the thing about Father's Day

I didn't grow up with a Dad.  Oh sure, there were people in my life that stepped into that role, but they were not MY Dad.  My step-father (the dentist) was a part of my world for most of my upbringing. I was always keenly aware that I was NOT his daughter. Which was fine with me. My grandfather was the closest thing I had to a 'Dad'.  He taught me valuable life lessons, protected me from myself and I was confident in his unconditional love for me.  I was definitely Grampa's girl.  

As I became an adult I found it a little awkward to know what to do when Father's Day rolled around.  And thanks to Facebook, all of the "dad and me" pics and tributes remind me I don't have any photos or a nice story to tell. But its OK.  I don't believe our upbringing or circumstances create the adult we become.  I do not think it is OK to use our past as an excuse to act in a cruel or pathetic way, to whine or complain about our current lives or treat others badly. It is what it is!

...and it's ALL OK.

Like with everything in life, our experiences and circumstance bring us to where we are today. And for our family, it is a good place. We will always be working through things, and dealing with 'junk from the past', but it's OK. We learn from the junk and move on.

A few  years ago, moving on meant moving forward as a single Mom, which was not my plan. Finding the right guy to lead my family, to be a good Dad to my little one, and a perfect partner for me was a tall order. I've made mistakes, and I wasn't going to make one again.  I have been told that I am "a lot". And that is OK. It's OK because my long list of what that guy looks like, acts like, what kind of family he comes from and how he treats people ended up  being a description of a person rather than a list.


Happy Father's Day to the guy who is "my list".  The one who loves my little one as his own, who celebrates all the unique things that make her who she is. For fiercely protecting her, for giving her a safe place to be and providing for her in a way I never could. And for loving us both in a way we never thought possible.

It's true, I'm Baaaaack!

It's been a really long time since I have posted on this blog. The reasons are many. In the later summer of 2011 our world stared changing. Too much was going on for me to post updates. But maybe the time has come to again use this forum as an outlet.

To quickly bring you up to speed, Anya and I are now living a few hours south of where we were when last I posted. We are doing well. We have a new normal.  She is almost 13 and is a pretty amazing kid. She is tall (little taller than 5'8"), loves sports (especially basketball, was named one of AAUs top athletes in 2014). This year she tried football...much to my horror amazement. And, she did better than most of the boys.  Not that I am a football expert, but it seems that throwing and catching the ball are pretty important...and I know she did that better than anyone else. She tells me she probably won't be on the middle school football team because "they aren't fair to the girls who want to play". Love that kid!

She has a huge heart. She is like all other 6th graders I know - texting friends and IG is super important, boys make her giggle (or raise her eyebrows!), and choosing what to wear tomorrow causes her room to look like a tornado has hit it.

So much has happened with us in the past 5 years. It is so hard to grasp that ONLY 5 years ago she was new to this country, and I was new to being a mom. I can remember some of you telling me that I will soon forget what it was like before she came home, that I would forget hard hard it was for nearly 6 years getting her here. I doubted that you were right...but you were.

Anya is still the light of my life, and the focus of my world. 

I think I am going to start to use this space (this blog) to air emotion (as I did years ago when I was trying to bring Anya home). I am realizing that I think I need to do that...and for the love of God...Facebook is NOT the place for that!

So I guess stay tuned. For what, I am not sure yet. Until then, me and my 'mini-me' will be keepin' on keeping on!