God's Plan is ALWAYS better than mine

So, where do I even start?!


I mean - nothing is ever easy. I know that - especially with adoptions, and this adoption in particular. I KNOW THIS, I embrace it - I have LIVED it for over 5 years.

But the past 24 hours might take the cake.

Yesterday night at about 8pm, I got online to complete the shipping label for the DHL package that was to be shipped to Irkutsk today. Today I planned to go to Indianapolis to the State House and get everything done that needed to be done - and get the documents in the mail. January 11th is the deadline the Judge in Russia has given us on these last few documents - which means I wanted to get everything there by the 5-6th.







Well, DHL.com wasn't playing nicely with others. Wouldn't let me log in. So I call the 800#, and when the lady answers, I decide to ask her about transit times with the holiday weekend instead of helping me with the log in issue. Why? It was God.

She proceeds to tell me that the delivery date for something mailed to Irkutsk today would be January 13th...JANUARY 13TH! (did I mention that everything was being presented to the count on the 11th?)


Hence starts freak out #1.




I quickly find out that my only option with DHL is to ship through a TSA Authorized business shipper, and even if I find one of those - there is no guarantee because of customs. TO get it through customs, I would have to hire a Broker...and no one could tell me how to hire a broker.


The nice DHL woman also suggested we hire a courier - that would ONLY cost about $3,000 - $4,000.







So I call FedEx. Basically, they told me the same story, but they were giving me a delivery date of January 18th (it's getting worse)




Thus begins freak out #2


I seriously went crazy at this point. I don't cry. I am not a very emotional person. The Fed Ex lady obviously could tell by the tone in my voice that I was desperate. She told me about a service called "Next Flight" - this is only open to authorized shippers who hold a Fed Ex account. After figuring out all of the requirements, and getting everyone involved all over Twitter and Facebook - we found a Plan A, B and C. This wasn't a cheap option, but it was workable.



Then God stepped in and took control.


I should have known that He would have a better plan. An easier plan. A perfect plan.






Our friends that live in Irkutsk told us that they knew of a man that lives in Maine who was flying to Irkutsk on Monday...this Monday! This means he would be arriving in Irkutsk the morning of the 6th. THE 6th! All I would have to do would be to overnight the documents to him in Maine!



I called him - he is VERY VERY nice, and will put the documents in his carry-on baggage to make sure nothing happens to them. Did I mention he is a VERY VERY nice man?



From where I sit, the Jackson's and Mr. Keef were little pieces of Heaven to me.


So - shipping situation handled. Off to Indianapolis.

I go to the State Police Department. I've done this criminal check thing about a million times in the past. I know the drill. You go to the office, you pay $10 and get what you need.

Well, they changed the drill...apparently sometime between when I called last week and when I walked in the doors this afternoon. The secretary told me the check would take 2 weeks, and would have to be mailed to me.

Insert freak out #3 here

It's a long story, but let's just say it got done - I cried in public, had a stranger offer me a Kleenex, and it cost me $30, but it's done...and there is an Indiana State Police Officer who got a nice lunch today.

FREAK OUTS OVER

Thank God.

I am ever so grateful for several things:

1. Good friends who read my random Tweets and Facebook updates, and are always so willing to jump in the middle of my drama to help
2. For Mr. Keef - praying safe travels for him
3. For one of my dearest friends, Stacy - who I always bomb in on when I am in Indianapolis. She is a little dose of reality for me...and tonight was no exception
4. Blessed with crazy random connections to get stuff done...thanks to Jackie Walorski for helping us this round (and yes, this is a political plug - VOTE FOR HER!)
5. For the goodness and perfect plan of God!

So the next time I freak out, will someone please remind me that God has it under control?

Hot Button Issues

I think it’s time to share a little somethin’ that’s going on …on my blog…for the world to see.

Every since I got back from Russia, I feel like I have been attacked. Attacked in my job, with our finances, in some of my friendships. Attack after attack…and I am tired of it.

I have hot buttons like everyone else. Personally, as I have gotten older, I have learned what those hot buttons are and have done everything I can to avoid them going off.

On one hand, things are going so well with the adoption. Prayers are being answered, mountains moved – families are being made…hope is being given to children. It’s all big. It’s all good, and it’s all of Him. I am feeling the presence of God in my life and in my family in a way I haven’t - maybe ever. Marty’s trip to India and my trip to Russia restored energy to seek Him…something we both really needed and wanted.

On the other hand, I have spent countless hours and pounds of emotional energy on (what feels like) Kindergarten crap. I have worked hard (professionally) to do what I do for a living. I know some people don’t like it…I also know that some don’t like me. Honestly – if they met me, I really think they WOULD like me…they don’t even know me.

I have had to prove to creditors that I have paid bills. I had to remind the city of South Bend that I paid a parking ticket by hunting down a cancelled check from 7 months ago. I have had communications to our former accountant taken COMPLETELY out of context, words put in my mouth (that I didn’t say or write), and I’ve had to prove myself over and over and over again.

The things that are my hot buttons keep going off. These altercations (or what feels like an altercation) are the kinds of things (in my world) that would take me down, make me want to just go to my room and cry it out. These things keep coming at me like torpedo fire. I don't even have time to recoup, or cry it out before I'm dodging another one.

I am not an emotional person, but I have cried more in the past few weeks than I have in recent memory.

The thing about all this junk that makes me SO MAD is that I have spent all this time proving myself, proving I am doing what I am supposed to be doing…when I SHOULD HAVE been spending time working on finalizing adoption paperwork!

