Got tagged

I got tagged on one of my friend's blogs (thanks Judy!) - she is starting a Friday 'theme' post. Each Friday it'll be a new topic, and all you have to do is list 5 things about that topic... Easy stuff, to ease everyone into the weekend...

So here goes:

Top 5 things you love most about the summer.
1. our hillbilly pool
2. gardening
3. slower work life
4. warm weather
5. our beautiful deck

I am going to take this a step farther, and list the 5 things I don't like so much about summer:
1. weeds that get out of control
2. bugs
3. sweating (as I get older, the more I sweat - and it's just not pretty!)
4. our neighbors (it is a nursery type farm...they're very rude neighbors, they dump a lot of junk that becomes our front yard view in the summer, they also have a lot of laborers that don't speak English - they are always running around, not being so considerate of our boundaries, hanging out on the dirt hills that border our property - GRRRRR!)
5. Groundhogs, raccoons, and the like

I tag Brenda, Jessica and Michelle!

My friend is a super star

In one of the pics below - you may have noticed a photo of me with my friend Betsy. We've known each other since college - and have become pretty close over the past few years...she's one of those 'inner circle' friends.

Betsy is married to Dustin - and they have a son, Cooper (who is the same age as Anya). Cooper was diagnosed with Moyamoya syndrome - which is a pretty complicated diagnosis.

Betsy and Cooper were featured on our local news tonight in a story called "A relentless Michiana mother helps her son recover from Moyamoya syndrome"

Here is the story: http://www.wndu.com/mmm/headlines/19579324.html (see the video clip from the story on the web site)

A relentless Michiana mother helps her son recover from Moyamoya syndrome Save Email Print

Posted: 6:29 PM Jun 5, 2008
Last Updated: 6:29 PM Jun 5, 2008
Reporter: Maureen McFadden
Email Address: maureen.mcfadden@wndu.com

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A relentless Michiana mother helps her son recover from Moyamoya syndrome

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Moyamoya syndrome was first described in Japan in the 1960s, and if it hadn't been for the never-give-up attitude of a Michiana mom, it could have killed her son.

Except for the scar running along five-year-old Cooper Tavernier's hairline, he looks like any other little boy.

But Cooper was a very sick boy for two years, with a very relentless mother.

“Out of desperation, the mother came to me and said, "I really think there's something else going on. There is something wrong," explained Dr. H. Jesse Hseih, president of the South Bend Clinic.

When Cooper was three, he started having what his original doctor said were seizures. But medicine didn't help.

“In reality, he was having small strokes, or mini strokes,” clarified Hseih.

So the doctor sent Cooper to the University of Chicago, where he was diagnosed with Moyamoya syndrome.

Moyamoya gets its name from the Japanese language, meaning “puffs of smoke,” and describes the tangle of tiny vessels that form to compensate for blocked carotid arteries in the neck.

“We only see about 100 cases or so of it in the year in the whole world,” remarked Hseih.

“When they diagnosed him with Moyamoya, they told us that the clock was ticking,” explained Cooper’s mother, Becky. “That it could happen anytime. He could have a massive stroke and never recover.”

A week after hearing this news, Becky had Cooper in Boston, ready for the surgery -- with one of the foremost doctors treating in Moyamoya.

“If you find any kind of fresh artery to put into the brain itself, it will grow new arteries,” explained Hseih. “So what they did was they dissected away a scalp artery. Then they took that scalp artery and slid it through that hole they made in the skull, and attached that actual artery to the brain.”

“So no longer does he need that carotid that is getting blocked, but this artery from the brain is growing through a hole, feeding off, creating new arteries, and now growing,” said the doctor.

And Cooper was making a spectacular recovery -- until the day he was to be released from the hospital.

While waiting for their release papers, Cooper completely stopped breathing.

It was an agonizing 12 hours.

“All of the sudden he started breathing on his own, came right out of it, and nobody can tell me why that happened,” says Becky. “He's kind of the miracle child.”

And for more than one reason.

Doctors say Cooper no longer needs surgery on the other side of his brain.

“They told us that his brain was repairing itself on its own -- they don't know why or how -- but we were going to let nature take its course, and they cancelled the surgeries,” explains Becky.

Cooper will be checked every six months, and since his disease is a progressive one he will probably need more surgery as he grows.

But Dr. Hseih says Cooper's prognosis is good, and it was key that doctors figured out what was wrong before it was too late.

Anya's Birthday

Well, the time has come to admit that another birthday is on the horizon, and Anya still isn't home. Every year, I want to go to Russia to spend the day with her - and every year - the flights are way too much for my pocketbook to handle.

So - I went to Target, shopped the $3 t-shirt rack - made sure that there is something for everyone in her group...and got a few things for the little princess. Here is the box. I need to get it to the post office - it usually takes between 2-3 weeks to get boxes there.

*sigh* she will be 6, and has never known what it is like to have the full-time love of a Mama and Papa...

Getting Your Hands Dirty

I love gardening. It is the one thing I do that doesn't involve a computer. It relaxes me - let's me be alone with my thoughts. Some of my best God-talks have happened as I was pulling weeds.

I haven't had time to indulge in this hobby this year...until Tuesday of this week. I actually marked out the day to get some yard work done. I had the day planned, with a trip to my favorite greenhouses. Well, the weather was HORRIBLE on Tuesday. So, I got up - ran to the corner greenhouse, got some (overpriced) things and at least got a start on grooming our 3+ acres.

One of my big goals this year is to have a nice entryway. We're working on getting the front step fixed - so I wanted to have some really nice pots to greet guests...especially since our home will be the location for the wedding of one of my pals this summer :)

Here is what I came up with - in the driving rain on Tuesday. I think it turned out nice! I think I will need to mark out another day to plant some petunias around the house...but for now, this is a good start.

Good Times

We never go out with friends...seriously - maybe a few times a year. I have no idea why - we love our friends - I guess we're too busy. Well, last weekend we went out with friends - specifically, my friends (that matters because if you know my friends, you understand me :))

Here are some pics of our night out...a good time was had by all!


Me and Betsy


Our Michigan pals, the Popes


The Roeders - always a good time when Robin and Don are around!


Me and my Hubby (horrible pic - by the way! Holy double chin!!)


The Gustafson's


The beautiful Kristen


The Taverniers with Marty

National Children's Day

In Russia, they seem to have Hallmark holidays like we do. SOmetime this week, they will celebrate International Children's Day . On annother blog, I read the following stats:

there are 35 million children in Russia
25% of them live below the poverty level
88% of them are below minimum requirements to be judged "healthy"

Sad....

Odd Dreams

I keep having these odd dreams. I wish I could write them off of a product of eating to much before I went to bed, or an overactive mind that is trying to get rest…but night after night, these odd dreams (not bad, not good – just odd) keep happening.

Last night I had this dream that didn’t end. I didn’t get out of bed until after 10 this morning – I was trying to go back to sleep and finish the dream. Well, in this dream, we had been in Russia for over a week. Our entire family was with us. I couldn’t understand why we weren’t able to go to the orphanage. I asked the driver and he said that there was some problem in getting the permission from the adoption center. This was something that I had never heard of before, and as I pressed for more details, the driver just stopped talking.

We finally got to the orphanage, and it wasn’t where Anya was (scary, but I could drive myself there if I were in Irkutsk right now). On the way there, we passed by this car that had a big sign painted on it with the last name of some friends who are also adopting from Irkutsk. Now, I’ve never met this family in person – but I feel like I know them because of how much we’ve shared through this process. Anyway, in the dream, I look and notice that Debbie (my friend) was driving (remember that I have never met her, and don’t really know what she looks like). I am yelling at her, trying to get her attention, banging on the window of the car I am in – but she doesn’t hear me.

So we get to this pace, and the authorities and coordinators are trying to get us to adopt a child – but it isn’t Anya. It is a boy, a very big (like giant) boy. They were trying to convince me that this boy was Anya, and I remember thinking in my dream, that I didn’t want to do this – I didn’t want to be the mama to a giant boy. It was so odd. I look over at the other children, and see Anya…then the dream ends.

