To all the PAPs out there

Or anyone who has been a PAP!

I am working on another adoption story for Blissfully Domestic. One thought - I am so glad that magazine is so much more than just recipes, cleaning tips and money saving ideas!

Anyway - the story I am working on is advice. Advice for anyone in the initial stages of adoption, or considering adoption. I am sure there are things we all wish someone would have told us BEFORE we took that first step. What is your advice?

For me, I wish someone would have pushed us to start 2 months earlier. If we would have, Anya would be home.

Thought of the day

Isn't it funny (and kind of great) how God will bring a song, or an email - or something to you - that says exactly what you need to hear at the perfect time?

What NOT to say to a pre-adoptive parent

FOREWARD - a year or so ago, I wrote a post about the things people say to us as PAPs. I took that blog entry, edited it - and submitted it to Blissfully Domestic (a great online magazine). It was published this week.

It is funny the things people say to you when you are part of an adopted-family. Things people would never say to someone who was pregnant - or who had birthed a child.





The good-intentioned comments can be naive, and quite honestly cold-hearted. In the 4 years we’ve been on an adoption journey, we’ve had some crazy things said to us. Most aren’t mean-spirited, many made me take a step back and say “huh“, and others truly left me speechless.




When we started out to adopt a child from Russia, we never imagined we would be sitting here, 4+ years later, waiting for a court date. To answer the questions I know will come:


1. Yes - we know the child. We met her when she was 2 - now she is 6.
2. Yes - we plan on seeing this through to the end.
3. No - we will not stop the battle to bring her home.
4. Yes - we have met her, we travel to Russia every year to see her; and communicate with her via email, letters and phone calls.




I want to share some things people have said to us - not to laugh as much as to educate. The adoption process is a very personal, very emotional pregnancy. For me, I’ve been “pregnant” (or as they say in the adoption community - ‘paperwork pregnant’) for over 4 years.



To read the rest of the story, go HERE.

Plea to help our friends in Irkutsk

Hello friends,

I have a plea. As many of you know, we’ve been on a fight (with several other families) to bring our DD home from Irkutsk for over 4 years. One of the other families who is fighting with us has been able to get a court date in Russia…this is HUGE because the Judge in that region has not granted an American a court date since 2005.

This family went to court a few weeks ago, and after 8hours, they were told the hearing was postponed. They went back to court this week, and after many more hours and many not-so-common in-court occurances – the case was again postponed. I don’t want to go into great detail here, but know the reason the case was postponed is crazy! And has nothing to do with the child, or this family.

So, this family will need to go back to court for a 3rd time. Of course they have incurred incredible expense in this process…and more than anyone ever anticipated on this trip. They had to change return flights home – to the tune of over $2,000!

The stress this family is under is enormous. The outcome of their case will pave the way for so many other American families who are waiting to bring children home from this region.

The husband will return home to work, but will be required to go back for the 3rd court hearing (that will happen in 4-6 weeks). The wife is staying in the region (too expensive to fly home, and then back again).

We are confident that this family will be successful, and they will be able to bring their DS home…but not until they have suffered and endured more than any of us could imagine.

I want to help them, and this is why I am posting this note.

I am begging any of you who have frequent flyer miles or AmEx (or other) points to spare – please help this family. The thousands and thousands of dollars they have spent – and are going to spend – on airline tickets is overwhelming. If we can help them ease this burden in the slightest – I know it will mean EVERYTHING to this family.

Please email me if you are able to help…

Thank you in advance for your big hearts…

BAH

Irritated with email!

OK, I have to vent. My email has been acting up. For the past month (or so), I have been getting no less than 400-500 spams a day (yes, that is HUNDRED!).

Well, the spam stopped...and so did my emails! I have had numerous people call me to ask why I never responded to their email messages...well, I NEVER got them!

UGH!

Since the majority of my business is done online, this really worries me - I wonder what I've missed? If a new client would email me, there is no way I would know about it - and now they think that I blew them off. NOT good for business!

Apparently I can 'white list' my client emails - but they have to be done one-by-one (and I have over 750).

OK, I feel better now...just needed to vent.

Praying - Part 5

Unbelievable.




The Judge in Irkutsk postponed...AGAIN!





Here is what I know...


The Judge asked for the bio mother to show up - this isn't uncommon. The bio mother didn't show up - saying she had an emergency with another child.



