the thing about Father's Day

I didn't grow up with a Dad.  Oh sure, there were people in my life that stepped into that role, but they were not MY Dad.  My step-father (the dentist) was a part of my world for most of my upbringing. I was always keenly aware that I was NOT his daughter. Which was fine with me. My grandfather was the closest thing I had to a 'Dad'.  He taught me valuable life lessons, protected me from myself and I was confident in his unconditional love for me.  I was definitely Grampa's girl.  

As I became an adult I found it a little awkward to know what to do when Father's Day rolled around.  And thanks to Facebook, all of the "dad and me" pics and tributes remind me I don't have any photos or a nice story to tell. But its OK.  I don't believe our upbringing or circumstances create the adult we become.  I do not think it is OK to use our past as an excuse to act in a cruel or pathetic way, to whine or complain about our current lives or treat others badly. It is what it is!

...and it's ALL OK.

Like with everything in life, our experiences and circumstance bring us to where we are today. And for our family, it is a good place. We will always be working through things, and dealing with 'junk from the past', but it's OK. We learn from the junk and move on.

A few  years ago, moving on meant moving forward as a single Mom, which was not my plan. Finding the right guy to lead my family, to be a good Dad to my little one, and a perfect partner for me was a tall order. I've made mistakes, and I wasn't going to make one again.  I have been told that I am "a lot". And that is OK. It's OK because my long list of what that guy looks like, acts like, what kind of family he comes from and how he treats people ended up  being a description of a person rather than a list.


Happy Father's Day to the guy who is "my list".  The one who loves my little one as his own, who celebrates all the unique things that make her who she is. For fiercely protecting her, for giving her a safe place to be and providing for her in a way I never could. And for loving us both in a way we never thought possible.

a year ago today...God's blessing all over the chaos

(I wrote this in April, April 4th ish - and I realize I didn't post it.  Honestly, some of these "milestones" seem strange to celebrate.  This is one of them.)

A year ago today, we went to the airport, got on a plane and (tried) to leave Irkutsk.  I wrote about the experience here.  Long story short - the airplane blew an engine which caused a 9 hour delay.  Funny thing - Anya still remembers that 9 hours!  She was such a trooper...playing games, waling around.  I was more irritated with the whole things than she was!

I was so mad about being delayed a week from going home.  There was some drama with our passport (not sure what it was all about)...but God was protecting us.

A week earlier, there was a terrorist attack in the subway system near Red Square in Moscow.  The attack happened on Monday morning. The morning we were supposed to be there. I can't imagine the chaos in Red Square that followed that attack.  The overwhelming fear of the people.  Not something I would want to be a part of our memory.

You would think that God's protection would have changed my attitude, and taught me to always TRUST HIM and HIS timing. This is where intellectual-reasoning and emotional-reasoning collide.

Yes - intellectually I got it.  God was in control.  But for people like me (and I realize that I am not so unique in a lot of ways), it is hard for we (those that are "do-ers") to stop trying to DO. Allowing God to be in control is something I fear will be a lesson I need to learn over and over and over again

Maybe today that is the bigger lesson; stepping back and (again) giving the glory and praise where it is due.  Praise in the big and small stuff.  Praise in the meltdowns, the temper tantrums (mine and Anya's), in the struggle and yes...in the glory of it all.

Learning to Praise Him in the times of pig faces, silly faces, mean faces and kissy faces is something I don't think we ever really learn to do...if we are honest with ourselves...or do we?

on life...

I have to say, I can't remember a time in my life where I felt so, well, OK with things. At peace maybe.

It seems that all I can remember is running toward something, fighting for something, stressing over something. In my 20's it was a marriage (or lack thereof), then it became a job/career (or lack thereof), then relationships (or lack thereof), then of course for the past 6 years working, fighting, stressing over the adoption.

Some days I have to pinch myself. I have a beautiful daughter, a great husband, a perfect job. I even have a daughter that likes to help me at work (yes, this is Anya helping me at the beginning of this season...unpacking boxes upon boxes of new samples of current season clothing)

I have found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for something bad to happen. Odd, huh? I am FINALLY settling into LIFE. This is it!

