Michiana Mommy Makeover Contest!

I don't usually post work related content on this blog - but this is such a great thing, I wanted to make sure a TON of people heard about it.

Michiana Mommy Makeover Contest!
There is a fascination with makeovers - makeover television shows, makeover stories, makeover tips. We seem to be a society obsessed with the idea of a makeover.

Anyone who has gone through a complete makeover experience knows that the process is more than just a new haircut and some new clothes. The process is a transformation from the inside out. Sometimes it is an awakening of the beauty that was being hidden by poorly fitting clothes, and an outdated hairstyle.

When someone says they want a makeover, what they are really saying is that they are ready for a change. They are ready to close the chapter on one story of life. A makeover is more about what happens inside than what happens in the mirror. As women, it is easy to get over involved in the 'business' of being a women. It is all too easy to define yourself as a mom, a wife, an employee; and forget that first and foremost, you are a woman. The Moms that I have helped redefine a style all say the same thing; they express the idea that since their kids were born, they simply forgot how to be a woman. Many times after childbirth, or for women in their mid-30's, things change. Our bodies change, and we don't know how to dress this new shape.

It's all very common, and to every woman reading this, you are not alone! My belief is there is no better way to honor my marriage or my kids than to take care of myself. Ladies, we have a choice to make. We can stay in the rut we think we are, and not change - and everyday wonder when things are going to take a turn for the better-or, we can get out of bed, take a real interest in ourselves, and become the hot Momma we know is within!

If you or someone you know is deserving of a Mommy Makeover, please read on. Below are contest details. If you have any questions about the contest, please do not hesitate to contact me.

CONTEST DETAILS

Last year, you might remember the Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover. We chose a Michiana Mom, listened to her needs, and gave her a complete makeover. The lucky winner was Kris Peterson of Goshen. Kris's new look is amazing!

This year, we are going to honor a Michiana Mom with a complete makeover. Do you know of a Mom who needs a little confidence boost, someone who has been giving her all to everyone around her, and it's time for her to give some time and attention to herself? I want to hear from you!

Nominate a Mom (or nominate yourself!) for the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine Mommy Makeover! In 300 words or less, let us know why your Mom deserves to be the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover!

HOW TO ENTER YOURSELF OR ANOTHER DESERVING MICHIANA MOMMY

*the deadline is extended for those on this list ONLY. Deadline extended to Friday March 7th

All entries should be sent to makeover@michianafamilymagazine.com. All entries must be received by midnight on February 28th, 2008. Please include a photo of the nominee, and her name, address and phone number. Any entries received without this information will be considered invalid. All entries should include (no more than) 300 words, and answer the questions, "why my nominee deserves to be the 2008 Michiana FAMILY Magazine's Mommy Makeover".



Other guidelines of the contest are as follows:



1. the winner must be a resident of Michiana

2. the winner must be willing to make a change in her appearance; this can include, but is not limited to, 1 new outfit, wardrobe coaching, updated haircut, updated hair color and makeup

3. the winner must be willing for mFm to document the makeover via photographs, and be willing to sign a media release

4. the winner agrees to have her makeover story told in mFm

5. the winner must be able to devote 1 full week day for the makeover process

6. the winner understands there is no cash value to any of the prizes awarded in this contest

7. the winner holds harmless, and releases rights to litigation to all advertisers, mFm, Kathy Friend and all contributors to the contest

in search of a stone

I was driving home last night from work listening to the radio and thinking. Seems the only time I have to sit and think is when I am driving.

I have been feeling that I am coming to the end of my resources. I am hitting walls that I KNOW I can overcome, but I can't find a solution to the problem. We're not seeing steps backward with the adoption - just feels like running a sprint - in place...over and over again, nonstop, for years on end.

Apparently there isn't enough to take our case to the Supreme Court. The Judge in Irkutsk hasn't 'denied' our case (i.e she hasn't said no) - and I guess until she says no, we can't take it to the Supreme Court. I guess there are more documents the Judge has asked of our lawyer - but of course, I have no idea what those documents are. SO FRUSTRATING! And - in the process of all the dilly-dallying, many of or documents have expired. What documents you ask? Good question - I have no idea (probably criminal checks, but a list of what we need to redo has not been provided).

There is also a rumor that the Judge won't accept the accreditation of this one agency who has federal accreditation in Russia (who works in Irkutsk). The documents they needed to file in the region were to be filed the first part of January. Well, we're looking at March 1 - and the documents are still not filed. Grrrrrr. We are traveling the first part of March, and will be in the neighborhood of the corporate office for this agency. My plan is to set an appointment with them. We'll see.

So, I'm driving home late last night. - and a song came on that I have heard a thousand times before (Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns). But for some reason, there were parts of the lyrics I had never heard before. This is what I heard loud and clear (and if you've heard this song, you know that picking out words is a little tricky):

The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Well, that's me. Standing before this giant with nothing. I got nothing - no rights, no tricks up my sleeve, no miracles. All I have is Faith. This one thing that makes most people think I am nuts. Makes the people in Russia wonder about me.

Somewhere there is a stone (or document or person or something) that is JUST THE RIGHT SIZE to defeat this giant.

If you happen to find a stone that is just the right size, let me know!

at church this weekend

We are starting our annual financial series at church (GCC) this weekend. The series topic is around the 80's - also known as 'my generation'. The title to this weekend is 'living on a prayer' - yep - a great Bon Jovi song...and guess who is singing? My husband! How happy am I?

Well, at band practice last night, there was a lot of talk about 80's attire. Being the fashion expert of the group, I offered some ideas. See our fine musicians below...in their best 80's Hair Band attire! Meet (L-R) Dustin, Marty, Dan and Leah!



*** no Mom, this isn't really them...it's a doctored picture of Van Halen with the band guys faces!

Looking for help in Russia

I've been doing a lot of thinking and praying. I am trying to figure out why it is taking so long to adopt Anya. I am thinking of other situations with friends where things didn't go as planned - and then years down the road - something happens to make it all make sense. In theory, you would think this would be an encouraging way to think - but everyone I could think of wasn’t so positive. A couple were trying to have another baby…a year (or so) later, it comes out that he is having an affair, and they are getting divorced. Another person I know was trying to adopt, kind of in the same situation we’re in, but decided to stop the process. Some time later, she find out that she has cancer.

God does know what He is doing. If my friends who were trying to have the baby did – she would be a single mom of 5…the 4 they already have, and an infant. And if my friend would have decided to press on with the adoption and if it would have been finalized now – she would be a single Mom fighting cancer. Or worse – she would be denied the adoption because of the diagnosis.

So I wonder, is something bad going to happen? Is there something horrible God is trying to save us from? And what would be more horrible than to leave Anya in an orphanage?

Since we started this process, I seem to look at every obstacle in our lives as a learning experience. I look at every frustrating encounter as preparation for being a Mom. Silly, huh? But the one thing I don’t get is the waiting…

It occurred to me today that we know someone who is pretty well connected in Moscow. I emailed him today to ask for his help with the Supreme Court. At one time, he said that if we were adopting in Moscow – he would have so many connections for us, that we could get this done with no problems at all. That stuck in my mind. So – I emailed him to see who he might know. From what I understand, our case goes to Moscow (apparently the Supreme Court is in Moscow). If there were something to pray about, please pray that he answers my email, and knows someone of great influence with the Supreme Court. Someone who is willing to help us. You know me – I think big. I want a complete miracle – I want this person to be able to connect with our lawyer in Irkutsk and somehow take our case to the Supreme Court and then all the sudden one day we will get a call that it is done – to get on a plane to pick up Anya!

Wishful thinking – with frustrating waiting!

If you think it it cold here.

Well, we were whining about it being 3 degrees here today...until I looked at the weather in Irkutsk. -22...that is the ACTUAL temperature. With windchill, it is -34. YIKES! That's Siberia for ya!

another day, another call (from the Embassy)

This morning, Feb. 1, we were woke up by a phone call from the Embassy in Moscow. We chatted for about 30 minutes with our friend there.

We learned that as of today, we are indeed the only pending case for an American family in Irkutsk. Not a big surprise, but disappointing as I really thought other families had presented their documents. Our friend at the Embassy said that if they have presented documents, they aren’t ‘pending’ in the eyes of the court. Bummer.

We also learned that there is quite a discrepancy with how the law is interpreted, and some heated letters have been going back and forth between the courts in Irkutsk and the Embassy. Specifically with the Russian law that clearly states that independent adoptions are legal (as opposed to being with an accredited agency). From what I understand, this has become quite a topic of water cooler humor at the Embassy…since the law is clear, and the court is saying that isn’t want it says.

