and He will begin to grow a tree of beauty in our souls.

I am praying for you all. May we all remember this Thanksgiving as the one where we learned what it looks like to start thanking God for it all.

Happy Thanksgiving, Sundays.
Go make it a good one.
Angie

When one goes to Russia...

There is much to think about. Here is my to-do list:

1. Get Visa - get picture and overnight paperwork with passport
2. Get Invitation to get Visa - pay for it, send with Visa paperwork
3. Confirm with people in Irk place of stay for Visa
4. Book driver in Moscow - with Andrei
5. Get Hotel in Moscow
6. Confirm apartment in Irkutsk
7. Confirm driver in Irkutsk
8. Confirm interpreter in Irkutsk
9. Confirm translator in Irktusk
10. Send final itinerary to coordinator in Irktusk and Moscow
11. Make sure director of orphanage has itinerary - make arrangements to see Anya the day we get there
12. Make appointment with Lawyer - get appointment with Judge's office
13. Tell missionary friends in Irkutsk that I will be there - schedule a dinner (?)
14. Look into rental cell phone (pick up in Moscow?)
15. Plan out money - order new bills from bank
16. Book house/kitty sitter
17. Take fur coat to tailor - get hook replaced
18. Get warm boots
19. Get warm mittens
20. Get gifts for Anya's group (about 12-15 kiddos)
21. Gifts for Anya's caregivers (4-6 women)
22. Gift for coordinator
23. Gift for interpreter
24. Gift for orphanage director and social worker
25. Confirm seats with Delta
26. Confirm baggage requirements with Delta
27. Confirm seats with Aeroflot
28. Confirm baggage requirements with Aeroflot
29. Determine what travel stuff Marty is taking to India - make list of things we need 2 of
30. Dossier - get as much done as possible
31. Get with Kelly for help with photos
32. Get with Renee for printing
33. Plan out clothing for trip (1-2 pants / tops - sweaters) - try everything on and make sure that it all fits
34. Plan out DVDs for trip
35. Load MP3 player for trip
36. Pay bills of things that will be due while we are gone
37. Plan out deadlines that should be met before we go - and those that I can meet there
38. Converters for power
39. Food - ramen, peanut butter, mac-n-cheese, silk milk in a box, fruit roll ups, cake in a box to make and take to Anya's group (?)
40. Gifts for Anya - new outfit for every day, Christmas gifts
41. Camera - mine or Marty's?
42. Video camera - get with Amy, get lesson on how in the heck to do it
43. Get You Tube log in etc. from Marty
44. Make sure Marty gets outstanding money into bank account
45. Get all outstanding invoices of my clients paid
46. Ride to the airport - get what time Marty leaves - coordinate
47. Wrinkle Release
48. Get some warm socks (cashmere?)
49. Back up laptop

I'm sure I'll add to the list - thanks for letting me post my list here - much easier to remember where it is if it is online :)

What are you thankful for

Being that this is the week of Thanksgiving, and all the Bloggers are doing it - I guess I'll jump on the 'what are you thankful' for bandwagon.

I'll admit that some days I feel more grateful than others. Some days I am grateful to have a job that I love, doing something that I am passionate about...other days I really am tired, and just need a day off.

Some days I am grateful for a wonderful husband; one who is amazing in so many ways, and who loves me in a fairy-tale way...other days, I wish he would remember to get milk at the store.

Some days I am grateful for a home to live in, one that I've decorated with heart (and blood, sweat and tears!)...other days I don't understand what moron would put the switch for the light so far behind the door that you can't reach it.

Some days I am grateful for our family - that we get together on holidays....other days I don't want to do the Thanksgiving thing at all - I want to stay in my pjs and order a pizza.

Some days I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to fight to bring Anya into our home - our family...other days I am exhausted with the process, mad at the system that keeps her hostage, and angry at myself for not being able to find the energy to keep on top of the paperwork.

What about you?

Coolest Kid on the Block

Seriously, who else do you know that has a collection of letters from the Embassy, Senate, Sect'y of State, Congress, Governor....

what I've learned

Note to self...people that know the rules and deliberately don't follow them annoy me.

So, I think I am going to Russia

I know, I've been talking about it for a long time - but I really think I have all the details worked out to go to Russia in December.

Funny thing - rumor had it that traveling in winter is cheap in Russia. Which made good sense to me. Who wants to go to Siberia in December? Well - that isn't exactly the case. But - I'll work it out.

I am going alone - Marty will be in India at the same time I am going to be in Russia. I've been to Russia by myself before - so I am OK with that. Also, some of my friends might be in the region at the same time I am there - so that is a bonus.

I have nothing going on next week - so this is going to be the week I sit and go through ALL of our documents. I am definitely going to make sure that my Visa is good for a few days longer than my actual trip. You might remember the nightmare we had getting home last year from Russia.

I have thought of a few things I can pass off to someone (who is creative) to help with. We have to submit photographs of all our interaction with Anya - well, we have a lot of photos. It would be great if someone with some digital photo skill could help.

Please pray for all the details to work out...and for our finances to be able to withstand a trip to India - and a trip to Russia on top of the other pressures.

Unbelievable

I wasn't going to blog about this, but I can't help myself.

I was at a meeting this week - and let me start by saying that I've had 4 meetings this week (just in case you were with me at one of those meetings). This person came and sat at the table across from me and started talking about adoption. Of course, my ears perk up. She talked about how adoption is "cool", how she's met so many people who are adopting and they are "neat", how she wants to be a part of this local adoption group, and how she and her husband "wanna" check out the adoption "thing".

Yes, I was annoyed...but it gets better...

Then she says that she started some kind of paperwork, and her social worker called already (before her paperwork is done) to tell her that they have been matched with a child, and should have a baby before Christmas.

