God's Plan is ALWAYS better than mine

So, where do I even start?!


I mean - nothing is ever easy. I know that - especially with adoptions, and this adoption in particular. I KNOW THIS, I embrace it - I have LIVED it for over 5 years.

But the past 24 hours might take the cake.

Yesterday night at about 8pm, I got online to complete the shipping label for the DHL package that was to be shipped to Irkutsk today. Today I planned to go to Indianapolis to the State House and get everything done that needed to be done - and get the documents in the mail. January 11th is the deadline the Judge in Russia has given us on these last few documents - which means I wanted to get everything there by the 5-6th.







Well, DHL.com wasn't playing nicely with others. Wouldn't let me log in. So I call the 800#, and when the lady answers, I decide to ask her about transit times with the holiday weekend instead of helping me with the log in issue. Why? It was God.

She proceeds to tell me that the delivery date for something mailed to Irkutsk today would be January 13th...JANUARY 13TH! (did I mention that everything was being presented to the count on the 11th?)


Hence starts freak out #1.




I quickly find out that my only option with DHL is to ship through a TSA Authorized business shipper, and even if I find one of those - there is no guarantee because of customs. TO get it through customs, I would have to hire a Broker...and no one could tell me how to hire a broker.


The nice DHL woman also suggested we hire a courier - that would ONLY cost about $3,000 - $4,000.







So I call FedEx. Basically, they told me the same story, but they were giving me a delivery date of January 18th (it's getting worse)




Thus begins freak out #2


I seriously went crazy at this point. I don't cry. I am not a very emotional person. The Fed Ex lady obviously could tell by the tone in my voice that I was desperate. She told me about a service called "Next Flight" - this is only open to authorized shippers who hold a Fed Ex account. After figuring out all of the requirements, and getting everyone involved all over Twitter and Facebook - we found a Plan A, B and C. This wasn't a cheap option, but it was workable.



Then God stepped in and took control.


I should have known that He would have a better plan. An easier plan. A perfect plan.






Our friends that live in Irkutsk told us that they knew of a man that lives in Maine who was flying to Irkutsk on Monday...this Monday! This means he would be arriving in Irkutsk the morning of the 6th. THE 6th! All I would have to do would be to overnight the documents to him in Maine!



I called him - he is VERY VERY nice, and will put the documents in his carry-on baggage to make sure nothing happens to them. Did I mention he is a VERY VERY nice man?



From where I sit, the Jackson's and Mr. Keef were little pieces of Heaven to me.


So - shipping situation handled. Off to Indianapolis.

I go to the State Police Department. I've done this criminal check thing about a million times in the past. I know the drill. You go to the office, you pay $10 and get what you need.

Well, they changed the drill...apparently sometime between when I called last week and when I walked in the doors this afternoon. The secretary told me the check would take 2 weeks, and would have to be mailed to me.

Insert freak out #3 here

It's a long story, but let's just say it got done - I cried in public, had a stranger offer me a Kleenex, and it cost me $30, but it's done...and there is an Indiana State Police Officer who got a nice lunch today.

FREAK OUTS OVER

Thank God.

I am ever so grateful for several things:

1. Good friends who read my random Tweets and Facebook updates, and are always so willing to jump in the middle of my drama to help
2. For Mr. Keef - praying safe travels for him
3. For one of my dearest friends, Stacy - who I always bomb in on when I am in Indianapolis. She is a little dose of reality for me...and tonight was no exception
4. Blessed with crazy random connections to get stuff done...thanks to Jackie Walorski for helping us this round (and yes, this is a political plug - VOTE FOR HER!)
5. For the goodness and perfect plan of God!

So the next time I freak out, will someone please remind me that God has it under control?

smiles with unexpected blessings

I was working today, for those of you who don't know what I do for a living go HERE.

So, I was working. When I head out for the day, I am always looking at a 1/2 hour (or more) drive. One of the many joys of living in the boonies. As I drive I always listen to WFRN or PULSE FM (Christian stations). Many times as I am singing at the top of my lungs, I find myself deep in thought and prayer...and generally it is over Anya.

Such was the story today.

I don't know if I want to admit it, but I was praying for a sign. Something to let me know that HE is hearing me. I know how crazy that sounds, and how unfaithful that is...but that is where I was. To be honest, I prayed something like this "OK God, this is out of control. I need a little somethin' somethin" (just keeping it real here)

I went to my client's home, chose her wardrobe for the next 7 days (remember me saying if you don't know what I do...go HERE?). I got a call from my local Russian friend who also works in the fashion world. Kind of funny that she called me, I haven't seen or talked to her in MONTHS - I've been thinking about her a lot the past few weeks. Every time I hear her voice (or a thick Russian accent) I can't help but to get a little misty eyed.

