I will never be the same again

I will never be the same.

There are a few times in my life where I can mark in a calendar and say – the day before this event, I was different. Since this event, I am changed. Those life changes are what make me…ME. The good, bad and ugly :)

I think if we all think back over our lives, there are marked times when our perspective changes forever. When we are children, maybe it was when we found out that Santa Clause is really a man in costume, or when we finally ‘hit the ball out of the park’. Death of family members, divorce, seeing our parents for who they are as people, meeting our spouse – those are times when our lives change.

When I met my husband – my life changed.

When I learned the true meaning of Christmas – and saw Jesus’ life as a history lesson rather than a fable – my attitude changed.

When we decided to adopt – my perspective changed.

When I met Anya – who I am changed...my heart was different. The moment that little blonde haired, green eyes little girl walked into the room...I was different.

Changing my idea of who I am wasn’t hard when I became Marty’s wife. I guess on some level, I always felt like I was his wife…it just took a while to make it “official” (haha).

The definition of who I am changed when I decided to give my life to Christ. I didn’t change my personality, my friends, or what I liked to do…but it changed my thought process like nothing else I can imagine. It changed my motives for doing things. In some ways – it changed me for the better…but in other ways, I didn’t change at all. I was still me – just a better me. Some people would challenge that I changed a lot during this time...I maintain that I haven't changed...just different.

Then, when I met Anya – suddenly, in an instant – I became someone’s Mama. That is so much different than any other definition I had ever given to myself. I feel a level of responsibility in being a wife, in being a friend, daughter, sister, etc., - but the responsibility of being a Mom is huge.

Part of that responsibility is to protect her. To fight for her. To not give up on her. Since that day in 2004, a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about her, wondered what she is doing – or tried to come up with a new creative way to get her home. Everything I do is motivated by her. In my work; I am motivated to be the best I can be...because I am Anya's Mommy. I don't want to jeopardize our resources; because I am Anya's Mommy.

Now - when I look in the mirror - I don't see Fran's daughter, Dan's sister, Marty's wife, a fashion/style expert...I see Anya's Mommy.

It's different now. And, it will never be the same.

I will never be the same – and I Thank God for that...for Anya!