Yes - I can hear all of you out there yelling "NO WAY, SHE IS FULL OF IT" (I know....) . Anyone that knows anything about adoption knows you don't get matched with a child until all of your paperwork is done, redone, and done again. This isn't just with international adoption - this is ADOPTION period!


UPDATE (11/12) - obviously I wasn't thinking clearly - but yes, there are situations where families have a child before the paperwork starts. But - this isn't the norm.

It gets better...

So as she was talking loud enough to be sure I could hear her, she starts talking about domestic adoption versus international adoption. Keep in mind, this person knows we're adopting...knows where we're adopting from. She says, "why would you adopt from somewhere else - I don't want to travel to some third world country when there are kids here to get. I mean, I wouldn't want to spend that kind of money, I could take that money and go to Chicago for the weekend". I almost had a heart attack - right there, just about jumped OUT of my skin!

Oh but wait, there's more!

Before I made the mature decision to tune her out (this decision was weighed against either tuning her out, or making a scene), she says "ya, I just think it would be fun to have another baby"

Clearly this person has no concept of adoption, is completely insensitive - and any agency that would allow her to adopt without thoroughly discussing her motives should be out of business! Even if her comments were tongue-in-cheek (which I don't think they were), NOT funny! ESPECIALLY with adoptive parents in ear shot (I was not the only one).

OK, I feel sorta better now.

My night ended on a high note (haha). We decided to feed the kids (by kids, I mean cats) catnip. They've been bouncing off the walls all day. Jazz has the munchies so bad, she started sniffing out my PB&J. Now THAT'S entertainment!

Remember friends in your prayers

Funny how adoption brings people together. Regardless of where you are adopting from, your reasons for making the tortuous decision to adopt...adoption brings women together.

I have lots of friends who I call adopted moms - some are in process, some aren't...

One of my in process pals got some bad news last week. Please keep her and her husband in your prayers. J and D need for us to pray for their hearts, and for God's perfect plan to unfold for their family.

Praying - Part 7 new news and updates

I got word last week, that one of my other Irkutsk friends has had documents accepted by the court! YAY! I am so happy for them! In order to keep my Irk pals straight, I decided I need to come up with nick names for them.

So, henceforth - my friend who has been there forever (just got home for a 'break'), the one who has been to court more times than anyone really should go to a Russian court - let's call her Crafty Boater.

And my other friend who just got the good news, let's call her New Diva.

(see, I think these names are hilarious - and I guess you have to know them
to get the same chuckle as I am getting right now)

WHAT HAPPENS NOW? Well, (again) we start praying. The court in Irkutsk has called for the adoption center to get New Diva's child's documents prepared. I think they have a few weeks to do this and present them to the court...then the court has (I think) another few weeks to give a court date. We're expecting news around Thanksgiving.

In the meantime, Crafty Boater is waiting for her 3rd court date. She is home now with her husband and family, recouping from the exhausting 6 week stint in Siberia.

As for me, I am working on the document updates. You can pray for me on that - some of you know the serious struggles I had last time with this process - and the notion of doing it for the 8th time (yes, I've redone our dossier 8 times...the complete new 200+ document version, I've redone 4 times) is completely overwhelming. Which is odd for me, because I don't easily get overwhelmed. My goal would be to get everything done, presented to the court before I go to Irkutsk in December. I am trying to work out the details of the December trip...praying for profitable business to come so that I can afford to go.

Russia Moves to Liquidate Fifty-Six Religious Groups

We were coming home from Indianapolis today, listening to the radio - and something got our attention...the word RUSSIA. Funny - every time I hear that word, my ears perk up.

Here is news coming out of Russia...

Russia Moves to Liquidate Fifty-Six Religious Groups

On October 15 the Russian Ministry of Justice took steps to begin liquidating 56 non-Russian Orthodox religious organizations. The groups face dissolution, Russian news sources reported, because they failed to file required annual reports on their activities. Those targeted include a range of non-Russian Orthodox organizations and churches but hardest hit were various Christian groups, both Protestant and Catholic. Baptist groups were prominent on the list, but Methodist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, Seventh-day Adventist and Pentecostal groups were also included. Well known humanitarian groups such as World Vision and Youth with a Mission were also named, as was the Russian branch of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association. Non-Christian organizations were also named, including Muslim and Buddhist associations.

Read the rest of the story HERE

Featured Adoption Stories

I want to encourage all of you to visit http://straightfromtheheart.typepad.com/ - and leave comments for those who have shared very personal details of their lives and adoption process...for the world to read.

There is a story about Cindy - a woman who was adopted as a toddler. So encouraging to hear her thoughts on her birth mother, her feelings knowing she was adopted, her challenges growing up.

Then the Baker family, who have adopted from South Africa. So interesting to read about a family who have followed God's prompting - and go where He sent them!

The Chassion family who adopted from China. So interesting to see the similarities between our experiences, and of course - the major differences! Their adoption story was followed by the local news.

And us - most of you know our story, but I think Julie asked me some questions that I haven't talked about here - might be interesting for you to read through our plight. If not - that's OK! Read the stories of the other families.

Praying - Part 6

Yes, we continue to pray for our friend who are in the middle of the hardest court case in the HISTORY of court cases!

After (I think) 6 weeks, my friend has decided to come home. The court has indicated they will get a final hearing in December - so at that time, My friend, her husband and their son will again travel back to Irkutsk.

I can't imagine being there for 6 weeks. I would go crazy! I love visiting Anya, but honestly, after about 10 days - 2 weeks, I am SO READY to come home. Maybe it is a culture shock thing, or a homesick thing - I'm not sure. It is totally exhausting to be in a place where everything you say needs to be translated - where your every move with your child is watched, and you can't interact or discipline your child as you would at home...you're not eating like you should - or the things your body is used to.