The Judge also called for the Russian families who rejected Harry to show up. She called for 8, 2 showed up. Apparently one of the men was NOT HAPPY he was called. The 2 families were grilled about why they didn't choose this child (but, they did choose another child...I don't know if this is even legal! Russian adoptions are 'closed' and pretty hush hush...)



So, the Judge decided that she was going to postpone, because of the 6 families that didn't show up, and the bio mother.

The Judge is forcing the mother to make a statement as to her feelings on an American family adopting the child.



All of this could take 4-6 weeks.



As for our friends...they are spent. That is the only word I can come up with. They were to return to Moscow today for the last portion of this journey. Of course, they will need to change travel plans.



Being in Irkutsk is expensive. Traveling there is expensive. They are trying to make decisions on staying, going home, sending the Mr. home to work - and then come back...too many decisions to make on a weary and tired brain.



Of course, at this point, there is nothing to appeal - since no decision has been made.

I am furious to tears. I can not believe this...




I will be sending out an adoption newsletter to my 'big list' of contacts...begging for prayer in this situation. There is so much to pray about today, with the election coming up, the state of the economy, and other heartache in the world...I want to appeal to you - please pray for this family and this situation! I am praying that they are able to make a decision on what to do next, and that the decision is made with a total peace in their hearts. I am also continuing to pray for this Judge and everyone associated with this legal process. The stronghold that is strangling this process needs to be released!

Court in Irkutsk

Our friends are (probably) in court RIGHT NOW. PLEASE pray for them!

Forgot Camera...AGAIN!

Last weekend, we went to Wisconsin to visit our friends, Kim and Bart - and to meet Debbie and Brian. Who are Debbie and Brian you ask? They are one of the couples we've been on this adoption trek with.

Over the years, I've made a lot of 'virtual' friends. I've never been able to meet any of them, until now! It is SO NICE to meet someone you feel like you know so well! No one can really know what we're going through...no one other than the handful of families who are in our shoes.

Marty and Brian spent the afternoon looking at antique cars...a family collection! Marty was VERY impressed!

Debbie and I spent the afternoon going through her closet, trying on clothes - good old fashion 'girl stuff'.

So - thanks to Debbie and Brian for your hospitality! We had such a good time meeting you - and hope that was the first of many get-togethers!

...and on the way home, I realized that I forgot to take any pictures! UGH!

my friends...

I have amazing friends. It hit me today, as I was coming home from a LONG day. I was exhausted, had a headache, and was NOT looking forward to dealing with 'tax crap' (yes, that is the official term).

I started thinking about my friends that I had seen earlier in the day. Honestly, (if I do say so myself), I keep some pretty amazing company!

Now - remember, these are MY FRIENDS, not random people I've never met...these are tried and true friends - those I exchange Christmas cards with, and when I see them on the street, I give them a hug...real pals.

Here is a rundown of the amazing friends I saw today:

• I have a friend who endures crazy criticism for ridiculous things - just because of her husband's job...and if you met her, she has the MOST AMAZING attitude, and such a heart for God...I want to grow up and be like her (is that possible? I'm older?)

• I have another friend who I met recently - she has such a kind and sweet heart - she is totally honest about who she is, and really really wants to change those things about herself that hold her back - that is what I call REAL COURAGE!

• There is this one friend, who I know I can turn to for ANYTHING. She has seen me close to my worst, and I KNOW - she ALWAYS has my back...and that is a big deal to me. She is what I call a real friend.

• Then there is this pal who is just super cool. She is crazy creative; she is able to see things through a creative filter - I wish I could do that. She is one of those people who has a great attitude - and I don't think I have EVER heard her complain...I need to hang around with her more. She is a great mom - the kind of Mom I hope to be one day.

• This lady always says the right thing to push me...and there aren't many people that can say the things to me she can...but I know she does it with a ton of love, and I know she really wants to see me succeed. Being with her makes me a better person...and always makes me smile.

• This sweet friend has known me for a long time - she knew me in college (and I've made her swear not to tell any of the stories!!) - she is driven, successful at everything she tries, super creative, an amazing Mom, and a good friend. She is one of those people who I can call and complain - and at the end of my rant, she would ask if I feel better.