Odd

update on the adoption front

I guess I should post an update on what is going on with the adoption.

The good news is that the only agency who is accredited in Irkutsk has agreed to help us. This is huge!

We also got a list of things that the Judge has requested changes on...ugh! Sometimes I get so frustrated. Her primary gripe is that she doesn't like our apostille. She said it isn't perfectly square. I asked for our Secretary of State to change it - which they did, but it isn't a perfect square (it is 16cm x 17cm)...I don't know what to do about this. The agency says that they're working with the Russian Embassy to see if there is some kind of verification they can provide. But - that isn't going to be of any help to us - since all of our documents are there. When I hear that there is a problem with the apostille - all I hear is 'you have to redo your dossier again'. All 125+ documents - in triplicate.

I've redone our dossier no less than 7 times. Sometimes it seemed easier than other times. This last time was really hard - I don't know if it was because of my energy level - but it seemed like every document we needed from someone else (i.e. doctors etc.) was wrong - and had to be redone again and again. The thought of having to redo everything again makes me want to hide in a corner and cry.

Please pray that there is some kind of a resolution to this dossier thing. I simply don't see what the big deal is - all of our documents have been accepted (generally speaking) - it's just this one little thing. Furthermore - according to the Hague (the agency who came up with the whole apostille thing), the way our state provides the apostille is fine. UGH!

I am considering getting in touch with the Secretary of State to see if they have any thoughts - which I know they don't - but, can't hurt to ask.

Update on my Mom

I keep forgetting to post an update on my Mom - thanks to so many of you for emailing and asking how she is doing.

The good news is that she is fine. She will be going back to work next week. Honestly - she hasn't really shipped a beat...just waiting for the Dr. to release her to go back to work. You would never know she just had another heart attack!

She is in the process of fighting with the insurance company to get them to pay for Cardiac Rehab. The only place in our area that has CR is at the hospital that happens to be the closest to her house. Well, for some odd reason, the insurance won't cover Cardiac Rahab at that hospital. They want her to drive like an hour away! Insurance makes me so mad! So - please pray that the insurance company becomes logical, and agrees to pay for her Cardiac Rehab.

Earthquake hits Irkutsk

MOSCOW, May 21 (Xinhua) -- Russia's East Siberia was shocked by an earthquake on Wednesday, causing no damage or casualty, local media reported.

The quake, measuring from five to six points on the 12-point Mercalli intensity scale, occurred at 03:43 local time (2043 GMT Tuesday) in the Irkutsk region, near Lake Baikal, Itar-Tass said.

The epicenter was located under the Lake Baikal, local seismic station said.

cars and toothbrushes

A friend sent me a copy of an email devotion today. I want to pass it along...how many times has this happened to you?

Do you pray in your car? How about in the shower? Or while you are brushing your teeth? These are all moments in my day when I have learned to take advantage of the time I have to pray. This lesson was brought home to me in a whole new way one day as I was out driving around. It was one of those days when I had a long list of errands and many parking lots and highways to navigate. As I drove, I noticed a silver sedan ahead of me, which made me think of a friend of mine who drives one of those kinds of cars and was going through a tough time. As I looked at the car, I felt like God was telling me that my friend really needed my prayers that day. And so I prayed, and made a mental note to call her and check in with her as soon as I got home.

Just a few minutes later, I saw another similar silver sedan, and so I prayed again. Moments later, another one. This continued on throughout the day. By the end of the day, I was just laughing at how God had arranged for me to notice so many of these silver sedans—so many that I couldn’t not pray for my friend all day. I was reminded that day in a powerful way that: 1) God loves each of us enough to bring reminders to others to pray for us, and 2) God wants us to pray for our brothers and sisters. If we are obedient, He will send us reminders to help us lest we forget in all the busyness of our lives. Saying, “Oh, I meant to pray but I forgot” will be a thing of the past if we rely on Him to help us remember. As my silver car example proves, He can provide us with some pretty creative reminders.

I know one woman who knew she needed to pray for her brother who was going through a tough time. So she decided to pray for him every time she brushed her teeth. Even after her brother’s hard time was behind him, she still found herself praying for him while she brushed her teeth, and was grateful that, through this commitment to prayer, she had formed a habit. So, she continued to pray for her brother and still does to this day.

No matter where or when or what God uses to prompt us to pray, we know that it is vital to pray. God uses cars, and toothbrushes and anything else that is needed to help us remember to intercede for those people who desperately need our prayers. As a recipient of some of those prayers through the years, I am grateful for a creative, involved, active, loving God who will use whatever He can to remind us to lift up each other in prayer.

I miss Russia

Odd, huh. Who in their right mind would "miss" Russia? I do. And it is WAY expensive to go there this time of the year. Not to mention the bug factor in Siberia in the summer (seriously bad). But, I'd take it...

Being in Russia means that you're not comfortable. When I am there, I feel really out of sorts - hard to be the 'me' that everyone knows when I am there. But it's OK. It's just a different side of me. Kind of me without the high heels.

But I miss it...and by 'it', I mean Anya.

another thought on being grateful

I was reading a friend's blog this morning, and someone (who is such a great guy) posted a comment that really hit me. He was going through the same feelings this week with his generosity being met with greediness. In summary, he said this:

Last week my melt down was when guests of the inner city food program I help with were complaining that they did not "like" the Panera Bread bread we were giving away with $50 worth of food and personal care items. I am just so thankful that Jesus screamed, cried, took a break and then went back at it. I am just so glad that He is in charge and I am not

!

Well said - and as my husband would say, 'nuff said.

note to self...

Yeast free, gluten free, wheat free, white rice bread tastes like feet.

a tragic set of circumstances

Hello all,

I have a friend who is adopting 2 children from Russia - actually, they are on the same adoption journey in Irkutsk as we are. One of the children they are adopting was diagnosed with HIV. As recently as a few months ago, they received a report that this child was doing very well, and was getting needed medical attention.

Yesterday, my friend and her husband received a call that their little boy's condition had deteriorated. He is in stage 4 HIV, has shingles and who knows what else. All she knows for sure is that he is in a lot of pain, and stuck in an orphanage, in a place that doesn't have adequate medical care to treat him.

As a mother, can you imagine her pain? Her frustration? Her anger?

Please pray for this family - and specifically for this little boy. We are praying that some miracle happens, and that the boy is allowed a medical Visa to come to the United States to receive much needed medical attention. And maybe that this family's case be heard and granted SOON!

Have you ever...

Have you ever had one of those times when you offer someone a discount, and they don't think it's enough of a discount; tell someone you are thankful to be paid for work done, and then feel like you have to fight to actually get the check; offer to pay for something to help a cause, and be told your donation wasn't significant enough; done something nice for someone annomously, and then heard they thought it was a stupid gesture; been in traffic - stuck in the wrong lane, and no-one will let you in; agreed to do a job no one else wanted to do, and then get grief for it; offered to help someone, and be told your help isn't the kind they need.

I am always grateful. Grateful for life, love, work, friends, family. I can't even imagine not being grateful...so those who aren't shock me, and 9 times out of 10 - they ruin my day.

It is so easy to get a bad attitude. I understand that people who are generally miserable can not be made happy by anything I do for them or to help them.

This all got me to thinking about Jesus. And what he must have felt like when he was trying to help people, and they wouldn't take his help. He tried to save people from themselves, only to be laughed at.

So I will continue to do the right thing...be grateful and gracious even to those who I want to smack. I will be careful about who I do business with, and who I hold as a close friend.

I sleep very well at night...I wonder if they do too.

Russian Orphans

I saw this on another blog - but was a good reminder of why Russia...here are some stats:

More than 700,000 orphans are living in 2,000 state-run orphanages. Of those, 95% have a living parent either unable or unwilling to care for them. Sadly, that does not include the estimated 2 million to 4 million homeless orphans living on the streets and in railway stations....

