The Cost...

I've been spending a lot of time lately looking at the cost of adoption.  Primarily, it was because of our taxes, and looking at 6 years of spreadsheets and receipts...but is that the only cost?

It seems that the cost of adoption goes beyond the physical monetary cost, and for some families the real cost is huge, more than they could ever imagine: the price of a marriage, structure and stability, sanity. There are those I know who the cost is high...just when I think our cost was HUGE I hear more stories of a much higher price.

I have 2 close friends who are going through the non-monetary cost of adoption.  They are in the heat of it.  The daily struggles are beyond anything I know I could handle.  Their real character is being tested over and over and over again. Everything about life as they know it has changed in the past year...and for them, life will never be the same. 

If I am being honest with myself, I don't know if I could pay that price.  I have said time and time again that God must have realized that I could handle the paperwork, drama of an international incident, and stress of the (almost) 6 year wait to bring Anya home...but there are clearly things I could not handle.

We have been blessed beyond measure with a smart well behaved child.  But I wonder, what if she wasn't?  What if she was suffering through the horrible side effects of being in an orphanage for the first 7 years of her life.  What if PTSD and RAD became part of our everyday vocabulary.

What would you do?  If the cost ended up being high...if acronyms like PTSD, RAD were in your everyday conversations...and what if you were in a position where you were looking around your house to find things to EBay to pay for therapy for a child you adopted. 

And what if you found yourself becoming a single Mom of a special needs child - what would you do, how would you cope?

What if everything that was at the core of who you are was being tested?  What if you started questioning your Faith? 

I wonder about this blog

I am thinking I need to change the name of this blog.  We're not Bringing Anya Home anymore (thank God!).  It's more like "life with a 9 year old comedian" now. What do you think?  Here are some names I started brainstorming - would love to hear your ideas too:

• Candy: the root of all bribes
• A Fashionista in Training
• The Unfashionable Side of Life
• Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!
• What Happened Next

Thoughts?

Something is seriously wrong with me

OK - something is wrong with me.  HOLD YOUR WISE COMMENTS TO THE END, PLEASE!

I'm serious. I can not remember anything,  My ability to remember to do things has gone away.

Here is an example:

A friend asked me for a gift certificate for a fund raiser she is having.  Of course I agreed...and then forgot about it.  She sent me a message a few days ago as a gentle reminder - I was reminded (for the moment).  Then I was on Facebook and noticed another friend was asking her how to get her donation to the event - BIG reminder I need to do this.  This friend and I agreed to meet at my hair place so she could pick up the certificate.  I print it...and forget about it.  Friend shows up at the hair place...I see her...OOPS!

This isn't uncommon.  It happens ALL THE TIME these days.

I've heard about Mommy brain, but this is crazy.

Please tell me I am not the only one who has completely lost the ability to remember things!

very odd few weeks

These past few weeks have been so strange.  I mean, REALLY weird.

One of my close friends had a stroke.  My friends DON'T have strokes!  We get together for shopping, pedicures and glasses of wine.

My brother's girlfriend (of several years) got very ill.  The doctors couldn't figure out what was wrong with her.  It seems that the diagnosis bounced between Lupus to cancer to heart disease. She went to be with Jesus on Saturday. How does THAT happen to a beautiful, full of life 31 year old?

My husband lost his job due to the sale of a company.  He has always been "self employed" but was "partners" (so to speak) in a business for the past (I don't know...) 15 years. We will be fine.  We will replace the income, the insurance, the gas card, the internet, the cell phone. I just wish we would have had more than 30 seconds notice about this. 

I am pouting because this happened the SAME month I generally stop working for the summer to spend time with Anya.  And, 2 days after I purchased tickets to take the family with me on a business trip (making it our first REAL family vacation).

In hubby's line of work, it takes a while to get paid.  To get the projects, do the projects and then get paid for the projects can sometimes be a 4-6 month window.  Once that ball gets rolling (and it is rolling), we will be fine.  Again, I am a little bitter that we didn't have some notice that this was coming.  We had no time to save, to prepare...to make cut backs on spending to get through a few hard months. To start eating Ramen Noodles for every meal...to become one of those crazy coupon people.

But - God is in control of ALL of this.  His glory will shine through all the junk.

Oh, and did I mention that I have also officially hit my mid-40's?

Camping + me = lots of blog fodder!

(originally posted on my other blog - but I didn't want you all to miss out on all the jokes!)

Apparently I agreed to go camping next weekend...4th of July weekend.

Before your uncontrollable laughter completely takes over your day, you should know that I:

- Have lived in Russia, not the glamorous Moscow, but the harsh Siberia, Russia (kinda like camping)

- Have gone on mission trips and had to sleep in the floor of an old church where I could hear the rodents scampering about in the middle of the night.

