Is the grass greener?

I've been following the birth story of a member of a Christian band that I have loved for a long time. The band is Sela. Todd (member of the band) and his wife found out that their unborn child was very sick. If you are a blog-addict (and I am NOT pointing any fingers here...), get some Kleenex and start at the beginning of this story http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Well, the end of the story is that baby Audrey died shortly after birth. Gun wrenching, faith testing, ugly-cry producing. The thing I love about this Mom, is that through her pain and grief, she is praising God. She is one that is focusing on the end of the story!

Because this is a family of musicians, they wrote a song in tribute to their dear baby girl, and in the hopes that it will help others that are faced with unimaginable grief. It is a powerful song.

Happy Russian Easter!

Christ is Risen! Христос Воскрес
Easter Blessings Пасхальное Благословение

prayers for a friend

Hello Everyone, and Happy Friday~

I have a good friend who is adopting from the Irkutsk region too - she and I have been in this game together since 2004...and we're STILL in this game together!

Her documents are in the process of being resubmitted to the Judge. The Judge has given her a deadline of April 28th. Everything is falling into place in a miraculous way (DHL delivered the documents faster than you would believe, we think there was an extension to the deadline because of a Russian holiday - which is GOOD!).

Please please pray for our friends and their documents, We are praying specifically that God lays His hands on the whole situation, that the documents are accepted by Judge Stepanova, and that this family is given a court date - and of course, that the court hearing is successful.

the grass is greeener

I read on someones blog recently something that made me think...

We always think that the Grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes we don't realize that green grass requires a lot of rain.

is this good or bad?

Several of the families who we are waiting with have decided to start a chat group online. This has been GREAT! We have been sharing information, struggles, rumors - all in a safe place where we are assured there is no one lurking (if you've ever participated on a char board, you know there are almost always lurkers that are there for motives that aren't always pure).

Anyway, last night, one of the moms noticed that her child's photo on the Russian database had been changed. Before I go into more detail - let me explain what the database is (in a nutshell)...it is a place for Russian citizen to go to 'shop' for a child. Every child who is available for adoption is listed on this database. Anya is there...and has been for a long time. In the past, the photo that is there was one that was taken of her when she was a baby (like 8 months old) - I thought this was great, since I have photos of her at under 1 - today.

Anyway - Anya's photo had also changed. You can see the translated version of the site here:
\http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.usynovite.ru%2Fdb%2F%3Fdo_search%3D1%26s%3D2%26y%3D2002%26r%255B%255D%3D38%26p%3D5&langpair=ru%7Cen&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&prev=%2Flanguage_tools

So - is this good or bad?

Bad - maybe the officials have been told to 'shop' her around to Russian families. Maybe they are actively looking to place her in foster care? Maybe I am totally freaking out!

Good - or this is good - this will prove to the Judge that the director and officials did everything they could to find a Russian family for Anya (that is always an issue in court). One thing that is good, is that the photo is a horrible one, and her demeanor is listed as troubled (and she is NOT!!..there are lots of kids whoa are listed as social - and I would think a Russian family would choose a child who is social over one who is troubled (YAY!).

The ironic thing, is the the only 'new' photos that we can see on the database are ours and another family who has taken their case to court. That is, well, interesting.

thoughts to blog about

It's funny - every day I think of things to blog about - but then when I get home, I always forget what I was going to say.

Today is a good example - I drug my hubby to the mall - and I HATE the mall (which you wouldn't think, given that I am a professional shopper - seriously - that is my job...) - anyway - we're at the mall, and I think of all the reasons I hate the mall - and think I should share my wisdom with the masses via blog. Truth is, I have very little (or no) tolerance for stupidity or poor customer service. I know - many of you are laughing hysterically now - because in many situations the very definition of the mall is mass stupidity and poor customer service.

Then we go to eat. Went to one of my fav places - Uptown Kitchen. Love that place. Great service (since that is one of my hot buttons) - they seem to recognize me when I walk in (although I know they have no clue who I am, I like the feeling that they remember that I was there before). No stupid people there at all...love it. Good food, good tea...

Then to church - isn't it odd how when you are going through something, you relate everything to YOUR situation - and it's hard to just sit back and take in a message. Does that make us narcissistic?

Got home, and started loading music on my IPod. My plan was to organize songs that I am going to use for 2 HUGE fashion shows I'm producing this week. But - then I get side tracked...and 20 or 30 CDs later - here I sit, singing my heart out to Faith Hill. Have you heard the song "There Will Come A Day"? It's on the 'Breathe' album. That song gets me...and I think Angie H from church should sing it :) - anyway, I know that a lot of pre-adoptive-parents read this blog. I just want to encourage you with this - THERE WILL COME A DAY.

THERE WILL COME A DAY

It's not easy trying to understand
How the world can be so cold, stealing the souls of man
Cloudy skies rain down on all your dreams
You wrestle with the fear and doubt
Sometimes it's hard but you gotta believe

Chorus:
There's a better place, where our Father waits
And every tear He'll wipe away
The darkness will be gone,the weak shall be strong
Hold on to your faith

There will come a day, there will come a day
Wars are raging, lives are scattered
Innocence is lost, and hopes are shattered
The old are forgotten, the children are forsaken
In this world we're living in
Is there anything sacred?

There will come a day, there will come a day
The song will ring out, down those golden streets
The voices of earth with the angels will sing {HALLELUJAH!]
Every knee will bow, sin will have no trace
In the glory of His amazing grace
Every knee will bow, sin will have no trace
In the glory of His amazing grace
There will come a day, there will come a day
Oooh there will come a day
I know there's coming a day, coming a day

Who Do Ya Know in Eugene?

A friend suggested that I find out if Irkutsk has a sister city in the U.S. Sometimes, those relationships are strong, and the officials from both cities become friends. So - off to Google I go...

I appears that Irktusk has a lot of sister cities around the world. But, here in the US, it's Eugene Oregon.

Here is what I found out:

Eugene, Oregon, USA
Eugene Sister Cities Foundation, Inc.
Almost a decade ago, a dedicated group of Eugene citizens pooled their talents and resources to form the Eugene-Irtkutsk Sister City Committee. An agreement between the two cities - so far apart but with so much in common - was drafted and signed by then Eugene Mayor Brian B. Obie and Irkutsk Mayor Yuri Shkuropat. In the years since, the Eugene-Irkutsk Sister City Committee has enriched the life experiences of people here and in Siberia. We in Eugene have stood firm in our friendship with Irkutsk as political changes wrenched the U.S.S.R. apart. We supported our Sister City as they traded their hammer and sickle banners for the red, white and blue of the Russian flag. Both cities have exchanged many delegations representing the cultural, business, and academic communities in each country.
Contacts in Eugene: Galina Groza, ggroza@teleport.com, Phone: 686-0546 George Davis davisassoc@igc.org

Contact in Irkutsk: Ludmila A. Kurbatova, Irkutsk mayor's office, Phone: 243704, 340893 (Mr. Kushnaryov).

Officials from Eugene
An official delegation from Eugene came on June 1-4, 2001, to celebrate the 340th birthday of Irkutsk.
A small but energetic official delegation helped Eugene's Russian sister city, Irkutsk, celebrate its 340th birthday. The delegation, comprising Galina Groza, chair of the Irkutsk Sister City Committee, Sage Ratterman, a board member of the same committee, and Mary Walston, representing the City of Eugene at the request of the Mayor, as neither he nor any of the city councilors were able to attend, arrived in Irkutsk on Saturday, June 1, after a long trip from Eugene. Though weary and tired (in part from the travel and in part due to the 16 hour time difference), the delegation was warmly greeted by smiling faces including Ludmilla Kurbatova, Eugene's long-time sister cities contact, her son Kostya, and several other local officials.

With a population of over 700,000, Irkutsk is the major industrial commercial center between western Russia and the Far East, and between Siberia and China. Built in 1900, the Trans-Siberian Railroad links these distances together, a major engineering feat given the harsh climate, numerous water systems and rugged terrain, requiring especially cold-resistant building materials. There are also numerous educational institutions there, and it is a tourist destination point due to its proximity to Lake Baikal, 40 kilometers to the southeast. The Irkutsk Region is vast, greater in size than the Pacific Northwest, and the city is surrounded by rivers, mountains, and beautifully rugged nature which hides its abundantly rich mineral supplies - in many ways similar to Eugene.

