very odd few weeks

These past few weeks have been so strange.  I mean, REALLY weird.

One of my close friends had a stroke.  My friends DON'T have strokes!  We get together for shopping, pedicures and glasses of wine.

My brother's girlfriend (of several years) got very ill.  The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her.  It seems that the diagnosis bounced between Lupus to cancer to heart disease. She went to be with Jesus on Saturday. How does THAT happen to a beautiful, full of life 31 year old?

My husband lost his job due to the sale of a company.  He has always been "self employed" but was "partners" (so to speak) in a business for the past (I don't know...) 15 years. We will be fine.  We will replace the income, the insurance, the gas card, the internet, the cell phone. I just wish we would have had more than 30 seconds notice about this. 

I am pouting because this happened the SAME month I generally stop working for the summer to spend time with Anya.  And, 2 days after I purchased tickets to take the family with me on a business trip (making it our first REAL family vacation).

In hubby's line of work, it takes a while to get paid.  To get the projects, do the projects and then get paid for the projects can sometimes be a 4-6 month window.  Once that ball gets rolling (and it is rolling), we will be fine.  Again, I am a little bitter that we didn't have some notice that this was coming.  We had no time to save, to prepare...to make cut backs on spending to get through a few hard months. To start eating Ramen Noodles for every meal...to become one of those crazy coupon people.

But - God is in control of ALL of this.  His glory will shine through all the junk.

Oh, and did I mention that I have also officially hit my mid-40's?

without words

I posted this in Facebook - but am still reeling from what happened.

This morning I woke up, checked my email and noticed that I had a friend request from Facebook...from Jody Hall. Well, I know 2 "Jody Hall"s, so I went to Facebook thinking it was the one I know that lives locally. No...it was the one who owns the adoption agency who (lack of better word here) screwed us.

Yes, I still have a LOT of anger toward her. She has taken thousands and THOUSANDS of dollars from us. She did NO work for us (well, she mailed some documents to Russia). In 2006 when we went to Irkutsk to search out another means to bring Anya home, we needed some help and some paperwork taken care of in Moscow. She said that she would help - and didn't. I pressed her for how to get the paperwork taken care of, and her comment was "good luck with that". I called her after we got home from that trip, left a message that I had an idea about how to get Anya home, but would need her help...she NEVER called me back. NEVER!

I also asked her about being the middle man for us and some other families - I asked if she could contact another agency that was able to work in Russia to help us build a relationship with a new agency, and not start from square 1. She said "oh, I can't do that". WHAT?!

I know I need to calm down. I am so peeved right now, I can't see straight.

Maybe she has had a stroke of conscious - maybe she has seen the error of her ways, and wants to apologize and offer some kind of restitution. But, I doubt it.

common threads

Through the past 5 years, a lot has happened in my life...things other than the adoption. Although it seems like that is ALL I ever talk about, and that I am consumed by it - believe me when I say there were periods of time when I PURPOSELY didn't talk about the adoption. There was even a time when I deliberately focused on my career and building my business...and NOT the adoption.

Was that the right thing to do? I don't know. But I think my ability to over commit, to get involved, my inability to say 'no' has sustained my sanity. Simply put, many many times over the past few years, I simply didn't have time to think about what I was missing with Anya.

Another thing I have been able to do in the past few years, is make different friends. There are a lot of people who are in my life today, who weren't 5 years ago. There are friends who have come and gone...and that's OK.

I have also found commonalities with several women through a shared way of being 'out there'. Maybe being out there is because of a husband's job, because of some kind of local fame, maybe because of some online success...others have been 'out there' because of a job, a career, a position in the community...even have a friend who is an author.

When a person makes the decision to be "out there" they silently agree to have everything about them scrutinized by people who don't know them. I don't think that is fair. Women can be mean...and it makes me sad.

Funny thing is, I thought this was just a phenomenon with my little circle of friends. Then I was reading a blog tonight, and it said this:

I'm not going to dignify this with further details, but I will say that apparently there are also people who are wounded enough in this life that they feel the need to try and tarnish the name of someone who has a ministry. Why? Because they don't want someone else to get attention? Because they are jealous? Because they are lonely? I don't know why. But it makes me sad, because that could have been a place where something beautiful grew instead...an offering the Lord would readily receive, but no. The ego and emotions win out again. I just hate that.

I don't want to be here, where Godly women prey on each other instead of seeking to build them up. It breaks my heart to watch firsthand the way that can undo someone who needed to be reminded that the Lord is good, and He is with us. They need a cheerleader, a reason to hope, a glimpse of love. And the stranger heaps coals and sits idly by while that little string she pulled begins to unravel. It is one of satan's favorite ways of distracting us; convincing us that if we bring someone down, we will be higher. It's as anti-Gospel as it gets, and it seems rampant these days.