- Have gone on a mission trip where I didn't eat anything but lunch-size bags of chips for 3 days and only showered once in that time (in all fairness, I was miserable)

- Have an uncanny ability to deal and adapt to just about anything

So although you might THINK you know me - all high heels and skirts...I can be tough!

 

Having said that...you should also know that:

- I do not like bugs. I REALLY do not like bugs.

- I will wear makeup on my face every day. Period. It will happen, it has happened for over 20 years, it will not stop this weekend just because I am "camping" (for all of you rolling your eyes, I SEE YOU! Makeup protects your skin! It has sunscreen in it!)

- I do not eat meat, so the idea of the hotdogs on sticks around the campfire doesn't really sound fun to me

- The reason I haven't had a desire to go with my husband on mission trips to India is because of the restroom situation. I like bathrooms...clean ones with TP are preferred
____________________________
So yes, I am going camping. This week I am going to dedicate this blog to the camping preparations, what I am going to do, how I think I will like it...and of course I want to talk about all of your great advice.

The "week of camping prep" will conclude with my weekly segment on the WFRN Morning Show (Doug and Vincy in the mornings) on Friday...following that segment, I will be getting in our little SUV to go camping!

Right now, I need to know what are your tips for camping?  I mean, I think I will need appropirate shoes, non pajammey-kind-of pjs, a smart organizational system for toiletries (I understand that there is some kind of communal shower house? I envision high school locker rooms...ugh!), what else?

a year ago today...God's blessing all over the chaos

(I wrote this in April, April 4th ish - and I realize I didn't post it.  Honestly, some of these "milestones" seem strange to celebrate.  This is one of them.)

A year ago today, we went to the airport, got on a plane and (tried) to leave Irkutsk.  I wrote about the experience here.  Long story short - the airplane blew an engine which caused a 9 hour delay.  Funny thing - Anya still remembers that 9 hours!  She was such a trooper...playing games, waling around.  I was more irritated with the whole things than she was!

I was so mad about being delayed a week from going home.  There was some drama with our passport (not sure what it was all about)...but God was protecting us.

A week earlier, there was a terrorist attack in the subway system near Red Square in Moscow.  The attack happened on Monday morning. The morning we were supposed to be there. I can't imagine the chaos in Red Square that followed that attack.  The overwhelming fear of the people.  Not something I would want to be a part of our memory.

You would think that God's protection would have changed my attitude, and taught me to always TRUST HIM and HIS timing. This is where intellectual-reasoning and emotional-reasoning collide.

Yes - intellectually I got it.  God was in control.  But for people like me (and I realize that I am not so unique in a lot of ways), it is hard for we (those that are "do-ers") to stop trying to DO. Allowing God to be in control is something I fear will be a lesson I need to learn over and over and over again

Maybe today that is the bigger lesson; stepping back and (again) giving the glory and praise where it is due.  Praise in the big and small stuff.  Praise in the meltdowns, the temper tantrums (mine and Anya's), in the struggle and yes...in the glory of it all.

Learning to Praise Him in the times of pig faces, silly faces, mean faces and kissy faces is something I don't think we ever really learn to do...if we are honest with ourselves...or do we?

I'm awake, I'm awake!

I am awake...I think.  Sometimes these days I need a little more caffeine than I did a year ago, but I am here, alive and well.  Just thought you would want to know.

I know I missed a post about our first Got 'Cha Day (it will come, someday).

Until then, I will leave you with some fun Anya stories:

Anya has decided she doesn't like her middle name (Helene).  Who knows why, but she DOES NOT like it.  If I call her by her full name, she gets mad!  She wants me to change her name to Anya Stinky Pie Pookie Bear.

We're still working on her tolerance with boys at school.  Things are SO MUCH better than they were, she doesn't goon every boy who talks to her or tries to help her anymore.  A few weeks ago there was a situation with some boy.  I asked her why that happened and she said "Mommy, boys are just - well, they don't understand!".  Wow, she learned at 8 years old what most women take a lifetime to figure out!

Anya is a thumb sucker.  Initially, we were letting her do that - knowing all of the psychological things that go along with that.  Now, we're starting to see some health things that mean we need to start helping her find a way to stop.  We tried the bitter tasting stuff you paint on her fingers (didn't work), we tried checking on her every so often and pulling her fingers out of her mouth (didn't work).  Currently she is sleeping with weight lifting gloves on...it is working!  If this continues to work, this might be my million dollar idea!  Oh wait, I just published this online before I got a patented...DRAT!

Anya told me "Mom, I have to tell you something"
Me, "ok, what?"
Anya "um, you are not going to be happy"
Me (preparing myself) "it's OK, tell me"
Anya "I don't like clothes so much"
Me "say it isn't so! " [insert giant sign and over dramatic sobbing]

Her favorite dream is one where she lives in a chocolate world.  All of the trees are suckers and the bushes are cotton candy.  In this dream Sponge Bob and Snoopy get married.

the autobiography and the blue form

I'm sure at some point, this kind of thing won't bother me.  But today - it is bothering me.

