oh my foot

So, husband and I were walking into Staples yesterday, and I got this shooting pain in my foot. Not just any pain - the kind that makes you stop, take a deep breath.

All yesterday afternoon, I kept getting this odd pain in my foot - causing me to walk funny...which has become fodder for good jokes in my house...husband should be a stand up comedian.

Foot still hurts today - like an eternal cramp.

The good news? Walking in heels feels BETTER than flats! YAY!

Documents again

I've spent most of the morning completing more documents for the adoption. It's funny how time fades your memory. I need to fill in blanks with things like our passport number - before, I knew this like I know my phone number. Today, I had to look it up.

I just hope we are able to get everything in order and back to Russia before all of our other documents expire (which is in August). I think the Judge is on vacation in July - so we might be out of luck. Please pray that this next step goes quickly, that there are no hiccups, that everyone that needs to complete something does so in an expedited manner...and that I don't lose my mind in the process.

I wonder

Every year, I put these milestones in my calendar, and think to myself "Anya will be home by XXX".

Generally these times are Mother's Day, then her birthday, then Christmas.

Anya's 6th birthday was yesterday. Another birthday without a mama and papa - without any overboard celebration.

I wonder how she spent her day, or if she even knew it was her birthday. Since it was on a weekend, who knows - since her regular caregivers aren't with her on the weekends.

I wonder if she got the box of birthday gifts we sent. I wonder if she was told that I sent an email last week.

I wonder how much she know about what is going on. I wonder if she know how hard we are fighting for her. I wonder if she knows what love is. I wonder if she is discouraged since we haven't been able to bring her home.

I wonder if she will ever know how exhausting this process has been; how many times I really didn't think I could keep trying; how much I love her, but wondered if that was enough - I hope not.

So, on her birthday weekend - I am praying the God continue to give me strength in this fight. The He keep her safe, the He protect her. And I am also praying that He open the doors that need to be opened NOW so that I don't have to go through another year of milestones in my calendar and think "Anya will be home by XXX"

Craziness of adoption

Let me first say that I know there is no way I am going to be able to complete this adoption. It is going to be all God. If it were simply up to me - my pushing, my document preparation skills - Anya would have been home for years now. I know it is going to be because of prayer and God's grace.

I felt like I needed to say that before I went any further.

[a little background]
I have some friends who had a son who was taken by cancer several years ago. Their beautiful little boy had this amazing sparkle in his eyes - that is what I remember the most...those bright blue eyes.

As this family was going through all the treatments, they were also researching a lot of alternative treatments. I remember praying for them as they traveled (to what seemed like) every corner of the earth, in the hopes that something would be the cure for their little boy. At the time, in the back of my mind, I will admit a little part of me wondered if they had lost their minds. Some of these alternate treatments seemed like hokus pokus.

OK - fast forward to me...now.

If I told you everything that I have tried to get Anya home. All of the prayer meetings we've been to, all of the people we've had pray for us...you would think I had lost my mind. We even stopped at a friend's place last weekend to have this man pray for us. He is from Africa - and is a missionary to the United States (sounds backwards, I know...that is what I thought too). Anyway, we thought maybe he has the gift of powerful prayer...we should stop in and have him pray for us - so we did. I've gone out of my way to meet people who are from Russia - people who 'rumor has it' have some power in Russia. I've spoken to people who have business connections in Russia. Researchers who have spent time in Irkutsk, who know a lot of people in that city - thinking maybe they knew someone with some pull.

I don't think I am losing it - and now I know all the feelings my friends went through years ago with their little boy - YOU WILL DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING YOU CAN.

I have an overwhelming feeling that now is the time to pray. Over the past week, I have been getting a pretty strong message to fast and pray. Every thing I read, see, hear on the radio, listen to at church, at small group - it's all about this topic. I think I need to break a little to let God take over to fix it. (which might not make any sense at all...unless you're in my head right now)

So I am going to do another crazy thing to try to bring Anya home. I haven't figure out how/when/what to fast yet. I hope God gives me those answers - because I would like to fast meat (that is a joke - I am a vegetarian).

Anyone have any tips on fasting?

so done with mean people

If you are a long time reader of my blog - then you may remember a random post about mean people a while back. Today - I feel the need to again post about mean people. I am done with them...even if they are the same mean people that won't go away, I am declaring that I am done with them. I will NO LONGER take their calls, or participate in their sad mean world. They spoil my mood and my day. And I don't like it when I let someone else take my joy. So - NO MORE!

I tried praying for them. I tried helping them. I tried seeing things through their eyes. And at the end of the day - they are still mean!