So - pray for my friend. That she has a safe flight home, and that all of the pieces of the puzzle come together for her families return in December.

stories of adoption - a must read!

Hello All,

I would like to share a link to a blog I frequent. The writer is a mom to an adopted child - and is writing stories of adoption...those who were adopted, those who are adopting, those who have adopted.

I found the stories that have been posted thus far to be uplifitng and very interesting. I encourage you to visit the site - and pass along the link to those in your individual adoption communities. http://straightfromtheheart.typepad.com/

To all the PAPs out there

Or anyone who has been a PAP!

I am working on another adoption story for Blissfully Domestic. One thought - I am so glad that magazine is so much more than just recipes, cleaning tips and money saving ideas!

Anyway - the story I am working on is advice. Advice for anyone in the initial stages of adoption, or considering adoption. I am sure there are things we all wish someone would have told us BEFORE we took that first step. What is your advice?

For me, I wish someone would have pushed us to start 2 months earlier. If we would have, Anya would be home.

Thought of the day

Isn't it funny (and kind of great) how God will bring a song, or an email - or something to you - that says exactly what you need to hear at the perfect time?

What NOT to say to a pre-adoptive parent

FOREWARD - a year or so ago, I wrote a post about the things people say to us as PAPs. I took that blog entry, edited it - and submitted it to Blissfully Domestic (a great online magazine). It was published this week.

It is funny the things people say to you when you are part of an adopted-family. Things people would never say to someone who was pregnant - or who had birthed a child.





The good-intentioned comments can be naive, and quite honestly cold-hearted. In the 4 years we’ve been on an adoption journey, we’ve had some crazy things said to us. Most aren’t mean-spirited, many made me take a step back and say “huh“, and others truly left me speechless.




When we started out to adopt a child from Russia, we never imagined we would be sitting here, 4+ years later, waiting for a court date. To answer the questions I know will come:


1. Yes - we know the child. We met her when she was 2 - now she is 6.
2. Yes - we plan on seeing this through to the end.
3. No - we will not stop the battle to bring her home.
4. Yes - we have met her, we travel to Russia every year to see her; and communicate with her via email, letters and phone calls.




I want to share some things people have said to us - not to laugh as much as to educate. The adoption process is a very personal, very emotional pregnancy. For me, I’ve been “pregnant” (or as they say in the adoption community - ‘paperwork pregnant’) for over 4 years.



To read the rest of the story, go HERE.

Plea to help our friends in Irkutsk

Hello friends,

I have a plea. As many of you know, we’ve been on a fight (with several other families) to bring our DD home from Irkutsk for over 4 years. One of the other families who is fighting with us has been able to get a court date in Russia…this is HUGE because the Judge in that region has not granted an American a court date since 2005.

This family went to court a few weeks ago, and after 8hours, they were told the hearing was postponed. They went back to court this week, and after many more hours and many not-so-common in-court occurances – the case was again postponed. I don’t want to go into great detail here, but know the reason the case was postponed is crazy! And has nothing to do with the child, or this family.

So, this family will need to go back to court for a 3rd time. Of course they have incurred incredible expense in this process…and more than anyone ever anticipated on this trip. They had to change return flights home – to the tune of over $2,000!

The stress this family is under is enormous. The outcome of their case will pave the way for so many other American families who are waiting to bring children home from this region.

The husband will return home to work, but will be required to go back for the 3rd court hearing (that will happen in 4-6 weeks). The wife is staying in the region (too expensive to fly home, and then back again).

We are confident that this family will be successful, and they will be able to bring their DS home…but not until they have suffered and endured more than any of us could imagine.

I want to help them, and this is why I am posting this note.

I am begging any of you who have frequent flyer miles or AmEx (or other) points to spare – please help this family. The thousands and thousands of dollars they have spent – and are going to spend – on airline tickets is overwhelming. If we can help them ease this burden in the slightest – I know it will mean EVERYTHING to this family.

Please email me if you are able to help…

Thank you in advance for your big hearts…

BAH

Irritated with email!

OK, I have to vent. My email has been acting up. For the past month (or so), I have been getting no less than 400-500 spams a day (yes, that is HUNDRED!).

Well, the spam stopped...and so did my emails! I have had numerous people call me to ask why I never responded to their email messages...well, I NEVER got them!

UGH!

Since the majority of my business is done online, this really worries me - I wonder what I've missed? If a new client would email me, there is no way I would know about it - and now they think that I blew them off. NOT good for business!

Apparently I can 'white list' my client emails - but they have to be done one-by-one (and I have over 750).

OK, I feel better now...just needed to vent.

Praying - Part 5

Unbelievable.




The Judge in Irkutsk postponed...AGAIN!





Here is what I know...


The Judge asked for the bio mother to show up - this isn't uncommon. The bio mother didn't show up - saying she had an emergency with another child.



The Judge also called for the Russian families who rejected Harry to show up. She called for 8, 2 showed up. Apparently one of the men was NOT HAPPY he was called. The 2 families were grilled about why they didn't choose this child (but, they did choose another child...I don't know if this is even legal! Russian adoptions are 'closed' and pretty hush hush...)



So, the Judge decided that she was going to postpone, because of the 6 families that didn't show up, and the bio mother.

The Judge is forcing the mother to make a statement as to her feelings on an American family adopting the child.



All of this could take 4-6 weeks.



As for our friends...they are spent. That is the only word I can come up with. They were to return to Moscow today for the last portion of this journey. Of course, they will need to change travel plans.



Being in Irkutsk is expensive. Traveling there is expensive. They are trying to make decisions on staying, going home, sending the Mr. home to work - and then come back...too many decisions to make on a weary and tired brain.