Then I made some some courtesy calls with local boutiques and shops. Soon after I walked in one of my regular haunts, a woman came in that I recognized but couldn't place. I realized that she is the one who had the Silpada fundraiser for the adoption a few months back. She said that she saw me come into the store, and wanted to give me something. She handed me a check for $100 toward the adoption. I am not kidding.

I have been consigning things for a few months now. I have taken things from my closet and the closets of my clients. All of the money raised from the clothes will go toward the adoption. I was talking to the owner of the consignment store I do business with, and all the sudden she hands me a check for $375!

Do you ever feel like God sends you a Hallmark card just to tell you He is thinking about you, and to reassure you He is in control? Well, that is how I feel today.

puffy eyes and broken hearts

I have been going through all of the pictures we've taken of Anya over the years, and was feeling nostalgic. Because I am quite possibly one of the most creative people you will ever meet, I took some time to pull together some of these shots into a video montage.

Well, sorta....NOT!

Truth is, I was reading my friend, Kate's, blog tonight. She has a great video compilation of photos from her first meeting with her little girl. Tore my heart apart. Not sure if the ripping of my heart was from the song or knowing how hard it is to say goodbye after meeting your baby for the first time.

Feeling all weepy, I thought I would make myself sink into an even deeper pit - so I started looking through photos of Anya. Seeing how much she has grown through the years is truly amazing...it hurts my heart, it makes me gasp for air and blind from the tears.

So, I got myself together - ate some potato chips and decided to hunt down the song Kate used in her video. It was a good one. I found it...and so started round 2 of the water works.

Then as to be a TOTAL thief of ideas, I went to the website Kate used to create her video and found myself uploading, editing, creating. Here I am, almost 3 hours later all puffy eyed.

I'll be honest, sometimes I get tired of fighting, I find myself refocusing away from Anya. I've put off doing paperwork because I didn't have the strength. I dread sending ANOTHER email to ask for an update on things. I struggle composing a note to send to Anya, not sure what to say.

Tonight, this is what I needed. I needed to just sit at my computer and cry. So thanks, Kate for letting me (without my even asking) to steal your idea, hook - line - and sinker.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

thanks

Blogs are funny things. I took this blog private about 6 weeks ago. I sent out invitations to those who asked for one...didn't assume anyone would want to read my ramblings about the adoption.

I quickly found out that a lot of people who I thought would be on the 'inside track' aren't -and that is OK! not complaining at all... Not everyone thinks the adoption is a good idea, and not everyone cares, and not everyone is on our side of this...AND THAT IS OK!

But, please, be honest...

The other day I was talking with one such friend, and she out and out lied to me. She said "I just went to your blog to get an update, so what's going on with things"...obviously she hadn't gone to the blog - she isn't a reader, fan or one that got an invitation. When I menionted that this summer looked to be THE TIME, she did everything in her power to not change the expression on her face, and she tried to act like she was well aware of that piece of info.

She didn't know.

And, that's OK!

Marty and I have been through a lot of things in our lives, some seriously crazy stuff. One thing that remains a common thread is that when stuff happens in your life that changes the trajectory of things...your real true friends bubble up to the top.

Thanks for being that group of real true friends...who have bubbled up to the top. Our pals from every phase of life, and some that I've never met...thank you for coming to me with money making ideas, and for sending me emails about how you're praying for us (even tho you have things in your OWN life that deserve your uninterrupted prayer!).

I love you all...am blessed and humbled.

That's all!

dreams

I know I've posted stuff on this blog before about the crazy dreams I've had over the past 5 years. Anyone who has been in the heat of an adoption can probably relate. I don't know if it is the constant prayer that brings on these dreams, or raging mommy hormones...who knows.

Well, the past 2 weeks, I've have 2 very vivid dreams. Here is a recap:

This last one I just had this past week. In this dream, we were able to raise so much money through the fundraising effort that we put it into a trust, and then any family that came after us was able to have their housing (apartment) totally paid for through this trust. Ask Debbie and Judy what kind of savings that is! Since most of you have no idea, it's about $170 a day...do the math. If you have to stay in Russia for 8 weeks, times $170 a day - that is about $9,500!

The last time I was in Russia, I was there for a week; I paid roughly $3,500 for just transportation to and from the orphanage and the apartment I stayed in! If we can help offset some of this outrageous cost, it would be a HUGE load off the minds of those of us who are in the heat of it!

I am hoping that my dream is prophetic! Just call me Kathy with the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat – err, maybe Amazing Technicolor Dream shoes :)

Anyway - that was dream 1.