Bottom line is that we all agree on 2 things:
1. More American families need to officially present documents to the court in Irkutsk and get an official statement. With that statement, they will have something to appeal.
2. My gut says that all of the appeals are going to be for the same thing(s). So – if we all go to the Supreme Court appealing the same thing, that will bring undo attention to this regional judge – thereby making her look not so good in the eyes of her superiors (and peers). This is the loophole for MANY families.
3. We need to keep pressing on! We have SO MANY people and organizations watching us and who on our side praying with us. We have THE ultimate power! We need to remember that and USE IT!

and then January was done...

I have to say how GLAD I am that January is over! It as a very bad month for me…not going to bore you with the laundry list of everything that went wrong or caused me angst, but know that it is a long distinguished list!

One good sign that the month was over was receiving the precious photos of Anya last night. That really brought everything into perspective for me. Another common thread that I have been trying to allow myself to hear is SLOW DOWN (and I get that from more than just the speeding ticket I got  - anyone know someone in the Elkhart prosecutor’s office? This one is going to cost me!). Last night at church there was a very strong message made…as a society we are too busy. We took a quiz to see how busy we are. I was almost embarrassed to admit that I got almost the highest scores available. Yikes!

I know I have to slow down – but how do you do that when you have commitments up to your eyeballs? Anyone, anyone?

Our Little Princess

Just got an email from Russia. Anya is doing well, she has grown even taller than she was in September! I was one of the tallest in my class until maybe 7th grade...so, it's OK! She is like her Mama!

Here are some pictures of Anya with the Christmas gifts we sent to her.











Not sure what is the deal with the reindeer get up. I assume that Anya was a reindeer in some kind of winter play. She doesn't look very happy about the costume does she?

I Surrender All

To know me is to know a few truths. I love shoes. I love clothes. I love Oprah. Although I don't have a subscription to O Magazine, each month, I read parts of the online version. My favorite thing is reading Oprah's words.

In the Feb edition - she talks about real love. How you are loved through hard times. Pretty good stuff.

So, after reading this - you will understand the title to this post. And - to all you PAPs out there (pre adoptive parents) - SURRENDER ALL. "You don't have to carry the load [of adoption] all by yourself. You can surrender all."

http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200802/omag_200802_landing.jhtml
...from Oprah

I've gotten a new taste of what love is the past few months while trying to right the wrongs at my school in South Africa. A dormitory matron was accused of sexual and physical abuse at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls. Recognizing how emotionally draining this time has been for me, people reached out with their encouragement. People I knew well and many I had never met built a bridge of support allowing me to laser-focus on doing what was necessary, moment by moment, to help each girl.

Yes, I was devastated—devastated times 150 trusting hearts. I couldn't stop thinking about the girls, every single one of them—remembering when I first interviewed them to come to the school, and their high hopes and happy smiles the day they were accepted. So many of them had already had such difficult lives: poverty, death, violence, grief. I wanted their lives at the school to be not just better but easier and free from all harm.

So that dream was temporarily thwarted.

But I can say today (as I write this, I'm on a plane to Africa once again) that the sweeping changes instituted since the report of abuse have put us on the path to a more stable and secure future than we had before. The crisis has forced the school's staff, administrators, teachers, students—and everyone associated with their well-being—to create a more open and collaborative environment. So the new birthing I spoke of in last month's column has begun.

Throughout this process, I've been sustained by my abiding faith in a power greater than my own. I've recognized in every dark moment that this too shall pass. That's the mantra that's kept me going from the moment I received the first phone call of suspected abuse.

After many days of constant conversations and working through a multitude of concerns, I was worn out, but my spirit's never faltered. I've remained encouraged by the grace and love of friends who've e-mailed, written, or called. So many people asked, "Is there anything I can do to help?"—not knowing that they already had, just by asking. Gayle was as exhausted as I but still attended every meeting with police, and parents. Maria Shriver left daily messages reminding me to hold firm to my intentions in building the school.

Every note or message felt like an embrace, like the greatest valentine anyone could receive. None came with frills or fancy bows—just its own heart-spoken truth. This last line in a handwritten letter from Sidney Poitier spoke volumes: "The universe and all your friends have your back."

To know that people care about how you're doing when the doings aren't so good—that's what love is. I feel blessed to know this for sure.

One day while I was doing the show, my friend BeBe Winans appeared in the audience. "BeBe, why are you here?" I asked during a commercial break. "No one told me you were coming!"

"I just came to see you, see how you were doing," he said. That's strange, I thought, but continued with the show. Afterward he followed me to my office and said, "There's something I came to tell you." And as I sat behind my desk, he started singing what he knows is my favorite spiritual: "I surrender all. I surrender all. All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all."

I sat silently, closed my eyes, and opened myself to accepting his magnificent and humble offering, this gift of love and song. When he finished, I felt a release of all pressure to do anything. I was content to just be. And for the first time in weeks, I experienced pure peace.

When I opened my eyes and wiped away the tears, BeBe was beaming. He started laughing his huh, huh, huuuagh laugh, and gave me a big hug. "Girl," he said, "I just came to remind you, you don't have to carry this load all by yourself. You can surrender all."

And in that moment I did.

Listen to I Surrender All Here http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200802/audioplayer/mission_player_180x200.html

one of those days

Ever have one of those days?

Well, today was that day for me. Thought it was going to be a great day - had an appointment this morning - went well...then it all fell apart.

In a nutshell, I had to fire someone (who should be on meds), got in a very minor car accident, found out that one of the pre-adoptive parents I have been waiting with is in Moscow waiting to come home with her bundle of joy (not from Irkutsk...and I am VERY happy for her - just stings a little for some reason, and I am embarrassed to even admit that!), am so sore from the gym yesterday that I can't move (I was trying to be someone I obviously am not), realized I have a butt load of laundry to do - and can't foresee a time to get it done, and think I have a big zit coming on my forehead. Great. Perfect ending to a crappy day.

I know that makes me sound like I am complaining - and I am not. Just a trying day that I am glad is over.

So - instead of TGIF, for me it will be TGISaturday!

Good Story

I read this on one of the chat boards I am on - I thought you night enjoy the story.

When my boys were all teens, (the oldest 18 and ready to move) I started having this dream. It was a dream of a baby, in a dirty diaper, whispy blonde hair, dirty, sitting in piles of garbage and there were bugs everywhere. She had a dirty bottle and arms extended like "please pick me up". It was a pathetic sort of cry, and then I'd be trying to reach her, pick her up, and I couldn't get to her, she'd start fading away and it was like I knew she was starving and dying (like inside)
and then I'd wake up. This happened again and again, sometimes several times a night where sleep was disturbed alot.
In talking to my friends, they said, "oh, it is probably empty nest!" I thought, NO WAY! I definitly DO NOT have empty nest; our nest is full and I'm looking forward to the guys going off to college and the next stage of life. (I'm not one of those wanna keep em' young till they are 30 types)

This went on for several months off and on. Then, it went away. It was gone for 2 years. I didn't think that much about it, but was also puzzled by it.

One day, our relatives from Oklahoma came to visit. They had an extra child with them. She was 4, very, very tiny for her age, whispy blonde hair.... she said, "will you be my mommy and daddy?"
We figured she asked everybody that, but there was something in her look, in her question that was more. Something not to be brushed off so easily.

After they left, guess what came back? That same dream. Intense as ever.
Still didn't connect it.

Well, we adopted that little girl, our little Anna. It takes a long time for US adoptions to finalize, especially when they are between states. So 10 months later, after she had been with us that long, we finalized our adoption. That meant, we FINALLY were able to see her disclosure papers.

This is what I read.

Anna was picked up by the police. The police report stated that she was in a house with piles of garbage and bugs, sitting in a dirty diaper with a bottle, crying.

I got chills. That was my dream. I knew it right then. I knew that all those doubts that had flooded my mind, "did we do the right thing?", " are we too old?" "are we the right parents?" "do we have what it takes"? The Lord KNEW I'd be asking those questions.... so he sent confirmation ahead of time and sealed it in our hearts forever that we are hers and she is ours and that is how it is meant to be.

She KNOWS this story and rests in it, that God looked down and saw a little girl in big trouble and arranged ahead of time for our hearts to be ready for each other. Not our timing, but His.

