I wonder

Every year, I put these milestones in my calendar, and think to myself "Anya will be home by XXX".

Generally these times are Mother's Day, then her birthday, then Christmas.

Anya's 6th birthday was yesterday. Another birthday without a mama and papa - without any overboard celebration.

I wonder how she spent her day, or if she even knew it was her birthday. Since it was on a weekend, who knows - since her regular caregivers aren't with her on the weekends.

I wonder if she got the box of birthday gifts we sent. I wonder if she was told that I sent an email last week.

I wonder how much she know about what is going on. I wonder if she know how hard we are fighting for her. I wonder if she knows what love is. I wonder if she is discouraged since we haven't been able to bring her home.

I wonder if she will ever know how exhausting this process has been; how many times I really didn't think I could keep trying; how much I love her, but wondered if that was enough - I hope not.

So, on her birthday weekend - I am praying the God continue to give me strength in this fight. The He keep her safe, the He protect her. And I am also praying that He open the doors that need to be opened NOW so that I don't have to go through another year of milestones in my calendar and think "Anya will be home by XXX"