The other dream I had I KNOW was a God dream. Haven’t had many of these in my life, but if you have ever had one- you know it is…these dreams are different. Let's get to getting people to buy these Bring Anya Home necklaces!!!

Dream 2

So, I had this dream the night before all our documents were going to be mailed to Russia (about 2 weeks ago). I was sitting at my desk (as I always am), going through documents, trying to guess and second guess and think and rethink every detail. IN this dream, this voice (God) whispers to me “it is done, it is done, it is done”.

I respond to this voice, and say, “I know, but I just want to check one more thing, and make sure it’s done right”

The voice comes back and says…a bit louder “It Is Done, It Is Done, It Is Done”

The voice enunciated exceptionally well…I don’t know why, but that was significant in the dream.

Anyway, I replied to the voice again, and said, “Yes, I know, but I just need to check things one last time”

The voice came back again, this time in a LOUD, earth moving booming voice saying, “IT IS DONE!!”

…then I woke up.

Have you ever had dreams like this?

Welcome Home Ninmann Family!

Today, the Ninmann family arrived safely in Chicago....and their flight was 1/2 hour early!


Another one of our 'Irkutsk' friends (Jane) also met at the airport. It is so fun to met the people in person you've been communicating with for such a long time.


So - we get to terminal 5 - the international terminal at O'Hare. The kiosk says that Debbie and Brian's flight should be coming into gate A...there are only 2 gates, and they are about 100 feet apart, so we move to gate A. We find Debbie's Mom and Dad, Brian's Mom and mom's friend, and of course, the other Ninmann boy -JJ. We must have looked crazy - staring everyone down that was exiting the corridor from exit A. Brian is tall - so Debbie's mom and I are looking at every single tall person trying to decide if that was Brian. About 20-25 minutes into our search, I turn around - and there is Debbie! WHAT????


Apparently they had to go through the red line in immigration (too hard to explain...) which means they came out the exit A. Ugh! So much for the perfect photographic moment as the Ninmann family comes out of the dark corridor to the whoops and hollars of family and friends!


It was such an emotional relief to see Debbie, Brian and Nathan. Knowing what they have been through, and trying to imagine what it will be like when we're walking through that dark corridor with Anya - seriously, it's too much to think about sometimes.


I can't wait to talk to Debbie to get the low down on the whole experience. Debbie - I promise I won't bug you! I'll let you get a good night's sleep and unpack :)

Here are some photos of our day.

Chicago area Irkutsk Moms

Jane - Debbie - Me

(yes Mom, I am slouching down so I don't look like a wookie)

The Ninmann Family

Brian, Debbie, JJ and Nathan Genya

Nathan Genya was very excited about his welcome

home balloons and the pinwheel from Jane!

right thing at the right time

I was reading my friend's (Debbie) blog tonight, and she posted the following. It so clearly speaks to the situation several of us are in right now - I wanted to share it with you:

God Limits All Evil

It’s not so very hard to believe in a kind and loving God when your health is good, when you have enough money, and when people are being nice to you. I can’t blame you if your faith is shaken when it looks as though your life is going from bad to worse.

When the angels fly over a children’s hospital, they can hear a steady stream of anguished cries from fearful parents geysering up to heaven.Have you ever felt as though you were going under with troubles? Do you ever feel as though nothing is working right for you? King David knew that feeling. Pursued, outnumbered, exhausted, he wrote, “Help, LORD, for the godly are no more; the faithful have vanished. …

Everyone lies to his neighbor” (Psalm 12:1,2).But your life is not out of God’s control. He sees everything going on in your life, cares about you, and acts at just the right time to set limits to what you must endure.

That same psalm says, “‘Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise,’ says the LORD. ‘I will protect them’” (verse 5). God always gets the last word, and his last word is, "I love you. Help is on the way."

Hot Button Issues

I think it’s time to share a little somethin’ that’s going on …on my blog…for the world to see.

Every since I got back from Russia, I feel like I have been attacked. Attacked in my job, with our finances, in some of my friendships. Attack after attack…and I am tired of it.

I have hot buttons like everyone else. Personally, as I have gotten older, I have learned what those hot buttons are and have done everything I can to avoid them going off.

On one hand, things are going so well with the adoption. Prayers are being answered, mountains moved – families are being made…hope is being given to children. It’s all big. It’s all good, and it’s all of Him. I am feeling the presence of God in my life and in my family in a way I haven’t - maybe ever. Marty’s trip to India and my trip to Russia restored energy to seek Him…something we both really needed and wanted.

On the other hand, I have spent countless hours and pounds of emotional energy on (what feels like) Kindergarten crap. I have worked hard (professionally) to do what I do for a living. I know some people don’t like it…I also know that some don’t like me. Honestly – if they met me, I really think they WOULD like me…they don’t even know me.

