Peace or Panic?

I read the title of this blog post on Lysa TerKeurst blog this morning. Many times in the past, I swear Lysa and I are twins from different mothers. I have posted witty comments on her blog thinking she will undoubtedly see the comment, know that I am her soon-to-be best friend and thus we will begin a beautiful friendship.

It's never happened.

Let me go back a few steps...

Several years ago, I made some goals. Now, even writing that is odd to me - since I am not the "goal setting" type. I have issues with perfectionism and failure, so setting goals seems to be like setting myself up for failure. So, I don't do it - except this one time. I won't even tell you what all those goals entailed, but I will share that it had everything to do with God's plan for my life, what I feel (and others have affirmed) are my God-given talents, and what to do with it all. Part of this well written piece of literature (ok, not really...just notes on a piece of paper titled "my big stupid goals") was becoming a part of Proverbs 31 Ministries. I never really defined what "a part of" would look like, I just knew that I loved the mission of this ministry.

Shortly after this time of goal-setting, I was in the car listening to Focus on The Family. The guest that day was Lysa TerKuerst. She immediately captured my attention because she is so darn funny! As her story unfolded, I felt like she was my new best friend; and to top it all off - her family story is one of adoption!

I got home, got on the computer to find out more about this Lysa TerKuerst person - come to find out she founded Proverbs 31 Ministries!

But I digress - wow, that was QUITE a digression!

Back to all things adoption...

OK, Peace or Panic.

This has been the theme of our last week. When things are all said and done, I will share more details about what has been going on . But today I will tell you that the 'peace' to 'panic' way of life is a stressful one. It seems that we wake up with Panic - wondering, worrying what the day will bring...and then peace at the end of the day once everything is taken care of.

Lysa's blog post reminded me that the Peace or Panic mentality is MY DECISION TO MAKE. For me, when I go into Panic mode I forget to stop, and pray. I am so concerned about DOING something to make the panic feeling go away, I am completely oblivious to the fact that no matter what I DO, I am not in control.

So consider this a public declaration - Hence forth, I shall try to stop panicking, and instead Stop. And Pray for peace.

Lots of stuff going on

We knew that once things seemed to be going smoothly, that something would happen. It's been this way for 5 1/2 years, why should now be any different?

I can't / won't go into details about what is going on - just know that we need prayers. Let me say that I don't like being in the middle of a spiritual warfare. It's not pretty. It hurts, it will make you sick. But we believe that our God is bigger than anything that comes against us. We've overcome big obstacles over the past 5 years, and we'll do it again. I am sure this current thing won't be the last thing we have to deal with before February 16th.

too many words, not enough pictures

I noticed that my past few posts have been all words, and no pictures. So rather than to bore you with all of the amazing things that happened at the concert and days leading up to the concert last Friday night...I offer the concert...in photos (thanks to Brittani Renee Photography!) See all of the pics HERE.

I will need to add some words about some of these photos...ya know, because I am a wordy-type...

Do you know Dale Shafer? If not, you should. He is honestly one of the nicest people I have ever met. Not only does he have a great sense of humor, but he is a very talented drummer. And no ladies, he is not available (sorry!)! He is getting married in May! YAY!

Steve Smith is the husband of my super-duper good friend Vanessa. We lost several emcees right before the concert, and there for a minute I thought I was going to have to emcee (which would have been odd). Steve jumped into the emcee role (literally) at noon the day of the concert - and he did an AMAZING job!!! THANKS!

This is our dear friend Angie Henry. She is amazing and beautiful...inside and out. She is the kind of person that makes you a better person. And her voice? WHOAH!
Here is a shot of my sweet friend Larisa and her son George with my sister in law, Lori...they graciously agreed to help us at the ticket counter for the concert. I know time is precious, and something neither one of them have a lot of...so I appreciate them VERY much!
This is Todd Bruce - he and his beautiful wife Lorraine are great friends. He was in the zone playing his bass guitar!
Of course, my frighteningly talented husband - he sang 3 songs that he wrote. One of the songs, called 'home' is about Anya. I hope he is able to get the video to that song, and the song up on You Tube soon so you all can hear it and be in awe of his talent.

He has a website where he has posted a TON of his music - that website is currently being used as an adoption donation page, but we will take that down soon so you can hear the music www.martyfriend.com

Kim Stewart and Angie Henry singing...which they should do more often! I love to see the pure joy in their faces when they sing. Kim also sang a song that ROCKED the house! I just love Kim...the more I get to know her and her heart, the more I just love her!

Seth Bible and band...and yes, that is his REAL name! Seth, oh what to say about Seth...the God given talent he has is something I can't seem to find words for. His music touches hearts every. single. time. he sings. (and he has an adorable girlfriend named Sarah!)
Mark Pitcher jams! Period!
Dean Swihart agreed to join in on the concert fun at the last minute. His talent really added a ton to the concert! Thanks Dean!

Kim Helmbreck is one of my BFFs, and oh goodness can that girl SANG! Kim is married and lives in Milwaukee now, so I so appreciate her driving over to our neck of the woods for the weekend to share her talents with us.

Haiti

I think it would be wrong to not mention the heartbreak, pain and suffering in Haiti. Much has been said, and I am sure much more will be said.

We have 2 friends whose families have a special place in their hearts for Haiti. They have been instrumental in planting churches and missionaries in Haiti for many years. We're praying for them, and for all the groups who are trying to help in Haiti...we can't imagine the destruction of property and life.

Although the images we're seeing on TV are hard to see - we need to see what the truth is. My friend Michelle Wegner said "Don't turn away from their pain because it is too hard. Embrace it, and change the world w/your love."

Today I saw a story about families who are in the process of adoption in Haiti. I can't imagine - I am sure you've seen the Dad on TV with the precious little 4 year old who is trying desperately to get his little one home. My heart is more than heavy for these families.

There seems to be so much to pray for, I'm not sure where to start.

prayers for friends

...and by friends, I don't mean family members.

There are other families who are on this roller coaster on trying to get a court date in Irkutsk. One of these families has run into a situation with 2 documents. The last documents they need to submit to the court in Russia. Of course, what the court has asked for, doesn't exist...so it requires the moving of mountains to get a (U.S.) government agency to help.

Please pray for this family and these last 2 documents. They need the grace and understanding (basically) of one person to get it done.

date

For those who weren't at the concert last night, I guess I should fill you in on the news.

We have a court date! February 16th at 10am

One month from today...

As with all Irkutsk adoptions, the paperwork issue going into court is a completely stressful situation. There are some technical problems with Anya's documents (which is why our date is a month away, and not 2 weeks away). We need your prayers that all of those little issues are worked out in a way that pleases the Judge.

I will be forever grateful to our guy who has been working so hard for us over there. This past week, he has truly gone above and beyond. Most of the problems with Anya's documents are the fault of the original orphanage she was in, and/or the Adoption Center. He has intervened on our behalf, driving to remote villages and solving problems.

We also heard that because we're American, we should plan on our court hearing going for at least 2 days -here is the 'neat' thing. We can't expect that those 2 days are (for example) a Tuesday / Wednesday. There could be 3 days, 5 days, 7 days, 10 days in between those 2 dates. Yippe (insert appropriate sarcasm here). This could potentially add another week to our stay. PRAYING this isn't the case, and God goes before us to bless the entire process...and that a miracle happens and we are able to complete the court process in one day. (honestly, I don't even care if that is a 10 hour day!).