Of course, at this point, there is nothing to appeal - since no decision has been made.

I am furious to tears. I can not believe this...




I will be sending out an adoption newsletter to my 'big list' of contacts...begging for prayer in this situation. There is so much to pray about today, with the election coming up, the state of the economy, and other heartache in the world...I want to appeal to you - please pray for this family and this situation! I am praying that they are able to make a decision on what to do next, and that the decision is made with a total peace in their hearts. I am also continuing to pray for this Judge and everyone associated with this legal process. The stronghold that is strangling this process needs to be released!

Court in Irkutsk

Our friends are (probably) in court RIGHT NOW. PLEASE pray for them!

Forgot Camera...AGAIN!

Last weekend, we went to Wisconsin to visit our friends, Kim and Bart - and to meet Debbie and Brian. Who are Debbie and Brian you ask? They are one of the couples we've been on this adoption trek with.

Over the years, I've made a lot of 'virtual' friends. I've never been able to meet any of them, until now! It is SO NICE to meet someone you feel like you know so well! No one can really know what we're going through...no one other than the handful of families who are in our shoes.

Marty and Brian spent the afternoon looking at antique cars...a family collection! Marty was VERY impressed!

Debbie and I spent the afternoon going through her closet, trying on clothes - good old fashion 'girl stuff'.

So - thanks to Debbie and Brian for your hospitality! We had such a good time meeting you - and hope that was the first of many get-togethers!

...and on the way home, I realized that I forgot to take any pictures! UGH!

my friends...

I have amazing friends. It hit me today, as I was coming home from a LONG day. I was exhausted, had a headache, and was NOT looking forward to dealing with 'tax crap' (yes, that is the official term).

I started thinking about my friends that I had seen earlier in the day. Honestly, (if I do say so myself), I keep some pretty amazing company!

Now - remember, these are MY FRIENDS, not random people I've never met...these are tried and true friends - those I exchange Christmas cards with, and when I see them on the street, I give them a hug...real pals.

Here is a rundown of the amazing friends I saw today:

• I have a friend who endures crazy criticism for ridiculous things - just because of her husband's job...and if you met her, she has the MOST AMAZING attitude, and such a heart for God...I want to grow up and be like her (is that possible? I'm older?)

• I have another friend who I met recently - she has such a kind and sweet heart - she is totally honest about who she is, and really really wants to change those things about herself that hold her back - that is what I call REAL COURAGE!

• There is this one friend, who I know I can turn to for ANYTHING. She has seen me close to my worst, and I KNOW - she ALWAYS has my back...and that is a big deal to me. She is what I call a real friend.

• Then there is this pal who is just super cool. She is crazy creative; she is able to see things through a creative filter - I wish I could do that. She is one of those people who has a great attitude - and I don't think I have EVER heard her complain...I need to hang around with her more. She is a great mom - the kind of Mom I hope to be one day.

• This lady always says the right thing to push me...and there aren't many people that can say the things to me she can...but I know she does it with a ton of love, and I know she really wants to see me succeed. Being with her makes me a better person...and always makes me smile.

• This sweet friend has known me for a long time - she knew me in college (and I've made her swear not to tell any of the stories!!) - she is driven, successful at everything she tries, super creative, an amazing Mom, and a good friend. She is one of those people who I can call and complain - and at the end of my rant, she would ask if I feel better.

• Then there is my friend who I say is my twin from a different mother in a different generation. I love this gal - and I think she might be one of the smartest women I've met - I have so much respect for her because of what she has been able to accomplish in her young life. She is a loving Mom, fashionista extraordinaire, and has the biggest caring heart.

• Then there is the friend who I haven't seen in a long time. She is such a strong woman, so smart, I love her heart - I am so glad I got to see her today! She is one of those people who is beautiful inside and out. She is crazy talented - I don't even think she realizes how much talent she has!

• Finally, there is the friend who I became pals with via work-ish stuff. She is always there to let me borrow something, tell me what shoes to wear with what outfit, to challenge me and to share my pain. We laugh that we're good for each other because we get irritated at the same things. She is a great Mom to grown kids, really knows how to enjoy life, be a good friend, and laugh! Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I realize that she is in my life!

...and those are JUST the friends I saw TODAY! I saw so many friends today - this is just a snapshot - I need to count my blessings...I remember a time when I didn't think I had many friends. I prayed for God to bring some REAL friends into my life...now, I feel like I have abundant blessings via my pals!

things could be worse

I was reading my friend's blog tonight - the one who is in Russia right now waiting for a court date (again) in Irkutsk.

She posted this photo of a toilet in a HOSPITAL. Now, at a hospital, wouldn't you think that the conditions would be clean, sterile, free of germs and gunk?

Um, not so much in Irkutsk.

All I have to say is ewwwwww.

Praying - part 4

Just got word from our friends who are continuing to try to get a court date in Irkutsk. The good news is that they've been given another date - this Friday. Please pray for them...for the Judge, for the prosecutor, for every person in that courtroom.

I am so tired of all the game playing over there, I can't imagine how it would be to be living through it!

My hope and prayer that the strength and determination of this couple is seen by the Judge and the prosecutor. That they find NO REASON to continue this case, and that they QUICKLY grant the adoption.

a note about the presidential debate

Now that I have your attention, don't freak out. I'm not going to be spouting any of my political views, or offer any commentary on the election - there are PLENTY of blogs out there for that -

But this is kind of political / election-ish - I took a few days off from reading my blogs this week. Every time I do that, something exciting and fun happens to one of my 'virtual' friends - and I TOTALLY feel like I missed out. Silly I know...kind of like when you were in second grade, and you play sick to get out of going to school - and then find out there was an assembly that day, and it was super cool - and you missed out.