So, yes – I feel like I am being beat up and attacked. I don’t tell you this for sympathy, for you to tell me how things are going to get better, I don't want advice on which scripture to run to (did that)…I only post this for anyone else who is in the midst of an adoption. This kind of thing will happen to you too…especially if you believe in Christ, and put all your hope, trust and faith in Him. Just when you think "ahhh, this is all coming together, FINALLY" - you will take a deep breath, you will feel the tension in your shoulders start to relax...the BAM.

All I can do (all any of us can do) is pray our way through it. So I will pray for my current frustration and tears. I will pray for those who are fighting me…and I will keep on keepin’ on!

Ya know that song "I will praise you in this storm"...that's me, now.

Praying - part 4

Just got word from our friends who are continuing to try to get a court date in Irkutsk. The good news is that they've been given another date - this Friday. Please pray for them...for the Judge, for the prosecutor, for every person in that courtroom.

I am so tired of all the game playing over there, I can't imagine how it would be to be living through it!

My hope and prayer that the strength and determination of this couple is seen by the Judge and the prosecutor. That they find NO REASON to continue this case, and that they QUICKLY grant the adoption.

Praying - part 1

Just heard from our friends in Irkutsk. They are so nervous about court. I guess the hearing is later afternoon, rather than early morning (as I assumed). This means I am won't be staying up tonight to hear what happened...I hope we'll be able to know something by the time we get up tomorrow morning.

Sometimes that 13 hour time difference KILLS ME!

Right now, I am praying for a restful night sleep for our friends. I pray that their nerves are calm, that they not think about anything other than being themselves, and showing the Judge what wonderful loving parents they are.

I am also praying for the Judge. That she be thinking about this case as she drifts off to sleep. I pray that God take control of her dreams, and that she wakes with a renewed outlook. That her day tomorrow be marked by difference, and a broken heart for American families, and the children that have been waiting for them.

What does your heart break for?

Something struck me tonight at church. Dr. Bob made a comment about your heart breaking, he said, "When has your heart broken for the hurting?". I thought that was a powerful statement!

He was making a point about passion. Having passion for something - praying passionately for something.

My heart breaks for Anya, for the orphans in Russia, for the children who are stuck in the political tug of war - between a life in an orphanage, and a life with a family who will love them.

My heart breaks when I think about:

• the children who don't understand unconditional love
• they've never prayed, and don't understand what it means to be prayed for
• who don't cry when they are hurt, because they know it will do no good
• orphans who have never known what is it like to have something of their very own
• these children who have lived in orphanages their whole lives - they've never heard silence, they've never been alone, they don't know with it is like to make choices
• they think that all homes are made up of caregivers and many children
• these kids have never seen food cooked - in a kitchen
• Anya and the other children in her group wash their own clothes - she is 6! Every night, she washed out her socks, underwear and clothing. She's done this for years!
• Anya wondering why Mama and Papa aren't coming for her. What does she think when she is told she will go home with us one day?
• What about the other children who are starved for attention? The ones with a physical disability - that will never be adopted...who are becoming merely a shell of a person.

My heart also breaks for the families we are waiting with. Over the years, we've all become pretty close. When something happens to one of us - it feels like it is happening to all of us. In the past few weeks, we've experienced the loss of a child to a Russian family, the possibility of cancer, surgeries, financial loss, job loss, battle of hardening hearts, overwhelming anxiety, questioning our decisions.

We are all Christian women.

Do I think this is a spiritual battle? YES! Do I think that it is going to get worse? ABSOLUTELY!

The last 5% of anything is the hardest. For years I've been saying that I am OK with that...but is this the lat 5%? I still don't know - but I do know as for me and my friends - we're being attacked. I feel like each one of us - some in subtle ways, others are fighting bigger things - are all being attacked.

Is it a coincidence that this is happening at the same time that our friends are in Irkutsk preparing for court?

...I don't believe in coincidence

Now is the time to pray. Now is the time to allow our hearts to break for our precious children. Now is the time to stand up and not allow the enemy to get control! Our children are too important!

Friends heading to Irkutsk (thoughts)

So, my friends leave for Russia soon. I am so nervous for them! I am afraid the judge will play paperwork games with them. I am concerned that there is something the judge will ask for that is impossible for them to get. I am excited for them to bring home the little one they've been waiting so long for.

I was coming home from work today -had almost a 2 hour drive...and got to thinking about my friends, and this trip. I can't imagine the tidal wave of emotion. Everything from excitement to terror. Butterflies in their stomach in anticipation of seeing their little one, and then in the same instant, a feeling is sickness as they think about facing this judge. ...well, that is how I am feeling for them.

If you are willing to join with me in prayer for this family, please email me, or respond to this post.

What do you REALLY believe?

I read this on another blog tonight. For some reason, it really hit me. I mean, I *think* I really believe, I *think* I really know what I believe. I *think* that this adoption journey is a test of what I believe, and how deep my faith is. I also *think* I've had to learn that my beliefs and my faith is more than what I lean on - more than my own understanding of the "why's" and "how's" of things. Sometimes I *think* I *think* too much, and just need to stop thinking, and start praying...

Do you truly believe that what you believe is really true? A question to
think about from 'The Truth Project'. I think I do. In good times I think I do.
In hard times, it is much more difficult. I loved the visual of the little boy
jumping off the diving board into the arms of his mother. An example of
childlike faith. Am I willing to jump into the arms of my Father?