Of those who are nor adopted and leave the orphanage between the ages of 16 and 18:
-50% of the girls become prostitutes
-40% of the children become addicted to drugs or alcohol
-40% commit crimes
-10% commit suicide

As if that were not bad enough...
-Just 1 in 10 former Russian orphans becomes a functional member of society
-132,500 children are abandoned to the state in Russia every year, up from roughly 67,000 in 1992.
-Nearly 4,640 Russian orphans were adopted by Americans in 2005, down from a record 5,865 in 2004. The 2006 and 2007 numbers are lower (because of new regulations)
-13 out of every 100 children adopted by Russians are eventually returned to the orphanage.
-40 million children in the former Soviet Union are living in poverty.

Sources: Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation

Tell Teleflora what you think!

UPDATE: Teleflora did change the website and classification of this kind of Mom. Now, instead of 'non-Mom' it says 'adopting mom'. I will say that I still don't like this - a mom who has adopted a child is every much a MOM as one who birthed a child. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE! A mom is a mom! It is unfortunate that Teleflora had to make a distinction between the 2.

Having said that - I do, however, know there are situations where there is a woman who is a mother figure who isn't really a mom. I have a close friend who has a mother figure in her life (she calls her 'adopted mom')...so, I do see how this can be. Teleflora should call this classification of Mom 'Mother Figure' or "Filling a Moms Shoes".

I was reading one of the chat boards I frequent today, and was SHOCKED to read this!

NBC and Teleflora have this incredible Mother's Day contest going on where an adoptive mom has been labeled a "Non-mom Mom".

http://www.americasfavoritemom.com/mothers-day-2008/static/semiFinalists

Their definition of a "Non-mom Mom"?

"Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody."

Unbelievably insulting!

Can you believe that?! Saying that an adopted mom is a NON MOM! I am spitting mad! And I plan to tell Teleflora and all of the other sponsors what I think about this insensitive comment. Horrible! What do you think?

Who Are You?

I was reading a friends blog today, and got me to thinking about my World Map. So, I looked at it and realized that there are red dots in places I don't *think* I know anyone! Looks like there are some in London, France, Iran (I'm serious), India (makes sense - hello Jilly!), Mexico City (ish), San Diego...

I am just curious who you are! I might have friends who have moved, and I don't even know it! So, if you are one of these mystery people, drop me a comment so I can say hello!

-Kathy

Mom had a heart attack...

Thursday night as I was driving home from work, I was very excited that I had 4 days off. Well – maybe not ‘off’ but 4 days with no appointments. Time to relax, catch up n laundry – maybe start working on the yard – I thought maybe I might even catch on up some filing! I can’t remember the last time I had 4 whole days with nothing to do.

So, on Friday, did some laundry, and shopped for some gifts, and we ate nachos and popcorn for dinner (I am a gourmet). As I was drifting off to sleep, was thinking about all that I wanted to do on Saturday. Sleeping in was pretty high on the list.

At 3:30am, the phone rang (which can never be good). My first thought was there was a tornado, and my brother was calling to tell us to get in the basement. It was St Joe Regional Hospital. My Mom had another heart attack.

My Mom is in her mid-60’s, and this is her 2nd heart attack. The last one was only about 18 months ago. Heart disease runs in out family, so (imo) this is nothing to take too lightly, or brush off by saying ‘whew, she’s going to be OK’.

Mom is doing well, is still in ICU – but we think she will be moved to a regular room today. Her Dr. said she will need to stay in the hospital for 4-5 days.

inspiring trust

Though one of the blogs I follow, I found this video. It is from a pastor of a church in Nashville. I am trying to fin the words for the video I want to share with you - life changing, eye opening, inspiring. I know people who have had failed adoptions, who have had suffered significant loss, who have seen disappointment with a job or relational situation...if that is you - watch this. Even if you are one of the lucky ones who has never experienced unanswered prayer, or never had a disappointment - watch this.

It is kind of long - but WELL WORTH IT! I suggest letting the entire video load (so, get it going, turn off the sound) - and come back to it so you can watch it without the video feed hiccuping.


Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.

Is the grass greener?

I've been following the birth story of a member of a Christian band that I have loved for a long time. The band is Sela. Todd (member of the band) and his wife found out that their unborn child was very sick. If you are a blog-addict (and I am NOT pointing any fingers here...), get some Kleenex and start at the beginning of this story http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Well, the end of the story is that baby Audrey died shortly after birth. Gun wrenching, faith testing, ugly-cry producing. The thing I love about this Mom, is that through her pain and grief, she is praising God. She is one that is focusing on the end of the story!

Because this is a family of musicians, they wrote a song in tribute to their dear baby girl, and in the hopes that it will help others that are faced with unimaginable grief. It is a powerful song.

Happy Russian Easter!

Christ is Risen! Христос Воскрес
Easter Blessings Пасхальное Благословение

prayers for a friend

Hello Everyone, and Happy Friday~

I have a good friend who is adopting from the Irkutsk region too - she and I have been in this game together since 2004...and we're STILL in this game together!

Her documents are in the process of being resubmitted to the Judge. The Judge has given her a deadline of April 28th. Everything is falling into place in a miraculous way (DHL delivered the documents faster than you would believe, we think there was an extension to the deadline because of a Russian holiday - which is GOOD!).

Please please pray for our friends and their documents, We are praying specifically that God lays His hands on the whole situation, that the documents are accepted by Judge Stepanova, and that this family is given a court date - and of course, that the court hearing is successful.

the grass is greeener

I read on someones blog recently something that made me think...

We always think that the Grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes we don't realize that green grass requires a lot of rain.

is this good or bad?

Several of the families who we are waiting with have decided to start a chat group online. This has been GREAT! We have been sharing information, struggles, rumors - all in a safe place where we are assured there is no one lurking (if you've ever participated on a char board, you know there are almost always lurkers that are there for motives that aren't always pure).

Anyway, last night, one of the moms noticed that her child's photo on the Russian database had been changed. Before I go into more detail - let me explain what the database is (in a nutshell)...it is a place for Russian citizen to go to 'shop' for a child. Every child who is available for adoption is listed on this database. Anya is there...and has been for a long time. In the past, the photo that is there was one that was taken of her when she was a baby (like 8 months old) - I thought this was great, since I have photos of her at under 1 - today.

Anyway - Anya's photo had also changed. You can see the translated version of the site here:
\http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.usynovite.ru%2Fdb%2F%3Fdo_search%3D1%26s%3D2%26y%3D2002%26r%255B%255D%3D38%26p%3D5&langpair=ru%7Cen&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&prev=%2Flanguage_tools

So - is this good or bad?

Bad - maybe the officials have been told to 'shop' her around to Russian families. Maybe they are actively looking to place her in foster care? Maybe I am totally freaking out!

Good - or this is good - this will prove to the Judge that the director and officials did everything they could to find a Russian family for Anya (that is always an issue in court). One thing that is good, is that the photo is a horrible one, and her demeanor is listed as troubled (and she is NOT!!..there are lots of kids whoa are listed as social - and I would think a Russian family would choose a child who is social over one who is troubled (YAY!).

The ironic thing, is the the only 'new' photos that we can see on the database are ours and another family who has taken their case to court. That is, well, interesting.

thoughts to blog about

It's funny - every day I think of things to blog about - but then when I get home, I always forget what I was going to say.

Today is a good example - I drug my hubby to the mall - and I HATE the mall (which you wouldn't think, given that I am a professional shopper - seriously - that is my job...) - anyway - we're at the mall, and I think of all the reasons I hate the mall - and think I should share my wisdom with the masses via blog. Truth is, I have very little (or no) tolerance for stupidity or poor customer service. I know - many of you are laughing hysterically now - because in many situations the very definition of the mall is mass stupidity and poor customer service.

Then we go to eat. Went to one of my fav places - Uptown Kitchen. Love that place. Great service (since that is one of my hot buttons) - they seem to recognize me when I walk in (although I know they have no clue who I am, I like the feeling that they remember that I was there before). No stupid people there at all...love it. Good food, good tea...

Then to church - isn't it odd how when you are going through something, you relate everything to YOUR situation - and it's hard to just sit back and take in a message. Does that make us narcissistic?