I have had to prove to creditors that I have paid bills. I had to remind the city of South Bend that I paid a parking ticket by hunting down a cancelled check from 7 months ago. I have had communications to our former accountant taken COMPLETELY out of context, words put in my mouth (that I didn’t say or write), and I’ve had to prove myself over and over and over again.

The things that are my hot buttons keep going off. These altercations (or what feels like an altercation) are the kinds of things (in my world) that would take me down, make me want to just go to my room and cry it out. These things keep coming at me like torpedo fire. I don't even have time to recoup, or cry it out before I'm dodging another one.

I am not an emotional person, but I have cried more in the past few weeks than I have in recent memory.

The thing about all this junk that makes me SO MAD is that I have spent all this time proving myself, proving I am doing what I am supposed to be doing…when I SHOULD HAVE been spending time working on finalizing adoption paperwork!

So, yes – I feel like I am being beat up and attacked. I don’t tell you this for sympathy, for you to tell me how things are going to get better, I don't want advice on which scripture to run to (did that)…I only post this for anyone else who is in the midst of an adoption. This kind of thing will happen to you too…especially if you believe in Christ, and put all your hope, trust and faith in Him. Just when you think "ahhh, this is all coming together, FINALLY" - you will take a deep breath, you will feel the tension in your shoulders start to relax...the BAM.

All I can do (all any of us can do) is pray our way through it. So I will pray for my current frustration and tears. I will pray for those who are fighting me…and I will keep on keepin’ on!

Ya know that song "I will praise you in this storm"...that's me, now.

Challenge

If you've ever been to Irktusk, you will know what I am talking about in this post...if you just look at the people - look out the window of your apartment...it is depressing. The landscape is dirty and grey (even in the Spring, it isn't very green). Russian culture dictates a somber mood which means there are very few smiles. It is rare to see kids laughing, running around and playing.

A little of this climate can go a long way.

If you are one who are prone to become a product of your environment, you will surely come home from Irkutsk in a bad mood. You will also notice your temper is short, you seem to shove and push your way through doors in public places, you put a determined stare on your face when you are in public...and you don't make eye contact with anyone.

On my trips to Irkutsk - I've noticed this over and over again. The first time I went (in 2004), my husband and I couldn't understand why everyone was looking at us funny. We look Russian...we were dressed like everyone else...what was it? It was because we were smiling and having a good time walking through town.

When I was there by myself in 2005 - I fit in better. I didn't smile at anyone, walked with a very determined gate. On the rare occasion I would engage someone in a store, I noticed if I was able to catch thier eye and smile...they would smile back - and believe it or not, thier faces didn't crack!

This last trip was my 5th to Siberia. I think I've experienced a lot in that city (although there are still things I want to see and do). Because I was cooped up in an apartment the whole time - with nothing open because of the holiday...I tried to see the same 'ol thrugh different eyes.

Do you ever sit at an airport and people watch? I do. I make up these stories in my head about the people I see - who they are, where they came from, where they are going...and why. Well, I started to do this in Irkutsk one afternoon as I was walking around.

I put on my IPod (of course, carefully tucked up in my hat so no one would see it), plugged in some David Crowder and Hillsong and took off for a walk. Funny, the people and places didn't seem so depressing. The average day of these Russian citizens started looking like a music video. I started seeing everything through a filter.


As the song 'You Never Let Go' played on my IPod, I searched the crowd of people for someone who might look like the Judge. I wondered what she might have gone through in her life to cause her to be so cold hearted.



When "Freedom We Know" from Hillsong came on - I saw the kids...they were playing, having fun - skipping rocks, and setting off fireworks - throwing pop rocks at old ladies. Not a very nice way to play, but they were playing nonetheless.



I saw a group of girls that could have been my group of friends (10 years ago), the song "Glory Of It All" played. They were dressed for a night out, and were laughing and huddling around a cell phone - I assumed looking at a text message. I wondered what thier lives will look like when they are my age. When I was in my 20's, I certainly NEVER thought I would be walking around on New Year's Eve in the middle of Siberia...by myself.


Then "Oceans Will Part" came on (Hillsong)...Whew! I found myself fighting the tears...and you all know, I am NOT an emotional person (almost to a fault). This song just hits me. Maybe it is because I really believe that oceans will need to part for us to bring Anya home. I prayed through the song - maybe it will take a whisper to the Judge. Maybe it won't take some monumentous earth shattering event to get her heart to move.

Oceans will part; nations come
At the whisper of Your call.
Hope will rise; glory shown.
In my life, Your will be done.