So - fair warning. I am pretty protective of what we've got going on over here. We've worked hard to have the kind of marriage we have, we've worked hard to bring Anya home, and I've busted my booty to get my career on the path that it is currently on. A lot of blood, sweat and tears are behind us now...and we're taking deep breaths - and it's all good.

Maybe this is joy?

losing my manners

I've always been a bit of a fussbudget about manners. You know, the common courtesies like 'please' and 'thank you' .

Well, since I've become a Mom, I've lost my manners.

Before March 2, 2010 - I was borderline anal about thank you notes. I loved spending extended periods of time choosing the RIGHT card for a proper thank you; and sometimes even making by hand thank you cards (which is pretty funny considering how NOT crafty I am).

I think it all started at the airport. So many people came to welcome us home and showered Anya with gifts; the thoughtfulness of taking time of of their lives to come to the airport at 11pm, and to bring a gift...well, that needed a very special thank you!

Then there are those who constantly prayed for us when we were gone. I should write a heartfelt thanks to them too.

And so many kind things have happened in the past (almost) 4 months that we've been home...all deserve a note.

We even got a package from a family we met through the Irkutsk adoption process - so sweet! I NEED to get a note to them!

...and all the friend's birthdays I've missed - Oi!

So - if you are one of those people who I owe a note to, please know that I have not forgotten. It's simply that I seem to be choosing sleep over manners lately.

Hot Button Issues

I think it’s time to share a little somethin’ that’s going on …on my blog…for the world to see.

Every since I got back from Russia, I feel like I have been attacked. Attacked in my job, with our finances, in some of my friendships. Attack after attack…and I am tired of it.

I have hot buttons like everyone else. Personally, as I have gotten older, I have learned what those hot buttons are and have done everything I can to avoid them going off.

On one hand, things are going so well with the adoption. Prayers are being answered, mountains moved – families are being made…hope is being given to children. It’s all big. It’s all good, and it’s all of Him. I am feeling the presence of God in my life and in my family in a way I haven’t - maybe ever. Marty’s trip to India and my trip to Russia restored energy to seek Him…something we both really needed and wanted.

On the other hand, I have spent countless hours and pounds of emotional energy on (what feels like) Kindergarten crap. I have worked hard (professionally) to do what I do for a living. I know some people don’t like it…I also know that some don’t like me. Honestly – if they met me, I really think they WOULD like me…they don’t even know me.

I have had to prove to creditors that I have paid bills. I had to remind the city of South Bend that I paid a parking ticket by hunting down a cancelled check from 7 months ago. I have had communications to our former accountant taken COMPLETELY out of context, words put in my mouth (that I didn’t say or write), and I’ve had to prove myself over and over and over again.

The things that are my hot buttons keep going off. These altercations (or what feels like an altercation) are the kinds of things (in my world) that would take me down, make me want to just go to my room and cry it out. These things keep coming at me like torpedo fire. I don't even have time to recoup, or cry it out before I'm dodging another one.

I am not an emotional person, but I have cried more in the past few weeks than I have in recent memory.

The thing about all this junk that makes me SO MAD is that I have spent all this time proving myself, proving I am doing what I am supposed to be doing…when I SHOULD HAVE been spending time working on finalizing adoption paperwork!

So, yes – I feel like I am being beat up and attacked. I don’t tell you this for sympathy, for you to tell me how things are going to get better, I don't want advice on which scripture to run to (did that)…I only post this for anyone else who is in the midst of an adoption. This kind of thing will happen to you too…especially if you believe in Christ, and put all your hope, trust and faith in Him. Just when you think "ahhh, this is all coming together, FINALLY" - you will take a deep breath, you will feel the tension in your shoulders start to relax...the BAM.

All I can do (all any of us can do) is pray our way through it. So I will pray for my current frustration and tears. I will pray for those who are fighting me…and I will keep on keepin’ on!

Ya know that song "I will praise you in this storm"...that's me, now.

The Drama of being a mother to 7

*** update 12:45pm - we have found foster homes for the kitties. I don't
know anything about it yet - if they are going to be split up - nothing. More
details to follow. ***

***update way too late Sunday night - I think the foster mom for the kittens
is going to be OK. She took all 5, and MS too. I didn't tell her
about MS, so that might not have been the best idea - really didn't think about
it until after the fact - so Michelle, if you see this {sorry}. I
am sad. Can't stop thinking about Hemmie.