Got home, and started loading music on my IPod. My plan was to organize songs that I am going to use for 2 HUGE fashion shows I'm producing this week. But - then I get side tracked...and 20 or 30 CDs later - here I sit, singing my heart out to Faith Hill. Have you heard the song "There Will Come A Day"? It's on the 'Breathe' album. That song gets me...and I think Angie H from church should sing it :) - anyway, I know that a lot of pre-adoptive-parents read this blog. I just want to encourage you with this - THERE WILL COME A DAY.

THERE WILL COME A DAY

It's not easy trying to understand
How the world can be so cold, stealing the souls of man
Cloudy skies rain down on all your dreams
You wrestle with the fear and doubt
Sometimes it's hard but you gotta believe

Chorus:
There's a better place, where our Father waits
And every tear He'll wipe away
The darkness will be gone,the weak shall be strong
Hold on to your faith

There will come a day, there will come a day
Wars are raging, lives are scattered
Innocence is lost, and hopes are shattered
The old are forgotten, the children are forsaken
In this world we're living in
Is there anything sacred?

There will come a day, there will come a day
The song will ring out, down those golden streets
The voices of earth with the angels will sing {HALLELUJAH!]
Every knee will bow, sin will have no trace
In the glory of His amazing grace
Every knee will bow, sin will have no trace
In the glory of His amazing grace
There will come a day, there will come a day
Oooh there will come a day
I know there's coming a day, coming a day

Who Do Ya Know in Eugene?

A friend suggested that I find out if Irkutsk has a sister city in the U.S. Sometimes, those relationships are strong, and the officials from both cities become friends. So - off to Google I go...

I appears that Irktusk has a lot of sister cities around the world. But, here in the US, it's Eugene Oregon.

Here is what I found out:

Eugene, Oregon, USA
Eugene Sister Cities Foundation, Inc.
Almost a decade ago, a dedicated group of Eugene citizens pooled their talents and resources to form the Eugene-Irtkutsk Sister City Committee. An agreement between the two cities - so far apart but with so much in common - was drafted and signed by then Eugene Mayor Brian B. Obie and Irkutsk Mayor Yuri Shkuropat. In the years since, the Eugene-Irkutsk Sister City Committee has enriched the life experiences of people here and in Siberia. We in Eugene have stood firm in our friendship with Irkutsk as political changes wrenched the U.S.S.R. apart. We supported our Sister City as they traded their hammer and sickle banners for the red, white and blue of the Russian flag. Both cities have exchanged many delegations representing the cultural, business, and academic communities in each country.
Contacts in Eugene: Galina Groza, ggroza@teleport.com, Phone: 686-0546 George Davis davisassoc@igc.org

Contact in Irkutsk: Ludmila A. Kurbatova, Irkutsk mayor's office, Phone: 243704, 340893 (Mr. Kushnaryov).

Officials from Eugene
An official delegation from Eugene came on June 1-4, 2001, to celebrate the 340th birthday of Irkutsk.
A small but energetic official delegation helped Eugene's Russian sister city, Irkutsk, celebrate its 340th birthday. The delegation, comprising Galina Groza, chair of the Irkutsk Sister City Committee, Sage Ratterman, a board member of the same committee, and Mary Walston, representing the City of Eugene at the request of the Mayor, as neither he nor any of the city councilors were able to attend, arrived in Irkutsk on Saturday, June 1, after a long trip from Eugene. Though weary and tired (in part from the travel and in part due to the 16 hour time difference), the delegation was warmly greeted by smiling faces including Ludmilla Kurbatova, Eugene's long-time sister cities contact, her son Kostya, and several other local officials.

With a population of over 700,000, Irkutsk is the major industrial commercial center between western Russia and the Far East, and between Siberia and China. Built in 1900, the Trans-Siberian Railroad links these distances together, a major engineering feat given the harsh climate, numerous water systems and rugged terrain, requiring especially cold-resistant building materials. There are also numerous educational institutions there, and it is a tourist destination point due to its proximity to Lake Baikal, 40 kilometers to the southeast. The Irkutsk Region is vast, greater in size than the Pacific Northwest, and the city is surrounded by rivers, mountains, and beautifully rugged nature which hides its abundantly rich mineral supplies - in many ways similar to Eugene.

Highlights of the week included attending a private reception with Mayor Yakubovsky and his staff, visiting educational and medical facilities, stopping at a Lake Baikal traditional log village, picnicking on the shore of Lake Baikal on the local fish delicacy, touring the Decembrists' House, attending a youth concert at one of the performing arts centers, and participating in informal discussions with new and old friends.

Mayor Yakubovsky spent a great deal of time with the Eugene delegation; there was an exchange of gifts in connection with the 340th anniversary of the city. The City of Eugene presented a plaque depicting the two continents linked together by the Pacific Ocean and two 17th century sailing ships, or "partner ships". The 18th century exploration of northern Pacific waters was headed by Captain Bering, who finalized his plans in Irkutsk before heading east to set sail. These beginnings led to eventual Russian settlement of Alaska.

Plans are now underway to welcome an official delegation from Irkutsk in late September. For more information, contact Mary Walston, City Manager's Office, 682-5406 or Galina Groza, Chair of the Irkutsk Committee, 686-0546.

For more information see Community page of Eugene, Administration of Irkutsk Region

Link A Family
Link A Family helps establish pen-pal relationships between families in Irkutsk and the Angarsk region of Siberia and families in Eugene (and elsewhere in the U.S. and Canada). Started two years ago as a project of the Eugene-Irkutsk Sister City Committee, Link A Family has linked around 200 families.
Periodically project director Jana Nelson sends an advertisement to friends in Irkutsk via e-mail, and they publish it in a local newspaper. She matches the letters she receives with American families based on profession, family size, and age.

Initially Nelson tried to establish a regular courier service between Eugene and Irkutsk, but it proved too time consuming. Now letters are exchanged via the post. She has found that mail delivery works fairly well if people follow a few guidelines: use metered mail instead of stamps; don't enclose anything extra with the letter; and use manilla envelopes--they look more official.

Currently Nelson is looking for more correspondents in Irkutsk and environs (she has enough American participants). For more information contact:

Jana Nelson E-mail: 71564.1704@compuserve.com

President Bush to go to Russia

I am searching for a good news story - and will post it as soon as I find one...but President Bush and Putin are going to be meeting this weekend. Let's pray that adoption relations comes up, and that some bridges are built for us!

Thanks to so many that have sent words of encouragement to us. Here are a few that really touched my heart, or made me laugh!:

I don't know if this will help or not, but I recently learned that it's good to pray for "release." i.e. pray for the release of the evil forces against you and that kind of thing

Have you thought of just kidnapping her? I am sure you have!

I’ve decided to start a “Pass along the Passion” for you two… not sure what may happen, or where the message may travel, but going VIRAL has meaning, gives HOPE!

I will continue to pray friend.

You guys have persevered for such a long, long time. Of course we will send you some of our strength through prayer. And in our prayer meetings we will break the demon powers in Irkutsk over your precious Anya.

Just remember that with God all things are possible!

Countless are the stories that we don’t know the endings of yet. Oh, yes, we know that ultimately we will be in Heaven and all will be well, but for now, on this earth we don’t always know how things are going to turn out. Hence, we walk by faith and not by sight. We hold the hand and trust the heart of our all seeing and all knowing God. He alone knows the beginning from the end. He alone knows what lies ahead and the avenues He will use to take us to each point. Joy comes when my delight is found in knowing and following the One who knows what He has in mind for each of my situations and the day it will no longer be hidden from my eyes.

In all this, Thy will be done

Adoption Update - April 2008

TOO TIRED TO PRAY

Have you ever prayed for something in your life for what seems like an eternity? And have nothing significant happen? Have you ever wondered if God was listening, and then prayed some more?

Friends, we need your help to continue to pray for Anya and the adoption. We hate to admit it, but we are so tired, beat up, mentally exhausted by this process we need to lean on the strength of our friends.