Hope will rise glory shown
In my life your will be done



Finally, Doxology came on...I think this is from the Passion worship band (David Crowder) (it was an extra bonus track on ITunes, and for some reason, I got it like 5 times at the end of everything I purchased that day). Little known fact about me...this is my favorite "church" song. I remember when I was little being so excited to sing this after the offering was collected. This version is a little different - more modern, better in my book.


THE CHALLENGE
Go to a part of your town that is depressed. A section of your community that needs God's love, compassion, understnading, rebirth. Pop the Doxology in - and I guarantee you will see things in a different light.

I think on this afternoon, God allowed me to see things through His eyes - even if it was just for a minute. Even tho many of the songs didn't have anything directly to do with whatever I happened to be watching or pryaing about at the time - the lyrics moved my mind and eyes.

I have always had a big heart for the people of Irkutsk. These are my daughter's people - how could I have any other feeling for them other than love? My feelings were all rekindled that afternoon.

Scarf Sales now online!

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Redeemed for Thanksgiving...gratitude in all things

Today, on Thanksgiving - I feel that we need to look deep into ourselves and find what we are truly Thankful for. Oh sure - we all say we're thankful for friends, family, a house, job - bla bla bla. But what about the struggles? The disappointments? The frustrations?

Today, I am choosing to be grateful for everything. I will rejoice with gratitude in the 4 1/2 year wait to bring Anya home. I know this situation will be redeemed, I know God has a plan - and it is so much bigger and greater than mine (praise God for that!!).

I know many of you are struggling with so many things - the wait to bring your children home, random adoption highs and lows, illness of family members, loss of jobs, changes in life's circumstances...this is why I decided to post this.

If you've followed my blog for any length of time - you know one of my favorite blogs is Bring The Rain - I can't even tell you how many times I've been brought to tears over Angie's words. She is an amazing writer and woman of God. If you've got some time - I encourage you to read Angie's blog from the beginning. Get a box of Kleenex - and know that I am just a Twitter away...because I KNOW you will want to talk about it with someone!

With her permission, I am posting a little something from Angie's blog. I invite you to settle in - and read her words...please leave a reply at the end. Let me know if you are going to take Angie up on her challenge...

Saying thank you to God in the midst of our circumstances is definitely different than saying thank you for them. And yet, scripture tells us to do both.

I have had a bad week. I have cried until my eyes were bloodshot and the sheets were soaked with grief. I pretty much told God that we would have to talk about it later. I stared at my Bible on my nightstand and then reached for the book next to it instead. I take a lot of opportunities on this blog to show you my adoration for the Lord. Every word I have written has come from my heart, and I love Him more than I could ever begin to describe.

Really. Truly.

But I didn't want to talk to Him this week.

As a sidebar, I am sure that the God of creation is getting a kick out of me actually writing out the fact that I was acting like a 5 year old.

In a sense, I feel like these words may cause some of you lose a little respect for me, because you may have an image of me, kneeling by candlelight with my Bible while my children sew doilies and laugh about the preposterous things that society is presenting on prime time television.

Actually, I do love candles, and Kate did tell a stranger that she can't watch Dancing With the Stars because "my mom said it is trashy and those ladies don't wear panties."

For the record, that is not exactly what I said.

But I do think they need to do a little more "ballroom" and a little less "half-naked gyrating." Until then, we are sticking to Shirley Temple.

So, I try. I really do.

I look for Him everywhere, in everything. I talk to Him like He's right next to me, and I feel more safe in the presence of God than I could describe in words.

But.

Thank Him for the death of my child?

That's hard.

Monday was particularly bad for me. It was raining here, and the world just felt all wrong. Todd suggested I go to the gym and get away for a little while, so I did. I had my music full-blast, which, as I soon discovered, does not prevent God from speaking. I was staring outside at the wet road, running away from Him, content to keep up the pace.

I started thinking about what Greg had written, and I imagined how beautiful it would be for me to have the kind of faith that thanks God for death. I admire those
who can do it. I want to be a woman like that, who is so fixed on eternity that this world never shakes her. I told myself that if I could just get the words out, He would transform my heart to believe that I meant them.

Lord, thank you for...

I couldn't finish the sentence. I started crying and running faster. I put on a song I love about what the crucified life looks like and I tried again.

Lord, thank you for...

Nope.

I closed my eyes and just listened to the words, and after a few minutes I felt myself start to long for Him the way I haven't in the last week.

***keepin' it real detail- at one point I was so lost in worship that I raised my hand up off the elliptical machine handle, lost my balance, and almost fell off...***

I had a good talk with God (starting with, "Hey, God, that was awesome how You didn't let me wipe out in front of a room full of people."). At one point, I told Him I didn't understand how in the world I could thank Him for the death of my daughter. I told Him (I'm just being honest here) that I didn't think I could ever say those words.