More commonalities. Because I this kind of 'theme' seems to be coming up again, and again, and again - I had to blog about it. I'm talking about it to beg you - think before you speak. Search your motives when it comes to other women. And if you are on the receiving end of some of this meanness and evil...CHOOSE TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. Choose to pray rather than react. Believe me, it is HARD, but at the end of the day - the one with the hard tongue needs more than a stern talking to - there is so much going on with her, she NEEDS prayer.

...ok, off my soapbox now

Seriously, can't ONE STINKING THING be easy or as expected?

Seriously, can't ONE STINKING THING be easy or as expected?

Heck no!

2 weeks ago, as you know, we submitted the documents that were requested by Judge #1 (Stepanova). She initially reviewed our case and accepted it in March - this review was done with her replacement, Judge #2 - a man. All we know about this guy is that he is younger, a father, friendly and more pro-international adoption than other Judge's have been. We also learned that this new man judge takes his own sweet time in responding to things.

After we meet the judge's deadline - the Judge then has 14 days to respond. The 14 days was up yesterday...or maybe the end of the week if weekends don't count toward that 14 days (who knows!?). I know that our documents were delivered back to Judge #2 - the guy.

Since that time, there has been some talk about another Judge (Judge #3). So, I asked about the name of the Judge, and was told this Judge is Popova AA (no one knows what the "A" and "A" stand for), but in fact, this is a woman.

Why am I concerned?

Because this is the 3rd Judge our case has been in front of in 30-45 days. Each has a different opinion, take and set of unwritten rules and requirements...apparently we are being asked to meet the requirements and expectations of all 3 stinking judges.

I am not thrilled.

But, that is all my conjecture. I don't know WHO has our case. Judge #1, #2 the guy or this new #3. I've asked, but don't have answers yet.

So - I reiterate. Seriously, can't ONE STINKING THING be easy or as expected?

what I've learned

Note to self...people that know the rules and deliberately don't follow them annoy me.

Unbelievable

I wasn't going to blog about this, but I can't help myself.

I was at a meeting this week - and let me start by saying that I've had 4 meetings this week (just in case you were with me at one of those meetings). This person came and sat at the table across from me and started talking about adoption. Of course, my ears perk up. She talked about how adoption is "cool", how she's met so many people who are adopting and they are "neat", how she wants to be a part of this local adoption group, and how she and her husband "wanna" check out the adoption "thing".

Yes, I was annoyed...but it gets better...

Then she says that she started some kind of paperwork, and her social worker called already (before her paperwork is done) to tell her that they have been matched with a child, and should have a baby before Christmas.

Yes - I can hear all of you out there yelling "NO WAY, SHE IS FULL OF IT" (I know....) . Anyone that knows anything about adoption knows you don't get matched with a child until all of your paperwork is done, redone, and done again. This isn't just with international adoption - this is ADOPTION period!


UPDATE (11/12) - obviously I wasn't thinking clearly - but yes, there are situations where families have a child before the paperwork starts. But - this isn't the norm.

It gets better...

So as she was talking loud enough to be sure I could hear her, she starts talking about domestic adoption versus international adoption. Keep in mind, this person knows we're adopting...knows where we're adopting from. She says, "why would you adopt from somewhere else - I don't want to travel to some third world country when there are kids here to get. I mean, I wouldn't want to spend that kind of money, I could take that money and go to Chicago for the weekend". I almost had a heart attack - right there, just about jumped OUT of my skin!

Oh but wait, there's more!

Before I made the mature decision to tune her out (this decision was weighed against either tuning her out, or making a scene), she says "ya, I just think it would be fun to have another baby"

Clearly this person has no concept of adoption, is completely insensitive - and any agency that would allow her to adopt without thoroughly discussing her motives should be out of business! Even if her comments were tongue-in-cheek (which I don't think they were), NOT funny! ESPECIALLY with adoptive parents in ear shot (I was not the only one).

OK, I feel sorta better now.

My night ended on a high note (haha). We decided to feed the kids (by kids, I mean cats) catnip. They've been bouncing off the walls all day. Jazz has the munchies so bad, she started sniffing out my PB&J. Now THAT'S entertainment!

What NOT to say to a pre-adoptive parent

FOREWARD - a year or so ago, I wrote a post about the things people say to us as PAPs. I took that blog entry, edited it - and submitted it to Blissfully Domestic (a great online magazine). It was published this week.

It is funny the things people say to you when you are part of an adopted-family. Things people would never say to someone who was pregnant - or who had birthed a child.