Over the next few weeks, I'll post more updates on our progress.

We are truly blessed by your constant prayers for our process and for our little girl!

a word about Nina Hilt

We've received a lot of press recently about our adoption case. On one hand, I am grateful for my friends in the media world who help us publicize our fund raising efforts. On the other hand - telling and retelling the horrible story about what happened to little Nina Hilt isn't OK.

I don't think I've ever talked about or written about Nina.

Nina was an adorable little girl. Big bright smile, curls in her light brown hair.

In the coming days, please remember to say a little prayer for Chris (Nina's Dad) and her big sister.

To learn a little more about Nina - visit this website: http://www.remembernina.com/

that anxious belly feeling

Do you know what I mean? That nervous...but not nervous, feeling in the pit of your stomach? It's like an energy - one that won't let you sleep, or let you take a deep breath.

Well, that is me.

We're supposed to get a firm court date tomorrow. That is the one piece of information we need in order to book airline tickets. It's like the first domino to fall.

I know we won't hear anything yet tonight...even tho it is tomorrow in Irkutsk. I think most meetings with the Judge happen around 10am...and I am not paying attention to the fact that RIGHT NOW it is 11am in Irkutsk.

I didn't schedule anything for tomorrow - just in case.

I am refusing to not "what if".

So, that's what's going on today.

that OTHER agency

Many of you have asked me about our agency. The long and short answer is...we don't have one. I am our agency. I guess you could say THE FRIEND AGENCY is handling our adoption (hee hee!).

I do want to ask for your prayers on one thing. You all know about THE OTHER AGENCY. The one we started with in 2004; the one who took $12,000* of our hard earned moola and then left us stranded right before a trip to Irkutsk in 2006, and stopped returning our phone calls. This is the same agency I ranted about a few months back when the director wanted to "friend" me on Facebook.

*note: I thought it was $8,000 - but when I went back and looked at all the fees we paid to her, and her agents in Russia - it was actually $12,000...that motivated me to write her a letter

Well, I sent the Director (owner, whatever) a letter today. FedEx'ed it to her. It is a very nice letter (I promise!). I asked her to prayerfully consider refunding our money.

Will you all pray with us on this? You all know adoption money is a pretty big issue for us right now. If this woman could find it in her conscious, heart (pension fund, home equity) to refund even 1/2 of what we paid her, it would be a HUGE help.

God's Plan is ALWAYS better than mine

So, where do I even start?!


I mean - nothing is ever easy. I know that - especially with adoptions, and this adoption in particular. I KNOW THIS, I embrace it - I have LIVED it for over 5 years.

But the past 24 hours might take the cake.

Yesterday night at about 8pm, I got online to complete the shipping label for the DHL package that was to be shipped to Irkutsk today. Today I planned to go to Indianapolis to the State House and get everything done that needed to be done - and get the documents in the mail. January 11th is the deadline the Judge in Russia has given us on these last few documents - which means I wanted to get everything there by the 5-6th.







Well, DHL.com wasn't playing nicely with others. Wouldn't let me log in. So I call the 800#, and when the lady answers, I decide to ask her about transit times with the holiday weekend instead of helping me with the log in issue. Why? It was God.

She proceeds to tell me that the delivery date for something mailed to Irkutsk today would be January 13th...JANUARY 13TH! (did I mention that everything was being presented to the count on the 11th?)


Hence starts freak out #1.




I quickly find out that my only option with DHL is to ship through a TSA Authorized business shipper, and even if I find one of those - there is no guarantee because of customs. TO get it through customs, I would have to hire a Broker...and no one could tell me how to hire a broker.


The nice DHL woman also suggested we hire a courier - that would ONLY cost about $3,000 - $4,000.







So I call FedEx. Basically, they told me the same story, but they were giving me a delivery date of January 18th (it's getting worse)




Thus begins freak out #2


I seriously went crazy at this point. I don't cry. I am not a very emotional person. The Fed Ex lady obviously could tell by the tone in my voice that I was desperate. She told me about a service called "Next Flight" - this is only open to authorized shippers who hold a Fed Ex account. After figuring out all of the requirements, and getting everyone involved all over Twitter and Facebook - we found a Plan A, B and C. This wasn't a cheap option, but it was workable.



Then God stepped in and took control.


I should have known that He would have a better plan. An easier plan. A perfect plan.






Our friends that live in Irkutsk told us that they knew of a man that lives in Maine who was flying to Irkutsk on Monday...this Monday! This means he would be arriving in Irkutsk the morning of the 6th. THE 6th! All I would have to do would be to overnight the documents to him in Maine!



I called him - he is VERY VERY nice, and will put the documents in his carry-on baggage to make sure nothing happens to them. Did I mention he is a VERY VERY nice man?



From where I sit, the Jackson's and Mr. Keef were little pieces of Heaven to me.


So - shipping situation handled. Off to Indianapolis.

I go to the State Police Department. I've done this criminal check thing about a million times in the past. I know the drill. You go to the office, you pay $10 and get what you need.

Well, they changed the drill...apparently sometime between when I called last week and when I walked in the doors this afternoon. The secretary told me the check would take 2 weeks, and would have to be mailed to me.

Insert freak out #3 here

It's a long story, but let's just say it got done - I cried in public, had a stranger offer me a Kleenex, and it cost me $30, but it's done...and there is an Indiana State Police Officer who got a nice lunch today.

FREAK OUTS OVER

Thank God.

I am ever so grateful for several things:

1. Good friends who read my random Tweets and Facebook updates, and are always so willing to jump in the middle of my drama to help
2. For Mr. Keef - praying safe travels for him
3. For one of my dearest friends, Stacy - who I always bomb in on when I am in Indianapolis. She is a little dose of reality for me...and tonight was no exception
4. Blessed with crazy random connections to get stuff done...thanks to Jackie Walorski for helping us this round (and yes, this is a political plug - VOTE FOR HER!)
5. For the goodness and perfect plan of God!

So the next time I freak out, will someone please remind me that God has it under control?

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!

I think things have finally stared to settle in with me today. I've been a misty eyed mess most of the day. Today is when my 'to do' list is widdled down, all of my projects are done, and I am officially DONE...well, you know me - as done as I ever am.

Many of you have asked questions about the court date. That won't be given until after Jan. 11. Anya's documents will be presented at that time, as well as the final few things we need to send. After those are given to the court, a firm date will be given.

The fundraising over the past week and 1/2 has gone well...we are working on a big concert to be held on January 15th. Most of you know that my husband is a crazy talented guy, well, so are many of our friends. I even have a friend who is flown to Nashville often to sing as a back up singer for BIG names! Crazy!

Anyway, we're going to have a fun low-key concert. Some Contemporary Christian stuff, some original stuff (Seth Bible is going to be a part...he is WOW!), and some fun things thrown in.

Marty is in the process of perfecting a song that he wrote called "home" (well, that is the working title, it might change between now and then). Anyway, it is a song about Anya. He didn't tell me he was writing it...he just played a rough cut for me today in the car. I need forewarning of things like this! I am not a good crier...I went into the ugly cry!

So save the date, tell your friends...this is going to be our big fundraiser.

We haven't nailed down a location yet - trying to find somewhere with a sound system that can hold a lot of people...kinda a tall order. We are waiting to hear back from one location that would be perfect. Hope to have good news on that place by the weekend.