We know God's plan is not to keep Anya an orphan. We know that He has opened amazing doors for us to continue this fight. We also know that the only reason we're able to keep fighting for her is because of the power of prayer. We're just tired.

The stronghold that has it's grip on Irkutsk can be moved by the power of God. We need to continue to unite in prayer against anything and everything that is standing between us and bringing Anya home.

In the past when we've come together in prayer, amazing things have happened. Today, there are 4 families (including us) who have documents in the works to bring our children home from the orphanages in Irkutsk. We American families are committed to pray and fast until all of our dossiers are accepted by the courts, until we all have a successful court hearing, and have our children on American soil. We are all trying different approaches, in the hopes that one of us will crack the code.

Each day, we will be specifically praying and fasting. We have friends all over the country who have offered to fast on specific days of the week for us. Will you join with us in this time of prayer?

We won't bore you with everything that is going on in the adoption community right now (if you want details, please visit our blog). Just know that we have more things working against us than for us right now. All we have is prayer, and God on our side!



Help Us Spread The Word
If you are willing to join with us in prayer, help us spread the word.
We know many of you have blogs, are parts of prayer groups, and know people who are prayer warriors. Please pass along our prayer request to everyone you know. Feel free to post the need for prayer for the orphans in Irkutsk Russia on your blog.

WE TV tonight

On We TV tonight at 8PM Eastern, there is a show called 'Women Behind Bars'. Peggy Hilt (the women in Virginia who killed her Russian adopted daughter - that started the downward spiral ultimately leading to all the trouble we're having) will be featured.

No - I'm not kidding...

Here is some more info on the program:
http://www.wetv.com/shows/women-behind-bars/episodes/EP010293120004

Wisdom from a child

I can't even think of what to say about this, except - THIS is the way I want to be able to see EVERYTING in my world! Windom from a child...

fall out and need for prayer

Since the most recent tragedy of another Russian child - rumors have surfaced of some regions in Russia stopping adoptions. Funny how these things start - apparently there are up to 9 regions in Russia who are going to stop adoptions until the outcome of this latest murder comes to light.

Amazing...

This news comes on the heels of news that the MOE (Ministry of Education - the government body that oversees orphanages and adoptions in Russia) is once again trying to outlaw independent adoption. Their definition of 'independent' is any foreigner adopting in Russia who isn't using a Russian certified agency. In a press release from the MOE, it states,

"For a more thorough screening of prospective parents and in-depth training of foreign nationals to receive a child in their family, the MinEdSci bill proposes to establish a mandatory psychological examination and passing a specific training program for the admission of a child in foster families."

Who knows what this would include.

I the past week, I've taken a serious look at myself, and my energy level to bring Anya home. My commitment has not changed; but if I am honest, my energy has diminished over the past few months. I have been praying for her, as I always do…but I wonder if my prayers are void of the energy needed.

So, what to do…

I am AGAIN asking for anyone reading this blog to ban with us in prayer. I am asking for you to pass the word on your blogs, chat rooms - anywhere you visit online with those who pray. We are asking specifically for united prayer and/or fasting every Friday. Prayers for the adoption situation in Russia, for all the orphans in that country, and for the families who have adopted and who are adopting children from Russia.

Are you in? Will you ban with us in this prayer?

Another adoption tragedy

On FRUA (www.frua.org) I read about another tragedy in the adoption world. Horrible. I can't understand - why don't these adoptive parents who seem to be overwhelmed seek help?

http://www.abc4.com/mostpopular/story.aspx?content_id=74d63310-3625-487b-a782-9390b58176f5

TOOELE, Utah (ABC 4 News) - A child is dead and his brother is hospitalized.

And now their parents are in jail in connection to the crime.

It was a 9-1-1 call from the Emilyantsev home in Tooele Friday that alerted police to the situation.

Dispatcher: " Yes, what's the problem?

Mom: "I have a problem with my baby. It's a little boy we just adopted ."

Dispatcher: " What type of problem?"

Mom: "...breathing problems."

Inside the home, police found an 14-month old on the floor, barely breathing.

Dispatcher: What exactly happened?

Mom: He is breathing. I don't know. I don't know. We've got five ... He's out fifth child. We just adopted him from Russia."

A day later, the child died at the hospital and the autopsy revealed a cause.

"The child suffered a significant skull fracture and when the child suffered the injury it appears from the investigation that it would have been mom who was in custody of the child," said Tooele County prosecutor Doug Hogan.

Kimberly Emelyantsev is the child’s mother and was jailed. Wednesday she was brought to court to face child murder charges.

Prosecutors said the 14-month old was a baby with Down's syndrome and was adopted by the family two weeks ago.

"It’s hard to reconcile those two facts...somebody that would adopt and then the child suffers a significant injury," Hogan said.

But prosecutors said their investigation uncovered another allegation against the parents.

The husband, Fyodor Emelyantsev was jailed on suspicion of child abuse.

Police claim the couple adopted another four year old baby with Down's syndrome from Russia. The child was malnourished.

"This was also a special needs child,” Hogan said. “This was a child that would not have been the size and weight you would expect for the age."

Back at the Emelyansev home, neighbors are stunned with what's happened to the children.

"As a parent you worry about your kids and that's the absolute worst thing that could happen to them and you can't imagine anything worse,” said neighbor Celese Hansen.

Kimberly Emelyantsev remains in jail and will return to court Thursday for a detention hearing.

Telling Everyone

This weekend in church, our pastor talked about ‘telling everyone’ you know. I started remembering back when I first became a Christian, and how I told everyone I knew – then about how when we were first starting down this adoption path – and how I told everyone I knew.

Why did I stop telling everyone? My enthusiasm and passion for both of these things hasn’t diminished. Puzzling.

So, I’ve been thinking about that, why did I stop telling everyone? It was true that many times when I would share my Faith, people would listen, and ask a lot of questions. My favorite comment was, “wow, you are so normal for a Christian”…whatever THAT means .

Likewise, when I would talk about our adoption journey, I would share some of our struggle, and people are interested. People have even told me they are encouraged by our tenacity and Faith.

So – why have I stopped talking about it? In the past, you couldn’t know my name was Kathy without knowing that I go to GCC (our church), I am a Christian, my Faith is important to me…and that we are adopting a little girl from Russia.

I think I stopped because of a few things. First, I got busy – my mind got busy and cluttered with my to-do list, and my goals have been all about getting things out of my in-box. I also think I got to the point that I thought I was bugging people. I didn’t want to ‘bore’ people with those details of my personal life.

But – the facts remain. My Faith and the fact that we are adopting Anya define who I am as a person.


So – I am going to start talking about it again. I guess – this is a fair warning!

...and then reality smacked us in the face

As we were packing up on Tuesday night to catch our VERY early flight Wednesday morning, my Mom called. My Mom never calls when we are out of town. The conversation started with "Just wanted to tell you what is going on"...which in my family is code for something bad happened.

A close family friend, Jason, had been severely beaten, and was fighting for his life. The prognosis wasn't good. Jay's family was rushing to his side. By Wednesday morning, Jason had died.

We didn't sleep at all Tuesday night - every time we would talk, we would say "I just can't believe it".

The whole thing is so sad. He was only 32. Killed in the prime of his life. He has 2 small children. At the time of his death, Jason had so many promising things happening in his life. Lots of plans for his future. He had been working very hard on MANY things to make a better life for his family.

We can all take comfort in knowing that Jason is with God. He is free of pain, grief, confusion, sadness. For that, YAY Jason! High 5 to you!

To Jason's Mom and family - I am so sorry. I just don't know what to say, other than our thoughts and prayers are with you.

back to reality

Well, after traveling since the first of March, we're back to reality. Although we were traveling for business, it was good to get away.

Our travels started in Oklahoma. Now - I will admit, when I scheduled the biz trip to Tulsa, I wasn't very excited about it. But I will tell you now - that we LOVED Tulsa! All of the people we met were wonderful - very friendly. The client we went there to see we loved. Marty got along very well with the husband, and I simply loved the wife. We've planned several more trips there - and they are going to come here (to Chicago).