Anyway, one of my fav blogs had a fun post. Angie's husband (Todd) is a singer in a little band called Selah. If you've never heard of Selah, I am in SHOCK. Anyway, Todd was asked to be in the 'on the floor' audience at the presidential debate the other night. Super cool! He was in the front row, and all ready to ask his question. Tom Brokaw never got around to asking Todd to share his query, however at the end of the debate, Obama came up to him and asked what he did for a living. Well, apparently - Todd explained that he was a singer / songwriter with a band called Selah - Obama had never heard of Selah, and said that he would look them up online!

Seriously - who hasn't heard of Selah?

Train of Hope...or MISERY!

I got a note today from our friend who is in Irkutsk...the family who is there battling with the court.

Apparently, there is a 'Train of Hope' that will be coming to the region from the 9-11th. The "Train of Hope" - organized by the Russian government - will be in the Irkutsk Region from 9 through 11 October seeking children to adopt. There are 45 families that are coming. The Train has never been to the Irkutsk region before.

Do I think this is coincidence? Now that an American family is there fighting the court? Now that another American family has submitted documents and are waiting for a court date? Now that at least 3 other families are 90% done with the document prep?

From what I understand, the group will only visit the adoption center, and look through the database for children they want to meet in person.

I am praying that God keep all of our children safe during this time. I don't even know what else to pray about...I am at a loss.

WHy doesn't anyone RSVP anymore?

Why Doesn’t Anyone RSVP Anymore?

Even USA Today touts, “It’s rude not to RSVP; Casual attitude is driving hosts crazy” (June 17, 2002).

I recently attended a party hosted by an old friend. She sent out over 60 invitations, and had about 20 people say they were going to attend (typical - count on 1/3 of your invitation list to show up). But what about the other 40+ people? Why didn’t she hear from them? The RSVP was clearly stated on the invitation.

To read the rest of the story, visit HERE

one good thing...

Got a note from our legal liaison in Irkutsk today. The good news is that our documents (as we had prepared them) are excellent. The comment was "Your documents were quite well prepared" - funny how one little sentence made me feel better today.

Praying - part 3

Just got an update from our friends in Irkutsk. UNBELIEVABLE... after 8 hours of ruthless badgering by both a judge AND prosecutor, the court decided they STILL are not satisfied with the paperwork, and continued the case pending receipt of the new documents. No, I am NOT kidding. Why in the world this Judge would grant a court hearing, if she was unsatisfied with the paperwork in beyond me. Furthermore, all of her paperwork issues were taken to the Russian Supreme Court, and the SC agreed she was given sufficient evidence to proceed to court.

UGH! I am mad, frustrated, hurt - I can only begin to imagine what our friends are going through.

The up side is that she didn't says no. Please continue to pray with us for this situation. A miracle has to happen! I do not understand what God's plan is, and this has been such a long, hard, expensive, painful battle...something has to give!

So I guess...the story is to be continued.

Praying - part 2

I feel like I've been in this day-long conversation with God. I've prayed for everything from the outcome of our friends court hearing, to the Judge's mood, the weather in Irkutsk, traffic, other people who might be in court when our friends hearing begins.

I'm asking everyone I can think of to join with us in prayer. Right now, it is 9:15am in Irkutsk, Russia. The day is just beginning. THE day we've been waiting for!

Please ask anyone and everyone you know to pray with us tonight.

Praying - part 1

Just heard from our friends in Irkutsk. They are so nervous about court. I guess the hearing is later afternoon, rather than early morning (as I assumed). This means I am won't be staying up tonight to hear what happened...I hope we'll be able to know something by the time we get up tomorrow morning.

Sometimes that 13 hour time difference KILLS ME!

Right now, I am praying for a restful night sleep for our friends. I pray that their nerves are calm, that they not think about anything other than being themselves, and showing the Judge what wonderful loving parents they are.

I am also praying for the Judge. That she be thinking about this case as she drifts off to sleep. I pray that God take control of her dreams, and that she wakes with a renewed outlook. That her day tomorrow be marked by difference, and a broken heart for American families, and the children that have been waiting for them.

It's time for prayer

As I write this, it is 10:30 a.m. in Irkutsk - Saturday morning. My friends are there, frantically preparing for their court hearing on Monday. I can only imagine what they are going through, what kind of roll-playing Q&A they've got on the agenda, the knots in their stomach.

But this post isn't going to be about my friends. Although my heart, thoughts and prayers are with them in a way bigger than my words can convey...this post is about the Judge.

Judge Stepanova. She is the one who will be hearing their case. She is of Mongolian / Russian decent (or so I've been told). I hear she is a single mother (not sure if that is true). I doubt she knows Jesus, and doubt that anyone has ever shared with her the love of Jesus Christ.

It's sad. So many lives hang in HER balance. HER rule and decision is one that is governed by what? I don't know. THAT is what scares me the most.

I am feeling an overwhelming need to pray for Judge Stepanova's heart and mind. My prayer is that as she goes into court on Monday, that she is awestruck at this family. At the light that comes from this couple, the child they have from Irkutsk, and the one they want to bring home. I pray that she grant this adoption in such an expedient manner, that no one in the room will be able to understand what happened.

I am on my knees in the hopes that she see in this American family a grace, a love, a determination, and a heart that she has not ever seen in a family in her court. That what she sees in this family will BREAK HER HEART for other American families waiting to be granted a hearing in her court room.

My hope is that at the end of this process, she will meet all of us - all of the American families who have been determined to bring our kids home. She will see in us one common thing, and that thing she will see - she won't be able to understand, but it will make her curious. That "thing" is Jesus. The 'thing' is, that we love HIM enough to love and pray for her. As hard as that is, and as much as I've fought that over the years...THAT is what THIS TIME is for.

please join with me...