Highlights of the week included attending a private reception with Mayor Yakubovsky and his staff, visiting educational and medical facilities, stopping at a Lake Baikal traditional log village, picnicking on the shore of Lake Baikal on the local fish delicacy, touring the Decembrists' House, attending a youth concert at one of the performing arts centers, and participating in informal discussions with new and old friends.

Mayor Yakubovsky spent a great deal of time with the Eugene delegation; there was an exchange of gifts in connection with the 340th anniversary of the city. The City of Eugene presented a plaque depicting the two continents linked together by the Pacific Ocean and two 17th century sailing ships, or "partner ships". The 18th century exploration of northern Pacific waters was headed by Captain Bering, who finalized his plans in Irkutsk before heading east to set sail. These beginnings led to eventual Russian settlement of Alaska.

Plans are now underway to welcome an official delegation from Irkutsk in late September. For more information, contact Mary Walston, City Manager's Office, 682-5406 or Galina Groza, Chair of the Irkutsk Committee, 686-0546.

For more information see Community page of Eugene, Administration of Irkutsk Region

Link A Family
Link A Family helps establish pen-pal relationships between families in Irkutsk and the Angarsk region of Siberia and families in Eugene (and elsewhere in the U.S. and Canada). Started two years ago as a project of the Eugene-Irkutsk Sister City Committee, Link A Family has linked around 200 families.
Periodically project director Jana Nelson sends an advertisement to friends in Irkutsk via e-mail, and they publish it in a local newspaper. She matches the letters she receives with American families based on profession, family size, and age.

Initially Nelson tried to establish a regular courier service between Eugene and Irkutsk, but it proved too time consuming. Now letters are exchanged via the post. She has found that mail delivery works fairly well if people follow a few guidelines: use metered mail instead of stamps; don't enclose anything extra with the letter; and use manilla envelopes--they look more official.

Currently Nelson is looking for more correspondents in Irkutsk and environs (she has enough American participants). For more information contact:

Jana Nelson E-mail: 71564.1704@compuserve.com

President Bush to go to Russia

I am searching for a good news story - and will post it as soon as I find one...but President Bush and Putin are going to be meeting this weekend. Let's pray that adoption relations comes up, and that some bridges are built for us!

Thanks to so many that have sent words of encouragement to us. Here are a few that really touched my heart, or made me laugh!:

I don't know if this will help or not, but I recently learned that it's good to pray for "release." i.e. pray for the release of the evil forces against you and that kind of thing

Have you thought of just kidnapping her? I am sure you have!

I’ve decided to start a “Pass along the Passion” for you two… not sure what may happen, or where the message may travel, but going VIRAL has meaning, gives HOPE!

I will continue to pray friend.

You guys have persevered for such a long, long time. Of course we will send you some of our strength through prayer. And in our prayer meetings we will break the demon powers in Irkutsk over your precious Anya.

Just remember that with God all things are possible!

Countless are the stories that we don’t know the endings of yet. Oh, yes, we know that ultimately we will be in Heaven and all will be well, but for now, on this earth we don’t always know how things are going to turn out. Hence, we walk by faith and not by sight. We hold the hand and trust the heart of our all seeing and all knowing God. He alone knows the beginning from the end. He alone knows what lies ahead and the avenues He will use to take us to each point. Joy comes when my delight is found in knowing and following the One who knows what He has in mind for each of my situations and the day it will no longer be hidden from my eyes.

In all this, Thy will be done

Adoption Update - April 2008

TOO TIRED TO PRAY

Have you ever prayed for something in your life for what seems like an eternity? And have nothing significant happen? Have you ever wondered if God was listening, and then prayed some more?

Friends, we need your help to continue to pray for Anya and the adoption. We hate to admit it, but we are so tired, beat up, mentally exhausted by this process we need to lean on the strength of our friends.

We know God's plan is not to keep Anya an orphan. We know that He has opened amazing doors for us to continue this fight. We also know that the only reason we're able to keep fighting for her is because of the power of prayer. We're just tired.

The stronghold that has it's grip on Irkutsk can be moved by the power of God. We need to continue to unite in prayer against anything and everything that is standing between us and bringing Anya home.

In the past when we've come together in prayer, amazing things have happened. Today, there are 4 families (including us) who have documents in the works to bring our children home from the orphanages in Irkutsk. We American families are committed to pray and fast until all of our dossiers are accepted by the courts, until we all have a successful court hearing, and have our children on American soil. We are all trying different approaches, in the hopes that one of us will crack the code.

Each day, we will be specifically praying and fasting. We have friends all over the country who have offered to fast on specific days of the week for us. Will you join with us in this time of prayer?

We won't bore you with everything that is going on in the adoption community right now (if you want details, please visit our blog). Just know that we have more things working against us than for us right now. All we have is prayer, and God on our side!



Help Us Spread The Word
If you are willing to join with us in prayer, help us spread the word.
We know many of you have blogs, are parts of prayer groups, and know people who are prayer warriors. Please pass along our prayer request to everyone you know. Feel free to post the need for prayer for the orphans in Irkutsk Russia on your blog.

WE TV tonight

On We TV tonight at 8PM Eastern, there is a show called 'Women Behind Bars'. Peggy Hilt (the women in Virginia who killed her Russian adopted daughter - that started the downward spiral ultimately leading to all the trouble we're having) will be featured.

No - I'm not kidding...

Here is some more info on the program:
http://www.wetv.com/shows/women-behind-bars/episodes/EP010293120004

Wisdom from a child

I can't even think of what to say about this, except - THIS is the way I want to be able to see EVERYTING in my world! Windom from a child...

fall out and need for prayer

Since the most recent tragedy of another Russian child - rumors have surfaced of some regions in Russia stopping adoptions. Funny how these things start - apparently there are up to 9 regions in Russia who are going to stop adoptions until the outcome of this latest murder comes to light.

Amazing...

This news comes on the heels of news that the MOE (Ministry of Education - the government body that oversees orphanages and adoptions in Russia) is once again trying to outlaw independent adoption. Their definition of 'independent' is any foreigner adopting in Russia who isn't using a Russian certified agency. In a press release from the MOE, it states,

"For a more thorough screening of prospective parents and in-depth training of foreign nationals to receive a child in their family, the MinEdSci bill proposes to establish a mandatory psychological examination and passing a specific training program for the admission of a child in foster families."

Who knows what this would include.

I the past week, I've taken a serious look at myself, and my energy level to bring Anya home. My commitment has not changed; but if I am honest, my energy has diminished over the past few months. I have been praying for her, as I always do…but I wonder if my prayers are void of the energy needed.

So, what to do…

I am AGAIN asking for anyone reading this blog to ban with us in prayer. I am asking for you to pass the word on your blogs, chat rooms - anywhere you visit online with those who pray. We are asking specifically for united prayer and/or fasting every Friday. Prayers for the adoption situation in Russia, for all the orphans in that country, and for the families who have adopted and who are adopting children from Russia.

Are you in? Will you ban with us in this prayer?

Another adoption tragedy

On FRUA (www.frua.org) I read about another tragedy in the adoption world. Horrible. I can't understand - why don't these adoptive parents who seem to be overwhelmed seek help?

http://www.abc4.com/mostpopular/story.aspx?content_id=74d63310-3625-487b-a782-9390b58176f5

TOOELE, Utah (ABC 4 News) - A child is dead and his brother is hospitalized.

And now their parents are in jail in connection to the crime.

It was a 9-1-1 call from the Emilyantsev home in Tooele Friday that alerted police to the situation.

Dispatcher: " Yes, what's the problem?

Mom: "I have a problem with my baby. It's a little boy we just adopted ."

Dispatcher: " What type of problem?"

Mom: "...breathing problems."

Inside the home, police found an 14-month old on the floor, barely breathing.

Dispatcher: What exactly happened?