I was going through Anya's mountains of paperwork from school tonight and see this blue form asking for some autobiographical information about her.  Apparently there is a class writing project that will require 5 important dates in her life.  The examples given are: first step, started Kindergarten.


Yes, I am sensitive to this kind of exercise.  No I don't expect the teacher to completely redo her lesson plans (that I am sure have worked for years) just because Anya is in her classroom.  And I am also quite sure that Anya won't think a thing about it - this is all me...and I know that.

But I don't know many of these things, these "important dates in my child's life".  I know she was walking, dressing herself and feeding herself at about 2.  I know that she had Chicken Pox when she was about 3-4.  I know that after the first time she met me, she knew who I was and that I was her Mommy...but that day-1 was when she was 2 years and 4 months.

I mean, there are a lot of important dates in her life, but not things I want to put on this blue form.  I don't want to say that at 6 months that lady (that is what we've taken to calling bio mother...Anya said she is not a Mamma) took her to a hospital and left her there.  At 8 months that lady's rights were revoked.  And then at 15 months she became a resident of Baby Home #2 - which is where we met her.

Is it age appropirate for me to put on the blue form to say that the most important days in her little life started in July 2004 when we received a photograph of her and committed to being her Mom and Dad? Or in October 2004 when we filed the official paperwork to be her Mom and Dad?  Probably not appropirate to mention the weekend of July 4th, 2005 with Peggy Hilt decided to kill her child causing Anya's life to be forever changed too. Or what about on February 17, 2010 when the Judge said the battle was over?

The important dates in her life (up until a year ago) haven't been developmental milestones.  The important dates have been in terms of her survival.; those dates that have shapes who she will be as an adult.

I don't know.  The blue form and I need to think about this all...

The bottom line? God is good!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

TITLE:  it's a girl

At 4:45 today, the Irkutsk Regional Court granted our petition to adopt Anya!

It's like a dream right now. We need to process all that has happened over the past 2 days.

The bottom line? God is good!

Reading this still makes me get all weepy.   A year ago today the nightmare ended.  A year ago today I started understanding why the previous (almost) 6 years were what they were.  A year ago today the definition of who I was forever changed.  A year ago today, I became Anya's (official) Mommy.

Share The Well

I have a friend who is, well, pretty amazing.  She and her husband are the kinds of people you don't believe really exist.  Honestly, before I got to know them well - I thought much of what I heard about them was hype.  Now, don't get me wrong...before I got to know them, I knew they were nice people.  I knew they deeply cared about the cause of Christ, but I really thought they were just nice people.

Truth is - they are the real deal.  They are the kind of Christ-followers most of us would like to be.  They walk the walk, and talk the talk.  But at the same time they are real. 

A few years ago when we were in the heat of the adoption process, I got the kindest post on this blog.  It was from Michelle.  The note came during one of those times when I really thought we were the only people in the world praying for Anya and the adoption.  Her kind words helped crush the reality I was convincing myself existed.  The reality that everyone thought we (I) were crazy for pressing on. The reality that no one supported us in the decision to adopt.  I needed Michelle's note.  It gave me strength.  It reminded me that God WAS on our side. That those naysayers were just that...naysayers. It helped me get used to the idea that not everyone was going to love our plans for being a family, but it didn't matter.

Anyway - I digress...from that one little note on my blog, Michelle and I became friends. What I love the most about her is that she knows me...and likes me anyway. She actually appreciates my overly-obsessed ways with fashion and shopping.

Michelle (and her husband, Rob) have a huge heart for reaching the darkest places on earth with the light of Jesus. She has gone places (alone!) that I wouldn't even consider going. She is showing her kids what the love of Jesus looks like...everyday.  It is pretty cool.

Rob and Michelle have been doing an incredible work in India. They are making a difference, but they want to make more than just a difference...they want to help make a change in the lives of the people of India.

Through several trips to India (and by several I mean a LOT OF TRIPS), Rob and Michelle have collected stories about the Indian people. Stories of hope.  Stories of how God can change a life, a family, a community. They have turned these stories into a book called Share the Well.

I would like to encourage you to get this book.  It will be the best $20 you've ever spent. Not only will your heart be touched by the pictures and words on the pages of this book, but the $20 you spend will help to continue to make a change.  These words are from the Share The Well website:

When you purchase this book you are a part of serving the poorest of the poor, you are stepping into a small role in the movement. This is not just another purchase, but a socially transformative contribution to a movement that is bringing health, life, and freedom to the oppressed. You are Sharing the Well with others as we Share the Well with you.

checking the calendar - God's plan

A year ago today, I posted THIS. 