What does your heart break for?

Something struck me tonight at church. Dr. Bob made a comment about your heart breaking, he said, "When has your heart broken for the hurting?". I thought that was a powerful statement!

He was making a point about passion. Having passion for something - praying passionately for something.

My heart breaks for Anya, for the orphans in Russia, for the children who are stuck in the political tug of war - between a life in an orphanage, and a life with a family who will love them.

My heart breaks when I think about:

• the children who don't understand unconditional love
• they've never prayed, and don't understand what it means to be prayed for
• who don't cry when they are hurt, because they know it will do no good
• orphans who have never known what is it like to have something of their very own
• these children who have lived in orphanages their whole lives - they've never heard silence, they've never been alone, they don't know with it is like to make choices
• they think that all homes are made up of caregivers and many children
• these kids have never seen food cooked - in a kitchen
• Anya and the other children in her group wash their own clothes - she is 6! Every night, she washed out her socks, underwear and clothing. She's done this for years!
• Anya wondering why Mama and Papa aren't coming for her. What does she think when she is told she will go home with us one day?
• What about the other children who are starved for attention? The ones with a physical disability - that will never be adopted...who are becoming merely a shell of a person.

My heart also breaks for the families we are waiting with. Over the years, we've all become pretty close. When something happens to one of us - it feels like it is happening to all of us. In the past few weeks, we've experienced the loss of a child to a Russian family, the possibility of cancer, surgeries, financial loss, job loss, battle of hardening hearts, overwhelming anxiety, questioning our decisions.

We are all Christian women.

Do I think this is a spiritual battle? YES! Do I think that it is going to get worse? ABSOLUTELY!

The last 5% of anything is the hardest. For years I've been saying that I am OK with that...but is this the lat 5%? I still don't know - but I do know as for me and my friends - we're being attacked. I feel like each one of us - some in subtle ways, others are fighting bigger things - are all being attacked.

Is it a coincidence that this is happening at the same time that our friends are in Irkutsk preparing for court?

...I don't believe in coincidence

Now is the time to pray. Now is the time to allow our hearts to break for our precious children. Now is the time to stand up and not allow the enemy to get control! Our children are too important!

More Happenings in Irkutsk

Just heard from another one of my friends who is trying to adopt from Irkutsk. Her documents are being presented to the Judge on the 24th (which means, in the middle of the night the 23-24th to us).

Join with me on prayers for this family as well!!

The Judge in Irkutsk is being BOMBARDED with Americans this week!

Friends heading to Irkutsk (thoughts)

So, my friends leave for Russia soon. I am so nervous for them! I am afraid the judge will play paperwork games with them. I am concerned that there is something the judge will ask for that is impossible for them to get. I am excited for them to bring home the little one they've been waiting so long for.

I was coming home from work today -had almost a 2 hour drive...and got to thinking about my friends, and this trip. I can't imagine the tidal wave of emotion. Everything from excitement to terror. Butterflies in their stomach in anticipation of seeing their little one, and then in the same instant, a feeling is sickness as they think about facing this judge. ...well, that is how I am feeling for them.

If you are willing to join with me in prayer for this family, please email me, or respond to this post.

Cancer

Recently, I seem to be touched by cancer. I don't know why. A few weeks ago, I SWORE I had a conversation with someone who told me one of my friends had breast cancer. I called a mutual friend who told me (among other things) that I was crazy. I must have dreamed that one.

Yesterday - I went to the Secret Sisters Luncheon. It is a gathering of about 1,600 women in support of cancer survivors. My friend's mom was one of the models in the style show, so I wanted to show my support. At the beginning of the event, they showed a video - 8 of the 10 ladies that were featured in this video were people I know, customers, or those I went to high school with.

I thought I was one of those rare people who didn't know anyone who had battled cancer. Well, I know TOO many.

Tonight I ran into my friend who I thought had cancer. She came up to me and we had a good chuckle about it all...then in all seriousness she told me she has been having some trouble, and is having a mammogram next week.

I don't know what to say about that, except something has to be done. I don't know what - but I do know that I will continue to volunteer my time with our local organizations that support those who have cancer, and those who are raising funds for research.

What will you do? Has cancer touched your life? Your family?

unbelievable

This is unbelievable. I was reading a post tonight - and saw this:

19/09/2008 Moscow News №37 2008

Moscow works to combat child abandonment

It's a difficult fact for foreigners to get their head around; but eighty percent of orphans in Russia have at least one parent.

While child abandonment is a rare occurrence in the U.S. and Western Europe, the
issue of social orphanhood is a pressing problem in Russia. Last year alone, 23,000 children were placed in orphanages by parents who, for various reasons, could not cope with them at home.

I could read the rest of the article.

Phone Call to beat all phone calls!

We just got off the phone with Anya! Seriously, we got to talk to her! I don't think she's ever talked on the phone before - every question we would ask her, she would just say 'da'. When she first got on the phone, the first thing she said was 'when are you coming for me? I miss you!' [enter sound of heart breaking here].

She said that she was in art class when we called. We asked her about camp, and she said there was a river and a pool, and that she is a good swimmer.

She got the box we sent to her for her birthday, but we're still unsure about the letters and emails.

We were able to talk to the social worker - we love her! She is a lovely woman. She told us that Anya is getting very tall. That she asks about us all the time, and wonders when we are coming to get her. How do you explain to a 6 year old that the Judge is an evil person, and is preventing us from doing that?

We explained to the social worker (briefly) that an American family has a court date. She was very excited about that. We could hear the excitement in her voice...which is a little unusual - when you talk to a Russian person, very rarely do you hear any fluctuation in tone. Her exact words were "Oh, that is very good news".