Mom: He is breathing. I don't know. I don't know. We've got five ... He's out fifth child. We just adopted him from Russia."

A day later, the child died at the hospital and the autopsy revealed a cause.

"The child suffered a significant skull fracture and when the child suffered the injury it appears from the investigation that it would have been mom who was in custody of the child," said Tooele County prosecutor Doug Hogan.

Kimberly Emelyantsev is the child’s mother and was jailed. Wednesday she was brought to court to face child murder charges.

Prosecutors said the 14-month old was a baby with Down's syndrome and was adopted by the family two weeks ago.

"It’s hard to reconcile those two facts...somebody that would adopt and then the child suffers a significant injury," Hogan said.

But prosecutors said their investigation uncovered another allegation against the parents.

The husband, Fyodor Emelyantsev was jailed on suspicion of child abuse.

Police claim the couple adopted another four year old baby with Down's syndrome from Russia. The child was malnourished.

"This was also a special needs child,” Hogan said. “This was a child that would not have been the size and weight you would expect for the age."

Back at the Emelyansev home, neighbors are stunned with what's happened to the children.

"As a parent you worry about your kids and that's the absolute worst thing that could happen to them and you can't imagine anything worse,” said neighbor Celese Hansen.

Kimberly Emelyantsev remains in jail and will return to court Thursday for a detention hearing.

Telling Everyone

This weekend in church, our pastor talked about ‘telling everyone’ you know. I started remembering back when I first became a Christian, and how I told everyone I knew – then about how when we were first starting down this adoption path – and how I told everyone I knew.

Why did I stop telling everyone? My enthusiasm and passion for both of these things hasn’t diminished. Puzzling.

So, I’ve been thinking about that, why did I stop telling everyone? It was true that many times when I would share my Faith, people would listen, and ask a lot of questions. My favorite comment was, “wow, you are so normal for a Christian”…whatever THAT means .

Likewise, when I would talk about our adoption journey, I would share some of our struggle, and people are interested. People have even told me they are encouraged by our tenacity and Faith.

So – why have I stopped talking about it? In the past, you couldn’t know my name was Kathy without knowing that I go to GCC (our church), I am a Christian, my Faith is important to me…and that we are adopting a little girl from Russia.

I think I stopped because of a few things. First, I got busy – my mind got busy and cluttered with my to-do list, and my goals have been all about getting things out of my in-box. I also think I got to the point that I thought I was bugging people. I didn’t want to ‘bore’ people with those details of my personal life.

But – the facts remain. My Faith and the fact that we are adopting Anya define who I am as a person.


So – I am going to start talking about it again. I guess – this is a fair warning!

...and then reality smacked us in the face

As we were packing up on Tuesday night to catch our VERY early flight Wednesday morning, my Mom called. My Mom never calls when we are out of town. The conversation started with "Just wanted to tell you what is going on"...which in my family is code for something bad happened.

A close family friend, Jason, had been severely beaten, and was fighting for his life. The prognosis wasn't good. Jay's family was rushing to his side. By Wednesday morning, Jason had died.

We didn't sleep at all Tuesday night - every time we would talk, we would say "I just can't believe it".

The whole thing is so sad. He was only 32. Killed in the prime of his life. He has 2 small children. At the time of his death, Jason had so many promising things happening in his life. Lots of plans for his future. He had been working very hard on MANY things to make a better life for his family.

We can all take comfort in knowing that Jason is with God. He is free of pain, grief, confusion, sadness. For that, YAY Jason! High 5 to you!

To Jason's Mom and family - I am so sorry. I just don't know what to say, other than our thoughts and prayers are with you.

back to reality

Well, after traveling since the first of March, we're back to reality. Although we were traveling for business, it was good to get away.

Our travels started in Oklahoma. Now - I will admit, when I scheduled the biz trip to Tulsa, I wasn't very excited about it. But I will tell you now - that we LOVED Tulsa! All of the people we met were wonderful - very friendly. The client we went there to see we loved. Marty got along very well with the husband, and I simply loved the wife. We've planned several more trips there - and they are going to come here (to Chicago).

Then we were off to LA. I am not a big fan of Los Angeles. Been there several times - and never felt very comfortable. We stayed in a great location - 1-block from the ocean and boardwalk. But there were homeless people everywhere.

WARNING ABOUT THE PHOTO - I needed a haircut before we left for Tulsa - and couldn't get in until next week...so no comments about my do. It is bad!




After LA, we headed to San Francisco. Funny how things work out. I have been stressed and over-committed for months. No time to stop and catch my breath. About the time we were packing up to head to SF, my client called to cancel. NOT what I wanted to hear! But - she had an employee that had been killed at work - in Germany. So, my client was on a flight heading to Germany (not so mad when I heard that!). Marty and I soon found ourselves with 2 days - an no appointments. What to do with all that time?

On Monday, we headed to Napa. We love Napa - it is beautiful at any time of the year. ON a whim, we stopped in a winery called Mumm. What a great time! They specialize in 'bubbles' (i.e. fizzy wine like champagne etc.). We got to try things we would never had otherwise. They had a great art gallery - lots of photographs...the kind that bring tears to your eyes when you see the beauty of nature captured in film. What am amazing way to really see God's power!









Tuesday, we spent the day downtown. Of course we had to go to Nordstrom. It would have been wrong to be THAT close to a Nordstrom, and not do a little shoe shopping! We did the tourist trolley ride thing to the wharf - it was nice.


Now, we're gearing up for several other biz adventures. Miami, Chicago, Tulsa, and trying to plan something into Virginia and maybe the Carolinas.

Need an Oprah Hook Up

I was surfing the net today, and went to www.Oprah.com. There is a section on the 'be on the show' part of the website that used to have a show topic called "do you need an Oprah hook up?". It's too bad that topic idea is gone...because I do!

I can't help but to believe that getting Anya home is going to be because of someone we know (who knows someone). I have had this feeling for a LONG time. If you do any research on Russian business culture, you will quickly learn that most business agreements happen on relationship. Well - we need to find that relationship connection to Judge Stepanova! and/or to the Supreme Court in Russia.

Maybe you know someone who is connected with someone powerful. Oprah knows everyone. I also know that Martha Stewart has Russian connections.

OK, so maybe I am thinking out of the box - but hey, it can't hurt!

Michiana Mommy Makeover Contest!

I don't usually post work related content on this blog - but this is such a great thing, I wanted to make sure a TON of people heard about it.

Michiana Mommy Makeover Contest!
There is a fascination with makeovers - makeover television shows, makeover stories, makeover tips. We seem to be a society obsessed with the idea of a makeover.

Anyone who has gone through a complete makeover experience knows that the process is more than just a new haircut and some new clothes. The process is a transformation from the inside out. Sometimes it is an awakening of the beauty that was being hidden by poorly fitting clothes, and an outdated hairstyle.

When someone says they want a makeover, what they are really saying is that they are ready for a change. They are ready to close the chapter on one story of life. A makeover is more about what happens inside than what happens in the mirror. As women, it is easy to get over involved in the 'business' of being a women. It is all too easy to define yourself as a mom, a wife, an employee; and forget that first and foremost, you are a woman. The Moms that I have helped redefine a style all say the same thing; they express the idea that since their kids were born, they simply forgot how to be a woman. Many times after childbirth, or for women in their mid-30's, things change. Our bodies change, and we don't know how to dress this new shape.

It's all very common, and to every woman reading this, you are not alone! My belief is there is no better way to honor my marriage or my kids than to take care of myself. Ladies, we have a choice to make. We can stay in the rut we think we are, and not change - and everyday wonder when things are going to take a turn for the better-or, we can get out of bed, take a real interest in ourselves, and become the hot Momma we know is within!

If you or someone you know is deserving of a Mommy Makeover, please read on. Below are contest details. If you have any questions about the contest, please do not hesitate to contact me.

CONTEST DETAILS

Last year, you might remember the Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover. We chose a Michiana Mom, listened to her needs, and gave her a complete makeover. The lucky winner was Kris Peterson of Goshen. Kris's new look is amazing!

This year, we are going to honor a Michiana Mom with a complete makeover. Do you know of a Mom who needs a little confidence boost, someone who has been giving her all to everyone around her, and it's time for her to give some time and attention to herself? I want to hear from you!