Stay Tuned!

the call - well, the email

After 5 years, 4 months and 3 weeks…

After 5 trips to Russia,

After working with and through 2 agencies, 4 Judges, 3 lawyers, the Secretary of State, Embassy and DHL…

After unmentionable sums of money, energy, frustration, anger, humiliation, praise, glee and prayer

OUR DOCUMENTS HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED BY THE JUDGE IN RUSSIA…and we will have a court date the end of January.

I’m not kidding.

Ever since the news hit my email in-box yesterday morning, I have been in this constant dialog with God. The conversation is going something like this:

Me: “really? Really? REALLY?”

God: “yes”

Me: “Are you serious, really?”

And so we take this last step in the process to bring Anya home, knowing tat God hears our prayers…and remembering that HE is in control. Yes – we take this step with a nervous shake in our legs – but HE is in control!

God has answered our prayers, because we have trusted Him – completely. He has already shown us that HE is in control and all of the little (and big!) details, and it will all work out for His glory. For that, we are already praising God!

NOW WHAT

There are a few documents we need to update by January 11. By few, I mean 5…only 5 little things (that we’ve done before a million times, but are now expired). Once these documents are submitted to the court, a firm date will be given. Right now, we’re looking at the week of January 25^th.

There is a lot to do, plans to be made, money to be gotten, freaking out to be had. But, it’s all good!

WE ARE GOING TO BRING OUR LITTLE GIRL HOME!

I promised an update

There was a meeting with the Judge (which Judge, not sure...new, old, older, interim) on Monday.

The message we got from our guy in Irkutsk is that he spoke directly to the Judge about our case - and asked her to help set a court date ASAP.

Please keep praying - this is potentially a big deal...or potentially not. After 5 years of dashed hopes, and 5 years of saying "we hope by Christmas" - I don't get too excited about anything.

When we know more...so will you!

the waiting game

Our documents were resubmitted to the Judge again this week. There are some vacations, new Judges, old Judges, bla bla bla drama that we don't want to get hung up in - so our guy in Irkutsk rushed to get things submitted quickly.

I am assuming we won't hear anything more until the end of next week.

about my Anya

In case you were wondering,

1. She has his eyes
2. She has my chin
3. She has his artistic abilities
4. She doesn't like beef (I am a vegetarian)
5. She likes candy, especially cookies (Marty's nick name is Cookie Monster)
6. She comes to me when she isn't feeling well...not the caregivers, ME!
7. She has a crazy sense of humor (if you spend any time in our house, you'll understand!)
8. She loves to dance, but doesn't dance well
9. She is a talker
10. She is very concerned about what she wears
11. She told me she doesn't like numbers (i.e. math)
12. She has a Strong will

So yea, she is ours...

headaches and packages

Over the years, I've sent literally dozens of packages to Russia. DHL, FedEx, Standard Mail...yep - been a customer of all those shipping sources.

I have found that DHL is the best - when shipping to Irkutsk.

Last week, I sent a box with some goodies to Anya. It has been hung up in randomness since it left Indianapolis. Frank (my new best friend at DHL) has called me at 8:30 every morning to tell me the status of the package - no, I am not kidding. This is TREMENDOUS customer service. Even though the package still isn't at the destination (and should have arrived last Friday), I'm not mad...why?

1. When shipping things to Russia, I have learned that I have no expectations, therefore am never upset or mad when something goes wrong

2. Because Frank is on the case

Just wanted to give a little shout-out for good customer service. It's a hot button with me, so when it is perfectly executed - I like to talk about it.

Way to go DHL (now, if you can please deliver the package, that would be great...my little girl needs clothes!)

the docs are in the mail...again

Quick update...

THE DOCUMENTS ARE IN THE MAIL

Not going to bore you with all the drama that came with actually getting in the car to get to Indianapolis, to get the documents to the Secretary of State's office to get them in the mail. But I will tell you that my Mom and I celebrated with a great dinner at PF Chang's!

Documents should be delivered tomorrow (Friday), hope to know more next week. Stay tuned!

Pics of Anya, paperwork updates and more

Wow, there is a lot going on.

First - paperwork. I have been working on updating some documents that had errors on them. Not a big deal, but trying to decipher what the Judge means when she says things in the legal statement like "there is an error on the document showing the license". OK, which document, which license (seriously, we've provided at least 12-15 different agency and professional licenses).

Got a note from Tami, or friend in Irkutsk today. She offered the following info on Anya, as observed by Luda:

Luda said that Anya is a really nice girl. She is outgoing and visits very well. Luda said that Anya knows almost nothing about God. She is learning in the Bible study, but this is totally new to her. I believe Luda said that the first lesson they had was that God made you very special, and you are special to God. The next lesson explains more about God and who He is. Then they have a lesson about sin and what it is. Slowly they introduce about Jesus coming to be the payment
for our sins, and about accepting Him as personal Savior.

This makes me happy - to know that she is learning WHO God is. Can you imagine? Even children who do not go to church in our country, know who Jesus is and who God is - generally. Can you even fathom a world where the words 'God' and 'Jesus' aren't a part of everyday language?

Tami also said:

From what Luda has explained to me, Anya's group lives in a "home-style" apartment. That means they eat, sleep, and live in the same little area. Luda said that there are 2 bedrooms for girls and 2 bedrooms for boys in Anya's group. Anya has one other girl in her bedroom. Of course, the kids go to school each day. Luda said that Anya's group leader often locks the door to their "apartment," so that the older kids can't come in to bother the little ones.

This is so good. I have been very worried about the older kids with Anya.

Here are some pics of Anya:

meet Luda

Before I get into this post, I feel like I need to share something with all of you. As you remember, months back I took this blog private. I did that for several reasons...primarily because I wanted to keep the very PRIVATE details of the last leg of this nightmares PRIVATE.

Russia has some pretty specific laws about photographs of orphans. I won't beat around the bush here....if the Judge got wind that I was using Anya's photo on the Internet, it would NOT be a good thing.

For that reason, I feel like I need to ask you to PLEASE PLEASE not share photos or information that I post here with anyone (ANYONE!). I personally know each and every one of you, that is why I feel comfortable in sharing a lot of very private information here, and posting photos of Anya. Thank you for understanding this delicate place we're in.

I've mentioned the Jackson family before. I have been following their journey in Irkutsk for quite some time. Tami (the Mom) and I traded emailed for a while, and then when I was in Irkutsk in January - I got to spend some time with their family. Since then, they've become very special to us...and we kind of think of them as our family who lives in Irkutsk.

The Jackson's have a wonderful woman, named Luda, who comes to their home to help out from time to time. Luda is from Shelechov, the same city where Anya lives. Luda was an orphan. She grew up in the same orphanage where Anya is. Luda has found Christ, and is sharing God's love with the orphans in that orphanage! In Russia....this is a REALLY BIG DEAL.

To put this into perspective: in January, I had a conversation with one of the caregivers (via a translator) about God. The caregiver didn't know what God was, and was calling God "the god". The translator didn't know what 'the god' was either, so couldn't translate for me.

This is why the fact that Luda has found the hope that only comes from Jesus Christ...in Irkutsk...is WOW! And, she chooses to share this Love with orphans! Yes, we love Luda!

...meet Luda. Here she is with Anya at a weekly Bible Study.