Here are some tips for you if you are a mean person, or might have a tendency toward mean-ness:

1. If you leave a voice mail message for someone - and you are yelling at them...chances are they will not call you back

2. If someone comes to your office that you don't want to see, don't pretend to be on the phone - it will ring and your feeble attempt at being mean and ignoring the guest will only make you look stupid

3. Don't get mad at the messenger if you don't like the message (in other words, it's not my fault if the USPS took 5 days to get a letter to your house, when typically it takes 2)

4. If you are given something for free, don't complain about it and try to return it for a 'refund' (how you get a refund on something you didn't pay for is still a mystery to me)

5. If you lie, you will be found out. If you are dishonest, it will bite you in the butt. If you cheat, you will not win. SOMEONE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN YOU LIE AND CHEAT.

And, my final rant on mean people. The meanest people are those who claim to be Christians...and are mean. It makes me so mad when I know someone is trying to con me, and follows it with "I'll keep you in my prayers". I want to say "no thanks".

Would that be mean?

The Notebook

Has anyone ever seen the movie 'The Notebook"? It was on WSBT tonight.

I don't see movies often...there are a lot of reasons for this - but the fact remains, I just don't got to or watch movies often.

Tonight we decided to watch The Notebook - and now I feel like I have been crying uncontrollably for over an hour (maybe this is one reason to steer clear of movies?!)

Here is my question - if you saw the movie at the theater - and saw it tonight on TV...does the theater version end like the TV version? DON'T TEL ME HOW IT ENDS if it is different.

so I have to write a bio...

I have been asked to speak for the IU Entrepreneurial Series this year. I think it is a big deal, and I am honored and humbled to be asked.

The other day, I was asked to send my bio to the University, so they could get the brochure done for the series.

I am usually one who is not short on words - but this time I am.

I asked for a sample of what they were looking for, and it read something like this:

Mrs. Smarty Pants 4 time author and chief executive officer of
Really Big Company

For the past 25 years, she has been creating strategic sales, marketing and training programs for numerous clients, including NASA. In 2001, Mrs. Pants was named Indiana
Business Leader of the Year by the Indiana Chamber of Commerce. She also was named the State Small Business Person of the Year by the U.S. Small Business Administration and Woman Entrepreneur of the Year by Inc. Magazine. In 2003, she was inducted into the Indiana Academy which honors citizens’ contributions to cultural, scientific, literary, civic,religious, and educational development in the state.

She is a native of Oklahoma and a graduate of Purdue University. She
also holds a Masters from the University of Notre Dame, and an honorary doctorate from Harvard.

So - I need to win some things and be named as some things...and fast! I am feeling like a complete loser, and am not sure why they asked me to speak - unless they are looking to contrast Mrs. Smarty Pants with me...which would be an interesting conversation. I know I would be better dressed, and she would have shoe envy...and her big words would make me wish for my online thesaurus!

Invitation

I just started a new Bible Study group. I am so excited about this group. The whole point is to go "further Up and Further In". Love that.

One of the cool things about this group, is that it meets on Tuesday mornings at Panera. Now, why would I think this is so great? Well, Panera has the best Chai Latte I've had in a long time...I know, that alone isn't a great reason to join a Bible Study group, but for me, it worked. I was also excited to be a in a study with a diverse group of ladies - pastor wives, those that work in full time ministry, those new to Christ...and me.

I also love the idea of a study being focused on getting close to the Word. For me, over the past 4 years on this adoption journey, I feel like sometimes I am all prayed out. I have found myself trying to pray, ask God for guidance, ask for peace...and I can't. I am all prayed out. I need something new, a new way to energize my prayer life...and I really love it that this study came up at just the perfect time.

Another thing that I love about this group, is that we have people joining in 'virtually' via our group's blog. I would like to invite all of you to join with me. The book is called Spiritual Disciplines Devotional: A Year of Readings by Valerie Hess. You can find the book on Amazon. The link to our study's blog is http://michellewegner.typepad.com/further_up_further_in/

Michelle, the facilitator of the group said it best when she posted this on her blog:

My favorite books ever are the Chronicles of Narnia books. I have read and re-read them ever since I was in 2nd grade. The final book entitled "The Last Battle" is about the end of the Narnian world. As the world was crumbling around them, they had to march "further up, and further in" to the land Aslan called them to. The land crumbling around them was dying, and yet they looked ahead and saw Aslan's land, the "real" Narnia. Where everything in Narnia was like a paper copy of what they saw ahead of them.

Further up, and Further in is how I want to live. I want to live every day walking closer to Heaven, seeing new things with my eyes. Seeing Heaven for what it is. Seeing earth as the paper copy of Heaven.

