Long road homeWait of nearly two years to adopt Russian girl nearing an end for Bristol couple
Published: Monday, September 18, 2006 -- The Truth,
Last updated: 9/17/2006 9:57:56 PMBy
Jennifer OchsteinTruth Correspondent
BRISTOL -- Their Anya could be home by Thanksgiving, ceasing Marty and Kathy Friend's two-year eternity.
They've imagined what it will be like.
And why not? When you've waited for nearly two years to bring home the child you hope will one day call you "Mom" and "Dad," you fantasize about finally being parents.
Marty and Kathy Friend have been trying to adopt 4-year-old Anya, now living in a children's home in Irkutsk, Siberia, in Russia, since the girl was 2.
This summer, monetary constraints and a host of other complications nearly derailed the adoption. But close friends threw together a fundraiser, yielding enough to finish the adoption process.
Envisioning
Mostly, Kathy said, when she imagines times together with Anya, she thinks about what the mornings will be like. Since she's not a morning person, Kathy envisions Anya crawling out of her own bed in her pink bedroom and toddling into her parents' room. Kathy sees Anya climbing up the steps leading to her parents' tall bed and snuggling in.
Marty sees "Daddy and Anya getting up at the crack of dawn, making fun of Mommy, who's trying to pry her eyes open."
Either way, the couple is praying they won't have to imagine much longer.
"I really feel like God chose her to be our child," said Kathy, who's unable to have children. While she wasn't devastated at the thought of not being able to give birth to a child, she's always wanted to be a mom. "God set us up to adopt," she said.
Once Anya gets home and the Friends' fantasy becomes reality, Kathy has one wish -- to be a good enough parent to break through whatever difficulties Anya has dealt with during her short life.
"I want to give her enough love to help her become whatever she wants to be," Kathy said.
Processing
Normally, the adoption process takes much less time -- about nine months -- but adoptions of Russian children to Americans have become more difficult in recent years, the Friends said.
A North Carolina woman recently was convicted of killing the child she adopted from Russia. In response, the Russian Ministry of Education enforced more stringent guidelines for foreign adoptions.
At about the same time, the Friends and hundreds of other American couples were in the midst of trying to adopt from Russia. All of them were stalled.
What made chances even more difficult for the Friends was they were using the same U.S.-based adoption agency as the North Carolina woman who killed her child.
The adoption agency, according to Kathy, had been recommended to them by friends who had adopted two Russian girls before the North Carolina incident. After the Russian Ministry of Education stiffened guidelines, the adoption agency the Friends were using was no longer accredited in Russia.
At that point, the couple had spent more than $24,000 during the adoption proceedings. They felt as if they were running out of time, money and options to bring Anya home.
"We decided to take matters into our own hands," Kathy said.
Navigating
In May, the Friends took their third trip to Irkutsk, taking the unusual step to go it alone, without an adoption agency. They didn't want the stigma, but did want to stay in touch with Anya's caregivers at the children's home so they would continue to feel comfortable with the couple, hoping to make the adoption process easier.
Speaking little Russian, the couple found an interpreter who has taken on the unlikely role of partner in helping them adopt Anya. Their interpreter not only helped them through their last trip in Russia to visit Anya and her caregivers, he also has helped them navigate the country's legal system to get the adoption paperwork into motion.
Despite difficulties, the Friends hope their most recent round of paperwork to a Russian judge, known to be tough and thorough when reviewing legalities surrounding adoption of Russian children in his jurisdiction, will be successful.
But for that paperwork to get through to the judge, the Friends had to pay for the services of an attorney, and at the time, they say, they were tapped out.
They had liquidated and sold nearly everything they didn't need when they first began the adoption process. The sense of urgency to get the last remaining $6,000 was palpable.
That's when Kathy's friends, Kathy Strukel and Pam Homan, stepped up.
Supporting
Within four days, Strukel and Homan set up a dinner, silent auction and raffle. Kelly Miller, Flytraps restaurant owner, donated food and drink for 200 attendees who came to Lucy's Rhythm Room in Elkhart. Thus far from the Aug. 30 event, $6,400 has been raised.
"I was blown away," Strukel said of guests' generosity.
She thinks people were so willing to give because the Friends "have hearts as big as all outdoors and they wanted to give back. And I think people know what wonderful parents they're going to be."
Strukel many have agonized over the situation along with the Friends.
"I think it will mean the world to them," to have Anya come live with them, Strukel said. "They've loved her for two years now -- ever since they first saw her."
Jennifer Ochstein
Send a messageCheck out my Bio
