the autobiography and the blue form

I'm sure at some point, this kind of thing won't bother me.  But today - it is bothering me.

I was going through Anya's mountains of paperwork from school tonight and see this blue form asking for some autobiographical information about her.  Apparently there is a class writing project that will require 5 important dates in her life.  The examples given are: first step, started Kindergarten.


Yes, I am sensitive to this kind of exercise.  No I don't expect the teacher to completely redo her lesson plans (that I am sure have worked for years) just because Anya is in her classroom.  And I am also quite sure that Anya won't think a thing about it - this is all me...and I know that.

But I don't know many of these things, these "important dates in my child's life".  I know she was walking, dressing herself and feeding herself at about 2.  I know that she had Chicken Pox when she was about 3-4.  I know that after the first time she met me, she knew who I was and that I was her Mommy...but that day-1 was when she was 2 years and 4 months.

I mean, there are a lot of important dates in her life, but not things I want to put on this blue form.  I don't want to say that at 6 months that lady (that is what we've taken to calling bio mother...Anya said she is not a Mamma) took her to a hospital and left her there.  At 8 months that lady's rights were revoked.  And then at 15 months she became a resident of Baby Home #2 - which is where we met her.

Is it age appropirate for me to put on the blue form to say that the most important days in her little life started in July 2004 when we received a photograph of her and committed to being her Mom and Dad? Or in October 2004 when we filed the official paperwork to be her Mom and Dad?  Probably not appropirate to mention the weekend of July 4th, 2005 with Peggy Hilt decided to kill her child causing Anya's life to be forever changed too. Or what about on February 17, 2010 when the Judge said the battle was over?

The important dates in her life (up until a year ago) haven't been developmental milestones.  The important dates have been in terms of her survival.; those dates that have shapes who she will be as an adult.

I don't know.  The blue form and I need to think about this all...

The bottom line? God is good!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

TITLE:  it's a girl

At 4:45 today, the Irkutsk Regional Court granted our petition to adopt Anya!

It's like a dream right now. We need to process all that has happened over the past 2 days.

The bottom line? God is good!

Reading this still makes me get all weepy.   A year ago today the nightmare ended.  A year ago today I started understanding why the previous (almost) 6 years were what they were.  A year ago today the definition of who I was forever changed.  A year ago today, I became Anya's (official) Mommy.

Share The Well

I have a friend who is, well, pretty amazing.  She and her husband are the kinds of people you don't believe really exist.  Honestly, before I got to know them well - I thought much of what I heard about them was hype.  Now, don't get me wrong...before I got to know them, I knew they were nice people.  I knew they deeply cared about the cause of Christ, but I really thought they were just nice people.

Truth is - they are the real deal.  They are the kind of Christ-followers most of us would like to be.  They walk the walk, and talk the talk.  But at the same time they are real. 

A few years ago when we were in the heat of the adoption process, I got the kindest post on this blog.  It was from Michelle.  The note came during one of those times when I really thought we were the only people in the world praying for Anya and the adoption.  Her kind words helped crush the reality I was convincing myself existed.  The reality that everyone thought we (I) were crazy for pressing on. The reality that no one supported us in the decision to adopt.  I needed Michelle's note.  It gave me strength.  It reminded me that God WAS on our side. That those naysayers were just that...naysayers. It helped me get used to the idea that not everyone was going to love our plans for being a family, but it didn't matter.

Anyway - I digress...from that one little note on my blog, Michelle and I became friends. What I love the most about her is that she knows me...and likes me anyway. She actually appreciates my overly-obsessed ways with fashion and shopping.

Michelle (and her husband, Rob) have a huge heart for reaching the darkest places on earth with the light of Jesus. She has gone places (alone!) that I wouldn't even consider going. She is showing her kids what the love of Jesus looks like...everyday.  It is pretty cool.

Rob and Michelle have been doing an incredible work in India. They are making a difference, but they want to make more than just a difference...they want to help make a change in the lives of the people of India.

Through several trips to India (and by several I mean a LOT OF TRIPS), Rob and Michelle have collected stories about the Indian people. Stories of hope.  Stories of how God can change a life, a family, a community. They have turned these stories into a book called Share the Well.

I would like to encourage you to get this book.  It will be the best $20 you've ever spent. Not only will your heart be touched by the pictures and words on the pages of this book, but the $20 you spend will help to continue to make a change.  These words are from the Share The Well website:

When you purchase this book you are a part of serving the poorest of the poor, you are stepping into a small role in the movement. This is not just another purchase, but a socially transformative contribution to a movement that is bringing health, life, and freedom to the oppressed. You are Sharing the Well with others as we Share the Well with you.

checking the calendar - God's plan

A year ago today, I posted THIS. 

It is hard to believe that was a year ago. But then, it seems like an eternity ago.

On Jan 15th last year, we held a concert to raise funds for the adoption.  The concert was great.  There were hundreds of people that came to Goshen, Indiana on a snowy winters day to support us. 

Since my hubby is a musician, it made sense to get some of his buddies together and hold a concert.  I had no idea how great the benefits were of having friends with talent!

Yes, we hoped that Anya's story would touch people.  We planned a truly entertaining night of great music...music that would bring you to tears, and rock the house!  We did everything we could to build a buzz, called in all of our friends in media to help us promote the event.  We sold tickets, passed out flyers, and talked about the concert to anyone who would listen. 

The best part...God showed up.


Our financial situation was bleak...we needed to come up with thousands and THOUSANDS of dollars to travel to Russia and live there for 2 months. Taking into account not working for that period of time, and the very real bottom line that was in our checking account...well, it wasn't good at all.

At the time, we laughed that OF COURSE we would get a court date NOW that we are broke.  NOW that the economy had  fallen apart and our income sliced in half.  I was debating between buying a plane ticket for one of us to go...or to pay the mortgage for Jan 2010. 