January Adoption 2008 Newsletter

adoption update
January 3, 2008

What's going on with our documents?
Excellent question. We finally have enough ammunition in the form of legal statements to appeal to the Supreme Court. The regional Judge (Stepanova) continues to find crazy problems with our documents - things that are not legal reasons.

Because of the Russian holiday - we probably won't hear anything until late January or early February.

We are continuing to pray through the red tape, and evil that is holding Anya hostage. Many of you have asked "don't' they want what is best for Anya?" - clearly, the answer is no. You have to understand Russia to understand the answer to that question.

The New Year is starting off great!
If you've been following our blog, you know there is only one agency that works in Irkutsk who was vying for re-accreditation. This accreditation thing has been a big deal in the world of Russian adoptions.

That agency is Nightlight, and they have received reaccreditation.

Although we are not a client of Nightlight's, the fact they received accreditation is huge for all American families adopting in Irkutsk.

I got some information 'straight from the horses mouth' (so to speak), and the documents will be filed in Irkutsk the week of January 8th. Basically, nothing is final until that document (the accreditation document) is filed in each region that Nightlight works.

We are praying for no hitch, no road bumps, no problems as their representatives in Irkutsk file their document of accreditation in Irkutsk the week of January 8th.

...oh ya, Nightlight found out about receiving the accreditation on Christmas. Now - if that wasn't a gift from God - I don't know what is!

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR US?Nothing - really. But, this will be an open door for all of the other American families who are waiting to gather thier documents and submit them to the court. There is power in numbers.

Happy Holidays!

Just wanted to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas - and a Happy and Healthy New Year!

This is our tree...and yes, that is Jazz (our cat) who has to get in on the photo!

I will never be the same again

I will never be the same.

There are a few times in my life where I can mark in a calendar and say – the day before this event, I was different. Since this event, I am changed. Those life changes are what make me…ME. The good, bad and ugly :)

I think if we all think back over our lives, there are marked times when our perspective changes forever. When we are children, maybe it was when we found out that Santa Clause is really a man in costume, or when we finally ‘hit the ball out of the park’. Death of family members, divorce, seeing our parents for who they are as people, meeting our spouse – those are times when our lives change.

When I met my husband – my life changed.

When I learned the true meaning of Christmas – and saw Jesus’ life as a history lesson rather than a fable – my attitude changed.

When we decided to adopt – my perspective changed.

When I met Anya – who I am changed...my heart was different. The moment that little blonde haired, green eyes little girl walked into the room...I was different.

Changing my idea of who I am wasn’t hard when I became Marty’s wife. I guess on some level, I always felt like I was his wife…it just took a while to make it “official” (haha).

The definition of who I am changed when I decided to give my life to Christ. I didn’t change my personality, my friends, or what I liked to do…but it changed my thought process like nothing else I can imagine. It changed my motives for doing things. In some ways – it changed me for the better…but in other ways, I didn’t change at all. I was still me – just a better me. Some people would challenge that I changed a lot during this time...I maintain that I haven't changed...just different.

Then, when I met Anya – suddenly, in an instant – I became someone’s Mama. That is so much different than any other definition I had ever given to myself. I feel a level of responsibility in being a wife, in being a friend, daughter, sister, etc., - but the responsibility of being a Mom is huge.

Part of that responsibility is to protect her. To fight for her. To not give up on her. Since that day in 2004, a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about her, wondered what she is doing – or tried to come up with a new creative way to get her home. Everything I do is motivated by her. In my work; I am motivated to be the best I can be...because I am Anya's Mommy. I don't want to jeopardize our resources; because I am Anya's Mommy.

Now - when I look in the mirror - I don't see Fran's daughter, Dan's sister, Marty's wife, a fashion/style expert...I see Anya's Mommy.

It's different now. And, it will never be the same.

I will never be the same – and I Thank God for that...for Anya!

update...

Hello Everyone,

We talked to our contacts in Russia tonight. Apparently, the process as I understood it isn't exactly the way it goes.

Before our case officially goes to the Supreme Court - there is a meeting between our lawyer and the judge where our lawyer makes it knows that our intention is to take our case to the Supreme Court. Essentially, giving her one last chance.

The latest deal is that the judge won't accept our documents because we're not with an accredited agency. Which is OK by Russian Law. There are adoptions happening all over Russia by people who are "independent".

There is one agency who is waiting accreditation in Russia - the ONLY agency that works in Irkutsk. We've had some contact with the 'higher-ups' at this organization, and feel that when the accreditation comes through, that we will be able to help them - and they can help us. ...so to speak.

This agency has been 'next on the list' for a LONG time. We found out that there is one document they are having trouble getting in order to have the accreditation finalized. And, who knows when that will happen.

So - we're not waiting.

The plan is to call Irkutsk again in a few weeks to see how the meeting with the Judge went.

More updates in the courts in Irkutsk include a new Chief Judge, a new Deputy Judge...but Stepanova is still there :(

The rumors persist that she (Stepanova) will leave. Her commission is up, so she can leave any time. The newest rumor is that she will not come back after the winter holiday break (the month of January). Who knows...as with everything in Irkutsk, I will believe it when I see it!

So - here we are! Waiting again!

On a positive note, Anya is doing fine. Our friend in Irkutsk checked on her recently, and she is doing well.

Peggy Hilt talks to Newsweek.

To bring you up to speed...in my world, Peggy Sue Hilt is THE REASON we are not able to bring Anya home. She is the whack job who killed her child that was adopted from Irkutsk. When she was being sentenced, I called the Judge's office who was sentencing her, spoke to the media - did everything I could think of to make sure everyone knew that her actions didn't just effect the life of that poor little girl.

Well, in this piece from Newsweek, it seems to paint Peggy in a 'poor peggy' light. UGH! That just makes me so mad I can't see straight! In my world, NO CHILD DESERVES TO BE KILLED - ESPECIALLY AT THE HAND OF THEIR PARENTS! The load of crap that Peggy says here that she didn't know there were resources available to her - NOT! She was a member of several of the chat boards I am a member of - so she knows how to use the Internet. There are so many resources out there, it's stupid.

Bottom line, Newsweek shouldn't give 5-minutes of fame to a mental whack job who killed her child. Period. It does nothing to help anyone.


When Adoption Goes Wrong

Most Americans who adopt children from other countries find joy. But others aren't prepared for the risks—and may find themselves overwhelmed.
By Pat Wingert
NEWSWEEK
Updated: 3:16 PM ET Dec 8, 2007

Peggy Hilt wanted to be a good mother. But day after day, she got out of bed feeling like a failure. No matter what she tried, she couldn't connect with Nina, the 2-year old girl she'd adopted from Russia as an infant. The preschooler pulled away whenever Hilt tried to hug or kiss her. Nina was physically aggressive with her 4-year-old sister, who had been adopted from Ukraine, and had violent tantrums. Whenever Hilt wasn't watching, she destroyed the family's furniture and possessions. "Every day with Nina had become a struggle," she recalls now.

As the girl grew older, things got worse. Hilt fell into a deep depression. She started drinking heavily, something she'd never done before. Ashamed, she hid her problem from everyone, including her husband.

On the morning of July 1, 2005, Hilt was packing for a family vacation, all the while downing one beer after another and growing increasingly aggravated and impatient with Nina's antics. "Everything she did just got to me," Hilt said. When Hilt caught her reaching into her diaper and smearing feces on the walls and furniture, "a year and a half of frustration came to a head," Hilt says. "I snapped. I felt this uncontrollable rage."

Then Hilt did something unthinkable. She grabbed Nina around the neck, shook her and then dropped her to the floor, where she kicked her repeatedly before dragging her up to her room, punching her as they went. "I had never hit a child before," she says. "I felt horrible and promised myself that this would never happen again." But it was too late for that. Nina woke up with a fever, and then started vomiting. The next day she stopped breathing. By the time the ambulance got the child to the hospital, she was dead.

Hilt is now serving a 19-year sentence for second-degree murder in a Virginia maximum-security prison. She and her husband divorced, and he is raising their other daughter. She realizes the horror of her crime and says she isn't looking for sympathy. "There is no punishment severe enough for what I did," she told NEWSWEEK in an interview at the prison.

Hilt's story is awful—and rare—but sadly it is not unique. Adopting a child from another country is usually a positive, enriching experience for both the child and the parent. Over the last 20 years, foreign adoption has become more popular, and Americans now adopt about 20,000 children from Guatemala, China, Russia and other nations each year. (In the last few years, as restrictions and red tape have increased in some countries, the number of overseas adoptions has begun to drop.) Longitudinal studies show that most of these kids do quite well, but in a small but significant number of cases, things go very badly. Since the early 1990s, the deaths of 14 Russian children killed by their adoptive parents have been documented. (That disclosure was partly responsible for Russia's decision in 2006 to suspend its intercountry adoption program while it underwent review.)