This photo Luda sent to us - I posted a Facebook message about it, commenting on Anya's "ball boy" shirt. She is not a boy! It makes me so sad to see her little chubby cheeks go away! This means she is growing up....far too fast for my liking!

This is the Bible Study group Anya is a part of. She is the youngest in the group, but is in this group because Luda teaches it. All of those faces deserve the Love of Jesus, and I thank HIM every day that Luda is showing them this kind of love!

time for some humor

You all know my husband is a creative genius. Sometimes that creative energy takes a scary, strange turn - below is the outcome of today's pent-up creative energy.

Yes, it's Mr and Mrs Fraken-Friend...or Kathy-stein and Marty-stein.

Things continue to move....

Last week, I told you the plan was for our case to be taken to the court above this Judge's head. I wasn't freaked out - worried or otherwise upset about this. Really...it didn't phase me. Which is kind of strange.

As we were talking back and forth with our guy in Irkutsk, we began to pray...and pray HARD. There were some decisions to make, some financial things to consider; so we just put it all in God's hands.

Our guy in Irkutsk got a call from the Judge requesting a meeting. odd. The Judge has been refusing appointments and meetings - and SHE is calling a meeting?

Long story short, the Judge told our guy that our case is very VERY close. The Judge encouraged us to make these minor technical changes to our documents.

We felt that this was a clear message - we need to press on with this Judge.

We're really feeling like this is the end of the road. We are nearing the end of this storm - waiting for God's miracle.

more junk

I am having a hard time reading through the entire legal statement we got yesterday.

Let me first qualify something:

• This is not the end of the road, but rather a more forceful direction. Because of that, it is good.

Having said that - I will share that I feel completely defeated. Everyone else who has adopted from Irkutsk has done so with a lawyer who is acting as an agency, or directly with an agency. We are doing neither. Because of that, when something is wrong with a document, it's all me - it's my fault.

Admittedly, I have a hard time seeing my own errors with paperwork when I know what it is supposed to look like and say. With the hundreds of documents we've submitted, I will also admit I have gotten lazy; just want to get it done.

So, we're moving forward. Well be wiring more money to Russia in the next few days to pay for this new lawyer. We're asking for your prayers - we don't have what is required, however I know God is all over this - so I am trying to not worry about it. It'll happen.

Stress

Got an email from our guy in Irktusk...it said that he got the legal statement from the Judge.

The statement is dated September 30th

He wasn't notified that the statement was done until October 9. Yes, he had been checking in on it.

He wasn't allowed to pick it up until October 12

I just got it today, October 14.

The Judge's deadline is October 21.

We have 7 days to appeal....which is what we're going to do.

Oh - and we also heard from our guy in Irkutsk, "I will need you to wire me some more money for the lawyer who is doing the appeal". But no mention of how much money. Since we have no money, I think I will wire about $50. Yes, I am kidding.

Heading to Supreme Court

Just got off the phone with Alex Irkutsk. He is our coordinator. He got a call from the court this afternoon. He was told that our file was not accepted, however he was not given a reason. And yes - according to Russian law, a reason MUST be given.

The court also said that a legal statement was written on September 30th, however Alex was not notified of this until today (Oct 9). This in and of itself is against Russian Law. He was also told that the statement would not be ready to be picked up until Monday.

So we're done. We're hiring a shark lawyer in Russia to appeal the Judge and take our case above her head. According to Alex, he feel s that this judge is asking for things that don't exist, and she doesn't understand...therefore isn't accepting our case. Which is not a reason to not grant a court date.

Alex also feels that the Judge is bias against us (gee, do ya think), so the appeal will include a request to have another judge hear our case.

Know we are not the only family in this current situation. There is one other family who is the same boat with us. It's good to not be alone!

Right now we need prayers. Prayers bigger than I can even verbalize.

update of sorts

I guess I should post something. I've been quiet for far too long.

As you know, we had a deadline to get some documents to the Judge a month ago. Well, the documents were apostilled wrong (apostille is basically, a certification from the Secretary of State)...so I had to redo them...in 4 hours on a Friday. That was fun!

Well, the new deadline for those documents was September 28th. The Judge has 5 days to respond to those changes. We should hear something this week...but in Russia time, that means next week.

Our hope is that the Judge will call for Anya's documents to be prepared. When this happens, it is a 2 month mark until a court date (basically). If the Judge finds that she want more crazy documents to be prepared, we will take our case to the Supreme Court.

After over 5 years, over 12 COMPLETE dossiers later, I am DONE with paperwork! There is nothing more that I can possible send to this Judge.

We've been calling Anya every 2 weeks to talk to her. My sweet friend (Larissa) who is Russian, has been helping us. Even tho it is hard to really hold a conversation with a 7 year old on the phone, it's good to hear her voice. We asked her what her favorite subject is in school...her answer...jumping. Yes, jumping!

She always asks (about the first thing she says) is 'when are you coming to take me home'. That is such a hard question to answer - for so many reasons. Mainly because I don't understand it...how in the world is a 7 year old going to understand it!?

Our missionary friends that live in Irkutsk have a nanny, Luda. Luda was raised in the same orphanage that Anya is in. Luda visited Anya the other day. So good to hear a real report of someone who visited her. Luda will be taking Anya to a Bible study once a week (if THAT isn't answered prayer, I don't know what is?!).

Well - that's all I know. I hope my next post is wonderfully fantastic news!

some the madness!

So, I have been tracking our package with the updated documents. We had about 10 days to come up with the Judge's latest requests...we did it. The documents got to where they needed to be...and then we got the call. The Secretary of State's office had messed up the apostille (certification) of all of the documents.

I'm not kidding.

I called the SOS's office to see what could be done, and it seems that they can't just give me new forms and seals, they need the original documents. Makes sense, I guess.

So I had the distinct pleasure of redoing EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT today. The good news is that I am going to be in Indy on Monday anyway, so I can get them re apostilled.

The bad news is that this means we are forced to get an extension from the Judge. We've never had to do this before, and I don't know how this is going to make us look. I am a little concerned about it all.

Will keep you all posted!

Sweet Brit

It's happened 3 times to friends in the recent past. I swear, each time - it gets harder, not easier. When it has happened before, I didn't know what to do. I remember one time, I made homemade fudge. I don't know why - it seemed like the right things to do. Another time, I made chips and salsa...I always send flowers...but it is impossible to find the right kind of arrangement. Nothing seems to fit, be right, be exactly what I am looking for.


One time I wasn't here - I was in Russia. That was hard - I wanted to DO something, wanted to be there...whatever that means. I remember feeling horribly guilty that I was in Russia.


It happened again...



I am without words, without witty repartee, can't come up with a grand idea to make things better. I wish I had some kind of Godly wisdom that I could spout that would be so profound, so life-giving it would somehow cover the pain.



I wish I had answers, could point a finger, blame someone...



I wish it was a dream, that I'll wake up and look at the clock and think to myself, "wow, that was a horrible dream!"

All I have is prayer, and my heart. I wonder if trying to lovingly pray someone through a wicked time is enough. I wish I could let my heart run a ticker tape - then those who are mourning could see what I am really feeling, what I wish I could say to their faces...I hate it that all I can do is offer a hug and 'that look'. That stupid look...the one that says "I am so sorry, I have no idea what to say to you".


I don't know why children are taken. I can't sit here and spout some kind nonsense like "it's part of God's plan" (although, we all know it is). Sometimes your head knows things that your heart doesn't 'get'. This is one of those things, I just don't get.