I'm glad you'll be joining me on this journey. I'm sure there are plenty of
adventures ahead.

I love my job

I love my job...every day I thank God for my 'job'. I truly can not believe that THIS is what I do for a living. One of the reasons I love it so much is that I am able to bless women in a very unique way. One of those ways is through the magazine I am the Fashion Editor for. Every year, the magazine has a Mommy Makeover contest. This year, we couldn't pick just 1 winner - so we decided to choose 2. One as our Makeover Winner, and one to Honor.

I am in the process of the final phase before we have the 'big reveal' of our big winner. She is am amazing woman - and everyone who has met her so far in the makeover process has fallen in love with her.

Today - I was able to surprise the Mom we decided to honor.

Ms. Donna is an amazing Mom - one who has a story of strength, persistence and faith. The Board of Directors at St. Margaret's House (an amazing day program for women in South Bend http://www.stmargaretshouse.org/) nominated Donna. Donna is the mother to a beautiful teenage daughter - and today, I got to honor her at a very special gathering at St.

Margaret's House.

I don't want to spoil Donna's story, or anything that will be in the next edition of the magazine - but I do want to share some photos...I think you can tell by the look on her face, she was surprised!

Got tagged

I got tagged on one of my friend's blogs (thanks Judy!) - she is starting a Friday 'theme' post. Each Friday it'll be a new topic, and all you have to do is list 5 things about that topic... Easy stuff, to ease everyone into the weekend...

So here goes:

Top 5 things you love most about the summer.
1. our hillbilly pool
2. gardening
3. slower work life
4. warm weather
5. our beautiful deck

I am going to take this a step farther, and list the 5 things I don't like so much about summer:
1. weeds that get out of control
2. bugs
3. sweating (as I get older, the more I sweat - and it's just not pretty!)
4. our neighbors (it is a nursery type farm...they're very rude neighbors, they dump a lot of junk that becomes our front yard view in the summer, they also have a lot of laborers that don't speak English - they are always running around, not being so considerate of our boundaries, hanging out on the dirt hills that border our property - GRRRRR!)
5. Groundhogs, raccoons, and the like

I tag Brenda, Jessica and Michelle!

My friend is a super star

In one of the pics below - you may have noticed a photo of me with my friend Betsy. We've known each other since college - and have become pretty close over the past few years...she's one of those 'inner circle' friends.

Betsy is married to Dustin - and they have a son, Cooper (who is the same age as Anya). Cooper was diagnosed with Moyamoya syndrome - which is a pretty complicated diagnosis.

Betsy and Cooper were featured on our local news tonight in a story called "A relentless Michiana mother helps her son recover from Moyamoya syndrome"

Here is the story: http://www.wndu.com/mmm/headlines/19579324.html (see the video clip from the story on the web site)

A relentless Michiana mother helps her son recover from Moyamoya syndrome Save Email Print

Posted: 6:29 PM Jun 5, 2008
Last Updated: 6:29 PM Jun 5, 2008
Reporter: Maureen McFadden
Email Address: maureen.mcfadden@wndu.com

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A relentless Michiana mother helps her son recover from Moyamoya syndrome

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Moyamoya syndrome was first described in Japan in the 1960s, and if it hadn't been for the never-give-up attitude of a Michiana mom, it could have killed her son.

Except for the scar running along five-year-old Cooper Tavernier's hairline, he looks like any other little boy.

But Cooper was a very sick boy for two years, with a very relentless mother.

“Out of desperation, the mother came to me and said, "I really think there's something else going on. There is something wrong," explained Dr. H. Jesse Hseih, president of the South Bend Clinic.

When Cooper was three, he started having what his original doctor said were seizures. But medicine didn't help.

“In reality, he was having small strokes, or mini strokes,” clarified Hseih.

So the doctor sent Cooper to the University of Chicago, where he was diagnosed with Moyamoya syndrome.

Moyamoya gets its name from the Japanese language, meaning “puffs of smoke,” and describes the tangle of tiny vessels that form to compensate for blocked carotid arteries in the neck.

“We only see about 100 cases or so of it in the year in the whole world,” remarked Hseih.

“When they diagnosed him with Moyamoya, they told us that the clock was ticking,” explained Cooper’s mother, Becky. “That it could happen anytime. He could have a massive stroke and never recover.”

A week after hearing this news, Becky had Cooper in Boston, ready for the surgery -- with one of the foremost doctors treating in Moyamoya.

“If you find any kind of fresh artery to put into the brain itself, it will grow new arteries,” explained Hseih. “So what they did was they dissected away a scalp artery. Then they took that scalp artery and slid it through that hole they made in the skull, and attached that actual artery to the brain.”