Cases like those are extreme, but clinicians who specialize in treating foreign orphans say they are seeing more parents who are overwhelmed by their adopted children's unexpected emotional and behavioral problems. And though reputable agencies try to warn parents of the risks, not all succeed. "In the past, agencies were a bit naive," says Chuck Johnson of the National Council For Adoption, which is responding to the problem with a massive education initiative. "Now we're urging them to give parents a more realistic message." Some parents struggle to find effective treatment for their kids. Others seek to give them up. Reports that a growing number of foreign adoptees were being turned over to the U.S. foster-care system recently prompted the Department of Health and Human Services to order its first national count: 81 children adopted overseas were relinquished to officials in 14 states in 2006.

Why do some adoptions go so wrong? Clearly, it's not the kids' fault. Their behavior is usually the result of trauma, mistreatment, malnutrition or institutionalization in their home countries—problems more common in places like Eastern Europe. But "the country of origin doesn't matter so much as the child's experience," says Dr. Dana Johnson, director of the University of Minnesota's International Adoption Clinic. Some are found to suffer from fetal alcohol syndrome, mental illness or reactive attachment disorder, an inability to bond with a parent. Prospective families undergo an arduous screening process, including home visits, and specify how much disability they can handle. But even families who specifically request a "healthy" child sometimes go home with a troubled one. In some cases, the mismatch is inadvertent. But in others, orphanages or adoption agencies overseas—eager to find homes for difficult children in their care—mislead prospective parents or fail to disclose the full extent of a child's problems or personal history.

Emotional and even physical problems can be difficult to detect at the time of adoption, especially in infants, and often aren't diagnosed until months or years later. Hilt says that's what happened to her. She and her husband decided to adopt after being told she'd probably never conceive. After passing their agency's screening, they brought home their first daughter from Ukraine in 2001, and that went so well they decided to adopt two Russian sisters. But when they flew to Siberia to meet them in May 2003, they were told the sisters were no longer available. Instead, they were told, they could adopt Tatiana, a lively 18-month-old, and Nina, a quiet, withdrawn 9-month-old. They visited Tatiana every day for a week, but officials never let them see Nina again. "They said she had a bad cold," Hilt said. Nonetheless, they signed adoption papers for both girls. But when they returned to finalize the adoption in January 2004, they were told that only Nina was still available. The Hilts hesitated. They suspected a bait-and-switch, especially when officials insisted they sign papers testifying they'd spent many more hours with the baby than they had. "The whole process didn't feel right," Hilt said. "But we figured we could love any child. You convince yourself that everything will turn out OK."

But from the start, Nina "literally pushed me away," Hilt said. Over time, Hilt found herself resenting the little girl. "We'd been such a happy family, and then Nina came and everything changed," Hilt says. "I began to realize that we had made such a big mistake." (Tatyana Kharchendo, the doctor in charge of the Little Sun Child Home #1 in Irkutsk, where the Hilts adopted Nina, did not directly answer Hilt's charges, but insisted the child "was absolutely healthy and beautiful.")

No one is exonerating Hilt or others like her. But Joyce Sterkel, who runs the Ranch for Kids, a Montana boarding school for disturbed international adoptees, says she's come to see the parents as well as the kids as victims in these tragic cases. "It's a horrible thing, but I understand how some people end up killing these kids," she says. "They have no empathy, no affection, no love. My heart goes out to these parents because they don't know what to do."

When Sterkel, a nurse, first started working with international adoptees in the early '90s, she didn't see many deeply troubled children. But 10 years ago she adopted two Russian boys whose American parents had given up on them. One of them, a 14-year-old boy, had just been released from a juvenile-detention center after trying to poison his mother. Over time, Sterkel was approached so often about adopting other children that she decided to open her camp. Today it houses 25 to 30 kids from all over the country, and has a waiting list. The overwhelming majority are from Russia, Romania and Bulgaria, but she also has had children from South Korea and Colombia. Some were bullied or raped while institutionalized or were the children of prostitutes, drug addicts or alcoholics. "I have gotten calls from parents who say the child they adopted has killed the family dog, threatened to kill them, and no one will help them," she says.

Emotional, behavioral and physical problems are not unique to adopted children. Biological children can have the same range of issues. But adoptive parents often assume they know what they're getting into because they get the chance to meet their child in advance. That was the case when Kimble and Shellie Elmore of Los Angeles met a 10-year-old Russian child named Tania in 2005. The director of the orphanage proudly described her as an "angel."

But as soon as they took custody of their new daughter, her behavior changed dramatically. "She was completely out of control," Kimble says. Tania would scream for hours at a time, then fall into deep sullen silence. After signing Tania over to the Elmores, the Russian court handed them her file. They were stunned to find that she had a history of violence and had been transferred from one orphanage to another. They called their adoption agency back home, but were mistakenly told that there was nothing that could be done, that Tania was now their legal daughter. (The American Embassy could have helped, if they'd known.) Seeing no alternative, they boarded a plane and brought Tania back to California. By the end of the first week, she was admitted to a hospital psychiatric unit. She came home a few days later, but things grew worse. She tried to stab her father with a spike and attacked a police officer who came to the house in response to a 911 call.

Doctors diagnosed Tania with bipolar disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder and attachment disorder, and suggested she be sent to Sterkel's camp. In the past year the Elmores have exhausted their savings and retirement funds trying to pay for private residential treatment. "We know she's just a child and we want what's best for her," says Kimble. "But we don't know how to help her. Adoption is supposed to be a touchy-feely thing surrounded with the glow of new parenthood. But no one says, 'What if the worst happens?' "

Psychologist Karyn Purvis of Texas Christian University, who has done extensive research on troubled adopted children, says many of these kids simply don't respond to stern lectures and timeouts. Lab workups of her patients often reveal extremely high levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. "The children, for the most part, were in safe homes living with safe people," Purvis says, "but those cortisol levels told us that their children did not feel safe with them, even if they'd been living safely with them for years." Children like them are almost constantly in a hypervigilant state, she says. They don't let their guard down long enough to forge affectionate relationships.

Over the past several years Purvis has developed new methods to restore a sense of security and trust to traumatized kids. If a child becomes violent, for instance, Purvis often responds with a "basket hold." She cradles the kids firmly but gently in her lap, facing outward, with their arms crossed in front of their chests. She rocks and quietly soothes until they calm down, then asks them to look her in the eye and tell her what they want. Purvis's assistants have taken to calling her the "Child Whisperer."

Sometimes techniques like these result in dramatic turnarounds. The family of a 5-year-old adopted from Russia thought they had no choice but to seek psychiatric hospitalization after she threw her baby sister down the stairs. But after the parents adopted Purvis's methods, the little girl finally started talking about the serious abuse she'd experienced. The child's behavior changed markedly. But her mother "changed even more," Purvis says, "because now she has hope."

Purvis is quick to say that her techniques don't work with every child, and older kids can take much longer than younger ones. "They have to unlearn what they've learned," she said. The next step, she says, is for prospective adoptive parents to get more training before and after they adopt. "Very few agencies are training parents to deal with brain damage, sensory deprivation, aggression," Purvis says. "A lot of these parents are smitten with the hope that they'll make a difference in a child's life, but they need very practical tools. I consider myself very pro-adoption. But I'm also very pro informed adoption. "

Peggy Hilt wishes she'd heard this message years ago. "If I knew then what I know now," she says, "I would have gotten help for Nina and for me." The best she can hope for now, she says, is that her story will prompt others to seek that help before it's too late.
URL: http://www.newsweek.com/id/74385
© Newsweek Mag

Blog Tagging

I have a friend, Brenda, with a great Blog. She "tags" people all the time on her blog to post facts, play games, post jokes etc...she always seems to tag me! Or maybe she knows more than one Kathy - and I am just being narcissistic?

Anyway, the latest tag is 8 random facts. Since there are so many people who read this who don't really know me - I thought this might be a fun one.

1. I've had 5 last names in my life...but have only been married one other time.

2. The shoe/clothes thing isn't new, I have seriously ALWAYS been this way.

3. My grandpa probably had the biggest impact on my life.

4. I am scared of ducks (long story...goes back to a bad date in college)

5. I like to be silly - and am uncomfortable being too serious

6. I started dating my wonderful husband before I was 30 (ya, I was a kid!)- and didn't know how old he was until we had dated for over a month.