When you are going through the adoption process, the way your brain thinks changes. Anyone who has been through it knows what I am talking about. In everything that happens, you look for meaning - you wonder if that is some kind of ‘test’ from God. Every chance encounter you are sure was ordained by God. Every trial you know was of His plan to make you stronger.

Which might all be true.

We now have 7 cats in our house. Jazz – who is the resident fuzzy ball of fun. The 5 kittens (who I now call Morris, Hemmie, Raskey, Storm and Snow), and some relative of the5, Morris Senior. The kittens are at the cat hotel (AKA our downstairs bathroom), Morris Sr. has taken up residence in the garage; and of course Jazz still has full reign of the house.

So I wonder – what is this all about?

Could it be that this is some kind of test? To see how many different ways I can be pulled until I break? The feeding, everyone is clamoring and crying for my attention. I just get done feeding and watering everyone – and then *crash* something has happened with the 5, so I go back in to see what is going on – 2 escape causing Jazz to go ballistic. I get everyone corralled back in the “hotel”, calm down Jazz – and I hear wailing coming from the garage…and so it starts all over again.

And I feel bad for Jazz. She doesn’t know what is going on – all she knows is that some strange smells and some other animals are invading her space. If you know anything about cats, then you know they are very territorial. Jazz is used to being the center of attention – or I should say, getting all of my attention. She is acting a little neglected and, well, mad. Right now, she is sitting on my desk staring at me with a look of “what have you done” in her eyes.

Then there are the babies. They need attention. They’ve gained a little weight in the short time they’ve been here. 3 of them are very starved for attention (they are boys). The 2 girls (the grey ones, Snow and Storm) are happy to just play with each other.

Oh geez, then Morris Sr. I feel so bad – I haven’t had time to really go out there and spend time with him/her (not sure if it is a he or she). M.S can’t come inside, because she has ear mites. I should do something about that. She is also very thin, and dehydrated. I just gave M.S. more water, and am monitoring the litter box…because that is what you do when you are the mother to cats. But M.S. is older, and is more self sufficient than the kittens.

Have I mentioned Oz? Yes, there is yet ANOTHER outside cat, Oz that has appeared in the past few days too. Oz looks like an Ocelot cat – beautiful! Yes, we fed him (which is why he keeps appearing, I know…) – but he is so skinny too.

UGH!!!

I’ve lived here long enough to know – we ‘ve NEVER had this many cats appear. Generally, we have random wild cats show up – but never this many nice cats that obviously have been around people.

So, if this isn’t a test – what is it? A glimpse into how things are going to be when Anya gets home? Being pulled in a million directions, feeling like you’re not getting anything done – and all you want to do is take a shower?

Maybe is it a test of my heart? How much can I take before I break? I have a heart for animals – but I have a soft spot for cats. I've walked away from dogs and puppies before - heartbroken, but I've done it. How am I supposed to let go of these little fur balls when we find foster families for them? What if the new families aren’t nice? What if they don’t know they all need attention? What if they don’t care that the kittens won’t use the litter box if it is messy? What if they never get adopted? Then what?

But I know I can’t keep them. Maybe this is what it is like to work in an orphanage? Loving each orphan, knowing they all have very specific needs, wanting to meet every one of those needs. Needing some help – just one more set of hands to help. Feeling your hear break with each cry.

Whatever it is, I don’t like it. It’s painful. It hurts. I don’t like feeling that I can’t do the best job because I am being spread too thin. I don’t like wondering if I am making a difference, making things better.

So, like all tired moms I know…I think I am going to put all the babies down for a nap so I can have a good cry and a shower.

oh ya, I forgot to clean up the breakfast dishes. I should do that first...

Kittens?

We found 5 little kittens tonight as we were walking down our driveway. They followed us back to the house - and now I don't know what to do. My Mom (who volunteers at Pet Refuge) is on her way over to help. For the time being, they're living in our downstairs bathroom...and Jazz (our cat) is NOT happy!