Nominate a Mom (or nominate yourself!) for the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine Mommy Makeover! In 300 words or less, let us know why your Mom deserves to be the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover!

HOW TO ENTER YOURSELF OR ANOTHER DESERVING MICHIANA MOMMY

*the deadline is extended for those on this list ONLY. Deadline extended to Friday March 7th

All entries should be sent to makeover@michianafamilymagazine.com. All entries must be received by midnight on February 28th, 2008. Please include a photo of the nominee, and her name, address and phone number. Any entries received without this information will be considered invalid. All entries should include (no more than) 300 words, and answer the questions, "why my nominee deserves to be the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover".



Other guidelines of the contest are as follows:



1. the winner must be a resident of Michiana

2. the winner must be willing to make a change in her appearance; this can include, but is not limited to, 1 new outfit, wardrobe coaching, updated haircut, updated hair color and makeup

3. the winner must be willing for mFm to document the makeover via photographs, and be willing to sign a media release

4. the winner agrees to have her makeover story told in mFm

5. the winner must be able to devote 1 full week day for the makeover process

6. the winner understands there is no cash value to any of the prizes awarded in this contest

7. the winner holds harmless, and releases rights to litigation to all advertisers, mFm, Kathy Friend and all contributors to the contest

in search of a stone

I was driving home last night from work listening to the radio and thinking. Seems the only time I have to sit and think is when I am driving.

I have been feeling that I am coming to the end of my resources. I am hitting walls that I KNOW I can overcome, but I can't find a solution to the problem. We're not seeing steps backward with the adoption - just feels like running a sprint - in place...over and over again, nonstop, for years on end.

Apparently there isn't enough to take our case to the Supreme Court. The Judge in Irkutsk hasn't 'denied' our case (i.e she hasn't said no) - and I guess until she says no, we can't take it to the Supreme Court. I guess there are more documents the Judge has asked of our lawyer - but of course, I have no idea what those documents are. SO FRUSTRATING! And - in the process of all the dilly-dallying, many of or documents have expired. What documents you ask? Good question - I have no idea (probably criminal checks, but a list of what we need to redo has not been provided).

There is also a rumor that the Judge won't accept the accreditation of this one agency who has federal accreditation in Russia (who works in Irkutsk). The documents they needed to file in the region were to be filed the first part of January. Well, we're looking at March 1 - and the documents are still not filed. Grrrrrr. We are traveling the first part of March, and will be in the neighborhood of the corporate office for this agency. My plan is to set an appointment with them. We'll see.

So, I'm driving home late last night. - and a song came on that I have heard a thousand times before (Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns). But for some reason, there were parts of the lyrics I had never heard before. This is what I heard loud and clear (and if you've heard this song, you know that picking out words is a little tricky):

The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Well, that's me. Standing before this giant with nothing. I got nothing - no rights, no tricks up my sleeve, no miracles. All I have is Faith. This one thing that makes most people think I am nuts. Makes the people in Russia wonder about me.

Somewhere there is a stone (or document or person or something) that is JUST THE RIGHT SIZE to defeat this giant.

If you happen to find a stone that is just the right size, let me know!

at church this weekend

We are starting our annual financial series at church (GCC) this weekend. The series topic is around the 80's - also known as 'my generation'. The title to this weekend is 'living on a prayer' - yep - a great Bon Jovi song...and guess who is singing? My husband! How happy am I?

Well, at band practice last night, there was a lot of talk about 80's attire. Being the fashion expert of the group, I offered some ideas. See our fine musicians below...in their best 80's Hair Band attire! Meet (L-R) Dustin, Marty, Dan and Leah!



*** no Mom, this isn't really them...it's a doctored picture of Van Halen with the band guys faces!

Looking for help in Russia

I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying. I am trying to figure out why it is taking so long to adopt Anya. I am thinking of other situations with friends where things didn't go as planned - and then years down the road - something happens to make it all make sense. In theory, you would think this would be an encouraging way to think - but everyone I could think of wasn’t so positive. A couple were trying to have another baby…a year (or so) later, it comes out that he is having an affair, and they are getting divorced. Another person I know was trying to adopt, kind of in the same situation we’re in, but decided to stop the process. Some time later, she find out that she has cancer.

God does know what He is doing. If my friends who were trying to have the baby did – she would be a single mom of 5…the 4 they already have, and an infant. And if my friend would have decided to press on with the adoption and if it would have been finalized now – she would be a single Mom fighting cancer. Or worse – she would be denied the adoption because of the diagnosis.

So I wonder, is something bad going to happen? Is there something horrible God is trying to save us from? And what would be more horrible than to leave Anya in an orphanage?

Since we started this process, I seem to look at every obstacle in our lives as a learning experience. I look at every frustrating encounter as preparation for being a Mom. Silly, huh? But the one thing I don’t get is the waiting…

It occurred to me today that we know someone who is pretty well connected in Moscow. I emailed him today to ask for his help with the Supreme Court. At one time, he said that if we were adopting in Moscow – he would have so many connections for us, that we could get this done with no problems at all. That stuck in my mind. So – I emailed him to see who he might know. From what I understand, our case goes to Moscow (apparently the Supreme Court is in Moscow). If there were something to pray about, please pray that he answers my email, and knows someone of great influence with the Supreme Court. Someone who is willing to help us. You know me – I think big. I want a complete miracle – I want this person to be able to connect with our lawyer in Irkutsk and somehow take our case to the Supreme Court and then all the sudden one day we will get a call that it is done – to get on a plane to pick up Anya!

Wishful thinking – with frustrating waiting!

If you think it it cold here.

Well, we were whining about it being 3 degrees here today...until I looked at the weather in Irkutsk. -22...that is the ACTUAL temperature. With windchill, it is -34. YIKES! That's Siberia for ya!

another day, another call (from the Embassy)

This morning, Feb. 1, we were woke up by a phone call from the Embassy in Moscow. We chatted for about 30 minutes with our friend there.

We learned that as of today, we are indeed the only pending case for an American family in Irkutsk. Not a big surprise, but disappointing as I really thought other families had presented their documents. Our friend at the Embassy said that if they have presented documents, they aren’t ‘pending’ in the eyes of the court. Bummer.

We also learned that there is quite a discrepancy with how the law is interpreted, and some heated letters have been going back and forth between the courts in Irkutsk and the Embassy. Specifically with the Russian law that clearly states that independent adoptions are legal (as opposed to being with an accredited agency). From what I understand, this has become quite a topic of water cooler humor at the Embassy…since the law is clear, and the court is saying that isn’t want it says.

Bottom line is that we all agree on 2 things:
1. More American families need to officially present documents to the court in Irkutsk and get an official statement. With that statement, they will have something to appeal.
2. My gut says that all of the appeals are going to be for the same thing(s). So – if we all go to the Supreme Court appealing the same thing, that will bring undo attention to this regional judge – thereby making her look not so good in the eyes of her superiors (and peers). This is the loophole for MANY families.
3. We need to keep pressing on! We have SO MANY people and organizations watching us and who on our side praying with us. We have THE ultimate power! We need to remember that and USE IT!

and then January was done...

I have to say how GLAD I am that January is over! It as a very bad month for me…not going to bore you with the laundry list of everything that went wrong or caused me angst, but know that it is a long distinguished list!

One good sign that the month was over was receiving the precious photos of Anya last night. That really brought everything into perspective for me. Another common thread that I have been trying to allow myself to hear is SLOW DOWN (and I get that from more than just the speeding ticket I got  - anyone know someone in the Elkhart prosecutor’s office? This one is going to cost me!). Last night at church there was a very strong message made…as a society we are too busy. We took a quiz to see how busy we are. I was almost embarrassed to admit that I got almost the highest scores available. Yikes!

I know I have to slow down – but how do you do that when you have commitments up to your eyeballs? Anyone, anyone?

Our Little Princess

Just got an email from Russia. Anya is doing well, she has grown even taller than she was in September! I was one of the tallest in my class until maybe 7th grade...so, it's OK! She is like her Mama!