7. My biggest pet peeve is not being understood

8. Anya's name is a family name...my middle name is Ann (i.e. Russian Anna - Anya) - Anna is also Marty's grandmother's name...Anya's middle name is Helene...or Helen. Helen is the name of my grandmother, and of the director (or the Children's Home where she is) who is protecting her.


The deal with tagging is that I post this on my blog...and then tag people to post this on their blogs. Well - I know all of you out there well enough to know that you won't...so, I will tag whoever reads this, and is brave enough to post a comment to this thread!

Document Update

We heard from Russia today. Apparently our lawyer has had an emergency in her family, so was out of the office all of last week. She presented our documents, and of course, the Judge rejected them with technical issues (again).

Our appeal to the Supreme Court is being prepared now.

On one hand, I am excited. On the other hand, I am sick to my stomach. This elevates our case significantly - and will bring a lot of attention to our case (more than we already have). But, we're ready for it!

last word on prayer vigil

Here is a list of everyone we want to thank for praying with us today.


Kathy’s Mom – Fran
The Prayer Team at First Presbyterian Church in South Bend, IN
Vicki Matafin
Mark Potterbaum – 12-1pm EST praying and fasting
Gene Stowe – and men’s prayer group (up to 3,500 men nation wide will be praying for us later afternoon / early evening)
Gene Ort and family
Cindy Nicula and family
Wes Smith (on the plane on his way to Israel!)
Cindy Postma
Vicki Young
Young Family
Jackie Clindaniel
Vanessa Smith
Jen from FRUA
Miriam Friend (Marty’s Mom)
VMom from FRUA
Michelle Wegner
Trish Linner
The 2nd grade class at St. Andrew’s school
Lori Rockwell and family
Cindi Hajicek
YAHOO Group
Kathy and Marty
Judy
Lynn M.
Brenda
Mclsch
Miriam Navarro
Joyce
Wanda
Amy M.
Miriam
Patricia
Lupita
Jill Mulger
Janett Stewart

shared prayer

Someone from my Yahoo group posted this prayer - it brought me to tears, so I thought I would share it.

May you be blessed as you spend time with the Father. I pray He reveals to you His Heart by His Holy Spirit. I pray against the enemy who would have you fear or doubt. All you need is the Faith of the grain of a mustard seed and, He will move mountains. I do not know what the mountains are. I do come against the wickedness and evil in high places that would keep a child from a loving parent. I pray you protect them and as these women intercede on their behalf, I pray strength for them, I pray peace, I pray that they will feel your presence Jesus. And just as Moses was able to part the Red Sea I pray that the REd tape of the Russian Government will be parted and the people will be able to claim their children and their promise land. We ask all of this so that you may be glorified. We understand Lord that it is your power and will that makes all things possible and so we submit this into your hands Hear the prayers of your people Lord. We praise you for your mighty works!!! In His most precious name we pray the name of JESUS! THank you Father for hearing my prayer your humble servant.

what gets me about Russia

I know - I am a glutton for punishment. I was surfing You Tube tonight looking at some of the videos people have posted about their adoption stories. It doesn't matter where the video was taken - all of Russia looks the same!

Conversely, here at home, Bristol doesn't look like South Bend...and Northern Indiana SURE doesn't look like Florida!

Prayer Vigil update

Here is who we have praying so far. As we add to the list, this information will be updated:

Prayer Vigil
Tuesday November 13 - 2007

Kathy and Marty
Kathy’s Mom – Fran
The Prayer Team at First Presbyterian Church in South Bend, IN
Vicki Matafin
Mark Potterbaum – 12-1pm EST praying and fasting
Gene Stowe – and men’s prayer group (up to 3,500 men nation wide will be praying for us later afternoon / early evening)
Gene Ort and family
Cindy Nicula and family
Wes Smith (on the plane on his way to Israel!)
Cindy Postma
Vicki Young

YAHOO Group
Will be praying from 8am – noon EST
Kathy and Marty
Judy
Judy’s Women’s Prayer Group
Lynn M.
Brenda
Mclsch
Miriam Navarro
Joyce

PRAYER VIGIL TUESDAY NOV. 13

Hello Everyone,

Several people have suggested to me over the past few weeks, to have a dedicated time for a 24 hour prayer vigil. On FRUA, some members did this last week, and the outcome was amazing - but then, isn't the outcome of prayer always amazing?!?!?

I was so busy last week, I completely missed the prompting on FRUA. I feel like I am hearing God's gentle prompting become a loud roar - and I am going to respond!

There are a lot of things happening in Irkutsk, and with adoptions in Russia. Now is the time to pray!

A 24 prayer vigil will be on Tuesday the 13th. I've never organized anything like this - so if you have, I'd love some input on how to organize this effort.

1) The Orphans in Russia and around the world
2) The Families waiting to welcome a child into tier lives

3) The officials in Russia with the power to sign accreditation paperwork for adoption agencies - and the Judges who hear adoption cases. This includes the US Embassy who is working diligently to help our cases.

4) The Orphans birth parents / families

5) The caregivers of the orphans

6) anything else that comes to mind as you pray


If you are with us on this time of prayer, please reply to this thread...

-Kathy & Marty

Bananna Hands

OK, I know my sense of humor is a little off sometimes - but when I get in a bad mood - I always watch this - and it TOTALLY cracks me up. Thanks Leah for sharing this hilarity! It's just so stupid, you have to laugh at it! ...especially if you've ever been to Germany and noticed how the people there communicate. Or - if you've ever been to parts of Europe - and seen the music videos - this is EXACTLY the kind os sillyness we've seen on Russian TV - but it was in Russian.

My Hands Are Bananas

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New Hair

One of the reasons we went to Chicago was because I had an appointment with Mario Tricoci. http://www.tricoci.com/

You can see my hair before in the photos to the right from when we were in Russia in September. With my new TV gig, I don't want to be wearing my hair in a pony tail all the time - it just looks ridiculous on camera. So - a super duper cut was in order. It looked so good when the stylist (Jasmine) was done - now if I can figure out how to to that - we'll be all set!

weekend away

We took a few days out this week to go to Chicago. I had to go on a buying trip, and decided to bring Marty along for a change of scenery. We were fortunate enough to stay at a condo right on Lake Shore Drive - a few blocks off of the Magnificient Mile - right on the water. I think this real eatate has to be some of the most expensive in Chicago!

The views were amazing. 2 walls of the condo were windows overlooking the lake.

Another conversation with the Embassy

Mark from the Embassy called again this morning. I had emailed him to ask if his office could authenticate our documents to get over the apostille issue. Mark spoke with Marty - seems like they were on the phone for a long time!

His office will provide a letter for us to authenticate our apostilles (yay)! I guess they did this in another region, and it was exactly what the judge wanted. He also reiterated to us that the Embassy is behind us 100%, and are brainstorming ideas every day on ways to help us. Not sure if I believe that 100%, but it was nice to hear. He had a good point...he said in Russia, it's not just knowing the law - but knowing the attitude around the law. In the US, the law is the law - regardless of the attitude. The attitude is what we're trying to figure out - and once we crack the code - we (and others) will know what the Judge wants.

Mark also said that one of the left over attitudes from Communist Russia is the notion that someone is always watching. This 'fear' is especially prevalent in older Russian people. Because of this fear, they are more likely to say no than yes...even to simple things. You can't get in trouble for saying no - at least, that is the attitude.

So - it all goes back to attitude.

I corresponded with our lawyer today, and reiterated that if the Judge does not provide a court date for us this week, we will take our case above her head. Step-1 will be to appeal her decision to the Chief Judge. Step-2 is to appeal her decision to the Human Rights Board.

Thank you for continuing to pray for us. We're heading to Chicago on a buying trip this week - it will be nice to have a change of scenery and relax a little bit.

Adoption Update Oct. 31

October is finally over!...



Most of you know that after our revised documents got to Irkutsk the end of September, the Judge decided to take the month of October off. I know - I can hear all of you saying in unison - "ARE YOU KIDDING ME" - unfortunately, no, I'm not.

Well, Judge Stepanova is scheduled to come back on Monday, November 5. Our lawyer is primed, and is going to be waiting on her doorstep.

So once again, we're asking for prayer and a miracle!


KEEP UP TO DATE
weekly and sometimes daily updates and thoughts on this blog.