Anyone want a kitty? They are all very sweet - there is a runt that I am already attached to. Not sure how I am going to be able to give all these little furry guys up...

We took a day off

I know, I was shocked too...but we did. We decided to take today and not work (well, until 8pm). We went to Weco Beach in Bridgman, MI. Ironically - this was the location of our very first 'real' date...now, I know what you're thinking, who goes to the beach on their first date? All I have to say about that, is it all worked out :)

I wanted to share these funny photos. Marty wanted to take a photo with the background in this pic. I disagreed because the sun was in my face - notice my eyes.

This shot was my idea...notice the bad background (or lack of background), and my eyes (haha!)

India by way of Russia

So, my hubby has decided to go to India. He will be going with a team from our CHURCH - there are several groups going. I really don't understand it other than to say there is a water group, a justice group and the group Marty will be with - the documentary group. He and some of his buddies will be filming the goings-on our the mission teams our church supports in India.

He is in the process of raising funds now - I think he leaves right after Christmas.

If you know anything about me and Marty - you know that we are rarely apart. We travel together - we work together (from home). We're one of those odd couples that really enjoy being together, and choose to be together rather than to be apart. The only time we're apart is when I have to run to Chicago on a buying trip, or if he wants to go to the movies...I am not good in a theater.

Another thing I should mention, is that I have no desire to go to India. I have a lot of friends who are 100% sold out in support of what God is doing in India - and I support them, and think what they are doing is great. Honestly, it isn't a place that makes my heart beat fast...and I think that is OK. God has wired me to be passionate about other things (women's causes here at home, orphans, bla bla bla). Also, I am a picky eater - well, not really. I just don't eat meat. I went on a mission trip (to Chicago) many moons ago, and about starved to death (seriously, barely ate anything for 3 days). I've heard stories of missionaries in India feasting on a goat that the village slaughtered as a thank you to the team. Um, ya - NO thanks! Not sure how that would translate...

So, I'm not going to India.

Since Marty will be gone, and it is about time for us to think about going to Russia again, I thought I would go visit Anya. I don't see how we can afford his trip to India, and both of us going to Russia...all in the same year. Ahhh yes, I wish we were made of money! I'm still not sure how we're going to swing one trip to India, and one trip to Russia...but I am getting creative.

So - anyone want to go to Russia? Tickets are running about $1500+, plus your Visa, food, transportation in Moscow, hotel in Moscow, transportation in Irkutsk, apartment in Irkutsk, and translator. Common - you PAPs out there (and you know who you are!!) - let's head to Irkutsk! I would like to be there for Russian Christmas...wouldn't that be too much fun!? (Deb, Winda, Addy - anyone???)

So - consider this a shameless plea - if your heart beats fast for mission work in India, feel free to contact my hubby with your financial support, or words and prayers of encouragement.

If your heart beats fast for Anya or orphans...and you've got some Delta frequent flyer miles (or Am Ex points, or Marriott points) you want to rid yourself of - I would be more than happy to take those off your hands.

..so that is a little slice of life, here in the Friend household. Never a dull moment.

confession

I have to confess. I haven't even started updaing the paperwork. Every time I think I am going to start, I work on business stuff.

This has been going on for weeks now.

I think it is because when I work on business things, join another online community, submit another article to some magazine...I get a response. I get feedback. I see the fruit of my labor. My work is rewarded.

Conversely - when I revise, redo paperwork for the zillionith time - I get nothing. I (generally) don't even get a notice that it was delivered, accepted. I have no idea (generally) when it is going to be give to the Judge...and this is all very typical - very Russian. They are not so good at master-communication skills (at least by our standards).

So this is my confession - I seem to be spending time on things that I feel some sense of accomplishment from...and today, that isn't dossier paperwork.

for today...

I wish I could figure out how to make a link here...anyone know?

I read this on another blog that I frequent called 'bring the rain' (link is in the side bar titled Audrey Caroline). If you haven't been there, and need to be encouraged (or not), check it out. DAILY I read something that Angie (yes, I feel like I am BFFs with the author) said that makes me say WOW!