Here are some pictures of Anya with the Christmas gifts we sent to her.











Not sure what is the deal with the reindeer get up. I assume that Anya was a reindeer in some kind of winter play. She doesn't look very happy about the costume does she?

I Surrender All

To know me is to know a few truths. I love shoes. I love clothes. I love Oprah. Although I don't have a subscription to O Magazine, each month, I read parts of the online version. My favorite thing is reading Oprah's words.

In the Feb edition - she talks about real love. How you are loved through hard times. Pretty good stuff.

So, after reading this - you will understand the title to this post. And - to all you PAPs out there (pre adoptive parents) - SURRENDER ALL. "You don't have to carry the load [of adoption] all by yourself. You can surrender all."

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200802/omag_200802_landing.jhtml
...from Oprah

I've gotten a new taste of what love is the past few months while trying to right the wrongs at my school in South Africa. A dormitory matron was accused of sexual and physical abuse at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls. Recognizing how emotionally draining this time has been for me, people reached out with their encouragement. People I knew well and many I had never met built a bridge of support allowing me to laser-focus on doing what was necessary, moment by moment, to help each girl.

Yes, I was devastated—devastated times 150 trusting hearts. I couldn't stop thinking about the girls, every single one of them—remembering when I first interviewed them to come to the school, and their high hopes and happy smiles the day they were accepted. So many of them had already had such difficult lives: poverty, death, violence, grief. I wanted their lives at the school to be not just better but easier and free from all harm.

So that dream was temporarily thwarted.

But I can say today (as I write this, I'm on a plane to Africa once again) that the sweeping changes instituted since the report of abuse have put us on the path to a more stable and secure future than we had before. The crisis has forced the school's staff, administrators, teachers, students—and everyone associated with their well-being—to create a more open and collaborative environment. So the new birthing I spoke of in last month's column has begun.

Throughout this process, I've been sustained by my abiding faith in a power greater than my own. I've recognized in every dark moment that this too shall pass. That's the mantra that's kept me going from the moment I received the first phone call of suspected abuse.

After many days of constant conversations and working through a multitude of concerns, I was worn out, but my spirit's never faltered. I've remained encouraged by the grace and love of friends who've e-mailed, written, or called. So many people asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"—not knowing that they already had, just by asking. Gayle was as exhausted as I but still attended every meeting with police, and parents. Maria Shriver left daily messages reminding me to hold firm to my intentions in building the school.

Every note or message felt like an embrace, like the greatest valentine anyone could receive. None came with frills or fancy bows—just its own heart-spoken truth. This last line in a handwritten letter from Sidney Poitier spoke volumes: "The universe and all your friends have your back."

To know that people care about how you're doing when the doings aren't so good—that's what love is. I feel blessed to know this for sure.

One day while I was doing the show, my friend BeBe Winans appeared in the audience. "BeBe, why are you here?" I asked during a commercial break. "No one told me you were coming!"

"I just came to see you, see how you were doing," he said. That's strange, I thought, but continued with the show. Afterward he followed me to my office and said, "There's something I came to tell you." And as I sat behind my desk, he started singing what he knows is my favorite spiritual: "I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all."

I sat silently, closed my eyes, and opened myself to accepting his magnificent and humble offering, this gift of love and song. When he finished, I felt a release of all pressure to do anything. I was content to just be. And for the first time in weeks, I experienced pure peace.

When I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears, BeBe was beaming. He started laughing his huh, huh, huuuagh laugh, and gave me a big hug. "Girl," he said, "I just came to remind you, you don't have to carry this load all by yourself. You can surrender all."

And in that moment I did.

Listen to I Surrender All Here http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200802/audioplayer/mission_player_180x200.html

one of those days

Ever have one of those days?

Well, today was that day for me. Thought it was going to be a great day - had an appointment this morning - went well...then it all fell apart.

In a nutshell, I had to fire someone (who should be on meds), got in a very minor car accident, found out that one of the pre-adoptive parents I have been waiting with is in Moscow waiting to come home with her bundle of joy (not from Irkutsk...and I am VERY happy for her - just stings a little for some reason, and I am embarrassed to even admit that!), am so sore from the gym yesterday that I can't move (I was trying to be someone I obviously am not), realized I have a butt load of laundry to do - and can't foresee a time to get it done, and think I have a big zit coming on my forehead. Great. Perfect ending to a crappy day.

I know that makes me sound like I am complaining - and I am not. Just a trying day that I am glad is over.

So - instead of TGIF, for me it will be TGISaturday!

Good Story

I read this on one of the chat boards I am on - I thought you night enjoy the story.

When my boys were all teens, (the oldest 18 and ready to move) I started having this dream. It was a dream of a baby, in a dirty diaper, whispy blonde hair, dirty, sitting in piles of garbage and there were bugs everywhere. She had a dirty bottle and arms extended like "please pick me up". It was a pathetic sort of cry, and then I'd be trying to reach her, pick her up, and I couldn't get to her, she'd start fading away and it was like I knew she was starving and dying (like inside)
and then I'd wake up. This happened again and again, sometimes several times a night where sleep was disturbed alot.
In talking to my friends, they said, "oh, it is probably empty nest!" I thought, NO WAY! I definitly DO NOT have empty nest; our nest is full and I'm looking forward to the guys going off to college and the next stage of life. (I'm not one of those wanna keep em' young till they are 30 types)

This went on for several months off and on. Then, it went away. It was gone for 2 years. I didn't think that much about it, but was also puzzled by it.

One day, our relatives from Oklahoma came to visit. They had an extra child with them. She was 4, very, very tiny for her age, whispy blonde hair.... she said, "will you be my mommy and daddy?"
We figured she asked everybody that, but there was something in her look, in her question that was more. Something not to be brushed off so easily.

After they left, guess what came back? That same dream. Intense as ever.
Still didn't connect it.

Well, we adopted that little girl, our little Anna. It takes a long time for US adoptions to finalize, especially when they are between states. So 10 months later, after she had been with us that long, we finalized our adoption. That meant, we FINALLY were able to see her disclosure papers.

This is what I read.

Anna was picked up by the police. The police report stated that she was in a house with piles of garbage and bugs, sitting in a dirty diaper with a bottle, crying.

I got chills. That was my dream. I knew it right then. I knew that all those doubts that had flooded my mind, "did we do the right thing?", " are we too old?" "are we the right parents?" "do we have what it takes"? The Lord KNEW I'd be asking those questions.... so he sent confirmation ahead of time and sealed it in our hearts forever that we are hers and she is ours and that is how it is meant to be.

She KNOWS this story and rests in it, that God looked down and saw a little girl in big trouble and arranged ahead of time for our hearts to be ready for each other. Not our timing, but His.

January Adoption 2008 Newsletter

adoption update
January 3, 2008

What's going on with our documents?
Excellent question. We finally have enough ammunition in the form of legal statements to appeal to the Supreme Court. The regional Judge (Stepanova) continues to find crazy problems with our documents - things that are not legal reasons.

Because of the Russian holiday - we probably won't hear anything until late January or early February.

We are continuing to pray through the red tape, and evil that is holding Anya hostage. Many of you have asked "don't' they want what is best for Anya?" - clearly, the answer is no. You have to understand Russia to understand the answer to that question.

The New Year is starting off great!
If you've been following our blog, you know there is only one agency that works in Irkutsk who was vying for re-accreditation. This accreditation thing has been a big deal in the world of Russian adoptions.

That agency is Nightlight, and they have received reaccreditation.

Although we are not a client of Nightlight's, the fact they received accreditation is huge for all American families adopting in Irkutsk.

I got some information 'straight from the horses mouth' (so to speak), and the documents will be filed in Irkutsk the week of January 8th. Basically, nothing is final until that document (the accreditation document) is filed in each region that Nightlight works.

We are praying for no hitch, no road bumps, no problems as their representatives in Irkutsk file their document of accreditation in Irkutsk the week of January 8th.

...oh ya, Nightlight found out about receiving the accreditation on Christmas. Now - if that wasn't a gift from God - I don't know what is!