How sweet and reverent of me.

Maybe I should post a doily pattern instead.

But as my Bible study leader Ms. Nancy says, "He loves you right where you are, but He loves you too much to leave you there." The beautiful thing about our Lord is
that He doesn't mind our questioning, as long as we do it with hearts that are sincere in longing for truth. I want to be right with God. I want desperately to bring Him glory. But sometimes, I just have to shake my head and say, "I don't get it, Lord. I don't know that I have it in me this time..."

Later that night I took Ellie and Abby to run errands with me, and on the way home we stopped by this new Thai restaurant to get some take-out. While we were waiting, we found a little table in the corner and started talking about how the day had been. I told them I missed Audrey, and as soon as I said it, I remembered something that Ellie had said in prayer.

"Ellie, you know how sometimes I ask you to tell God something that you are thankful for?"

She nodded.

"And you know how sometimes you say that you are thankful that God took Audrey away?"

She nodded again.

"Why do you say that, honey?" My voice cracked. She looked at me like she didn't
understand why I was so confused.

"Because she's in heaven, momma. And she is so happy. So we say 'thank you. And we will see her again.'"

"So no matter what, Ellie, you can say thank you? Even if you don't like it?"

"Yeah."

"So would you say 'thank you' if someone stole your bike?" I studied her face.

"No."

"Well then, what would you say?"

"I would say 'would you please give my bike back?'"

I laughed out loud.

Because it made sense to me. I am just human, and you know what? It isn't going to be tied up in a neat bow. I can say all the fancy, pretty words that come to mind, and at the end of the day, sometimes I just want my bike back.

Maybe you do too.

We all want to feel like our hurts have been redeemed, don't we? If we could just see the big picture, and all of the things that God sees, maybe it would be easier to thank Him for the things we shake our fists at. The things that cannot be fully redeemed in this life.

For those of you who have read my blog for awhile, I won't have to explain this photo. A few weeks ago, I heard Abby yelling, "I figured it out, mommy!!!! Come see!!! Now it's going to be so great!!!" I started walking toward her room, and this is what I saw.

We want to fix it in this life, don't we?

And it hurts so much that we can't.

It will be redeemed, friends.

Maybe not here, and maybe not soon, but it will be redeemed.

So, in the meantime and in the midst of great disappointment, may we keep our eyes on He Who knows what we do not.

I am going to give you a Thanksgiving challenge, and I want you to know that I will be taking part in it as well. Sometime today, I want you to find a quiet moment in your day to sit in the presence of the Lord. Write down one thing that you are thankful for.

And here's the catch.

It has to be something you don't feel thankful for. It may be something you are carrying with you everyday, and haven't found a way to let go of. A divorce, a death, a loss, a deep wound, a regret you can't shake.

I want you to write the words. "I am thankful that..."

You might not feel like you mean them yet.

That's okay.

Tuck the paper away in a book, put it on your nightstand, throw it in the trash if you must, but write the words. There is astounding beauty in obedience-the act of trusting the Lord with the parts of life you want to cling to the most. I am praying that the Lord will take this seed, this offering, this piece of crumpled paper, this giving of thanks, and He will begin to grow a tree of beauty in our souls.

I am praying for you all. May we all remember this Thanksgiving as the one where we learned what it looks like to start thanking God for it all.

Happy Thanksgiving, Sundays.
Go make it a good one.
Angie

What are you thankful for

Being that this is the week of Thanksgiving, and all the Bloggers are doing it - I guess I'll jump on the 'what are you thankful' for bandwagon.

I'll admit that some days I feel more grateful than others. Some days I am grateful to have a job that I love, doing something that I am passionate about...other days I really am tired, and just need a day off.

Some days I am grateful for a wonderful husband; one who is amazing in so many ways, and who loves me in a fairy-tale way...other days, I wish he would remember to get milk at the store.

Some days I am grateful for a home to live in, one that I've decorated with heart (and blood, sweat and tears!)...other days I don't understand what moron would put the switch for the light so far behind the door that you can't reach it.

Some days I am grateful for our family - that we get together on holidays....other days I don't want to do the Thanksgiving thing at all - I want to stay in my pjs and order a pizza.

Some days I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to fight to bring Anya into our home - our family...other days I am exhausted with the process, mad at the system that keeps her hostage, and angry at myself for not being able to find the energy to keep on top of the paperwork.

What about you?

Article Published

I recently was asked to be a contributing writer for Blissfully Domestic. It is a great online magazine, with a readership of about 250,000! Yikes! Guess I am going to have to start paying closer attention to my grammar!