Then we were off to LA. I am not a big fan of Los Angeles. Been there several times - and never felt very comfortable. We stayed in a great location - 1-block from the ocean and boardwalk. But there were homeless people everywhere.

WARNING ABOUT THE PHOTO - I needed a haircut before we left for Tulsa - and couldn't get in until next week...so no comments about my do. It is bad!




After LA, we headed to San Francisco. Funny how things work out. I have been stressed and over-committed for months. No time to stop and catch my breath. About the time we were packing up to head to SF, my client called to cancel. NOT what I wanted to hear! But - she had an employee that had been killed at work - in Germany. So, my client was on a flight heading to Germany (not so mad when I heard that!). Marty and I soon found ourselves with 2 days - an no appointments. What to do with all that time?

On Monday, we headed to Napa. We love Napa - it is beautiful at any time of the year. ON a whim, we stopped in a winery called Mumm. What a great time! They specialize in 'bubbles' (i.e. fizzy wine like champagne etc.). We got to try things we would never had otherwise. They had a great art gallery - lots of photographs...the kind that bring tears to your eyes when you see the beauty of nature captured in film. What am amazing way to really see God's power!









Tuesday, we spent the day downtown. Of course we had to go to Nordstrom. It would have been wrong to be THAT close to a Nordstrom, and not do a little shoe shopping! We did the tourist trolley ride thing to the wharf - it was nice.


Now, we're gearing up for several other biz adventures. Miami, Chicago, Tulsa, and trying to plan something into Virginia and maybe the Carolinas.

Need an Oprah Hook Up

I was surfing the net today, and went to www.Oprah.com. There is a section on the 'be on the show' part of the website that used to have a show topic called "do you need an Oprah hook up?". It's too bad that topic idea is gone...because I do!

I can't help but to believe that getting Anya home is going to be because of someone we know (who knows someone). I have had this feeling for a LONG time. If you do any research on Russian business culture, you will quickly learn that most business agreements happen on relationship. Well - we need to find that relationship connection to Judge Stepanova! and/or to the Supreme Court in Russia.

Maybe you know someone who is connected with someone powerful. Oprah knows everyone. I also know that Martha Stewart has Russian connections.

OK, so maybe I am thinking out of the box - but hey, it can't hurt!

Michiana Mommy Makeover Contest!

I don't usually post work related content on this blog - but this is such a great thing, I wanted to make sure a TON of people heard about it.

Michiana Mommy Makeover Contest!
There is a fascination with makeovers - makeover television shows, makeover stories, makeover tips. We seem to be a society obsessed with the idea of a makeover.

Anyone who has gone through a complete makeover experience knows that the process is more than just a new haircut and some new clothes. The process is a transformation from the inside out. Sometimes it is an awakening of the beauty that was being hidden by poorly fitting clothes, and an outdated hairstyle.

When someone says they want a makeover, what they are really saying is that they are ready for a change. They are ready to close the chapter on one story of life. A makeover is more about what happens inside than what happens in the mirror. As women, it is easy to get over involved in the 'business' of being a women. It is all too easy to define yourself as a mom, a wife, an employee; and forget that first and foremost, you are a woman. The Moms that I have helped redefine a style all say the same thing; they express the idea that since their kids were born, they simply forgot how to be a woman. Many times after childbirth, or for women in their mid-30's, things change. Our bodies change, and we don't know how to dress this new shape.

It's all very common, and to every woman reading this, you are not alone! My belief is there is no better way to honor my marriage or my kids than to take care of myself. Ladies, we have a choice to make. We can stay in the rut we think we are, and not change - and everyday wonder when things are going to take a turn for the better-or, we can get out of bed, take a real interest in ourselves, and become the hot Momma we know is within!

If you or someone you know is deserving of a Mommy Makeover, please read on. Below are contest details. If you have any questions about the contest, please do not hesitate to contact me.

CONTEST DETAILS

Last year, you might remember the Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover. We chose a Michiana Mom, listened to her needs, and gave her a complete makeover. The lucky winner was Kris Peterson of Goshen. Kris's new look is amazing!

This year, we are going to honor a Michiana Mom with a complete makeover. Do you know of a Mom who needs a little confidence boost, someone who has been giving her all to everyone around her, and it's time for her to give some time and attention to herself? I want to hear from you!

Nominate a Mom (or nominate yourself!) for the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine Mommy Makeover! In 300 words or less, let us know why your Mom deserves to be the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover!

HOW TO ENTER YOURSELF OR ANOTHER DESERVING MICHIANA MOMMY

*the deadline is extended for those on this list ONLY. Deadline extended to Friday March 7th

All entries should be sent to makeover@michianafamilymagazine.com. All entries must be received by midnight on February 28th, 2008. Please include a photo of the nominee, and her name, address and phone number. Any entries received without this information will be considered invalid. All entries should include (no more than) 300 words, and answer the questions, "why my nominee deserves to be the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover".



Other guidelines of the contest are as follows:



1. the winner must be a resident of Michiana

2. the winner must be willing to make a change in her appearance; this can include, but is not limited to, 1 new outfit, wardrobe coaching, updated haircut, updated hair color and makeup

3. the winner must be willing for mFm to document the makeover via photographs, and be willing to sign a media release

4. the winner agrees to have her makeover story told in mFm

5. the winner must be able to devote 1 full week day for the makeover process

6. the winner understands there is no cash value to any of the prizes awarded in this contest

7. the winner holds harmless, and releases rights to litigation to all advertisers, mFm, Kathy Friend and all contributors to the contest

in search of a stone

I was driving home last night from work listening to the radio and thinking. Seems the only time I have to sit and think is when I am driving.

I have been feeling that I am coming to the end of my resources. I am hitting walls that I KNOW I can overcome, but I can't find a solution to the problem. We're not seeing steps backward with the adoption - just feels like running a sprint - in place...over and over again, nonstop, for years on end.

Apparently there isn't enough to take our case to the Supreme Court. The Judge in Irkutsk hasn't 'denied' our case (i.e she hasn't said no) - and I guess until she says no, we can't take it to the Supreme Court. I guess there are more documents the Judge has asked of our lawyer - but of course, I have no idea what those documents are. SO FRUSTRATING! And - in the process of all the dilly-dallying, many of or documents have expired. What documents you ask? Good question - I have no idea (probably criminal checks, but a list of what we need to redo has not been provided).

There is also a rumor that the Judge won't accept the accreditation of this one agency who has federal accreditation in Russia (who works in Irkutsk). The documents they needed to file in the region were to be filed the first part of January. Well, we're looking at March 1 - and the documents are still not filed. Grrrrrr. We are traveling the first part of March, and will be in the neighborhood of the corporate office for this agency. My plan is to set an appointment with them. We'll see.

So, I'm driving home late last night. - and a song came on that I have heard a thousand times before (Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns). But for some reason, there were parts of the lyrics I had never heard before. This is what I heard loud and clear (and if you've heard this song, you know that picking out words is a little tricky):

The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Well, that's me. Standing before this giant with nothing. I got nothing - no rights, no tricks up my sleeve, no miracles. All I have is Faith. This one thing that makes most people think I am nuts. Makes the people in Russia wonder about me.

Somewhere there is a stone (or document or person or something) that is JUST THE RIGHT SIZE to defeat this giant.

If you happen to find a stone that is just the right size, let me know!

at church this weekend

We are starting our annual financial series at church (GCC) this weekend. The series topic is around the 80's - also known as 'my generation'. The title to this weekend is 'living on a prayer' - yep - a great Bon Jovi song...and guess who is singing? My husband! How happy am I?

Well, at band practice last night, there was a lot of talk about 80's attire. Being the fashion expert of the group, I offered some ideas. See our fine musicians below...in their best 80's Hair Band attire! Meet (L-R) Dustin, Marty, Dan and Leah!