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US?Nothing - really. But, this will be an open door for all of the other American families who are waiting to gather thier documents and submit them to the court. There is power in numbers.

Happy Holidays!

Just wanted to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas - and a Happy and Healthy New Year!

This is our tree...and yes, that is Jazz (our cat) who has to get in on the photo!

I will never be the same again

I will never be the same.

There are a few times in my life where I can mark in a calendar and say – the day before this event, I was different. Since this event, I am changed. Those life changes are what make me…ME. The good, bad and ugly :)

I think if we all think back over our lives, there are marked times when our perspective changes forever. When we are children, maybe it was when we found out that Santa Clause is really a man in costume, or when we finally ‘hit the ball out of the park’. Death of family members, divorce, seeing our parents for who they are as people, meeting our spouse – those are times when our lives change.

When I met my husband – my life changed.

When I learned the true meaning of Christmas – and saw Jesus’ life as a history lesson rather than a fable – my attitude changed.

When we decided to adopt – my perspective changed.

When I met Anya – who I am changed...my heart was different. The moment that little blonde haired, green eyes little girl walked into the room...I was different.

Changing my idea of who I am wasn’t hard when I became Marty’s wife. I guess on some level, I always felt like I was his wife…it just took a while to make it “official” (haha).

The definition of who I am changed when I decided to give my life to Christ. I didn’t change my personality, my friends, or what I liked to do…but it changed my thought process like nothing else I can imagine. It changed my motives for doing things. In some ways – it changed me for the better…but in other ways, I didn’t change at all. I was still me – just a better me. Some people would challenge that I changed a lot during this time...I maintain that I haven't changed...just different.

Then, when I met Anya – suddenly, in an instant – I became someone’s Mama. That is so much different than any other definition I had ever given to myself. I feel a level of responsibility in being a wife, in being a friend, daughter, sister, etc., - but the responsibility of being a Mom is huge.

Part of that responsibility is to protect her. To fight for her. To not give up on her. Since that day in 2004, a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about her, wondered what she is doing – or tried to come up with a new creative way to get her home. Everything I do is motivated by her. In my work; I am motivated to be the best I can be...because I am Anya's Mommy. I don't want to jeopardize our resources; because I am Anya's Mommy.

Now - when I look in the mirror - I don't see Fran's daughter, Dan's sister, Marty's wife, a fashion/style expert...I see Anya's Mommy.

It's different now. And, it will never be the same.

I will never be the same – and I Thank God for that...for Anya!

update...

Hello Everyone,

We talked to our contacts in Russia tonight. Apparently, the process as I understood it isn't exactly the way it goes.

Before our case officially goes to the Supreme Court - there is a meeting between our lawyer and the judge where our lawyer makes it knows that our intention is to take our case to the Supreme Court. Essentially, giving her one last chance.

The latest deal is that the judge won't accept our documents because we're not with an accredited agency. Which is OK by Russian Law. There are adoptions happening all over Russia by people who are "independent".

There is one agency who is waiting accreditation in Russia - the ONLY agency that works in Irkutsk. We've had some contact with the 'higher-ups' at this organization, and feel that when the accreditation comes through, that we will be able to help them - and they can help us. ...so to speak.

This agency has been 'next on the list' for a LONG time. We found out that there is one document they are having trouble getting in order to have the accreditation finalized. And, who knows when that will happen.

So - we're not waiting.

The plan is to call Irkutsk again in a few weeks to see how the meeting with the Judge went.

More updates in the courts in Irkutsk include a new Chief Judge, a new Deputy Judge...but Stepanova is still there :(

The rumors persist that she (Stepanova) will leave. Her commission is up, so she can leave any time. The newest rumor is that she will not come back after the winter holiday break (the month of January). Who knows...as with everything in Irkutsk, I will believe it when I see it!

So - here we are! Waiting again!

On a positive note, Anya is doing fine. Our friend in Irkutsk checked on her recently, and she is doing well.

Peggy Hilt talks to Newsweek.

To bring you up to speed...in my world, Peggy Sue Hilt is THE REASON we are not able to bring Anya home. She is the whack job who killed her child that was adopted from Irkutsk. When she was being sentenced, I called the Judge's office who was sentencing her, spoke to the media - did everything I could think of to make sure everyone knew that her actions didn't just effect the life of that poor little girl.

Well, in this piece from Newsweek, it seems to paint Peggy in a 'poor peggy' light. UGH! That just makes me so mad I can't see straight! In my world, NO CHILD DESERVES TO BE KILLED - ESPECIALLY AT THE HAND OF THEIR PARENTS! The load of crap that Peggy says here that she didn't know there were resources available to her - NOT! She was a member of several of the chat boards I am a member of - so she knows how to use the Internet. There are so many resources out there, it's stupid.

Bottom line, Newsweek shouldn't give 5-minutes of fame to a mental whack job who killed her child. Period. It does nothing to help anyone.


When Adoption Goes Wrong

Most Americans who adopt children from other countries find joy. But others aren't prepared for the risks—and may find themselves overwhelmed.
By Pat Wingert
NEWSWEEK
Updated: 3:16 PM ET Dec 8, 2007

Peggy Hilt wanted to be a good mother. But day after day, she got out of bed feeling like a failure. No matter what she tried, she couldn't connect with Nina, the 2-year old girl she'd adopted from Russia as an infant. The preschooler pulled away whenever Hilt tried to hug or kiss her. Nina was physically aggressive with her 4-year-old sister, who had been adopted from Ukraine, and had violent tantrums. Whenever Hilt wasn't watching, she destroyed the family's furniture and possessions. "Every day with Nina had become a struggle," she recalls now.

As the girl grew older, things got worse. Hilt fell into a deep depression. She started drinking heavily, something she'd never done before. Ashamed, she hid her problem from everyone, including her husband.

On the morning of July 1, 2005, Hilt was packing for a family vacation, all the while downing one beer after another and growing increasingly aggravated and impatient with Nina's antics. "Everything she did just got to me," Hilt said. When Hilt caught her reaching into her diaper and smearing feces on the walls and furniture, "a year and a half of frustration came to a head," Hilt says. "I snapped. I felt this uncontrollable rage."

Then Hilt did something unthinkable. She grabbed Nina around the neck, shook her and then dropped her to the floor, where she kicked her repeatedly before dragging her up to her room, punching her as they went. "I had never hit a child before," she says. "I felt horrible and promised myself that this would never happen again." But it was too late for that. Nina woke up with a fever, and then started vomiting. The next day she stopped breathing. By the time the ambulance got the child to the hospital, she was dead.

Hilt is now serving a 19-year sentence for second-degree murder in a Virginia maximum-security prison. She and her husband divorced, and he is raising their other daughter. She realizes the horror of her crime and says she isn't looking for sympathy. "There is no punishment severe enough for what I did," she told NEWSWEEK in an interview at the prison.

Hilt's story is awful—and rare—but sadly it is not unique. Adopting a child from another country is usually a positive, enriching experience for both the child and the parent. Over the last 20 years, foreign adoption has become more popular, and Americans now adopt about 20,000 children from Guatemala, China, Russia and other nations each year. (In the last few years, as restrictions and red tape have increased in some countries, the number of overseas adoptions has begun to drop.) Longitudinal studies show that most of these kids do quite well, but in a small but significant number of cases, things go very badly. Since the early 1990s, the deaths of 14 Russian children killed by their adoptive parents have been documented. (That disclosure was partly responsible for Russia's decision in 2006 to suspend its intercountry adoption program while it underwent review.)

Cases like those are extreme, but clinicians who specialize in treating foreign orphans say they are seeing more parents who are overwhelmed by their adopted children's unexpected emotional and behavioral problems. And though reputable agencies try to warn parents of the risks, not all succeed. "In the past, agencies were a bit naive," says Chuck Johnson of the National Council For Adoption, which is responding to the problem with a massive education initiative. "Now we're urging them to give parents a more realistic message." Some parents struggle to find effective treatment for their kids. Others seek to give them up. Reports that a growing number of foreign adoptees were being turned over to the U.S. foster-care system recently prompted the Department of Health and Human Services to order its first national count: 81 children adopted overseas were relinquished to officials in 14 states in 2006.