Why is a child given to parents. Why is that child stricken with a horrid disease. Why does this child impact so many people in such a profound way...why was her time on this earth so short?

I think times like this, we remember with heavy hearts, and we try to be strong for those left behind. That is what I've tried to do...tried to not cry, try to be a pillar of silent strength...then hang up the phone and sob.

I wish I knew her better. I'll never forget the love she had for her Dad; the bond they had was a beautiful obvious thing. I won't soon forget the strong will that I saw in her eyes.

Cancer is a horrible thing. It destroys. It took Brit at the age of 17...it was too soon.

I pray that Brit's Dad and her family can draw strength from our Savior. Brit is now in His all powerful, all Loving, healing care. I am sure that our Father in Heaven holds sweet Brit in the palm of his hand, while she listens to her loud scream-y music, and paints her fingernails another new shade of black.

I think I will paint my toenails black - I bet she'd get a kick out of that.

now that I've calmed down...

Last Monday, we got another legal statement from the Judge in Russia...yes, ANOTHER statement. I 've lost track of how many this is, maybe 6 or 7? It is still beyond me what in the world there could be to say about our documents...that hasn't already been said.

But apparently there is plenty to say - 10 pages worth!

When I heard there was 10 pages, I didn't take it well. I actually ignored it, and pretended like it wasn't happening for a few days.

Now that I've calmed down, have had a chance to think about what is really being asked - it is manageable. Most of the 10 pages are things that need to happen with our coordinator in Russia. There are 15 things we need to take care of...and of course, we have about 5 days to take care of it.

Some of these things are crazy. In our homestudy etc., there is a description of our home. The description states our house has X number of rooms. So the Judge wants a photo of every single room. Pictures of the bathrooms, my messy office. FINE! I'll do it!

The Judge says that she can't read the documents because of the way some of the things were apostilled...apparently the staple covered a word or two. FINE! I will redo that for the billionth time.

The Judge also made a comment that some of the notaries signed the documents saying "signed and sworn before me"...the Judge's comment was 'who is me'. Are you kidding? FINE! I will redo those too.

Our marriage licence from Florida is a certified copy. As I am sure you all know, certified copies have someones signature. The Judge want some kind of verification of the person's authority to certify this license. Now mind you, none of the other things that are certified copies seem to be requiring this, just the one thing that is from Florida. FINE! I will figure it out.

There are some issues with our homestudy agency, and wording in what they have provided. FINE! I will kiss up to the agency who is so sick and tired of dealing with us and this mess. I will drive to Indianapolis, incur another $300 to have documents changed, I will try to obtain certified copies of the agencies license going back to 2005. FINE!

Basically, from here, this is what will happen:

1. We give all of the requirements to the Judge before Sep. 21 deadline.
2. If the judge rejects papers saying we did not meet her requirements, then we appeal immediately

Ya - I guess I am still irritated about this document thing...but I'll do it.

meet Spencer Gregory

Meet baby Spencer Gregory. He is the son of one of my long time BFFs. This is the closest I will ever be to being a newborns mommy. Let me say that holding this precious miracle, and knowing what it took to bring him into this world...took my breath away.

If the hospital room hadn't been filled with people I didn't know, I am sure I would have been a blubbering mess.

Little Spencer is about a week old today. Crazy how time flies. Next he will be saying Mommy and Daddy, then he will be standing, then walking...the next thing I know my friend will be calling me to tell me that Spencer is getting married.

He is a solid reminder. Tangible proof of God's unending Love. His Love is a "no matter what" kind of deal...and I think that is pretty cool. Not until you hold a baby do you understand that kind of love...I didn't get that until Anya walked into the room for the first time - that is when I looked into her precious eyes and thought to myself "no matter what".

I guess I will let my friend be a Mommy to sweet Spencer...stealing him under the cover of darkness is probably wrong :( - let me leave you with a photo of Spencer with his real Mommy:

the outcome of Perspective and an update

I thought I would update you on a few of the things mentioned in the Perspective post. So many of you have been praying...I want you to know that your prayers are working!

• My friend who found herself as the caregiver for her father. Well - a miracle has happened. Nursing homes that generally have a wait list of 10-12 months suddenly had an immediate opening. Her father had to qualify in several areas in order for her to be able to afford care like this - and he qualified in every category. PRAYERS ANSWERED!
• My friend with the teenage daughter with cancer. Yesterday, I was very worried about her. Her blood counts were not good...not good at all. I prayed over this all last night and today. For some reason, I was praying for her number to be 675 (which is funny, because I don't even understand anything about blood counts etc.). Well, today, her counts increased SEVERAL hundred, and were 675! Now, if they can get her fever down, and keep it down for 48 hours, she can go home! PRAYERS ANSWERED!
• My friend with the bum knee is back to her normal self...running and kind of jumping :) PRAYERS ANSWERED!
• My fashioney-friend who was having health issues has found the root of her problems. PRAYERS ANSWERED!

There are so many other prayers that have been answered recently. A friend who is adopting in Russia has a court date on September 10th. I am SO happy for her, and can't wait for the end of her journey.

We got some news about the adoption this week. Things are moving - not fast, but they are moving. The Judge has done enough wrong that is documented now that we have a strong case to be able to appeal and complain to the Russian Supreme Court. I don't know if we will have to do that - but am glad we have whatever we need to be able to do that.

We got a note today telling us that indeed, Anya has been moved to the new orphanage...the new place is in Shelechov (the same town). It was strongly suggested that we come for a visit to meet the new director.

The thing with Russian adoption is that there are basically 2 people who determine your fate. The director of the orphanage, and the prosecutor. Funny, huh? The director can make your life miserable, shop your child out to Russian families who are looking to foster a child (i.e. get government money)...or, the director can love you, and see that you and your child are a perfect family. Luckily - the later has been our experience. I don't know this new director, and it is freaking me out. If God knows that I need to go...then I am confident that He will make a way for me to go.

So that's all I know for now. I am trying to not be consumed by what is happening in Russia that I can not control or influence.

on perspective

The other day, I posted a note on perspective. So many people are dealing with really big things, stuff (that if I allow myself) to think about...I am all red nosed, and boo-ey.

After posting that, I can't tell you HOW MANY of you emailed me privately to tell me that you are praying for all of these issues. Many of you sent me notes with help, advice - someoe to talk to who has "been there".

Sometimes I think all of my friends know each other...but that is so far from the truth (so forgive me if we're ever all out somewhere, and I don't introduce you).

You all have such big hearts, such capacity to love, to pray - to feel the pain in others. I have been blessed beyond words to have you all in my life...to call you friends.

Thank you. Thank you for your kind words, and for praying for one another. If for no other reason - this blog works...because you are all now praying for each other...praying for nameless, faceless friends.

Big HUGE Hugs to all of you!

more news

After the last note that our documents were accepted by the court, I wanted to know what the next step is. This is a question that I seem to ask all the time, and rarely get an answer to. This morning - here is what I got:

Kathy, hi,
I called the judge's assistant yesterday asking for a response to the documents I sent last week. The assistant said that I should get a response this week. This is excellent news. We seem to be making progress.

I am realistic, and fully understand "Russian Time", so I am not holding my breath to hear anything before next week.

I am trying to not be too optimistic, trying to not read too much into anything...just praying, praying my heart out!