“So no longer does he need that carotid that is getting blocked, but this artery from the brain is growing through a hole, feeding off, creating new arteries, and now growing,” said the doctor.

And Cooper was making a spectacular recovery -- until the day he was to be released from the hospital.

While waiting for their release papers, Cooper completely stopped breathing.

It was an agonizing 12 hours.

“All of the sudden he started breathing on his own, came right out of it, and nobody can tell me why that happened,” says Becky. “He's kind of the miracle child.”

And for more than one reason.

Doctors say Cooper no longer needs surgery on the other side of his brain.

“They told us that his brain was repairing itself on its own -- they don't know why or how -- but we were going to let nature take its course, and they cancelled the surgeries,” explains Becky.

Cooper will be checked every six months, and since his disease is a progressive one he will probably need more surgery as he grows.

But Dr. Hseih says Cooper's prognosis is good, and it was key that doctors figured out what was wrong before it was too late.

Anya's Birthday

Well, the time has come to admit that another birthday is on the horizon, and Anya still isn't home. Every year, I want to go to Russia to spend the day with her - and every year - the flights are way too much for my pocketbook to handle.

So - I went to Target, shopped the $3 t-shirt rack - made sure that there is something for everyone in her group...and got a few things for the little princess. Here is the box. I need to get it to the post office - it usually takes between 2-3 weeks to get boxes there.

*sigh* she will be 6, and has never known what it is like to have the full-time love of a Mama and Papa...

Getting Your Hands Dirty

I love gardening. It is the one thing I do that doesn't involve a computer. It relaxes me - let's me be alone with my thoughts. Some of my best God-talks have happened as I was pulling weeds.

I haven't had time to indulge in this hobby this year...until Tuesday of this week. I actually marked out the day to get some yard work done. I had the day planned, with a trip to my favorite greenhouses. Well, the weather was HORRIBLE on Tuesday. So, I got up - ran to the corner greenhouse, got some (overpriced) things and at least got a start on grooming our 3+ acres.

One of my big goals this year is to have a nice entryway. We're working on getting the front step fixed - so I wanted to have some really nice pots to greet guests...especially since our home will be the location for the wedding of one of my pals this summer :)

Here is what I came up with - in the driving rain on Tuesday. I think it turned out nice! I think I will need to mark out another day to plant some petunias around the house...but for now, this is a good start.

Good Times

We never go out with friends...seriously - maybe a few times a year. I have no idea why - we love our friends - I guess we're too busy. Well, last weekend we went out with friends - specifically, my friends (that matters because if you know my friends, you understand me :))

Here are some pics of our night out...a good time was had by all!


Me and Betsy


Our Michigan pals, the Popes


The Roeders - always a good time when Robin and Don are around!


Me and my Hubby (horrible pic - by the way! Holy double chin!!)


The Gustafson's


The beautiful Kristen


The Taverniers with Marty

National Children's Day

In Russia, they seem to have Hallmark holidays like we do. SOmetime this week, they will celebrate International Children's Day . On annother blog, I read the following stats:

there are 35 million children in Russia
25% of them live below the poverty level
88% of them are below minimum requirements to be judged "healthy"

Sad....

Odd Dreams

I keep having these odd dreams. I wish I could write them off of a product of eating to much before I went to bed, or an overactive mind that is trying to get rest…but night after night, these odd dreams (not bad, not good – just odd) keep happening.

Last night I had this dream that didn’t end. I didn’t get out of bed until after 10 this morning – I was trying to go back to sleep and finish the dream. Well, in this dream, we had been in Russia for over a week. Our entire family was with us. I couldn’t understand why we weren’t able to go to the orphanage. I asked the driver and he said that there was some problem in getting the permission from the adoption center. This was something that I had never heard of before, and as I pressed for more details, the driver just stopped talking.

We finally got to the orphanage, and it wasn’t where Anya was (scary, but I could drive myself there if I were in Irkutsk right now). On the way there, we passed by this car that had a big sign painted on it with the last name of some friends who are also adopting from Irkutsk. Now, I’ve never met this family in person – but I feel like I know them because of how much we’ve shared through this process. Anyway, in the dream, I look and notice that Debbie (my friend) was driving (remember that I have never met her, and don’t really know what she looks like). I am yelling at her, trying to get her attention, banging on the window of the car I am in – but she doesn’t hear me.

So we get to this pace, and the authorities and coordinators are trying to get us to adopt a child – but it isn’t Anya. It is a boy, a very big (like giant) boy. They were trying to convince me that this boy was Anya, and I remember thinking in my dream, that I didn’t want to do this – I didn’t want to be the mama to a giant boy. It was so odd. I look over at the other children, and see Anya…then the dream ends.