Through my Bible Study group, I've been trying to find ways to get closer to God. Closeness will allow me to listen and hear His Will better...today, here is what I read on Angie's blog:

I stay close to God by spending time in His Word. It looks small on
paper, I know, but that’s the only way you can consistently walk with Him.
When I’m not reading my Bible faithfully, I feel like the distance creeps up.

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17

Seems so simple - but it is just what I needed to hear (or read)!

Good Times

We never go out with friends...seriously - maybe a few times a year. I have no idea why - we love our friends - I guess we're too busy. Well, last weekend we went out with friends - specifically, my friends (that matters because if you know my friends, you understand me :))

Here are some pics of our night out...a good time was had by all!


Me and Betsy


Our Michigan pals, the Popes


The Roeders - always a good time when Robin and Don are around!


Me and my Hubby (horrible pic - by the way! Holy double chin!!)


The Gustafson's


The beautiful Kristen


The Taverniers with Marty

cars and toothbrushes

A friend sent me a copy of an email devotion today. I want to pass it along...how many times has this happened to you?

Do you pray in your car? How about in the shower? Or while you are brushing your teeth? These are all moments in my day when I have learned to take advantage of the time I have to pray. This lesson was brought home to me in a whole new way one day as I was out driving around. It was one of those days when I had a long list of errands and many parking lots and highways to navigate. As I drove, I noticed a silver sedan ahead of me, which made me think of a friend of mine who drives one of those kinds of cars and was going through a tough time. As I looked at the car, I felt like God was telling me that my friend really needed my prayers that day. And so I prayed, and made a mental note to call her and check in with her as soon as I got home.

Just a few minutes later, I saw another similar silver sedan, and so I prayed again. Moments later, another one. This continued on throughout the day. By the end of the day, I was just laughing at how God had arranged for me to notice so many of these silver sedans—so many that I couldn’t not pray for my friend all day. I was reminded that day in a powerful way that: 1) God loves each of us enough to bring reminders to others to pray for us, and 2) God wants us to pray for our brothers and sisters. If we are obedient, He will send us reminders to help us lest we forget in all the busyness of our lives. Saying, “Oh, I meant to pray but I forgot” will be a thing of the past if we rely on Him to help us remember. As my silver car example proves, He can provide us with some pretty creative reminders.

I know one woman who knew she needed to pray for her brother who was going through a tough time. So she decided to pray for him every time she brushed her teeth. Even after her brother’s hard time was behind him, she still found herself praying for him while she brushed her teeth, and was grateful that, through this commitment to prayer, she had formed a habit. So, she continued to pray for her brother and still does to this day.

No matter where or when or what God uses to prompt us to pray, we know that it is vital to pray. God uses cars, and toothbrushes and anything else that is needed to help us remember to intercede for those people who desperately need our prayers. As a recipient of some of those prayers through the years, I am grateful for a creative, involved, active, loving God who will use whatever He can to remind us to lift up each other in prayer.

Have you ever...

Have you ever had one of those times when you offer someone a discount, and they don't think it's enough of a discount; tell someone you are thankful to be paid for work done, and then feel like you have to fight to actually get the check; offer to pay for something to help a cause, and be told your donation wasn't significant enough; done something nice for someone annomously, and then heard they thought it was a stupid gesture; been in traffic - stuck in the wrong lane, and no-one will let you in; agreed to do a job no one else wanted to do, and then get grief for it; offered to help someone, and be told your help isn't the kind they need.

I am always grateful. Grateful for life, love, work, friends, family. I can't even imagine not being grateful...so those who aren't shock me, and 9 times out of 10 - they ruin my day.

It is so easy to get a bad attitude. I understand that people who are generally miserable can not be made happy by anything I do for them or to help them.

This all got me to thinking about Jesus. And what he must have felt like when he was trying to help people, and they wouldn't take his help. He tried to save people from themselves, only to be laughed at.

So I will continue to do the right thing...be grateful and gracious even to those who I want to smack. I will be careful about who I do business with, and who I hold as a close friend.

I sleep very well at night...I wonder if they do too.

Mom had a heart attack...

Thursday night as I was driving home from work, I was very excited that I had 4 days off. Well – maybe not ‘off’ but 4 days with no appointments. Time to relax, catch up n laundry – maybe start working on the yard – I thought maybe I might even catch on up some filing! I can’t remember the last time I had 4 whole days with nothing to do.