The good-intentioned comments can be naive, and quite honestly cold-hearted. In the 4 years we’ve been on an adoption journey, we’ve had some crazy things said to us. Most aren’t mean-spirited, many made me take a step back and say “huh“, and others truly left me speechless.




When we started out to adopt a child from Russia, we never imagined we would be sitting here, 4+ years later, waiting for a court date. To answer the questions I know will come:


1. Yes - we know the child. We met her when she was 2 - now she is 6.
2. Yes - we plan on seeing this through to the end.
3. No - we will not stop the battle to bring her home.
4. Yes - we have met her, we travel to Russia every year to see her; and communicate with her via email, letters and phone calls.




I want to share some things people have said to us - not to laugh as much as to educate. The adoption process is a very personal, very emotional pregnancy. For me, I’ve been “pregnant” (or as they say in the adoption community - ‘paperwork pregnant’) for over 4 years.



To read the rest of the story, go HERE.

Irritated with email!

OK, I have to vent. My email has been acting up. For the past month (or so), I have been getting no less than 400-500 spams a day (yes, that is HUNDRED!).

Well, the spam stopped...and so did my emails! I have had numerous people call me to ask why I never responded to their email messages...well, I NEVER got them!

UGH!

Since the majority of my business is done online, this really worries me - I wonder what I've missed? If a new client would email me, there is no way I would know about it - and now they think that I blew them off. NOT good for business!

Apparently I can 'white list' my client emails - but they have to be done one-by-one (and I have over 750).

OK, I feel better now...just needed to vent.

so done with mean people

If you are a long time reader of my blog - then you may remember a random post about mean people a while back. Today - I feel the need to again post about mean people. I am done with them...even if they are the same mean people that won't go away, I am declaring that I am done with them. I will NO LONGER take their calls, or participate in their sad mean world. They spoil my mood and my day. And I don't like it when I let someone else take my joy. So - NO MORE!

I tried praying for them. I tried helping them. I tried seeing things through their eyes. And at the end of the day - they are still mean!

Here are some tips for you if you are a mean person, or might have a tendency toward mean-ness:

1. If you leave a voice mail message for someone - and you are yelling at them...chances are they will not call you back

2. If someone comes to your office that you don't want to see, don't pretend to be on the phone - it will ring and your feeble attempt at being mean and ignoring the guest will only make you look stupid

3. Don't get mad at the messenger if you don't like the message (in other words, it's not my fault if the USPS took 5 days to get a letter to your house, when typically it takes 2)

4. If you are given something for free, don't complain about it and try to return it for a 'refund' (how you get a refund on something you didn't pay for is still a mystery to me)

5. If you lie, you will be found out. If you are dishonest, it will bite you in the butt. If you cheat, you will not win. SOMEONE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN YOU LIE AND CHEAT.

And, my final rant on mean people. The meanest people are those who claim to be Christians...and are mean. It makes me so mad when I know someone is trying to con me, and follows it with "I'll keep you in my prayers". I want to say "no thanks".

Would that be mean?

another thought on being grateful

I was reading a friend's blog this morning, and someone (who is such a great guy) posted a comment that really hit me. He was going through the same feelings this week with his generosity being met with greediness. In summary, he said this:

Last week my melt down was when guests of the inner city food program I help with were complaining that they did not "like" the Panera Bread bread we were giving away with $50 worth of food and personal care items. I am just so thankful that Jesus screamed, cried, took a break and then went back at it. I am just so glad that He is in charge and I am not

!

Well said - and as my husband would say, 'nuff said.

Have you ever...

Have you ever had one of those times when you offer someone a discount, and they don't think it's enough of a discount; tell someone you are thankful to be paid for work done, and then feel like you have to fight to actually get the check; offer to pay for something to help a cause, and be told your donation wasn't significant enough; done something nice for someone annomously, and then heard they thought it was a stupid gesture; been in traffic - stuck in the wrong lane, and no-one will let you in; agreed to do a job no one else wanted to do, and then get grief for it; offered to help someone, and be told your help isn't the kind they need.

I am always grateful. Grateful for life, love, work, friends, family. I can't even imagine not being grateful...so those who aren't shock me, and 9 times out of 10 - they ruin my day.

It is so easy to get a bad attitude. I understand that people who are generally miserable can not be made happy by anything I do for them or to help them.

This all got me to thinking about Jesus. And what he must have felt like when he was trying to help people, and they wouldn't take his help. He tried to save people from themselves, only to be laughed at.

So I will continue to do the right thing...be grateful and gracious even to those who I want to smack. I will be careful about who I do business with, and who I hold as a close friend.

I sleep very well at night...I wonder if they do too.