So now, we need to make a TON of money so we can go to Russia. I wish it wasn't SO expensive to visit Anya...or I'd be there every month!

PLUG
If anyone wants to call your child in Russia, I suggest using Svetlana - she typically is used for men that are calling women in Russia...but she was very nice, and very helpful. She is in California. Her fee was ONLY $1 a minute! That is for the translation, 3-way call and the long distance! VERY reasonable!

Please keep in your prayers

Hi All - I just got a note that my dear friend, Vicki, needs some prayer. Her Dad was delivering some goods in the Eastern U.S., and had an accident unloading the truck. I don't have any details - just know that Vicki's Dad needs prayers.

Thanks...

Exciting Adoption News

I Twittered about it yesterday, so I guess I should post an update.

I know this post is going to prompt a boat-load of questions…know that I do not have any answers.

[background] You all know that I’ve become close with several other American families who are also waiting to adopt a precious little one from Irkutsk, Russia. We’ve all been waiting about the same amount of time (around the 4 year mark). We’ve all been an incredible source of strength for each other; not to mention an amazing resource for one another!





Well, one of these amazing families has been able to obtain a court date in Irkutsk. Yes, you read that right – one of my friends, who is an American, has a court date from the Judge in Irkutsk. The court date is to bring her little one home.

This is huge.

Before I get bombarded with questions, let me try to avoid them here…

No, I am not going to tell you when the court date is. Just know that it is coming soon. When it does happen, and when my friend gives me permission – I will post an urgent prayer request to all of you. We have prayed our way through this process thus far…we need to pray these dear people through this court hearing!!

No, I don’t know about any other cases – or if the Judge will give any other dates out.

No, our documents are not updated – they all expired Aug 31. No, I don’t know when I will have them done. Yes, I am going to update them. Yes, our team in Russia continues to work on our case.

Yes, I am a little in shock.

Stay tuned for more exciting updates!

PHOTOS: from west.ioimprov.com and wildcatblitz.com

Blissfully Domestic

I think the Blissfully Domestic website is finally up and running! Check out some great articles HERE

The Drama of being a mother to 7

*** update 12:45pm - we have found foster homes for the kitties. I don't
know anything about it yet - if they are going to be split up - nothing. More
details to follow. ***

***update way too late Sunday night - I think the foster mom for the kittens
is going to be OK. She took all 5, and MS too. I didn't tell her
about MS, so that might not have been the best idea - really didn't think about
it until after the fact - so Michelle, if you see this {sorry}. I
am sad. Can't stop thinking about Hemmie.

When you are going through the adoption process, the way your brain thinks changes. Anyone who has been through it knows what I am talking about. In everything that happens, you look for meaning - you wonder if that is some kind of ‘test’ from God. Every chance encounter you are sure was ordained by God. Every trial you know was of His plan to make you stronger.

Which might all be true.

We now have 7 cats in our house. Jazz – who is the resident fuzzy ball of fun. The 5 kittens (who I now call Morris, Hemmie, Raskey, Storm and Snow), and some relative of the5, Morris Senior. The kittens are at the cat hotel (AKA our downstairs bathroom), Morris Sr. has taken up residence in the garage; and of course Jazz still has full reign of the house.

So I wonder – what is this all about?

Could it be that this is some kind of test? To see how many different ways I can be pulled until I break? The feeding, everyone is clamoring and crying for my attention. I just get done feeding and watering everyone – and then *crash* something has happened with the 5, so I go back in to see what is going on – 2 escape causing Jazz to go ballistic. I get everyone corralled back in the “hotel”, calm down Jazz – and I hear wailing coming from the garage…and so it starts all over again.

And I feel bad for Jazz. She doesn’t know what is going on – all she knows is that some strange smells and some other animals are invading her space. If you know anything about cats, then you know they are very territorial. Jazz is used to being the center of attention – or I should say, getting all of my attention. She is acting a little neglected and, well, mad. Right now, she is sitting on my desk staring at me with a look of “what have you done” in her eyes.

Then there are the babies. They need attention. They’ve gained a little weight in the short time they’ve been here. 3 of them are very starved for attention (they are boys). The 2 girls (the grey ones, Snow and Storm) are happy to just play with each other.

Oh geez, then Morris Sr. I feel so bad – I haven’t had time to really go out there and spend time with him/her (not sure if it is a he or she). M.S can’t come inside, because she has ear mites. I should do something about that. She is also very thin, and dehydrated. I just gave M.S. more water, and am monitoring the litter box…because that is what you do when you are the mother to cats. But M.S. is older, and is more self sufficient than the kittens.

Have I mentioned Oz? Yes, there is yet ANOTHER outside cat, Oz that has appeared in the past few days too. Oz looks like an Ocelot cat – beautiful! Yes, we fed him (which is why he keeps appearing, I know…) – but he is so skinny too.

UGH!!!

I’ve lived here long enough to know – we ‘ve NEVER had this many cats appear. Generally, we have random wild cats show up – but never this many nice cats that obviously have been around people.

So, if this isn’t a test – what is it? A glimpse into how things are going to be when Anya gets home? Being pulled in a million directions, feeling like you’re not getting anything done – and all you want to do is take a shower?

Maybe is it a test of my heart? How much can I take before I break? I have a heart for animals – but I have a soft spot for cats. I've walked away from dogs and puppies before - heartbroken, but I've done it. How am I supposed to let go of these little fur balls when we find foster families for them? What if the new families aren’t nice? What if they don’t know they all need attention? What if they don’t care that the kittens won’t use the litter box if it is messy? What if they never get adopted? Then what?