So, on Friday, did some laundry, and shopped for some gifts, and we ate nachos and popcorn for dinner (I am a gourmet). As I was drifting off to sleep, was thinking about all that I wanted to do on Saturday. Sleeping in was pretty high on the list.

At 3:30am, the phone rang (which can never be good). My first thought was there was a tornado, and my brother was calling to tell us to get in the basement. It was St Joe Regional Hospital. My Mom had another heart attack.

My Mom is in her mid-60’s, and this is her 2nd heart attack. The last one was only about 18 months ago. Heart disease runs in out family, so (imo) this is nothing to take too lightly, or brush off by saying ‘whew, she’s going to be OK’.

Mom is doing well, is still in ICU – but we think she will be moved to a regular room today. Her Dr. said she will need to stay in the hospital for 4-5 days.

...and then reality smacked us in the face

As we were packing up on Tuesday night to catch our VERY early flight Wednesday morning, my Mom called. My Mom never calls when we are out of town. The conversation started with "Just wanted to tell you what is going on"...which in my family is code for something bad happened.

A close family friend, Jason, had been severely beaten, and was fighting for his life. The prognosis wasn't good. Jay's family was rushing to his side. By Wednesday morning, Jason had died.

We didn't sleep at all Tuesday night - every time we would talk, we would say "I just can't believe it".

The whole thing is so sad. He was only 32. Killed in the prime of his life. He has 2 small children. At the time of his death, Jason had so many promising things happening in his life. Lots of plans for his future. He had been working very hard on MANY things to make a better life for his family.

We can all take comfort in knowing that Jason is with God. He is free of pain, grief, confusion, sadness. For that, YAY Jason! High 5 to you!

To Jason's Mom and family - I am so sorry. I just don't know what to say, other than our thoughts and prayers are with you.

back to reality

Well, after traveling since the first of March, we're back to reality. Although we were traveling for business, it was good to get away.

Our travels started in Oklahoma. Now - I will admit, when I scheduled the biz trip to Tulsa, I wasn't very excited about it. But I will tell you now - that we LOVED Tulsa! All of the people we met were wonderful - very friendly. The client we went there to see we loved. Marty got along very well with the husband, and I simply loved the wife. We've planned several more trips there - and they are going to come here (to Chicago).

Then we were off to LA. I am not a big fan of Los Angeles. Been there several times - and never felt very comfortable. We stayed in a great location - 1-block from the ocean and boardwalk. But there were homeless people everywhere.

WARNING ABOUT THE PHOTO - I needed a haircut before we left for Tulsa - and couldn't get in until next week...so no comments about my do. It is bad!




After LA, we headed to San Francisco. Funny how things work out. I have been stressed and over-committed for months. No time to stop and catch my breath. About the time we were packing up to head to SF, my client called to cancel. NOT what I wanted to hear! But - she had an employee that had been killed at work - in Germany. So, my client was on a flight heading to Germany (not so mad when I heard that!). Marty and I soon found ourselves with 2 days - an no appointments. What to do with all that time?

On Monday, we headed to Napa. We love Napa - it is beautiful at any time of the year. ON a whim, we stopped in a winery called Mumm. What a great time! They specialize in 'bubbles' (i.e. fizzy wine like champagne etc.). We got to try things we would never had otherwise. They had a great art gallery - lots of photographs...the kind that bring tears to your eyes when you see the beauty of nature captured in film. What am amazing way to really see God's power!









Tuesday, we spent the day downtown. Of course we had to go to Nordstrom. It would have been wrong to be THAT close to a Nordstrom, and not do a little shoe shopping! We did the tourist trolley ride thing to the wharf - it was nice.


Now, we're gearing up for several other biz adventures. Miami, Chicago, Tulsa, and trying to plan something into Virginia and maybe the Carolinas.

story in the Elkhart Truth

Long road homeWait of nearly two years to adopt Russian girl nearing an end for Bristol couple

Published: Monday, September 18, 2006 -- The Truth,

Last updated: 9/17/2006 9:57:56 PMBy Jennifer OchsteinTruth Correspondent


BRISTOL -- Their Anya could be home by Thanksgiving, ceasing Marty and Kathy Friend's two-year eternity.