Perspective

Things happen. Sometimes things come into our lives and shake us to our very core. There is a song that says "we're just a phone call away from our knees"...how true.



The past few weeks, I've been slapped in the face with some reality. Yes - things are bad, frustrating with the adoption. Yes, my heart hurts every day to be with my little girl...but things could be worse.

• One of my friends passed a milestone. 7 years without her son. He died at age 5 from brain cancer. His funeral was one of the most beautiful and hardest things I've ever experienced. Perhaps harder, because we all (many friends and family) really REALLY believed that this child was going to be a miracle.


• Another friend has found herself as the caregiver for her father. He has dementia. He had been in prison for the past 8 years, therefore - was estranged from his family. Then one day, out of the blue - she gets a call from a hospital "are you XXX" "yes" "will you accept guardianship for you father". Her life changed in the span on one sentence.


• One of my oldest and dearest friends and I recently reconnected (gotta love Facebook!). His is a single Dad, raising a teenage girl. That in and of itself is a big thing...but there is more. His daughter is a medical miracle, she has stumped doctors all over the globe. No one can tell her the story of HER. There are no answers. To top it off - she is fighting her second round of cancer...which will likely take her out of the entire first semester of her Junior year of high school. To look in this child's eyes, is to see hope. I see a determined will...one that doesn't give up easily, and one that knows how to work her Dad :)! I love to see the relationship between a Dad and his little girl...I also see the heartbreak in the Dad's eyes for his precious gift from God. I want to squeeze this child, and tell her that her life matters. That God's plans for her are huge. I want to take her to get a manicure and a pedicure. But today, she is facing more chemo and the possibility of a transfusion. I've been on my knees for this family.


• I have so many friends who find themselves in a quiet home...for the first time in many years, all of their kids are in school. On the surface, this seems like every Mommy's dream come true - but the reality is that silence is deafening. I continue to see photos, blog posts and Facebook updates from Moms who are lost - who are needing to redefine themselves, who need to step out of one chapter of life into another...a new chapter with a little more time in the day. Redefining ourselves as women, and mothers can be hard.


• I have a friend whose daughter leaves for college this week. Her husband was diagnosed with cancer this summer, and it is possible that her other adult daughter has Augsburg's Disease. I am exhausted just thinking about the magnitude of the emotional toll just ONE of these things can take on a family. She needs a break.


• Yet another friend has Rheumatoid Arthritis. She also has 3 very active little girls. This week, her knee has decided to stop working...which means she can't walk - literally. Had nothing to do with the arthritis, but is just another painful thing to deal with. Imagine the frustration, the feeling of helplessness...I would be in a really bad mood, and someone would need to be feeding me cakes and candy!


• A client's father has fallen gravely ill in the past few weeks. This has caused the family to make major decisions, quickly. Watching your parents health go down hill is painful. I remember seeing my Grandpa (who was like my Dad) go from the strongest man I knew into a frail old man...it seemed to happen overnight. Changing roles in your family, with your parents is inevitable. It's not easy.


• One of my fashioney-friends is struggling for answers about her health. Stabbing debilitating pains - doctors saying that it is all in her head...and we know it's not, in fact it is in her abdomen! She has been ill for weeks, and no one knows what is going on. To know this industry (fashion), August is a very busy month...added stress is not helping her medical condition. I so with I lived closer to her. I so wish I could give her a break. I wish I knew a doctor that would find out what is wrong and fix it!

• A friend from high school has stage 4 cancer. I had no idea. Went to dinner with her and several other high school friends the other night, and I didn't even recognize her. I feel horrible for not talking to her, not catching up, not knowing. I thought it was strange that no one at the table was introducing her to me...they knew I knew her, but I didn't. She has 2 daughters (I think), I can't even begin to imagine what she is going through - the preparations her heart must be making...I need to pray that she will win this battle.

• This friend is one of those people I have great memories with. We've done so many things together from the time we were 10 years old...I can't even begin to tell you all the trouble we dodged together. We recently found out that she was pregnant. That in and of itself was a miracle. Then she learned she was having twins. I had tried to think about what that would be like for me...excitement turned to panic? Yesterday, she went to the doctor, and was going to find out the sex of the twins. Instead, she learned that one of the babies was gone. She is praising God for the health and gift of the other baby...but can you imagine? I just want to hug her and tell her that her precious other twin is in heaven. I want to tell her that it is OK to grieve. But, I am not her, I can't relate - I can't take any of her pain away. I can't answer any of the questions I am sure she has. I wish I could.

• I ran into someone I've known for several years. I was going on and on about my Mom's recent hand surgery...come to find out her mother has passed away. She had been her mother's caregiver for 8 years, her mother was nearly 90. She lived a full life. Death can be more about the ones left behind, can't it? My friend is in a state of grief - feeling like an orphan. I should have been more compassionate - I wish I would have known about her mother's passing.

• There is a young girl in India, she is 15. She tried to commit suicide because of a lifetime of beatings, abuse and intolerable conditions. She is brilliant. If she was in the United States, her existence would be so different. She would probably be preparing to attend Harvard or Yale. She is not in school in India. Her job is to watch goats. She needs to know that God has a plan for her life - and that plan is huge.

So yes, things could be worse. But my heart is heavy with the issues of my friends. I want to make it better, I want to do something to brighten their day - to allow them to forget the junk for just one minute. I want them to know that God is in control! He has a plan, and BELIEVE ME HIS plan is the perfect plan.

When you get frustrated with your life, with the state of things in your world. Remember these very real stories. Things could be worse.

without words

I posted this in Facebook - but am still reeling from what happened.

This morning I woke up, checked my email and noticed that I had a friend request from Facebook...from Jody Hall. Well, I know 2 "Jody Hall"s, so I went to Facebook thinking it was the one I know that lives locally. No...it was the one who owns the adoption agency who (lack of better word here) screwed us.

Yes, I still have a LOT of anger toward her. She has taken thousands and THOUSANDS of dollars from us. She did NO work for us (well, she mailed some documents to Russia). In 2006 when we went to Irkutsk to search out another means to bring Anya home, we needed some help and some paperwork taken care of in Moscow. She said that she would help - and didn't. I pressed her for how to get the paperwork taken care of, and her comment was "good luck with that". I called her after we got home from that trip, left a message that I had an idea about how to get Anya home, but would need her help...she NEVER called me back. NEVER!

I also asked her about being the middle man for us and some other families - I asked if she could contact another agency that was able to work in Russia to help us build a relationship with a new agency, and not start from square 1. She said "oh, I can't do that". WHAT?!

I know I need to calm down. I am so peeved right now, I can't see straight.

Maybe she has had a stroke of conscious - maybe she has seen the error of her ways, and wants to apologize and offer some kind of restitution. But, I doubt it.

big step forward

Well, not sure what to make of this.

Last week, we got a note from our coordinator in Irkutsk that said we need to take things to the next level. Basically, this means filing a complaint against the judge, and taking our case to the Supreme Court. At one time, the thought of having to do this would almost cripple me with fear...now, it seemed to empower me.

The problem was in the Judge accepting documents. She wasn't doing it...for us, or anyone else. In the past, all of our documents were being mailed (I posted about this a while ago). Now, the Judge was saying she wasn't going to accept things that are mailed -that we had to make an appointment specifically to deliver documents -thing is, she was taking any appointments. This is all clearly against Russian law - this gave us a firm solid grievance against her.