*** no Mom, this isn't really them...it's a doctored picture of Van Halen with the band guys faces!

Looking for help in Russia

I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying. I am trying to figure out why it is taking so long to adopt Anya. I am thinking of other situations with friends where things didn't go as planned - and then years down the road - something happens to make it all make sense. In theory, you would think this would be an encouraging way to think - but everyone I could think of wasn’t so positive. A couple were trying to have another baby…a year (or so) later, it comes out that he is having an affair, and they are getting divorced. Another person I know was trying to adopt, kind of in the same situation we’re in, but decided to stop the process. Some time later, she find out that she has cancer.

God does know what He is doing. If my friends who were trying to have the baby did – she would be a single mom of 5…the 4 they already have, and an infant. And if my friend would have decided to press on with the adoption and if it would have been finalized now – she would be a single Mom fighting cancer. Or worse – she would be denied the adoption because of the diagnosis.

So I wonder, is something bad going to happen? Is there something horrible God is trying to save us from? And what would be more horrible than to leave Anya in an orphanage?

Since we started this process, I seem to look at every obstacle in our lives as a learning experience. I look at every frustrating encounter as preparation for being a Mom. Silly, huh? But the one thing I don’t get is the waiting…

It occurred to me today that we know someone who is pretty well connected in Moscow. I emailed him today to ask for his help with the Supreme Court. At one time, he said that if we were adopting in Moscow – he would have so many connections for us, that we could get this done with no problems at all. That stuck in my mind. So – I emailed him to see who he might know. From what I understand, our case goes to Moscow (apparently the Supreme Court is in Moscow). If there were something to pray about, please pray that he answers my email, and knows someone of great influence with the Supreme Court. Someone who is willing to help us. You know me – I think big. I want a complete miracle – I want this person to be able to connect with our lawyer in Irkutsk and somehow take our case to the Supreme Court and then all the sudden one day we will get a call that it is done – to get on a plane to pick up Anya!

Wishful thinking – with frustrating waiting!

If you think it it cold here.

Well, we were whining about it being 3 degrees here today...until I looked at the weather in Irkutsk. -22...that is the ACTUAL temperature. With windchill, it is -34. YIKES! That's Siberia for ya!

another day, another call (from the Embassy)

This morning, Feb. 1, we were woke up by a phone call from the Embassy in Moscow. We chatted for about 30 minutes with our friend there.

We learned that as of today, we are indeed the only pending case for an American family in Irkutsk. Not a big surprise, but disappointing as I really thought other families had presented their documents. Our friend at the Embassy said that if they have presented documents, they aren’t ‘pending’ in the eyes of the court. Bummer.

We also learned that there is quite a discrepancy with how the law is interpreted, and some heated letters have been going back and forth between the courts in Irkutsk and the Embassy. Specifically with the Russian law that clearly states that independent adoptions are legal (as opposed to being with an accredited agency). From what I understand, this has become quite a topic of water cooler humor at the Embassy…since the law is clear, and the court is saying that isn’t want it says.

Bottom line is that we all agree on 2 things:
1. More American families need to officially present documents to the court in Irkutsk and get an official statement. With that statement, they will have something to appeal.
2. My gut says that all of the appeals are going to be for the same thing(s). So – if we all go to the Supreme Court appealing the same thing, that will bring undo attention to this regional judge – thereby making her look not so good in the eyes of her superiors (and peers). This is the loophole for MANY families.
3. We need to keep pressing on! We have SO MANY people and organizations watching us and who on our side praying with us. We have THE ultimate power! We need to remember that and USE IT!

and then January was done...

I have to say how GLAD I am that January is over! It as a very bad month for me…not going to bore you with the laundry list of everything that went wrong or caused me angst, but know that it is a long distinguished list!

One good sign that the month was over was receiving the precious photos of Anya last night. That really brought everything into perspective for me. Another common thread that I have been trying to allow myself to hear is SLOW DOWN (and I get that from more than just the speeding ticket I got  - anyone know someone in the Elkhart prosecutor’s office? This one is going to cost me!). Last night at church there was a very strong message made…as a society we are too busy. We took a quiz to see how busy we are. I was almost embarrassed to admit that I got almost the highest scores available. Yikes!

I know I have to slow down – but how do you do that when you have commitments up to your eyeballs? Anyone, anyone?

Our Little Princess

Just got an email from Russia. Anya is doing well, she has grown even taller than she was in September! I was one of the tallest in my class until maybe 7th grade...so, it's OK! She is like her Mama!

Here are some pictures of Anya with the Christmas gifts we sent to her.











Not sure what is the deal with the reindeer get up. I assume that Anya was a reindeer in some kind of winter play. She doesn't look very happy about the costume does she?

I Surrender All

To know me is to know a few truths. I love shoes. I love clothes. I love Oprah. Although I don't have a subscription to O Magazine, each month, I read parts of the online version. My favorite thing is reading Oprah's words.

In the Feb edition - she talks about real love. How you are loved through hard times. Pretty good stuff.

So, after reading this - you will understand the title to this post. And - to all you PAPs out there (pre adoptive parents) - SURRENDER ALL. "You don't have to carry the load [of adoption] all by yourself. You can surrender all."

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200802/omag_200802_landing.jhtml
...from Oprah

I've gotten a new taste of what love is the past few months while trying to right the wrongs at my school in South Africa. A dormitory matron was accused of sexual and physical abuse at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls. Recognizing how emotionally draining this time has been for me, people reached out with their encouragement. People I knew well and many I had never met built a bridge of support allowing me to laser-focus on doing what was necessary, moment by moment, to help each girl.

Yes, I was devastated—devastated times 150 trusting hearts. I couldn't stop thinking about the girls, every single one of them—remembering when I first interviewed them to come to the school, and their high hopes and happy smiles the day they were accepted. So many of them had already had such difficult lives: poverty, death, violence, grief. I wanted their lives at the school to be not just better but easier and free from all harm.

So that dream was temporarily thwarted.

But I can say today (as I write this, I'm on a plane to Africa once again) that the sweeping changes instituted since the report of abuse have put us on the path to a more stable and secure future than we had before. The crisis has forced the school's staff, administrators, teachers, students—and everyone associated with their well-being—to create a more open and collaborative environment. So the new birthing I spoke of in last month's column has begun.

Throughout this process, I've been sustained by my abiding faith in a power greater than my own. I've recognized in every dark moment that this too shall pass. That's the mantra that's kept me going from the moment I received the first phone call of suspected abuse.

After many days of constant conversations and working through a multitude of concerns, I was worn out, but my spirit's never faltered. I've remained encouraged by the grace and love of friends who've e-mailed, written, or called. So many people asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"—not knowing that they already had, just by asking. Gayle was as exhausted as I but still attended every meeting with police, and parents. Maria Shriver left daily messages reminding me to hold firm to my intentions in building the school.

Every note or message felt like an embrace, like the greatest valentine anyone could receive. None came with frills or fancy bows—just its own heart-spoken truth. This last line in a handwritten letter from Sidney Poitier spoke volumes: "The universe and all your friends have your back."

To know that people care about how you're doing when the doings aren't so good—that's what love is. I feel blessed to know this for sure.

One day while I was doing the show, my friend BeBe Winans appeared in the audience. "BeBe, why are you here?" I asked during a commercial break. "No one told me you were coming!"

"I just came to see you, see how you were doing," he said. That's strange, I thought, but continued with the show. Afterward he followed me to my office and said, "There's something I came to tell you." And as I sat behind my desk, he started singing what he knows is my favorite spiritual: "I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all."

I sat silently, closed my eyes, and opened myself to accepting his magnificent and humble offering, this gift of love and song. When he finished, I felt a release of all pressure to do anything. I was content to just be. And for the first time in weeks, I experienced pure peace.

When I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears, BeBe was beaming. He started laughing his huh, huh, huuuagh laugh, and gave me a big hug. "Girl," he said, "I just came to remind you, you don't have to carry this load all by yourself. You can surrender all."

And in that moment I did.

Listen to I Surrender All Here http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200802/audioplayer/mission_player_180x200.html

one of those days

Ever have one of those days?

Well, today was that day for me. Thought it was going to be a great day - had an appointment this morning - went well...then it all fell apart.