Why do some adoptions go so wrong? Clearly, it's not the kids' fault. Their behavior is usually the result of trauma, mistreatment, malnutrition or institutionalization in their home countries—problems more common in places like Eastern Europe. But "the country of origin doesn't matter so much as the child's experience," says Dr. Dana Johnson, director of the University of Minnesota's International Adoption Clinic. Some are found to suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome, mental illness or reactive attachment disorder, an inability to bond with a parent. Prospective families undergo an arduous screening process, including home visits, and specify how much disability they can handle. But even families who specifically request a "healthy" child sometimes go home with a troubled one. In some cases, the mismatch is inadvertent. But in others, orphanages or adoption agencies overseas—eager to find homes for difficult children in their care—mislead prospective parents or fail to disclose the full extent of a child's problems or personal history.

Emotional and even physical problems can be difficult to detect at the time of adoption, especially in infants, and often aren't diagnosed until months or years later. Hilt says that's what happened to her. She and her husband decided to adopt after being told she'd probably never conceive. After passing their agency's screening, they brought home their first daughter from Ukraine in 2001, and that went so well they decided to adopt two Russian sisters. But when they flew to Siberia to meet them in May 2003, they were told the sisters were no longer available. Instead, they were told, they could adopt Tatiana, a lively 18-month-old, and Nina, a quiet, withdrawn 9-month-old. They visited Tatiana every day for a week, but officials never let them see Nina again. "They said she had a bad cold," Hilt said. Nonetheless, they signed adoption papers for both girls. But when they returned to finalize the adoption in January 2004, they were told that only Nina was still available. The Hilts hesitated. They suspected a bait-and-switch, especially when officials insisted they sign papers testifying they'd spent many more hours with the baby than they had. "The whole process didn't feel right," Hilt said. "But we figured we could love any child. You convince yourself that everything will turn out OK."

But from the start, Nina "literally pushed me away," Hilt said. Over time, Hilt found herself resenting the little girl. "We'd been such a happy family, and then Nina came and everything changed," Hilt says. "I began to realize that we had made such a big mistake." (Tatyana Kharchendo, the doctor in charge of the Little Sun Child Home #1 in Irkutsk, where the Hilts adopted Nina, did not directly answer Hilt's charges, but insisted the child "was absolutely healthy and beautiful.")

No one is exonerating Hilt or others like her. But Joyce Sterkel, who runs the Ranch for Kids, a Montana boarding school for disturbed international adoptees, says she's come to see the parents as well as the kids as victims in these tragic cases. "It's a horrible thing, but I understand how some people end up killing these kids," she says. "They have no empathy, no affection, no love. My heart goes out to these parents because they don't know what to do."

When Sterkel, a nurse, first started working with international adoptees in the early '90s, she didn't see many deeply troubled children. But 10 years ago she adopted two Russian boys whose American parents had given up on them. One of them, a 14-year-old boy, had just been released from a juvenile-detention center after trying to poison his mother. Over time, Sterkel was approached so often about adopting other children that she decided to open her camp. Today it houses 25 to 30 kids from all over the country, and has a waiting list. The overwhelming majority are from Russia, Romania and Bulgaria, but she also has had children from South Korea and Colombia. Some were bullied or raped while institutionalized or were the children of prostitutes, drug addicts or alcoholics. "I have gotten calls from parents who say the child they adopted has killed the family dog, threatened to kill them, and no one will help them," she says.

Emotional, behavioral and physical problems are not unique to adopted children. Biological children can have the same range of issues. But adoptive parents often assume they know what they're getting into because they get the chance to meet their child in advance. That was the case when Kimble and Shellie Elmore of Los Angeles met a 10-year-old Russian child named Tania in 2005. The director of the orphanage proudly described her as an "angel."

But as soon as they took custody of their new daughter, her behavior changed dramatically. "She was completely out of control," Kimble says. Tania would scream for hours at a time, then fall into deep sullen silence. After signing Tania over to the Elmores, the Russian court handed them her file. They were stunned to find that she had a history of violence and had been transferred from one orphanage to another. They called their adoption agency back home, but were mistakenly told that there was nothing that could be done, that Tania was now their legal daughter. (The American Embassy could have helped, if they'd known.) Seeing no alternative, they boarded a plane and brought Tania back to California. By the end of the first week, she was admitted to a hospital psychiatric unit. She came home a few days later, but things grew worse. She tried to stab her father with a spike and attacked a police officer who came to the house in response to a 911 call.

Doctors diagnosed Tania with bipolar disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder and attachment disorder, and suggested she be sent to Sterkel's camp. In the past year the Elmores have exhausted their savings and retirement funds trying to pay for private residential treatment. "We know she's just a child and we want what's best for her," says Kimble. "But we don't know how to help her. Adoption is supposed to be a touchy-feely thing surrounded with the glow of new parenthood. But no one says, 'What if the worst happens?' "

Psychologist Karyn Purvis of Texas Christian University, who has done extensive research on troubled adopted children, says many of these kids simply don't respond to stern lectures and timeouts. Lab workups of her patients often reveal extremely high levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. "The children, for the most part, were in safe homes living with safe people," Purvis says, "but those cortisol levels told us that their children did not feel safe with them, even if they'd been living safely with them for years." Children like them are almost constantly in a hypervigilant state, she says. They don't let their guard down long enough to forge affectionate relationships.

Over the past several years Purvis has developed new methods to restore a sense of security and trust to traumatized kids. If a child becomes violent, for instance, Purvis often responds with a "basket hold." She cradles the kids firmly but gently in her lap, facing outward, with their arms crossed in front of their chests. She rocks and quietly soothes until they calm down, then asks them to look her in the eye and tell her what they want. Purvis's assistants have taken to calling her the "Child Whisperer."

Sometimes techniques like these result in dramatic turnarounds. The family of a 5-year-old adopted from Russia thought they had no choice but to seek psychiatric hospitalization after she threw her baby sister down the stairs. But after the parents adopted Purvis's methods, the little girl finally started talking about the serious abuse she'd experienced. The child's behavior changed markedly. But her mother "changed even more," Purvis says, "because now she has hope."

Purvis is quick to say that her techniques don't work with every child, and older kids can take much longer than younger ones. "They have to unlearn what they've learned," she said. The next step, she says, is for prospective adoptive parents to get more training before and after they adopt. "Very few agencies are training parents to deal with brain damage, sensory deprivation, aggression," Purvis says. "A lot of these parents are smitten with the hope that they'll make a difference in a child's life, but they need very practical tools. I consider myself very pro-adoption. But I'm also very pro informed adoption. "

Peggy Hilt wishes she'd heard this message years ago. "If I knew then what I know now," she says, "I would have gotten help for Nina and for me." The best she can hope for now, she says, is that her story will prompt others to seek that help before it's too late.
URL: http://www.newsweek.com/id/74385
© Newsweek Mag

Blog Tagging

I have a friend, Brenda, with a great Blog. She "tags" people all the time on her blog to post facts, play games, post jokes etc...she always seems to tag me! Or maybe she knows more than one Kathy - and I am just being narcissistic?

Anyway, the latest tag is 8 random facts. Since there are so many people who read this who don't really know me - I thought this might be a fun one.

1. I've had 5 last names in my life...but have only been married one other time.

2. The shoe/clothes thing isn't new, I have seriously ALWAYS been this way.

3. My grandpa probably had the biggest impact on my life.

4. I am scared of ducks (long story...goes back to a bad date in college)

5. I like to be silly - and am uncomfortable being too serious

6. I started dating my wonderful husband before I was 30 (ya, I was a kid!)- and didn't know how old he was until we had dated for over a month.

7. My biggest pet peeve is not being understood

8. Anya's name is a family name...my middle name is Ann (i.e. Russian Anna - Anya) - Anna is also Marty's grandmother's name...Anya's middle name is Helene...or Helen. Helen is the name of my grandmother, and of the director (or the Children's Home where she is) who is protecting her.


The deal with tagging is that I post this on my blog...and then tag people to post this on their blogs. Well - I know all of you out there well enough to know that you won't...so, I will tag whoever reads this, and is brave enough to post a comment to this thread!