My plan was to call our Russian coordinator tonight, and talk through the game plan. Then I got an email that simply said:
I just wanted to tell you that I had made one more attempt to submit your documents to the court. The file is in the court now.

Maybe the Judge was notified if she didn't accept the documents, that we were taking things above her head - of course, she doesn't want to look foolish or incompetent to her superiors...maybe this is why she accepted our stuff. Whatever the reason - I don't care. We're not in this to make friends and keep the peace, we're in this to get Anya home.

We will call sometime this week to get more details. But for now - this is great news, and a BIG step forward. I believe that our prayers are bring heard, and God's hand continues to move in this situation.

I'll keep you updated with any more info!

oh ya...and

Did I mention that the school we wanted to send Anya to is closing!? STUPID ECONOMY! I am sure it will re-open once the economy comes back and all that economic stimulus money that Obama promised to Elkhart County comes in (wink).

I was introduced to another like-school in South Bend (but do I want to drove 40 minutes one way to school every day?).

smiles with unexpected blessings

I was working today, for those of you who don't know what I do for a living go HERE.

So, I was working. When I head out for the day, I am always looking at a 1/2 hour (or more) drive. One of the many joys of living in the boonies. As I drive I always listen to WFRN or PULSE FM (Christian stations). Many times as I am singing at the top of my lungs, I find myself deep in thought and prayer...and generally it is over Anya.

Such was the story today.

I don't know if I want to admit it, but I was praying for a sign. Something to let me know that HE is hearing me. I know how crazy that sounds, and how unfaithful that is...but that is where I was. To be honest, I prayed something like this "OK God, this is out of control. I need a little somethin' somethin" (just keeping it real here)

I went to my client's home, chose her wardrobe for the next 7 days (remember me saying if you don't know what I do...go HERE?). I got a call from my local Russian friend who also works in the fashion world. Kind of funny that she called me, I haven't seen or talked to her in MONTHS - I've been thinking about her a lot the past few weeks. Every time I hear her voice (or a thick Russian accent) I can't help but to get a little misty eyed.

Then I made some some courtesy calls with local boutiques and shops. Soon after I walked in one of my regular haunts, a woman came in that I recognized but couldn't place. I realized that she is the one who had the Silpada fundraiser for the adoption a few months back. She said that she saw me come into the store, and wanted to give me something. She handed me a check for $100 toward the adoption. I am not kidding.

I have been consigning things for a few months now. I have taken things from my closet and the closets of my clients. All of the money raised from the clothes will go toward the adoption. I was talking to the owner of the consignment store I do business with, and all the sudden she hands me a check for $375!

Do you ever feel like God sends you a Hallmark card just to tell you He is thinking about you, and to reassure you He is in control? Well, that is how I feel today.

the next step

I wasn't sure what to make of the next step in this adoption process. One minute we're told that the Judge told us to resubmit in July - and the next minute we're told that we have an option: submit in July, or wait until September. (ya, waiting WASN'T an option!)

One thing that I've learned (either through experience or maturity) is to not get upset over the things I can't control. So when our coordinator said he was going to resubmit our documents this month, and when I pressed for a specific date and didn't get one...I let it go. I've also learned that when I press for answers, sometimes I don't get the REAL answer :)

As typical - once a week, I sent the obligatory status update request email to our coordinator. Generally I don't get any reply - which is in keeping with all things Russian (if there is no news, there is no reply). This week, I got a reply. It said simply that a reply from the court can take up to 4 weeks., then a few hours later, we got another reply that we are currently waiting for a reply and expect to get a statement from the Judge any day.

Call me cautiously optimistic - but 'any day' has a different definition in Russia than it does here. So I would think we should know more by the end of the month.

puffy eyes and broken hearts

I have been going through all of the pictures we've taken of Anya over the years, and was feeling nostalgic. Because I am quite possibly one of the most creative people you will ever meet, I took some time to pull together some of these shots into a video montage.

Well, sorta....NOT!

Truth is, I was reading my friend, Kate's, blog tonight. She has a great video compilation of photos from her first meeting with her little girl. Tore my heart apart. Not sure if the ripping of my heart was from the song or knowing how hard it is to say goodbye after meeting your baby for the first time.

Feeling all weepy, I thought I would make myself sink into an even deeper pit - so I started looking through photos of Anya. Seeing how much she has grown through the years is truly amazing...it hurts my heart, it makes me gasp for air and blind from the tears.

So, I got myself together - ate some potato chips and decided to hunt down the song Kate used in her video. It was a good one. I found it...and so started round 2 of the water works.

Then as to be a TOTAL thief of ideas, I went to the website Kate used to create her video and found myself uploading, editing, creating. Here I am, almost 3 hours later all puffy eyed.

I'll be honest, sometimes I get tired of fighting, I find myself refocusing away from Anya. I've put off doing paperwork because I didn't have the strength. I dread sending ANOTHER email to ask for an update on things. I struggle composing a note to send to Anya, not sure what to say.

Tonight, this is what I needed. I needed to just sit at my computer and cry. So thanks, Kate for letting me (without my even asking) to steal your idea, hook - line - and sinker.

Make photo slide shows at www.OneTrueMedia.com

back on my knees

I think there is a plan. I don't know - but I think it's a plan.

We were given the option to resubmit our documents this month, or hold everything until September. Holding everything until September seemed crazy to us (I can't even say it - or type it - without making a crazy face)...so, our documents are being resubmitted to the court in Russia in the next few days.

The way things work - documents aren't delivered in person. For some reason, that never seems to work - so documents are mailed. Apparently when they are mailed, there is a signature - and that signature is proof of acceptance. Sounded like our stuff would be mailed soon...but 'soon' in Russia means a few weeks.

I'm back on my knees again over this. In some ways, it doesn't seem like anything has changed since February. In other ways, it seems like a ton of progress has been made in the past 5 months.

So for now...we pray.

milestones and dates on the calendar

For 4 years, 11 months, 2 weeks and 4 days I have marked dates in my planner that meant something. Many times, these marked dates weren't in ink, or marker or even pencil. Most of the time the dates where in my head...but important nonetheless.

The dates aren't the ones you might imagine. Mother's Day doesn't phase me. Holidays like Easter, Christmas, Anya's Birthday don't really bother me either. I've never purchased a gift for Anya for Christmas, and left it unwrapped under the tree (which would have been stupid, considering she would have been 2 when we started this practice, and now is 7...what in the world would I have done with all those gifts?).

The dates that bother me are my birthday, the Children's Christmas presentation at church, the baptism celebration at church and Scoop.

And now I know you are asking "what in the heck is Scoop". Scoop is the start of each new fashion season. In a nutshell, I travel to some destination with 2,000 other fashion people for what we call Fashion Week. We learn about new trends, see runway fashion shows, have random training seminars, go to big dinners. bla bla bla. Well, what happens at Scoop (aside from the self imposed stress of what to wear), is that you go into a meeting with a bunch of people you don't know. You start talking to the people around you and always ask "where are you from" "How long have you been working in this line of work" and of course "do you have kids". That always launches into my canned adoption speech.

Many of these ladies I've met I see twice a year, and have been seeing them for YEARS. Now when I see them, they want to know if I brought Anya with me.

