know anything about it yet - if they are going to be split up - nothing. More
details to follow. ***
***update way too late Sunday night - I think the foster mom for the kittens
is going to be OK. She took all 5, and MS too. I didn't tell her
about MS, so that might not have been the best idea - really didn't think about
it until after the fact - so Michelle, if you see this {sorry}. I
am sad. Can't stop thinking about Hemmie.
When you are going through the adoption process, the way your brain thinks changes. Anyone who has been through it knows what I am talking about. In everything that happens, you look for meaning - you wonder if that is some kind of ‘test’ from God. Every chance encounter you are sure was ordained by God. Every trial you know was of His plan to make you stronger.
Which might all be true.
We now have 7 cats in our house. Jazz – who is the resident fuzzy ball of fun. The 5 kittens (who I now call Morris, Hemmie, Raskey, Storm and Snow), and some relative of the5, Morris Senior. The kittens are at the cat hotel (AKA our downstairs bathroom), Morris Sr. has taken up residence in the garage; and of course Jazz still has full reign of the house.
So I wonder – what is this all about?
Could it be that this is so
me kind of test? To see how many different ways I can be pulled until I break? The feeding, everyone is clamoring and crying for my attention. I just get done feeding and watering everyone – and then *crash* something has happened with the 5, so I go back in to see what is going on – 2 escape causing Jazz to go ballistic. I get everyone corralled back in the “hotel”, calm down Jazz – and I hear wailing coming from the garage…and so it starts all over again. 
And I feel bad for Jazz. She doesn’t know what is going on – all she knows is that some strange smells and some other animals are invading her space. If you know anything about cats, then you know they are very territorial. Jazz is used to being the center of attention – or I should say, getting all of my attention. She is acting a little neglected and, well, mad. Right now, she is sitting on my desk staring at me with a look of “what have you done” in her eyes.Then there are the babies. They need attention. They’ve gained a little weight in the short time they’ve been here. 3 of them are very starved for attention (they are boys). The 2 girls (the grey ones, Snow and Storm) are happy to just play with each other.
Oh geez, then Morris Sr. I feel so bad – I haven’t had time to really go out there and spend time with him/her (not sure if it is a he or she). M.S can’t come inside, because she has ear mites. I should do something about that. She is also very thin, and dehydrated. I just gave M.S. more water, and am monitoring the litter box…because that is what you do when you are the mother to cats. But M.S. is older, and is more self sufficient than the kittens.
Have I mentioned Oz? Yes, there is yet ANOTHER outside cat, Oz that has appeared in the past few days too. Oz looks like an Ocelot cat – beautiful! Yes, we fed him (which is why he keeps appearing, I know…) – but he is so skinny too.
UGH!!!
I’ve lived here long enough to know – we ‘ve NEVER had this many cats appear. Generally, we have random wild cats show up – but never this many nice cats that obviously have been around people.
So, if this isn’t a test – what is it? A glimpse into how things are going to be when Anya gets home? Being pulled in a million directions, feeling like you’re not getting anything done – and all you want to do is take a shower?
Maybe is it a test of my heart? How much can I take before I break? I have a heart for animals – but I have a soft spot for cats. I've walked away from dogs and puppies before - heartbroken, but I've done it. How am I supposed to let go of these little fur balls when we find foster families for them? What if the new families aren’t nice? What if they don’t know they all need attention? What if they don’t care that the kittens won’t use the litter box if it is messy? What if they never get adopted? Then what?
But I know I can’t keep them. Maybe this is what it is like to work in an orphanage? Loving each orphan, knowing they all have very specific needs, wanting to meet every one of those needs. Needing some help – just one more set of hands to help. Feeling your hear break with each cry.
Whatever it is, I don’t like it. It’s painful. It hurts. I don’t like feeling that I can’t do the best job because I am being spread too thin. I don’t like wondering if I am making a difference, making things better.
So, like all tired moms I know…I think I am going to put all the babies down for a nap so I can have a good cry and a shower.
oh ya, I forgot to clean up the breakfast dishes. I should do that first...