This week is a relaunch of the mag - new look, stronger push etc. I have 2 articles that will be featured this week. The first one was published today - it is about back to school shopping. Check it out HERE - the other piece is supposed to be published tomorrow, and it is about bra fit (I think). It will appear HERE

I have several friends who are also a part of this great magazine. It is so awesome to have such creative talent - within MY circle of friends! Check out Michelle's story HERE - this is a story about children and manners (super funny) - she will be a contributor to the Family section, and on the Faith section. And, another one of my pals, Amy is the editor of the Family section.

Make Blissfully Domestic one of your daily 'must reads' - also, become a member (which is no big deal) so you can comment on the great stories that appear in this online magazine!

[side note] - years ago I worked for a University as a regional marketing person. Well, one of the campuses I was responsible for didn't like me. They decided I couldn't write, and complained to my boss about my writing skills. So, my boss (to shut them up) made me take the English section of a college entrance exam (keep in mind that I have a BS and an MBA). So, I took the test, and passed with flying colors - I actually tested out of every English class you could test out of. Duh! I was also told to 'not be so Kathy' when I visited that location. WHAT??? Well - fast forward to today. I am doing JUST FINE being 'Kathy', and amazing thing - I am being ASKED to write - and I wrote A LOT - as in a 'job'! Success is the best revenge!

India by way of Russia

So, my hubby has decided to go to India. He will be going with a team from our CHURCH - there are several groups going. I really don't understand it other than to say there is a water group, a justice group and the group Marty will be with - the documentary group. He and some of his buddies will be filming the goings-on our the mission teams our church supports in India.

He is in the process of raising funds now - I think he leaves right after Christmas.

If you know anything about me and Marty - you know that we are rarely apart. We travel together - we work together (from home). We're one of those odd couples that really enjoy being together, and choose to be together rather than to be apart. The only time we're apart is when I have to run to Chicago on a buying trip, or if he wants to go to the movies...I am not good in a theater.

Another thing I should mention, is that I have no desire to go to India. I have a lot of friends who are 100% sold out in support of what God is doing in India - and I support them, and think what they are doing is great. Honestly, it isn't a place that makes my heart beat fast...and I think that is OK. God has wired me to be passionate about other things (women's causes here at home, orphans, bla bla bla). Also, I am a picky eater - well, not really. I just don't eat meat. I went on a mission trip (to Chicago) many moons ago, and about starved to death (seriously, barely ate anything for 3 days). I've heard stories of missionaries in India feasting on a goat that the village slaughtered as a thank you to the team. Um, ya - NO thanks! Not sure how that would translate...

So, I'm not going to India.

Since Marty will be gone, and it is about time for us to think about going to Russia again, I thought I would go visit Anya. I don't see how we can afford his trip to India, and both of us going to Russia...all in the same year. Ahhh yes, I wish we were made of money! I'm still not sure how we're going to swing one trip to India, and one trip to Russia...but I am getting creative.

So - anyone want to go to Russia? Tickets are running about $1500+, plus your Visa, food, transportation in Moscow, hotel in Moscow, transportation in Irkutsk, apartment in Irkutsk, and translator. Common - you PAPs out there (and you know who you are!!) - let's head to Irkutsk! I would like to be there for Russian Christmas...wouldn't that be too much fun!? (Deb, Winda, Addy - anyone???)

So - consider this a shameless plea - if your heart beats fast for mission work in India, feel free to contact my hubby with your financial support, or words and prayers of encouragement.

If your heart beats fast for Anya or orphans...and you've got some Delta frequent flyer miles (or Am Ex points, or Marriott points) you want to rid yourself of - I would be more than happy to take those off your hands.

..so that is a little slice of life, here in the Friend household. Never a dull moment.

for today...

I wish I could figure out how to make a link here...anyone know?

I read this on another blog that I frequent called 'bring the rain' (link is in the side bar titled Audrey Caroline). If you haven't been there, and need to be encouraged (or not), check it out. DAILY I read something that Angie (yes, I feel like I am BFFs with the author) said that makes me say WOW!

Through my Bible Study group, I've been trying to find ways to get closer to God. Closeness will allow me to listen and hear His Will better...today, here is what I read on Angie's blog:

I stay close to God by spending time in His Word. It looks small on
paper, I know, but that’s the only way you can consistently walk with Him.
When I’m not reading my Bible faithfully, I feel like the distance creeps up.

“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love, He will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17

Seems so simple - but it is just what I needed to hear (or read)!

Invitation

I just started a new Bible Study group. I am so excited about this group. The whole point is to go "further Up and Further In". Love that.