I remember 5 years ago going to the baptism celebration. Marty and I sat at the edge of the lake, watching the dedication of babies. We saw kids who had made a decision to give their lives to Christ be baptised. Knowing what it will take to teach Anya about the Love of Christ, and considering that one day - she may be walking into the water is pretty overwhelming.

The Christmas children's program church always bother me because as the children sing on stage, I can almost find myself searching for Anya among all the little faces. I know she isn't there...but for some strange reason I still look.

And my birthday...wow, sounds kind of selfish doesn't it?

I think the birthday thing bothers me for a few reasons. Some of my favorite memories as a child was planning my Mom's birthday. It was a big deal to me. I always wanted to get the perfect gift (which was usually some ugly nightgown or horrible handbag). Wrapping it was always a big deal too...it had to be perfect. On my Mom's 50th, I organized a surprise party for her, to this day she claims that she is finding little confetti pieces in the shape of "50's"...and let's just say that was more than a few years ago (haha!). I think we all want to recreate things for our kids that are the good memories of our childhood.

I think that annual planning exercise taught me how important it is to make a big deal for other people...to do something for someone else, just because.

That feeling of giving joy to someone else led to me hosting my own birthday parties. Every year marks another year that I am a woman without children. At my age, most women have a family, they have children...very few don't. So rather than to pity another year gone by, I've had my friends over to my house for a midsummer cookout. The cookout was a clever way to have a birthday celebration without anyone feeling like they had to bring a gift.

This year - tomorrow actually - I turn 40. One of my blog friends (Kate) and I have had conversations about how it is important to us to have our girls before we turn 40. We don't know why, but it is important. This birthday, I won't have my baby girl. I don't know where she is (camp I assume) and it sucks.

I'm not posting this as some kind of plea for you all to leave poor Kathy comments - please don't do that.

I know many of you are my every day friends, and are sick of hearing me talk about turning 40. Well - now you know why I've been consumed by that number. I don't care much about being older (I have a great relationship with a very good dermatologist...if it bothers me enough, I can fix it), I care what being older represents.

Twiddling thumbs

Seems like I would have something adoption related to post today - but I don't.


Been working on our yard. It's funny - the things you wish for when you are growing up. Then as you pray for them, God graciously grants you the prayers of your heart...then as an adult you wonder WHY did you pray for those things?


Case in point - big house. I grew up in a big house, therefore I mistakenly thought everyone should have a big house. I had this idea in my head that I wanted a house that looked like 'X' and was decorated like 'Y'. Well, God is good! Now I have too many square feet of floor to keep clean, and a serious dust problem. Not complaining...just stating the facts.


I also prayed for flowerbeds. I have always loved planting things. In my former life, I was married to someone who didn't like flowers, so he didn't let me plant many. Current perfect husband lets me do whatever I want, and we live on 3 acres. 5-6 years ago I started panting things, harvesting hosta, swapping ground cover for day lilies with friends. Well, now I have an overgrown mess! Can't figure out what I should dig up (and I can't bring myself to pitch anything that is living - will need to find a new home for anything I remove), what should be cut back - kinda looks like a jungle around here. Every day I go outside and think to myself that I am going to have some kind of vision as to what needs to be done - and frankly, every day all I see is a bunch of stuff I don't know what to do with.


I believe to the core of my being that my life is a perfect example of being careful for what you pray for. Not in a bad way...just in a realistic way.




In the heat of everything I prayed so desperately for, I couldn't see how it all would end. In the heat, it seemed - well, hot. I just wanted it all to stop, to be over and done with. Heat tends to make you uncomfortable, stretch you, make you see things in a way you wouldn't normally.


But - in the heat is where God is working. I know that. I believe that. I've experienced that. I have stories how it works out on the other side.


Marty and I could have been married 10 years ago. That wasn't God's plan. Through a lot of pain, junk, stuff and garbage - we came out of it...wonderfully happily married. I wish we didn't have to go through the junk - but I am glad we did. It has made us a strong, unbreakable couple. It made us US. So, we've been married for 5 1/2 years.


We could have adopted a child 5 years ago. But that wasn't God's plan. Knowing that God's plan is always perfect...I'm willing to wait. I will wait, and pray, and be thankful for this time, because God is using this heated time to do something only He could do. And I think that is pretty cool.

been processing

It's been an odd couple of days. Have been waiting to hear from our coordinator in Russia for what seemed like weeks. Truth be told, it was only about a week. Come to find out he was buried in translating our documents so that he could present them to the court before the 6-22 deadline. I think this is the first time EVER that anything has been done before a deadline!

So - our documents were presented on Friday. These were the updates that the Judge in Russia requested at the beginning of the month. On Saturday I get an email from our coordinator that said:

I got the documents in advance, thank you - all was good at this point. I was able to submit the papers to the court on Friday. Later in the day I spoke to the judge's assistant and she said that the judge would not accept any papers in June. She was returning almost all files, as the court is overwhelmed with lots of submitted cases.

The court has appointed two more judges to hear the adoptions, so my plan is to resubmit your file with existing documents to the court in July. I hope that the new judge will take it without major requests.

I felt like I had been punched in the gut. This doesn't say that our documents are being returned...but it didn't say that they weren't.

I have to remember there is some big reason this is happening. I am sure there is something God is protecting us from or something that is part of His plan we can't see

But I can't help but to wonder why.

Anya's 7th birthday was Sunday. When I got home from Russia in January - the outside date that we would be with Anya again was her birthday. Well, that date came and went - and in some ways, I don't feel that we're any farther ahead (for all the submissions and resubmissions).

what's going on?

Guess I should post something.

Got the paperwork done, and it is on the way back to Russia. Last time I checked DHL, our stuff was in Germany. Funny thing about this round of changes - I wasn't 100% clear on what the Judge wanted, so what I sent can be called "my best guess".

I am concerned, ok - well, worried...maybe not so much worried as mad - that our coordinator will be on vacation for 2 weeks...starting before our documents are due back to the court. Apparently they will be delivered by one of his assistants. I just wonder how on top of things the assistant will be - will he check on the status of things, or sit back and wait to get a call with an update.

I think the coordinator guy is vacationing here in the U.S. Maybe I should find him here and meet with him.

Will keep you all updated.

Oh ya - talked to Anya last Sunday night on the phone. Will post details on that later. Been so consumed with everything else, haven't had a chance to really sit and think about that call.

Fund Raiser update

ADOPTION FUNDRASIERS...update

Thanks to all of you who came out and supported our Fashion Show Fundraiser last week.
It was a huge success, and we far exceeded our goals and expectations. If you missed it - then you missed lots of clothes, lots of great food, Marty in women's clothing, me crying...and over 60 of you that supported us, it was quite a night!

Several have asked when the next fundraiser will be...and it is THIS WEEK!

Join me on:
Thursday, June 11th
7pm - 9pm

Serendipity Consignment Boutique
7106 Grape Road
Granger, IN 46530

This will be a Silpada fund raiser, with some silent auction items thrown in for fun.

Clean out your closet, and bring some things to be consigned as a donation!

This is also a great opportunity to check out my favorite consignment shop!

Can't make the event, but want to buy a piece of Silpada jewelry for the fundraiser? Contact Michelle at 574-271-1200.

Stop by, if for no other reason than to check out this new consignment shop. It is amazing! If you like designer clothing, handbags (like Coach, Kate Spade, LV etc...) you will LOVE this shop! They also have amazing consigned home decor things...what a great way to give your house a face lift!