They've imagined what it will be like.
And why not? When you've waited for nearly two years to bring home the child you hope will one day call you "Mom" and "Dad," you fantasize about finally being parents.
Marty and Kathy Friend have been trying to adopt 4-year-old Anya, now living in a children's home in Irkutsk, Siberia, in Russia, since the girl was 2.
This summer, monetary constraints and a host of other complications nearly derailed the adoption. But close friends threw together a fundraiser, yielding enough to finish the adoption process.

Envisioning
Mostly, Kathy said, when she imagines times together with Anya, she thinks about what the mornings will be like. Since she's not a morning person, Kathy envisions Anya crawling out of her own bed in her pink bedroom and toddling into her parents' room. Kathy sees Anya climbing up the steps leading to her parents' tall bed and snuggling in.
Marty sees "Daddy and Anya getting up at the crack of dawn, making fun of Mommy, who's trying to pry her eyes open."

Either way, the couple is praying they won't have to imagine much longer.
"I really feel like God chose her to be our child," said Kathy, who's unable to have children. While she wasn't devastated at the thought of not being able to give birth to a child, she's always wanted to be a mom. "God set us up to adopt," she said.
Once Anya gets home and the Friends' fantasy becomes reality, Kathy has one wish -- to be a good enough parent to break through whatever difficulties Anya has dealt with during her short life.

"I want to give her enough love to help her become whatever she wants to be," Kathy said.

Processing
Normally, the adoption process takes much less time -- about nine months -- but adoptions of Russian children to Americans have become more difficult in recent years, the Friends said.
A North Carolina woman recently was convicted of killing the child she adopted from Russia. In response, the Russian Ministry of Education enforced more stringent guidelines for foreign adoptions.

At about the same time, the Friends and hundreds of other American couples were in the midst of trying to adopt from Russia. All of them were stalled.

What made chances even more difficult for the Friends was they were using the same U.S.-based adoption agency as the North Carolina woman who killed her child.

The adoption agency, according to Kathy, had been recommended to them by friends who had adopted two Russian girls before the North Carolina incident. After the Russian Ministry of Education stiffened guidelines, the adoption agency the Friends were using was no longer accredited in Russia.

At that point, the couple had spent more than $24,000 during the adoption proceedings. They felt as if they were running out of time, money and options to bring Anya home.

"We decided to take matters into our own hands," Kathy said.

Navigating
In May, the Friends took their third trip to Irkutsk, taking the unusual step to go it alone, without an adoption agency. They didn't want the stigma, but did want to stay in touch with Anya's caregivers at the children's home so they would continue to feel comfortable with the couple, hoping to make the adoption process easier.

Speaking little Russian, the couple found an interpreter who has taken on the unlikely role of partner in helping them adopt Anya. Their interpreter not only helped them through their last trip in Russia to visit Anya and her caregivers, he also has helped them navigate the country's legal system to get the adoption paperwork into motion.

Despite difficulties, the Friends hope their most recent round of paperwork to a Russian judge, known to be tough and thorough when reviewing legalities surrounding adoption of Russian children in his jurisdiction, will be successful.

But for that paperwork to get through to the judge, the Friends had to pay for the services of an attorney, and at the time, they say, they were tapped out.

They had liquidated and sold nearly everything they didn't need when they first began the adoption process. The sense of urgency to get the last remaining $6,000 was palpable.
That's when Kathy's friends, Kathy Strukel and Pam Homan, stepped up.

Supporting
Within four days, Strukel and Homan set up a dinner, silent auction and raffle. Kelly Miller, Flytraps restaurant owner, donated food and drink for 200 attendees who came to Lucy's Rhythm Room in Elkhart. Thus far from the Aug. 30 event, $6,400 has been raised.
"I was blown away," Strukel said of guests' generosity.

She thinks people were so willing to give because the Friends "have hearts as big as all outdoors and they wanted to give back. And I think people know what wonderful parents they're going to be."

Strukel many have agonized over the situation along with the Friends.

"I think it will mean the world to them," to have Anya come live with them, Strukel said. "They've loved her for two years now -- ever since they first saw her."


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