But I know I can’t keep them. Maybe this is what it is like to work in an orphanage? Loving each orphan, knowing they all have very specific needs, wanting to meet every one of those needs. Needing some help – just one more set of hands to help. Feeling your hear break with each cry.

Whatever it is, I don’t like it. It’s painful. It hurts. I don’t like feeling that I can’t do the best job because I am being spread too thin. I don’t like wondering if I am making a difference, making things better.

So, like all tired moms I know…I think I am going to put all the babies down for a nap so I can have a good cry and a shower.

oh ya, I forgot to clean up the breakfast dishes. I should do that first...

Kittens?

We found 5 little kittens tonight as we were walking down our driveway. They followed us back to the house - and now I don't know what to do. My Mom (who volunteers at Pet Refuge) is on her way over to help. For the time being, they're living in our downstairs bathroom...and Jazz (our cat) is NOT happy!

Anyone want a kitty? They are all very sweet - there is a runt that I am already attached to. Not sure how I am going to be able to give all these little furry guys up...

Article Published

I recently was asked to be a contributing writer for Blissfully Domestic. It is a great online magazine, with a readership of about 250,000! Yikes! Guess I am going to have to start paying closer attention to my grammar!



This week is a relaunch of the mag - new look, stronger push etc. I have 2 articles that will be featured this week. The first one was published today - it is about back to school shopping. Check it out HERE - the other piece is supposed to be published tomorrow, and it is about bra fit (I think). It will appear HERE

I have several friends who are also a part of this great magazine. It is so awesome to have such creative talent - within MY circle of friends! Check out Michelle's story HERE - this is a story about children and manners (super funny) - she will be a contributor to the Family section, and on the Faith section. And, another one of my pals, Amy is the editor of the Family section.

Make Blissfully Domestic one of your daily 'must reads' - also, become a member (which is no big deal) so you can comment on the great stories that appear in this online magazine!

[side note] - years ago I worked for a University as a regional marketing person. Well, one of the campuses I was responsible for didn't like me. They decided I couldn't write, and complained to my boss about my writing skills. So, my boss (to shut them up) made me take the English section of a college entrance exam (keep in mind that I have a BS and an MBA). So, I took the test, and passed with flying colors - I actually tested out of every English class you could test out of. Duh! I was also told to 'not be so Kathy' when I visited that location. WHAT??? Well - fast forward to today. I am doing JUST FINE being 'Kathy', and amazing thing - I am being ASKED to write - and I wrote A LOT - as in a 'job'! Success is the best revenge!

Prayer request-a-plenty

I don't know what it is today - but seems like every note I get, everyone I've run into has another prayer request. I am so honored that they're bringing these things to me, but makes me wonder what is going on.

So please - to all the prayer warriors out there - and to those who pray - please remember the following in your prayers:

• My friend (Jen) - her roommate's nephew was hit by a car tonight (little boy is about 10 I think)...keep him in your prayers
• Another family on this adoption journey with us is fighting some unsettling news (we think) - a lot of questions - no answers. Please pray for Peace for my friend, and His will
• Prayers for all the kids who are waiting to come home from Irkutsk. We are feeling the power struggle of good vs. evil - in some ways more than ever before
• My mother-in-law is having some kind of heart surgery tomorrow morning.
• One of my dearest friends son started school today -not sure if we should pray harder for the little guy, or my friend!
• The family of one of Marty's co-workers - Gary...Gary was killed last week

Thank you...

and then the floodgates opened

I was surfing around online tonight - pretty much avoiding anything that even sounded or looked like work (so for me, no online shopping, reading about trends, no magazines...)

I went to a friend's website I haven't been to in a LONG time. This is what I saw:

The title is "Anya's Blessing".

This is a beautiful painting that Cricket Berry did for an adoption fundraiser (auction) that my dear friends had for us years (and I do mean years) ago. I can't remember who won this - but I remember wanting to bid on it (and wondering if that would be not-cool...to bid on something at a silent auction that is being held to benefit you).

In my small group last week, we were talking about embarrassing moments. Anyone who knows me knows that my life is full of silliness that could be interpreted as embarrassment. But seeing this picture reminded me of that night. About how humbled I felt, how loved I felt, and...yes, embarrassed. Embarrassed that we needed a "fund raiser". And I know - this was a way my friends could support us in the adoptions. I know they wanted to do 'something'...I know that.

Those feelings are still with me now - so many years later. I'm embarrassed that we don't have Anya home yet - that SO MANY people have poured time, gifts, frequent flyer miles, money, prayers into this.

And that is all I have to say about that.

What do you REALLY believe?

I read this on another blog tonight. For some reason, it really hit me. I mean, I *think* I really believe, I *think* I really know what I believe. I *think* that this adoption journey is a test of what I believe, and how deep my faith is. I also *think* I've had to learn that my beliefs and my faith is more than what I lean on - more than my own understanding of the "why's" and "how's" of things. Sometimes I *think* I *think* too much, and just need to stop thinking, and start praying...

Do you truly believe that what you believe is really true? A question to
think about from 'The Truth Project'. I think I do. In good times I think I do.
In hard times, it is much more difficult. I loved the visual of the little boy
jumping off the diving board into the arms of his mother. An example of
childlike faith. Am I willing to jump into the arms of my Father?

We took a day off

I know, I was shocked too...but we did. We decided to take today and not work (well, until 8pm). We went to Weco Beach in Bridgman, MI. Ironically - this was the location of our very first 'real' date...now, I know what you're thinking, who goes to the beach on their first date? All I have to say about that, is it all worked out :)

I wanted to share these funny photos. Marty wanted to take a photo with the background in this pic. I disagreed because the sun was in my face - notice my eyes.

This shot was my idea...notice the bad background (or lack of background), and my eyes (haha!)