One of the cool things about this group, is that it meets on Tuesday mornings at Panera. Now, why would I think this is so great? Well, Panera has the best Chai Latte I've had in a long time...I know, that alone isn't a great reason to join a Bible Study group, but for me, it worked. I was also excited to be a in a study with a diverse group of ladies - pastor wives, those that work in full time ministry, those new to Christ...and me.

I also love the idea of a study being focused on getting close to the Word. For me, over the past 4 years on this adoption journey, I feel like sometimes I am all prayed out. I have found myself trying to pray, ask God for guidance, ask for peace...and I can't. I am all prayed out. I need something new, a new way to energize my prayer life...and I really love it that this study came up at just the perfect time.

Another thing that I love about this group, is that we have people joining in 'virtually' via our group's blog. I would like to invite all of you to join with me. The book is called Spiritual Disciplines Devotional: A Year of Readings by Valerie Hess. You can find the book on Amazon. The link to our study's blog is http://michellewegner.typepad.com/further_up_further_in/

Michelle, the facilitator of the group said it best when she posted this on her blog:

My favorite books ever are the Chronicles of Narnia books. I have read and re-read them ever since I was in 2nd grade. The final book entitled "The Last Battle" is about the end of the Narnian world. As the world was crumbling around them, they had to march "further up, and further in" to the land Aslan called them to. The land crumbling around them was dying, and yet they looked ahead and saw Aslan's land, the "real" Narnia. Where everything in Narnia was like a paper copy of what they saw ahead of them.

Further up, and Further in is how I want to live. I want to live every day walking closer to Heaven, seeing new things with my eyes. Seeing Heaven for what it is. Seeing earth as the paper copy of Heaven.

I'm glad you'll be joining me on this journey. I'm sure there are plenty of
adventures ahead.

I love my job

I love my job...every day I thank God for my 'job'. I truly can not believe that THIS is what I do for a living. One of the reasons I love it so much is that I am able to bless women in a very unique way. One of those ways is through the magazine I am the Fashion Editor for. Every year, the magazine has a Mommy Makeover contest. This year, we couldn't pick just 1 winner - so we decided to choose 2. One as our Makeover Winner, and one to Honor.

I am in the process of the final phase before we have the 'big reveal' of our big winner. She is am amazing woman - and everyone who has met her so far in the makeover process has fallen in love with her.

Today - I was able to surprise the Mom we decided to honor.

Ms. Donna is an amazing Mom - one who has a story of strength, persistence and faith. The Board of Directors at St. Margaret's House (an amazing day program for women in South Bend http://www.stmargaretshouse.org/) nominated Donna. Donna is the mother to a beautiful teenage daughter - and today, I got to honor her at a very special gathering at St.

Margaret's House.

I don't want to spoil Donna's story, or anything that will be in the next edition of the magazine - but I do want to share some photos...I think you can tell by the look on her face, she was surprised!

Good Times

We never go out with friends...seriously - maybe a few times a year. I have no idea why - we love our friends - I guess we're too busy. Well, last weekend we went out with friends - specifically, my friends (that matters because if you know my friends, you understand me :))

Here are some pics of our night out...a good time was had by all!


Me and Betsy


Our Michigan pals, the Popes


The Roeders - always a good time when Robin and Don are around!


Me and my Hubby (horrible pic - by the way! Holy double chin!!)


The Gustafson's


The beautiful Kristen


The Taverniers with Marty

inspiring trust

Though one of the blogs I follow, I found this video. It is from a pastor of a church in Nashville. I am trying to fin the words for the video I want to share with you - life changing, eye opening, inspiring. I know people who have had failed adoptions, who have had suffered significant loss, who have seen disappointment with a job or relational situation...if that is you - watch this. Even if you are one of the lucky ones who has never experienced unanswered prayer, or never had a disappointment - watch this.

It is kind of long - but WELL WORTH IT! I suggest letting the entire video load (so, get it going, turn off the sound) - and come back to it so you can watch it without the video feed hiccuping.


Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.

Is the grass greener?

I've been following the birth story of a member of a Christian band that I have loved for a long time. The band is Sela. Todd (member of the band) and his wife found out that their unborn child was very sick. If you are a blog-addict (and I am NOT pointing any fingers here...), get some Kleenex and start at the beginning of this story http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Well, the end of the story is that baby Audrey died shortly after birth. Gun wrenching, faith testing, ugly-cry producing. The thing I love about this Mom, is that through her pain and grief, she is praising God. She is one that is focusing on the end of the story!

Because this is a family of musicians, they wrote a song in tribute to their dear baby girl, and in the hopes that it will help others that are faced with unimaginable grief. It is a powerful song.