We are keeping everyone up to date with everything from political junk in Russia, rumors, real updates, random thoughts and so on on our blog. All of the posts are organized - so it is easy for you to see. We would also like to invite you to reply to any post! We would love to hear from you!
THANK YOU!

Thank you for being on this journey with us!

Love,
Marty and Kathy

Lurkers

It's crazy to think that this blog has had SO MANY people visit it - but no one is posting any comments! I know you're out there! Post something! All you need to do is click the "0 Comments" below each post.

the bigger meaning of things

So - for the past few weeks, I seem to be pushed - tested. First, it was with a woman who was part of a project I did with a friend a few weeks ago (I blogged about in the post that refers to the song "East / West"). I am/was grateful she is out of my life - however, she is still causing storms with several of my friends. It's sad when a business relationship causes such chaos in people's personal lives!

Well, then there was the mail man. Long story short - there is a guy at the Bristol post office who takes his job a little too seriously. He has all these "rules" he never tells anyone - but expects you to abide by. I almost went postal on him (no pun intended) - I got so mad, I had to hand the phone over to my hubby!!

Of course, there was the whole situation with the Embassy that ruffled my feathers.

Now there is a client of my husbands...the client has an employee who is incompetent...so instead of listening - he is always thinking of the next thing to say to cover his butt. In the business of advertising, that is a bad deal. He is one of those people who start every comment by saying "with all due respect, ma'am...." and all I hear is "I'm covering my butt right now and bla blaing on and on to buy time until I can come up with something to say"

My blood pressure must be sky high. I really feel like I am going to completely lose my temper - like I am being pushed and pushed and pushed - to see how much I will take before I go completely ape on someone. That's right - I said ape!

Then I wonder...why?

What am I supposed to be learning? What is the bigger picture? Am I being tested because this is how the judge is going to treat me - and I need to get comfortable with biting my tongue?

I just don't get it.

Tornado hits Nappannee

A Tornado touched down Thursday in a small town called Nappanee - this is very close to our house. Thursday night, we were on our way to Lowe's, and the radio weather guy came on and said, "dangerous storm system heading East...towns in the path of the storm are Goshen, Dunlap, Bristol" Well, we were in Dunlap, heading to Goshn from Bristol. Anyone who knows me at all knows I DO NOT like storms!

After eating dinner, and thinking that all the rhetoric on the radio and TV about the storms was a scare tactic...we learned about what was happening a little south of us.

I saw some photos today of the destruction on another blog...

Derry Prenkert: Tornado Touch Down in Nappanee

on traveling to Russia

This is a Fodor's travel reporter on a trip to Russia. Pretty accurate from what I read.
http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=35068558

more bla bla from Embassy

We FINALLY got a note from MArk Seibel - the man from the Embassy who I spoke with. Here is what he said:

Dear Mrs. Friend:

The Consul General's letter regarding his trip to Irkutsk was intended to provide an overview and general assessment of the trip for all of the families with pending adoption cases in the region. I do want to assure you that information about the specific problems you have encountered was provided to the regional court, as well as the Prosecutor’s and the human rights offices for the Irkutsk region. This includes the problems you noted regarding apostilles and medical examination requirements. We also specifically underscored the problem of allowing independent adoptions in our follow-up correspondence to the court, and pointed out that the regional court's position on this issue differs from that of judges in other regions in the Russian Federation.


In your case, we understand that there is no need for you to request refusal documentation from the court, as your attorney already has correspondence from the court. While I cannot give legal advise, I would offer a couple of ideas based on the advice given to the Consul General by the Prosecutor’s office and the regional human rights representative. You could run these ideas by your attorney to see if she thinks they are worth pursuing. As noted in the Consul General's letter, the chairman of the court said that all persons have a right to appeal to him if their dossier is rejected for any reason. In your case, the judge seems to be stalling you with perpetual demands for additional documentation, which constitute at least an interim rejection of your dossier. It seems to me that your attorney might be able to appeal that decision to the chairman of the court. I would be happy to provide you with a document from the Hague working group on apostilles that may help make the case that the judge's rejection of those documents was not proper (the same document we provided under cover of our diplomatic note). If the chairman of the court were to reject an appeal, you would at that point have the right to bring the matter up as a complaint to the human rights office in Irkutsk or to the office of the Ombudsman for Human Rights in Moscow. Such a course of action could raise the profile of your case and bring the judge's actions under the scrutiny of others. We would also be happy to speak to your attorney if she wishes to call us, or to correspond with her, to explore ways in which we might be of assistance.

Best regards,

Mark Seibel

So - what does this mean? Your guesses are as good as mine! I'm open to intrepertation!

Well - we FINALLY heard from the Embassy. Below is the letter that we got via email today. Apparently it was also mailed - but because I've been trying to get in touch with them every day for a week...I am sure they decided emailing it to me would shut me up.

Let me say that I am HIGHLY disappointed with the Embassy. This letter is clearly a form letter, and doesn't address ANY of the specific issues about our case that was to be brought up in Irkutsk.

bottom line...talking with, sharing information with, and putting ANY hope in the Embassy helping was a colossal waste of time.

______________________________





Embassy of the United States of America Moscow, Russia
October 15, 2007


Mr. and Mrs. Friend
55754 County Road 19
Bristol, IN 46507

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Friend:

I write to thank you for providing us with information about the difficulties you have encountered in attempting to adopt in the Irkutsk region, and to update you on our efforts to resolve the ongoing impasse there.

I traveled to Irkutsk last week and met with senior members of the Governor’s office, the Chairman of the Irkutsk Regional Court, the regional human rights office, the General Prosecutor, officials in the Ministry of Education, and adoption facilitators serving American families in Irkutsk.

I was encouraged by the fact that the Governor’s staff, the chairman of the court, and others were willing to meet with me to discuss your problems. I presented the chairman of the court, the prosecutor’s office, and the human rights representative with case summaries based on the information that you provided, and asked that they review your case. My exchanges with these officials underscored the fact that there remains deep skepticism on the part of local authorities and the general public in Irkutsk toward international adoptions, notwithstanding official Russian government support for adoptions. Progress on this issue is likely to be slow at best.

That said, the chairman of the regional court in Irkutsk affirmed to me that whenever a judge rejects an adoption dossier before the court, the judge is obliged to provide a written notice of the denial, including the legal reasons for denial. He also affirmed that any person whose case is denied has the right to appeal the decision to the chairman of the regional court. You or your representative have the right to demand such a written notification if the court has rejected your dossier. This document would be an important part of any appeal you or your representative may file with the chairman of the court.

If you have a copy of a notice of rejection from the court, or can obtain one from your representative, I would encourage you to send a copy to the Embassy (unless you have already done so). This information will be helpful to me and my staff as we follow up with the authorities in Irkutsk, which we were encouraged to do.

I also met recently with a senior Ministry of Education official in Moscow to urge expeditious consideration of pending applications for accreditation. As you know, the absence of accreditation for most of the adoption service providers operating in Irkutsk is an ongoing roadblock, as these providers are unable to do business with the regional court. The Ministry of Education indicated that several more adoption agencies may be re-accredited in the near future. I am hopeful that progress in this area will remove a major obstacle for many of the pending adoptions in Irkutsk.

Although the situation in Irkutsk remains difficult, we will continue to work with local and federal authorities on your behalf and on behalf of the many young Russian orphans who deserve better.

Please accept my best wishes.





Sincerely,



Kurt Amend
Consul General

laundry

Well, today we've been home a month...1 month ago, I was having the WORST travel experience of my life!

Today - I FINALLY got caught up on laundry! I'm not kidding - it was OUT OF CONTROL! I feel like we've been going a million miles an hour since our plane touched down in South Bend. I finally had a few days off to catch my breath - so I did laundry. Oh ya, and cleaned my office (it was bad!)

So tomorrow, I can hit the ground running again - while we wait to hear something from Irkutsk (or Moscow!)! Currently, it is 8:10am in Moscow, and 1:10pm in Irkutsk...ya, I am staying up late 'just in case'!

updates

Many of you have been emailing me wondering if we've heard anything about the meeting(s) in Irkutsk. We've heard nothing. Which isn't uncommon. Anytime there is a meeting, it takes days for us to hear anything. I promise, as soon as I know anything, I will post it here.