Odd

update on the adoption front

I guess I should post an update on what is going on with the adoption.

The good news is that the only agency who is accredited in Irkutsk has agreed to help us. This is huge!

We also got a list of things that the Judge has requested changes on...ugh! Sometimes I get so frustrated. Her primary gripe is that she doesn't like our apostille. She said it isn't perfectly square. I asked for our Secretary of State to change it - which they did, but it isn't a perfect square (it is 16cm x 17cm)...I don't know what to do about this. The agency says that they're working with the Russian Embassy to see if there is some kind of verification they can provide. But - that isn't going to be of any help to us - since all of our documents are there. When I hear that there is a problem with the apostille - all I hear is 'you have to redo your dossier again'. All 125+ documents - in triplicate.

I've redone our dossier no less than 7 times. Sometimes it seemed easier than other times. This last time was really hard - I don't know if it was because of my energy level - but it seemed like every document we needed from someone else (i.e. doctors etc.) was wrong - and had to be redone again and again. The thought of having to redo everything again makes me want to hide in a corner and cry.

Please pray that there is some kind of a resolution to this dossier thing. I simply don't see what the big deal is - all of our documents have been accepted (generally speaking) - it's just this one little thing. Furthermore - according to the Hague (the agency who came up with the whole apostille thing), the way our state provides the apostille is fine. UGH!

I am considering getting in touch with the Secretary of State to see if they have any thoughts - which I know they don't - but, can't hurt to ask.

Update on my Mom

I keep forgetting to post an update on my Mom - thanks to so many of you for emailing and asking how she is doing.

The good news is that she is fine. She will be going back to work next week. Honestly - she hasn't really shipped a beat...just waiting for the Dr. to release her to go back to work. You would never know she just had another heart attack!

She is in the process of fighting with the insurance company to get them to pay for Cardiac Rehab. The only place in our area that has CR is at the hospital that happens to be the closest to her house. Well, for some odd reason, the insurance won't cover Cardiac Rahab at that hospital. They want her to drive like an hour away! Insurance makes me so mad! So - please pray that the insurance company becomes logical, and agrees to pay for her Cardiac Rehab.

Earthquake hits Irkutsk

MOSCOW, May 21 (Xinhua) -- Russia's East Siberia was shocked by an earthquake on Wednesday, causing no damage or casualty, local media reported.

The quake, measuring from five to six points on the 12-point Mercalli intensity scale, occurred at 03:43 local time (2043 GMT Tuesday) in the Irkutsk region, near Lake Baikal, Itar-Tass said.

The epicenter was located under the Lake Baikal, local seismic station said.

cars and toothbrushes

A friend sent me a copy of an email devotion today. I want to pass it along...how many times has this happened to you?

Do you pray in your car? How about in the shower? Or while you are brushing your teeth? These are all moments in my day when I have learned to take advantage of the time I have to pray. This lesson was brought home to me in a whole new way one day as I was out driving around. It was one of those days when I had a long list of errands and many parking lots and highways to navigate. As I drove, I noticed a silver sedan ahead of me, which made me think of a friend of mine who drives one of those kinds of cars and was going through a tough time. As I looked at the car, I felt like God was telling me that my friend really needed my prayers that day. And so I prayed, and made a mental note to call her and check in with her as soon as I got home.

Just a few minutes later, I saw another similar silver sedan, and so I prayed again. Moments later, another one. This continued on throughout the day. By the end of the day, I was just laughing at how God had arranged for me to notice so many of these silver sedans—so many that I couldn’t not pray for my friend all day. I was reminded that day in a powerful way that: 1) God loves each of us enough to bring reminders to others to pray for us, and 2) God wants us to pray for our brothers and sisters. If we are obedient, He will send us reminders to help us lest we forget in all the busyness of our lives. Saying, “Oh, I meant to pray but I forgot” will be a thing of the past if we rely on Him to help us remember. As my silver car example proves, He can provide us with some pretty creative reminders.

I know one woman who knew she needed to pray for her brother who was going through a tough time. So she decided to pray for him every time she brushed her teeth. Even after her brother’s hard time was behind him, she still found herself praying for him while she brushed her teeth, and was grateful that, through this commitment to prayer, she had formed a habit. So, she continued to pray for her brother and still does to this day.

No matter where or when or what God uses to prompt us to pray, we know that it is vital to pray. God uses cars, and toothbrushes and anything else that is needed to help us remember to intercede for those people who desperately need our prayers. As a recipient of some of those prayers through the years, I am grateful for a creative, involved, active, loving God who will use whatever He can to remind us to lift up each other in prayer.