It is hard to believe that was a year ago. But then, it seems like an eternity ago.

On Jan 15th last year, we held a concert to raise funds for the adoption.  The concert was great.  There were hundreds of people that came to Goshen, Indiana on a snowy winters day to support us. 

Since my hubby is a musician, it made sense to get some of his buddies together and hold a concert.  I had no idea how great the benefits were of having friends with talent!

Yes, we hoped that Anya's story would touch people.  We planned a truly entertaining night of great music...music that would bring you to tears, and rock the house!  We did everything we could to build a buzz, called in all of our friends in media to help us promote the event.  We sold tickets, passed out flyers, and talked about the concert to anyone who would listen. 

The best part...God showed up.


Our financial situation was bleak...we needed to come up with thousands and THOUSANDS of dollars to travel to Russia and live there for 2 months. Taking into account not working for that period of time, and the very real bottom line that was in our checking account...well, it wasn't good at all.

At the time, we laughed that OF COURSE we would get a court date NOW that we are broke.  NOW that the economy had  fallen apart and our income sliced in half.  I was debating between buying a plane ticket for one of us to go...or to pay the mortgage for Jan 2010. 

I had tried to micromanage every facet of the adoption to control it.  I did that for 6 years.  In January 2010, I was exhausted and spent (in more ways than one!).  Trying to keep our businesses going to bring some money into our home, trying to keep the adoption going (which of course required money) I felt completely pushed to the edge.

 And God knew all that.  He knew our financial situation.  He knew how we were going to get to Russia.  He knew how freaked out I would get.  He knew it would be taken care of.  ...but I didn't know it.  Now, a year later, I will admit that my Faith was tested.  I will admit there was a little part of my heart that was MAD at God.  Just really irritated that we had to go through ALL of this to bring Anya home.  It wasn't fair.  I didn't get it. I started questioning every single thing I had ever done in my life to be sure I had adequately asked for forgiveness and/or repented. I couldn't understand WHY HE would let Anya suffer another minute without us.  And why now?  Now that we have to be embarrassed to the entire community about needing money to bring her home. To say having Fund Raisers is humbling is an understatement. 

On January 18, 2010 we had the money to go to Russia.  We had airline tickets in the works and the mortgage got paid.  God had a plan.  As if I needed any further proof of God's hand in this adoption (apparently I did).






He had a plan, and He worked it out for HIS glory.

I had lost sight of what this was all about.  It wasn't about me, it never was.  It wasn't even about Anya.  It was always about God - about HIM...and giving others a glimpse into the true test of Faith. 



Thanks to Brittani Renee for being the BEST photographer EVER.  See the rest of the photos from this great concert here

Christmas part 4 - the snow storm

Of course on Christmas we had no snow...but the weeks before Christmas we had a fair amount of the white stuff.  Anya was so excited to go outside and play...and she did...for HOURS!  Yep, she is definitely from Siberia! She never gets cold outside.  When my hands are FREEEEZING and I can't feel my toes, she is sweating to death.

Here is our little Russian Princess enjoying the snow:

Christmas - part 3 - the cards

I was a little late on Christmas cards this year.  I can remember way back when...ok, maybe 5 years ago, when we would send out hundreds of cards. 

For the past 2 years I have been on another planet or planning a trip to another planet (called Russia) so me and the holiday card thing kinda parted ways.  Since this year is a special year I have every intention of sending out a Lot of cards with the highly interesting Friend-family-update. 

Instead it was a week before Christmas and we hadn't even taken any kind of Christmas-y pictures that I thought were worthy enough of a card.  Thank goodness my talented husband has camera equipment at home so we can pull together a rather lame photo-shoot at the last minute.


...and then when I got to figuring out which photos I wanted to use on the holiday cards, I didn't want to use the Christmas ones.  But, I did...in order to save the peace :)

So here is what we ended up with.  In case you didn't get a holiday card from us this year, it wasn't because we forgot you, it is because I ran out of stamps...and now they should be Valentine cards. 

Christmas Part 2 - Christmas Eve, in Syracuse

Christmas Eve was the beginning of our weekend holiday celebration.  We had the Friend family get-together at my sister-in-laws.  We ate WAY too much, but had a great time.  Anya was really getting into the Christmas Spirit...that I affectionately have dubbed "the season for over-stimulation". Too much excitement, too much sugar, too many fun things to do and people to see...all can be just too much for a little girl to deal with.  And, really, who can blame her?

I can tell when Anya feels safe and loved - and that is how she feels at Lori and Rocky's house.  She gets so excited when she knows she might see Aunt Lori.  It is pretty cute...she always wants to sit by Aunt Lori, and when we leave their house, about the first thing out of Anya's mouth is "I just love Aunt Lori.  Bryce and Lucas are fun too. And Mr Aunt Lori is OK too".