East from West

The past 8-10 days have been yuck for me and one of my close friends. It is all wrapped up in a work project. One thing that I've learned through the adoption process is to sit back and wait to react...not something I've been known for in the business world prior to a few years ago. I was very reactive, and took everything personally. With the garbage surrounding this recent project, I felt myself going back to that reactive way...at one point, I was ready to get on the phone and tell 'so-and-so' exactly what I thought! Probaby not the best idea...I got in my car, and this song came on. It's one I hear all the time - but really spoke to me this week - for MANY MANY reasons...so I thought I would share it.

Casting Crowns
East To West

Here I am Lord,
and I'm drowning
in your sea of forgetfulness
the chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I dont want to end up where you found me
and it echoes in my mind,
keeps me awake tonight

I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
and I stand before you now,
as if I've never sinned
but today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
from you leaving me this way

and Jesus can you show me
just how far the east is from the west
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest,
cause you know just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I start the day the war begins
endless reminding of my sin
time and time again your truth is drowned out
by the storm I'm in
today I feel like I'm just one mistake away,
from you leaving me this way and Jesus can you show me,
just how far the East is from the West
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know
just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I know you've washed me white,
turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through,
to get me through this night
can't live by what I feel
but by the Truth your Word reveals,
I'm not holding on to you
but you're holding on to me,
you're holding on to me

Jesus you know
just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been,
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know just how far the East is from the West,
just how far,
from one scarred hand to the other.

updates on documents

Nothing can be easy. How long do I need to be at this to know that? Seriously???

Last week, I spent some time on the phone with Mark Seibel from the Embassy. Yes - the same Mark Siebel I sent the email to (see in post about the Embassy letter). Well, he is a really nice man, and is actually DOING something. The Chief Deputy Council bla bla bla...is going to Irkutsk this weekend to meet with the Chief Judge on behalf of American families. THIS IS CRAZY! Our case is the most complete and most current, so Mr. Siebel was interested to talk with us at length.

We thought our (new) documents would be presented to the Judge next week - so the timing was going to be perfect.

But then we learned that the Judge has decided to take a vacation until Nov. 5. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The good news is that the Chief Judge will accept our documents since Judge Stepanova will be out.

It will be interesting to see what happens in the meeting with the Embassy and Chief Judge. I am sitting on pins and needles!!!

touching adoption story

I want to share an adoption story. This is the story of a friend of ours (who will remain anonymous). This person has been a great support to us, and has prayed with us throughout this entire process. Today, he is an amazing man of God – someone anyone would be humbled to call ‘friend’. Below is a recap of an email conversation we have had over the past few days.

Dear Marty and Kathy,
My heart has been very moved by your love for this girl. I think you both know that I was adopted when I was five. My brother and I slept in a cardboard box in Chicago. In the winter we rode the streetcar back and forth across the city all night to keep warm. The family who adopted me also had some struggles; and my "blood parents" later tried to kidnap me. My adopted family sold their business and home in Illinois, and left all of their relatives and friends and secretly moved to Indiana, just to make sure that I'd be safe. What a sacrifice they made for little 'ole me.

So I know what "ADOPTION" means! I will continue to pray for Anya and all of your efforts to reach this precious life.

Irkutsk - the walking street

Many of you have probably heard me talk about the walking street - this is a road in downtown Irktusk. It's where there are a lot of shops - and my fav restaurant. Here is a video of the street - what you will see is VERY typical. For those of you who have been there - the big mall is behind the camera. The camera is pointed toward Karl Marx street (I think). My restaurant, Fiesta, is the bigger red building to the right (I think...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3PzpDfBGoM&mode=related&search=

document update

We got word on our documents today. We were able to gain some assistance from the law school at the University in Irkutsk. They have provided the Russian version of the Hague - highlighting the section that says, "an apostille can not be rejected".

Our lawyer had a meeting with the Judge regarding our case. The judge confirmed that our lawyer will have no trouble submitting our file again with the corrections, clarifications and so on.

YAY!

So now, we are back into prayer-warrior mode. We need for all of the documnets to come across the Judge's desk - and be flawless. We are still praying for a miracle, and want Anya home by Christmas! OK, I know I've said that every year for the past 3 years...but I'm going to keep saying that until I don't have to anymore!!

Russian adoption video

If you've ever wondered about Russia, adoption, what the orphanages are like there...I encourage you to view this video

http://www.thepromise.org.uk/video.htm

There is another vide on this site as well, here:
http://www.thepromise.org.uk/originalvideo.htm

so sad!!

Press On

I talked to a friend tonight who is going through some stuff. As I was talking with her on the phone, I was trying so hard to come up with the right words to comfort her. Nothing was coming to my mind. I wanted to tell her that God would never give her more than she could handle...that she knows the Truth...that the worst is behind her...that I loved her, and would do whatever I could to help her through this.

And no words came to me.

Tonight when I got home, I wrote her a note. The song 'Press On' was ringing in my head so loud - I felt like I needed to turn down the stereo! So, I sent her the lyrics to this song. The words are something I've clung to so many times.

Press On (3:56)
(Dan Burgess)

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

Chorus:
In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on
To press on

©1983 Belwin-Mills Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) All rights admin. by Warner Bros. Publications, Inc. (ASCAP) All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

10 things that make you smile

My friend Brenda "tagged" me on her blog tonight. She posted 10 things that makes her smile, and asked 3 people to post what makes them smile.

What a perfect thing to have me think about today! I've had a particularly crappy (is that politically correct?) day. Ever had one of those days when everyone you have to deal with gets on your last nerve? Ugh!

OK, focus on good things…

1. Knowing there is a God, the He loves me no matter what! (even when I have days like today)

2. My husband…he’s a good one! God has truly blessed me with a good man!

3. Our little Anya…only God could have perfected a union like the one we have with that little one! It still amazes me how much she looks like us and acts like us…and I didn’t birth her – and she is still living in the orphanage! Her laugh, her smile, the way she mimicks everything I do. Pretty much everything about her makes me smile.

4. Good friends – who will listen to you gripe and feel your pain, and love you anyway (and then probably pray for you!). Ya know, those pals who you can call or email from Russia when you're in a panic, and they will answer the phone or email? ...unless then went to bed early? (ha ha, had to get that one in there Kath!)

5. I love the worship band at church, I love the worship music my hubby has made…but ya know, Bon Jovi REALLY makes me smile :) (or maybe it's just John BonJovi?)

6. Great shoes – ok, seriously – I love shoes. I think it is a sickness. Better than therapy, healthier than mood-altering drugs or food. ...so I guess my awesome job should make me smile too - so I can buy great shoes! (seriously, I do love my job!)

7. Fall – I love this time of the year – when the air is cool, and the sun is warm (but not as warm as it was today…93 the end of September is nutty!)

8. Relaxing in the pool with my hubby – the only time we’re not working it seems…our cheap little above ground pool is the best investment we’ve ever made!

9. Laughing and being silly…I don’t take myself too seriously, so I love being around other people who don’t either. LIfe is too short to be constantly wondering what other people's motives are, and wondering if they think you're an idiot.

10. The amazing things that God is doing – things I don’t even know about and can’t see…I guess the ‘end of the story’. That makes me smile with tears in my eyes.

Now, I would like to hear from you!! What makes you smile?

documents...wouldn't ya know it

Well, I shipped off a stack of documnets to Russia on Friday. I was witing for a form we needed to get from our social worker. I waited a day before I got tired of waiting, and sent to documents. Wouldn't ya know it...about the second the DHL guy pulled out of the driveway, the FedEx guy pulled in - with what I had been waiting for.

Oh well - what is a little more money lost in overnight fees?

...off to sell more pants and tops :)

What do I do?

I ran into someone the other day who asked me “so, with all this waiting to adopt Anya, what do you do every day?” Seriously - someone said that to me.

My initial instinct was to say that I’ve been spending my time getting massages and pedicures…but as I started to speak, I bit my tongue. Asking me a question like that really means that she doesn’t know me well. What did she think I was going to say? That I sit in Anya’s room and cry away my days? That I sit at my computer and blog about all the ridiculous things people say to me?

Ugh!

letter from the Chief of the Immigrant Visa Unit at the United States Embassy in Moscow

We got this note today from some new guy with the Embassy in Moscow. To date, no government agency has done squat to help us - so I am more than a little skeptical about this guy.

Below is his note to me - and my reply...happy reading!
________________________________________
From: Moscow Consular, Russian Adoptions
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 8:02 AM
To: kathy@mmprod.com
Subject: FW: Request for information - Irkutsk adoptions

Greetings,

This July I took over as the Chief of the Immigrant Visa Unit at the United States Embassy in Moscow, and I am writing to update you on the Embassy's ongoing efforts to resolve the continuing problems with international adoptions in the Irkutsk region. A few days ago the Ambassador raised this issue in a meeting with Russia's Ombudsman for Human Rights, former Russian Ambassador to the United States Vladimir Lukin. At Ambassador Lukin’s invitation, we intend to follow up with his office to review cases pending in the Irkutsk region to assess how best they might be resolved.

