Monday September 3, 2007

Monday September 3, 2007

One phrase can sum up today, ugly cry. For those who don’t know what that is, let me offer an explanation. The ugly cry is when you’ve been shoving emotion for a long time, and it finally comes out. It’s when you start crying, and can’t stop. When the tears take your breath away and boo-hooing replaces breath. I know I am an ugly crier, without going into the ugly cry. Maybe that is one reason I don’t like to cry. My nose gets all red, I get these splotches all over my neck and chest, my eyes get really red. That that, and multiply it by 100….that was me in the taxi on the ride from the Detski Dom this morning.

We went to the Children’s Home (Detski Dom) this morning for a visit with Anya. When we got to the home, we had a brief meeting with the director, Helen. She is a wonderful woman who loves the kids. She has been our ally in this process. After the compulsory update on Anya’s development, education and health, we were able to see her in a play. The play was more a program. The adults dressed up as characters, and were teaching the kids different lessons. We have no idea what was being said. Anya noticed us right when we walked in, and a big grin came across her face.

After the play, she came running up to us and jumped in my arms. Anya then took us to her room, so we could be with the caregivers and her group for a while. As the children were having a snack, we enjoyed some tea and chocolate with the caregivers. Of course, Anya was sitting with us, not the other children. Anya introduced us to her group, and made sure to point our which children were wearing her clothes!

We went outside. It is a beautiful day here in Irkutsk. Cool breeze, warm sun. We played on the swing for a while, and then went over to the slide. I picked up Anya off of the slide, and that was the end of the story…for all of us.

She grabbed a hold of me so tight, even if I let go – she would have still been molded to my body. We walked around for a while, and then Papa took over. Anya didn’t want to play, she didn’t want to walk, and she just wanted to be held. It’s funny how a child instinctively knows mama and papa. That innate need a child has to receive affection from parents, the deep need children have for closeness and love. All of that poured out of our little Anya this morning. And, that is ok with us!

One of the caregivers came up to us and said something to the effect that it was time to go inside for lunch. I think our translator told her that we would be going, and come back after lunch. Anya started crying – big, huge elephant tears. She couldn’t put into words why she was crying.

We went back inside, and Marty set her down. The caregivers said something to her – and Anya looked at me. I picked her up again to get her changed into her inside clothes. She was still crying. I can’t tell you how heartbreaking it is to me to have my little girl crying, and know that she doesn’t know why she is crying. It hurts my heart to know how much she needs us. The Detski Dom is a good place, and meets her basic needs very well. But they can not fill the void in her heart that only a mama and papa can. I think Anya knows this, and feels it.

The director told us that she asks all the time when we are coming back. Anya sees other children who have been adopted by a mama and papa. She understands what all that means. She sees other children who get a new mama and papa – and within weeks, they are having a party for the child, and the child goes home with mama and papa. Anya has asked when we will come back for her.

I’ve never felt more like Anya’s mama than I did today. We are more committed than ever to move heaven and earth to bring her home.

We are waiting for a call from a taxi that will take us to a meeting with our lawyer. We’ve received several calls this morning with various questions about our documents and so on. We know that our ‘team’ has been working on preparing our case all day. I’m not a control freak (ok, not much of one)…but I have some ideas on approach of my own. It will be interesting to see what our lawyer says.

AFTERNOON UPDATE
After our meeting with the lawyer and the lawyer at the adoption center - we trucked back to the Detski Dom. Traffic was horrible! We stayed with Anya through dinner. She was in much better spirits this afternoon.

We have 2 very important appointments with officials this week. One is tomorrow morning (at 10:30) and the other is at 10 on Wednesday morning. Please keep us in your prayers – these appointments are critical. We know that God has gone before us to pave the way – or we wouldn’t have been granted these appointments.