Document Update

We heard from Russia today. Apparently our lawyer has had an emergency in her family, so was out of the office all of last week. She presented our documents, and of course, the Judge rejected them with technical issues (again).

Our appeal to the Supreme Court is being prepared now.

On one hand, I am excited. On the other hand, I am sick to my stomach. This elevates our case significantly - and will bring a lot of attention to our case (more than we already have). But, we're ready for it!

last word on prayer vigil

Here is a list of everyone we want to thank for praying with us today.


Kathy’s Mom – Fran
The Prayer Team at First Presbyterian Church in South Bend, IN
Vicki Matafin
Mark Potterbaum – 12-1pm EST praying and fasting
Gene Stowe – and men’s prayer group (up to 3,500 men nation wide will be praying for us later afternoon / early evening)
Gene Ort and family
Cindy Nicula and family
Wes Smith (on the plane on his way to Israel!)
Cindy Postma
Vicki Young
Young Family
Jackie Clindaniel
Vanessa Smith
Jen from FRUA
Miriam Friend (Marty’s Mom)
VMom from FRUA
Michelle Wegner
Trish Linner
The 2nd grade class at St. Andrew’s school
Lori Rockwell and family
Cindi Hajicek
YAHOO Group
Kathy and Marty
Judy
Lynn M.
Brenda
Mclsch
Miriam Navarro
Joyce
Wanda
Amy M.
Miriam
Patricia
Lupita
Jill Mulger
Janett Stewart

shared prayer

Someone from my Yahoo group posted this prayer - it brought me to tears, so I thought I would share it.

May you be blessed as you spend time with the Father. I pray He reveals to you His Heart by His Holy Spirit. I pray against the enemy who would have you fear or doubt. All you need is the Faith of the grain of a mustard seed and, He will move mountains. I do not know what the mountains are. I do come against the wickedness and evil in high places that would keep a child from a loving parent. I pray you protect them and as these women intercede on their behalf, I pray strength for them, I pray peace, I pray that they will feel your presence Jesus. And just as Moses was able to part the Red Sea I pray that the REd tape of the Russian Government will be parted and the people will be able to claim their children and their promise land. We ask all of this so that you may be glorified. We understand Lord that it is your power and will that makes all things possible and so we submit this into your hands Hear the prayers of your people Lord. We praise you for your mighty works!!! In His most precious name we pray the name of JESUS! THank you Father for hearing my prayer your humble servant.

what gets me about Russia

I know - I am a glutton for punishment. I was surfing You Tube tonight looking at some of the videos people have posted about their adoption stories. It doesn't matter where the video was taken - all of Russia looks the same!

Conversely, here at home, Bristol doesn't look like South Bend...and Northern Indiana SURE doesn't look like Florida!

Prayer Vigil update

Here is who we have praying so far. As we add to the list, this information will be updated:

Prayer Vigil
Tuesday November 13 - 2007

Kathy and Marty
Kathy’s Mom – Fran
The Prayer Team at First Presbyterian Church in South Bend, IN
Vicki Matafin
Mark Potterbaum – 12-1pm EST praying and fasting
Gene Stowe – and men’s prayer group (up to 3,500 men nation wide will be praying for us later afternoon / early evening)
Gene Ort and family
Cindy Nicula and family
Wes Smith (on the plane on his way to Israel!)
Cindy Postma
Vicki Young

YAHOO Group
Will be praying from 8am – noon EST
Kathy and Marty
Judy
Judy’s Women’s Prayer Group
Lynn M.
Brenda
Mclsch
Miriam Navarro
Joyce

PRAYER VIGIL TUESDAY NOV. 13

Hello Everyone,

Several people have suggested to me over the past few weeks, to have a dedicated time for a 24 hour prayer vigil. On FRUA, some members did this last week, and the outcome was amazing - but then, isn't the outcome of prayer always amazing?!?!?

I was so busy last week, I completely missed the prompting on FRUA. I feel like I am hearing God's gentle prompting become a loud roar - and I am going to respond!

There are a lot of things happening in Irkutsk, and with adoptions in Russia. Now is the time to pray!

A 24 prayer vigil will be on Tuesday the 13th. I've never organized anything like this - so if you have, I'd love some input on how to organize this effort.

1) The Orphans in Russia and around the world
2) The Families waiting to welcome a child into tier lives

3) The officials in Russia with the power to sign accreditation paperwork for adoption agencies - and the Judges who hear adoption cases. This includes the US Embassy who is working diligently to help our cases.

4) The Orphans birth parents / families

5) The caregivers of the orphans

6) anything else that comes to mind as you pray


If you are with us on this time of prayer, please reply to this thread...

-Kathy & Marty

Bananna Hands

OK, I know my sense of humor is a little off sometimes - but when I get in a bad mood - I always watch this - and it TOTALLY cracks me up. Thanks Leah for sharing this hilarity! It's just so stupid, you have to laugh at it! ...especially if you've ever been to Germany and noticed how the people there communicate. Or - if you've ever been to parts of Europe - and seen the music videos - this is EXACTLY the kind os sillyness we've seen on Russian TV - but it was in Russian.

My Hands Are Bananas

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New Hair

One of the reasons we went to Chicago was because I had an appointment with Mario Tricoci. http://www.tricoci.com/

You can see my hair before in the photos to the right from when we were in Russia in September. With my new TV gig, I don't want to be wearing my hair in a pony tail all the time - it just looks ridiculous on camera. So - a super duper cut was in order. It looked so good when the stylist (Jasmine) was done - now if I can figure out how to to that - we'll be all set!

weekend away

We took a few days out this week to go to Chicago. I had to go on a buying trip, and decided to bring Marty along for a change of scenery. We were fortunate enough to stay at a condo right on Lake Shore Drive - a few blocks off of the Magnificient Mile - right on the water. I think this real eatate has to be some of the most expensive in Chicago!

The views were amazing. 2 walls of the condo were windows overlooking the lake.

Another conversation with the Embassy

Mark from the Embassy called again this morning. I had emailed him to ask if his office could authenticate our documents to get over the apostille issue. Mark spoke with Marty - seems like they were on the phone for a long time!

His office will provide a letter for us to authenticate our apostilles (yay)! I guess they did this in another region, and it was exactly what the judge wanted. He also reiterated to us that the Embassy is behind us 100%, and are brainstorming ideas every day on ways to help us. Not sure if I believe that 100%, but it was nice to hear. He had a good point...he said in Russia, it's not just knowing the law - but knowing the attitude around the law. In the US, the law is the law - regardless of the attitude. The attitude is what we're trying to figure out - and once we crack the code - we (and others) will know what the Judge wants.

Mark also said that one of the left over attitudes from Communist Russia is the notion that someone is always watching. This 'fear' is especially prevalent in older Russian people. Because of this fear, they are more likely to say no than yes...even to simple things. You can't get in trouble for saying no - at least, that is the attitude.

So - it all goes back to attitude.

I corresponded with our lawyer today, and reiterated that if the Judge does not provide a court date for us this week, we will take our case above her head. Step-1 will be to appeal her decision to the Chief Judge. Step-2 is to appeal her decision to the Human Rights Board.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us. We're heading to Chicago on a buying trip this week - it will be nice to have a change of scenery and relax a little bit.

Adoption Update Oct. 31

October is finally over!...



Most of you know that after our revised documents got to Irkutsk the end of September, the Judge decided to take the month of October off. I know - I can hear all of you saying in unison - "ARE YOU KIDDING ME" - unfortunately, no, I'm not.

Well, Judge Stepanova is scheduled to come back on Monday, November 5. Our lawyer is primed, and is going to be waiting on her doorstep.

So once again, we're asking for prayer and a miracle!


KEEP UP TO DATE
weekly and sometimes daily updates and thoughts on this blog.

We are keeping everyone up to date with everything from political junk in Russia, rumors, real updates, random thoughts and so on on our blog. All of the posts are organized - so it is easy for you to see. We would also like to invite you to reply to any post! We would love to hear from you!
THANK YOU!

Thank you for being on this journey with us!

Love,
Marty and Kathy