In a nutshell, I had to fire someone (who should be on meds), got in a very minor car accident, found out that one of the pre-adoptive parents I have been waiting with is in Moscow waiting to come home with her bundle of joy (not from Irkutsk...and I am VERY happy for her - just stings a little for some reason, and I am embarrassed to even admit that!), am so sore from the gym yesterday that I can't move (I was trying to be someone I obviously am not), realized I have a butt load of laundry to do - and can't foresee a time to get it done, and think I have a big zit coming on my forehead. Great. Perfect ending to a crappy day.

I know that makes me sound like I am complaining - and I am not. Just a trying day that I am glad is over.

So - instead of TGIF, for me it will be TGISaturday!

Good Story

I read this on one of the chat boards I am on - I thought you night enjoy the story.

When my boys were all teens, (the oldest 18 and ready to move) I started having this dream. It was a dream of a baby, in a dirty diaper, whispy blonde hair, dirty, sitting in piles of garbage and there were bugs everywhere. She had a dirty bottle and arms extended like "please pick me up". It was a pathetic sort of cry, and then I'd be trying to reach her, pick her up, and I couldn't get to her, she'd start fading away and it was like I knew she was starving and dying (like inside)
and then I'd wake up. This happened again and again, sometimes several times a night where sleep was disturbed alot.
In talking to my friends, they said, "oh, it is probably empty nest!" I thought, NO WAY! I definitly DO NOT have empty nest; our nest is full and I'm looking forward to the guys going off to college and the next stage of life. (I'm not one of those wanna keep em' young till they are 30 types)

This went on for several months off and on. Then, it went away. It was gone for 2 years. I didn't think that much about it, but was also puzzled by it.

One day, our relatives from Oklahoma came to visit. They had an extra child with them. She was 4, very, very tiny for her age, whispy blonde hair.... she said, "will you be my mommy and daddy?"
We figured she asked everybody that, but there was something in her look, in her question that was more. Something not to be brushed off so easily.

After they left, guess what came back? That same dream. Intense as ever.
Still didn't connect it.

Well, we adopted that little girl, our little Anna. It takes a long time for US adoptions to finalize, especially when they are between states. So 10 months later, after she had been with us that long, we finalized our adoption. That meant, we FINALLY were able to see her disclosure papers.

This is what I read.

Anna was picked up by the police. The police report stated that she was in a house with piles of garbage and bugs, sitting in a dirty diaper with a bottle, crying.

I got chills. That was my dream. I knew it right then. I knew that all those doubts that had flooded my mind, "did we do the right thing?", " are we too old?" "are we the right parents?" "do we have what it takes"? The Lord KNEW I'd be asking those questions.... so he sent confirmation ahead of time and sealed it in our hearts forever that we are hers and she is ours and that is how it is meant to be.

She KNOWS this story and rests in it, that God looked down and saw a little girl in big trouble and arranged ahead of time for our hearts to be ready for each other. Not our timing, but His.

January Adoption 2008 Newsletter

adoption update
January 3, 2008

What's going on with our documents?
Excellent question. We finally have enough ammunition in the form of legal statements to appeal to the Supreme Court. The regional Judge (Stepanova) continues to find crazy problems with our documents - things that are not legal reasons.

Because of the Russian holiday - we probably won't hear anything until late January or early February.

We are continuing to pray through the red tape, and evil that is holding Anya hostage. Many of you have asked "don't' they want what is best for Anya?" - clearly, the answer is no. You have to understand Russia to understand the answer to that question.

The New Year is starting off great!
If you've been following our blog, you know there is only one agency that works in Irkutsk who was vying for re-accreditation. This accreditation thing has been a big deal in the world of Russian adoptions.

That agency is Nightlight, and they have received reaccreditation.

Although we are not a client of Nightlight's, the fact they received accreditation is huge for all American families adopting in Irkutsk.

I got some information 'straight from the horses mouth' (so to speak), and the documents will be filed in Irkutsk the week of January 8th. Basically, nothing is final until that document (the accreditation document) is filed in each region that Nightlight works.

We are praying for no hitch, no road bumps, no problems as their representatives in Irkutsk file their document of accreditation in Irkutsk the week of January 8th.

...oh ya, Nightlight found out about receiving the accreditation on Christmas. Now - if that wasn't a gift from God - I don't know what is!

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US?Nothing - really. But, this will be an open door for all of the other American families who are waiting to gather thier documents and submit them to the court. There is power in numbers.

Happy Holidays!

Just wanted to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas - and a Happy and Healthy New Year!

This is our tree...and yes, that is Jazz (our cat) who has to get in on the photo!

I will never be the same again

I will never be the same.

There are a few times in my life where I can mark in a calendar and say – the day before this event, I was different. Since this event, I am changed. Those life changes are what make me…ME. The good, bad and ugly :)

I think if we all think back over our lives, there are marked times when our perspective changes forever. When we are children, maybe it was when we found out that Santa Clause is really a man in costume, or when we finally ‘hit the ball out of the park’. Death of family members, divorce, seeing our parents for who they are as people, meeting our spouse – those are times when our lives change.

When I met my husband – my life changed.

When I learned the true meaning of Christmas – and saw Jesus’ life as a history lesson rather than a fable – my attitude changed.

When we decided to adopt – my perspective changed.

When I met Anya – who I am changed...my heart was different. The moment that little blonde haired, green eyes little girl walked into the room...I was different.

Changing my idea of who I am wasn’t hard when I became Marty’s wife. I guess on some level, I always felt like I was his wife…it just took a while to make it “official” (haha).

The definition of who I am changed when I decided to give my life to Christ. I didn’t change my personality, my friends, or what I liked to do…but it changed my thought process like nothing else I can imagine. It changed my motives for doing things. In some ways – it changed me for the better…but in other ways, I didn’t change at all. I was still me – just a better me. Some people would challenge that I changed a lot during this time...I maintain that I haven't changed...just different.

Then, when I met Anya – suddenly, in an instant – I became someone’s Mama. That is so much different than any other definition I had ever given to myself. I feel a level of responsibility in being a wife, in being a friend, daughter, sister, etc., - but the responsibility of being a Mom is huge.

Part of that responsibility is to protect her. To fight for her. To not give up on her. Since that day in 2004, a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about her, wondered what she is doing – or tried to come up with a new creative way to get her home. Everything I do is motivated by her. In my work; I am motivated to be the best I can be...because I am Anya's Mommy. I don't want to jeopardize our resources; because I am Anya's Mommy.

Now - when I look in the mirror - I don't see Fran's daughter, Dan's sister, Marty's wife, a fashion/style expert...I see Anya's Mommy.

It's different now. And, it will never be the same.

I will never be the same – and I Thank God for that...for Anya!

update...

Hello Everyone,

We talked to our contacts in Russia tonight. Apparently, the process as I understood it isn't exactly the way it goes.

Before our case officially goes to the Supreme Court - there is a meeting between our lawyer and the judge where our lawyer makes it knows that our intention is to take our case to the Supreme Court. Essentially, giving her one last chance.

The latest deal is that the judge won't accept our documents because we're not with an accredited agency. Which is OK by Russian Law. There are adoptions happening all over Russia by people who are "independent".

There is one agency who is waiting accreditation in Russia - the ONLY agency that works in Irkutsk. We've had some contact with the 'higher-ups' at this organization, and feel that when the accreditation comes through, that we will be able to help them - and they can help us. ...so to speak.

This agency has been 'next on the list' for a LONG time. We found out that there is one document they are having trouble getting in order to have the accreditation finalized. And, who knows when that will happen.

So - we're not waiting.

The plan is to call Irkutsk again in a few weeks to see how the meeting with the Judge went.

More updates in the courts in Irkutsk include a new Chief Judge, a new Deputy Judge...but Stepanova is still there :(

The rumors persist that she (Stepanova) will leave. Her commission is up, so she can leave any time. The newest rumor is that she will not come back after the winter holiday break (the month of January). Who knows...as with everything in Irkutsk, I will believe it when I see it!

So - here we are! Waiting again!

On a positive note, Anya is doing fine. Our friend in Irkutsk checked on her recently, and she is doing well.