This past summer, the Embassy sent out a request for information to families who have been trying unsuccessfully to adopt in the Irkutsk region, and the information we obtained from those who chose to respond to this request will be extremely helpful as we engage with the Office of the Human Rights Ombudsman. If you have not responded to our earlier request for details about your case, and if you wish the Embassy to raise your case with the Office of the Human Rights Ombudsman, I would invite you to respond to the questions below with any information you may have to offer. Please respond as soon as possible if you wish us to raise your specific case. Details regarding any specific problems or objections given by the court for not accepting your dossier or not providing you with a hearing date would be especially useful.

If have new information to report, we would appreciate updates. If you do not wish us to raise your case in our ongoing dialogues with Russian authorities, please let me know that as well.

I want to assure you that we will continue to raise the problem of American adoptions in the Irkutsk region (and elsewhere) with the appropriate Russian authorities, as we advocate for a fair, transparent legal and regulatory framework for international adoptions in Russia.
Sincerely,

Mark Seibel
Chief, Immigrant Visa Unit
Embassy of the United States
Moscow

Questions:
1) Name of adoption agency (in US and in Russia, if different)
2) Name of Russian adoption agency representative and contact information
3) Yes / No, Was your adoption agency accredited at the time you submitted your application to the court in Irkutsk?
4) Date you submitted your application to the Irkutsk court
5) Docket or case number given to you by the court (or confirmation the application was filed)
6) Explanation the court gave you as to why your case would not be considered
7) If the court had any procedural complaints, were these addressed?
Please feel free to add any further details which may be relevant to identifying the reason that your case was halted by the court. If the court provided any written refusal to you, please provide the substance of that refusal, or even better, a scanned copy of the document.
_________________


Hello Mr. Seibel,

Let me start this note by saying that I think, after 3 years, I have become an expert on adoptions from Irkutsk, and am an expert on being a pre-adoptive-parent.

I am sure prior to you taking over this position, you were given background on the situation in Irkutsk. Allow me to share my experiences with your agency / office.

I have provided information to your office SEVERAL times in the past. I have filled out your forms, and answered your questions. I have spoke on the phone with people in your office. Nothing has ever happened. 2 years ago, we received a letter from the State Department saying that (basically) they are sorry for our frustration, however are choosing not to do anything to help.

We were told (over a year ago) that the Embassy was “looking into the matter”. Looking into a matter and taking bold action are very different things. Bold action is what is required in Irkutsk. Interested onlookers are not helpful; on the contrary, they are bothersome. Unless there is a solid plan to deal directly with the authorities in Irkutsk (the Chief Judge and Governor’s office), and force the courts to adhere to their own law, I politely suggest you remove this project from your desk.

It is cruel and unfair to continue to give American families false hope by saying that you are looking into a matter. As one of the families who have been waiting the longest, and one of the families who were to get a court date the summer Nina Hilt was murdered (2005) – I am tired of empty promises. I am tired of inaction, and I am tired government bureaucracy. The only thing I am interested in is real, solid, swift action to bring my daughter home.

The problem with the ‘plan’ your office has in place is that most American families have not submitted documents to the Judge in Irkutsk. There are very few (2 or 3) American families who have presented their documents to the courts in Irkutsk over the past 2 years. Our dossier was presented in 2006, and again 10 days ago.

I have been diligent about making contacts in Moscow and Irkutsk to keep our adoption moving forward. We just returned from a trip to Irkutsk. We were granted a meeting with the Chief Judge in Irkutsk regarding our case (very unusual for an American family). The Chief Judge accepted our documents, and passed them along to Judge Stepanova (the Judge who is ‘in charge’ of adoption cases). Judge Stepanova issued a legal statement regarding our documents, detailing changes. This is the same thing that happened when we presented our documents a year ago.

The changes the Judge has asked for include some things that do not represent the law (in Russia, or in the United States). Examples include:

1. The way the documents are apostilled. The apostille on all of our 125 documents adheres to every standard and guideline specified by the Hague. The Judge doesn’t like the way it is done. She cites that other countries use a ribbon (for example) to tie all of the documents together. She also cites that the border (box) around the information on the piece of paper that is the apostille isn’t a perfect square (I think the dimensions are 10cm x 10.12cm – something insignificant). Our lawyer in Irkutsk is going to fight this, however, the ultimate ruling is up to Judge Stepanova.

2. She also cited in the legal statement a Russian law that deals with adoption agencies that work in Russia. This law deals with the way the office is to be set up within the Russian Federation. Bottom line – this has nothing to do with us, our case, or our documents. I am not sure why this is even a part of our legal statement. Of course, our lawyer is going to fight this, and ask the Judge to completely remove it from the statement.

3. The statement also make mention that we are independent. It does not say that she will refuse our case because of this, it is just a comment made in the legal statement. I should also preface this by saying that the Judge continues to hear many French cases – all have been successful in court. All are independent.

4. In the past, the Judge in Irkutsk has accepted documents, with the condition that the family obtains a medical exam prior to court. The medical exam (by 8 doctors) needs to be done at a state clinic. The ONLY clinic that is a state institution, that houses each of the specialists is in Moscow. Judge Stepanova is requiring this medical exam before she accepts documents. The medical exam is only valid for 60 days (might be 90) – and the Judge will not offer a court date within that time, so the document expires. When the document expires, the Judge will refuse the documents because of an expired medical exam. This is what has happened to us. Essentially, what this means is thousands upon thousands of money spent unnecessarily by American families. It is a never ending battle that could go on forever.

I am interested specifically in what your office will be doing, other than gathering the same information that has been provided to you time and time again. Quite honestly sir, I am so fed up with the lack of support and help by my own government I could scream. To this point, everything has been a lot of talk, and no action. I refuse to allow our little girl to be a political pawn. I will not stand by and 'wait' for you to gather more information. I won't sit back and be patient and wait to see what happens. I do not trust that anyone or any agency will do anything to help us get a court date in Irkutsk, and bring our little girl home.

It will be interesting to see what you DO.

Sincerely,
Kathy Friend

SO FRUSTRATING!

For a long time, I really thought that God's plan in this adoption (partly) was to teach me patience. Then I thought maybe it was perseverance. Then maybe it was tenacity. Now, I think maybe the lesson is to not lose my mind under extreme pressure!

The changes to our documents was minimal. This is good. I got everything done - and have been waiting to for the document from our social worker. With that, I can send things to the State to be apostilled - then everything can be shipped off to Irkutsk.

Well, I was supposed to get that document from the social worker yesterday, and I still don't have it. It was Fed Ex'ed, and I can't seem to find information on it to trace it.

UGH!

Anya and education

I've been thinking a lot about how much Anya has changed in the past 3 years. Gone are the days when she had chubby cheeks, and barely spoke a word.

Education in the orphanage is a little different than what we would consider education. Anya is very smart. She is quite an artist, can recite poetry, knows several dances. She has no problem singing songs in front of her group.

There is a lot of emphasis on the arts as opposed to science. She can count to 10, but then needs help. She can't write her name, and can't read. But - she loves to 'read'. She loves looking through books, and being read to. This shows me that she is hungry to learn.

When we were there a year ago - she couldn't count to 10. I think maybe we were the first ones to really count to 10 with her. She could count to 3, but then got confused (and it was like 1-2-3-5-6-4-8-7).

Anya also has some natural athletic ability. I've never seen the kids being schooled in the finer points of athletics at the orphanages...but who knows. That little girl can throw a ball, and catch it like you wouldn't believe.

Anya is very concerned about her appearance. One day, we got to the orphanage a little early - and she was outside playing with her group. She saw us, and RAN inside to "look pretty for mama and papa". It bothers me a little, that somehow she has learned that she has to look nice for us...which of course she doesn't. But, when a new 'mama and papa' come to the orphanage, there is talk among the caregivers about how they have to 'make the children look beautiful'. The kids do put on nicer clothes, bows and ribbons in the girl's hair and so on.

Kids are kids, I guess. And they pick up things, and learn things you wouldn't think they were paying attention to.

If other moms and dads are on this board, and can chime in on this Russian institutionalized education thing, I would love to hear what your experiences were.