• Then there is my friend who I say is my twin from a different mother in a different generation. I love this gal - and I think she might be one of the smartest women I've met - I have so much respect for her because of what she has been able to accomplish in her young life. She is a loving Mom, fashionista extraordinaire, and has the biggest caring heart.

• Then there is the friend who I haven't seen in a long time. She is such a strong woman, so smart, I love her heart - I am so glad I got to see her today! She is one of those people who is beautiful inside and out. She is crazy talented - I don't even think she realizes how much talent she has!

• Finally, there is the friend who I became pals with via work-ish stuff. She is always there to let me borrow something, tell me what shoes to wear with what outfit, to challenge me and to share my pain. We laugh that we're good for each other because we get irritated at the same things. She is a great Mom to grown kids, really knows how to enjoy life, be a good friend, and laugh! Sometimes I have to pinch myself when I realize that she is in my life!

...and those are JUST the friends I saw TODAY! I saw so many friends today - this is just a snapshot - I need to count my blessings...I remember a time when I didn't think I had many friends. I prayed for God to bring some REAL friends into my life...now, I feel like I have abundant blessings via my pals!

things could be worse

I was reading my friend's blog tonight - the one who is in Russia right now waiting for a court date (again) in Irkutsk.

She posted this photo of a toilet in a HOSPITAL. Now, at a hospital, wouldn't you think that the conditions would be clean, sterile, free of germs and gunk?

Um, not so much in Irkutsk.

All I have to say is ewwwwww.

Praying - part 4

Just got word from our friends who are continuing to try to get a court date in Irkutsk. The good news is that they've been given another date - this Friday. Please pray for them...for the Judge, for the prosecutor, for every person in that courtroom.

I am so tired of all the game playing over there, I can't imagine how it would be to be living through it!

My hope and prayer that the strength and determination of this couple is seen by the Judge and the prosecutor. That they find NO REASON to continue this case, and that they QUICKLY grant the adoption.

a note about the presidential debate

Now that I have your attention, don't freak out. I'm not going to be spouting any of my political views, or offer any commentary on the election - there are PLENTY of blogs out there for that -

But this is kind of political / election-ish - I took a few days off from reading my blogs this week. Every time I do that, something exciting and fun happens to one of my 'virtual' friends - and I TOTALLY feel like I missed out. Silly I know...kind of like when you were in second grade, and you play sick to get out of going to school - and then find out there was an assembly that day, and it was super cool - and you missed out.

Anyway, one of my fav blogs had a fun post. Angie's husband (Todd) is a singer in a little band called Selah. If you've never heard of Selah, I am in SHOCK. Anyway, Todd was asked to be in the 'on the floor' audience at the presidential debate the other night. Super cool! He was in the front row, and all ready to ask his question. Tom Brokaw never got around to asking Todd to share his query, however at the end of the debate, Obama came up to him and asked what he did for a living. Well, apparently - Todd explained that he was a singer / songwriter with a band called Selah - Obama had never heard of Selah, and said that he would look them up online!

Seriously - who hasn't heard of Selah?

Train of Hope...or MISERY!

I got a note today from our friend who is in Irkutsk...the family who is there battling with the court.

Apparently, there is a 'Train of Hope' that will be coming to the region from the 9-11th. The "Train of Hope" - organized by the Russian government - will be in the Irkutsk Region from 9 through 11 October seeking children to adopt. There are 45 families that are coming. The Train has never been to the Irkutsk region before.

Do I think this is coincidence? Now that an American family is there fighting the court? Now that another American family has submitted documents and are waiting for a court date? Now that at least 3 other families are 90% done with the document prep?

From what I understand, the group will only visit the adoption center, and look through the database for children they want to meet in person.

I am praying that God keep all of our children safe during this time. I don't even know what else to pray about...I am at a loss.

WHy doesn't anyone RSVP anymore?

Why Doesn’t Anyone RSVP Anymore?

Even USA Today touts, “It’s rude not to RSVP; Casual attitude is driving hosts crazy” (June 17, 2002).

I recently attended a party hosted by an old friend. She sent out over 60 invitations, and had about 20 people say they were going to attend (typical - count on 1/3 of your invitation list to show up). But what about the other 40+ people? Why didn’t she hear from them? The RSVP was clearly stated on the invitation.

To read the rest of the story, visit HERE