I had tried to micromanage every facet of the adoption to control it.  I did that for 6 years.  In January 2010, I was exhausted and spent (in more ways than one!).  Trying to keep our businesses going to bring some money into our home, trying to keep the adoption going (which of course required money) I felt completely pushed to the edge.

 And God knew all that.  He knew our financial situation.  He knew how we were going to get to Russia.  He knew how freaked out I would get.  He knew it would be taken care of.  ...but I didn't know it.  Now, a year later, I will admit that my Faith was tested.  I will admit there was a little part of my heart that was MAD at God.  Just really irritated that we had to go through ALL of this to bring Anya home.  It wasn't fair.  I didn't get it. I started questioning every single thing I had ever done in my life to be sure I had adequately asked for forgiveness and/or repented. I couldn't understand WHY HE would let Anya suffer another minute without us.  And why now?  Now that we have to be embarrassed to the entire community about needing money to bring her home. To say having Fund Raisers is humbling is an understatement. 

On January 18, 2010 we had the money to go to Russia.  We had airline tickets in the works and the mortgage got paid.  God had a plan.  As if I needed any further proof of God's hand in this adoption (apparently I did).






He had a plan, and He worked it out for HIS glory.

I had lost sight of what this was all about.  It wasn't about me, it never was.  It wasn't even about Anya.  It was always about God - about HIM...and giving others a glimpse into the true test of Faith. 



Thanks to Brittani Renee for being the BEST photographer EVER.  See the rest of the photos from this great concert here

Christmas part 4 - the snow storm

Of course on Christmas we had no snow...but the weeks before Christmas we had a fair amount of the white stuff.  Anya was so excited to go outside and play...and she did...for HOURS!  Yep, she is definitely from Siberia! She never gets cold outside.  When my hands are FREEEEZING and I can't feel my toes, she is sweating to death.

Here is our little Russian Princess enjoying the snow:

Christmas - part 3 - the cards

I was a little late on Christmas cards this year.  I can remember way back when...ok, maybe 5 years ago, when we would send out hundreds of cards. 

For the past 2 years I have been on another planet or planning a trip to another planet (called Russia) so me and the holiday card thing kinda parted ways.  Since this year is a special year I have every intention of sending out a Lot of cards with the highly interesting Friend-family-update. 

Instead it was a week before Christmas and we hadn't even taken any kind of Christmas-y pictures that I thought were worthy enough of a card.  Thank goodness my talented husband has camera equipment at home so we can pull together a rather lame photo-shoot at the last minute.


...and then when I got to figuring out which photos I wanted to use on the holiday cards, I didn't want to use the Christmas ones.  But, I did...in order to save the peace :)

So here is what we ended up with.  In case you didn't get a holiday card from us this year, it wasn't because we forgot you, it is because I ran out of stamps...and now they should be Valentine cards. 

Christmas Part 2 - Christmas Eve, in Syracuse

Christmas Eve was the beginning of our weekend holiday celebration.  We had the Friend family get-together at my sister-in-laws.  We ate WAY too much, but had a great time.  Anya was really getting into the Christmas Spirit...that I affectionately have dubbed "the season for over-stimulation". Too much excitement, too much sugar, too many fun things to do and people to see...all can be just too much for a little girl to deal with.  And, really, who can blame her?

I can tell when Anya feels safe and loved - and that is how she feels at Lori and Rocky's house.  She gets so excited when she knows she might see Aunt Lori.  It is pretty cute...she always wants to sit by Aunt Lori, and when we leave their house, about the first thing out of Anya's mouth is "I just love Aunt Lori.  Bryce and Lucas are fun too. And Mr Aunt Lori is OK too".

anoter happening...the Wokurka family!

About the same time we were in Chicago (a few days prior) our friends in SC (the Wokurka family) got home from Irkutsk with their son, SV.  We are so excited for them!  Thanks to all of you for remembering them during their time in Irkutsk, and lifting them in prayer. 

I wish we could have met them at the airport - but getting to the Carolinas just wasn't possible.  BUMMER! 

This photo I borrowed from Lisa's Facebook page.  It was taken at the airport as they entered the US and were reunited with their other 2 boys.  And may I just comment on one thing - do you remember how haggard and almost ogre like I looked when I got off the plane in South Bend when we returned from Russia?  Look at Lisa!  Seriously people, she looks like she has been on a 30 day spa retreat!  ...although I know she was NOT!  ...but she looks amazing! (a little jealous!)

Congratulations to the Wokurka family!  We love ya, and are so happy for your Christmas miracle!

Christmas - part 1, the Chicago edition

I have NOT been good about updating this blog.  I get all these great ideas for Blog posts, and then forget.

So I thought I would just sit down tonight and remember all that has been great about this holiday season - anyone want to take bets on how much of this "writing" I actually get done?

Our holiday celebration started the weekend before Christmas when we went to meet our friends, The Ninmann's.  They are from Wisconsin so it was nice to meet them kinda in the middle.  I can't tell you how much this family has come to mean to us.  Every time we get together I find myself wishing that we lived closer together.

Their son Nathan (seen in this pic...he is the one with the bunny ears) is also from Irkutsk.  Our kids all love each other, and play together so well.  Anya just adores these boys.

We had a great time in Chicago...ate WAY too much.  We walked Michigan Ave., went to the museum, of course hit the Shops at North Bridge and 900 N Michigan (because really, it wouldn't be a trip into the city without a stop at both of these places).  I will say, however, now my stops at these addresses is a bit different than in the past.  In my BA (before Anya) life, North Bridge meant that I would spend some time at Nordstrom visiting with the personal shoppers there.  Getting caught up on the latest in the shoe department, and maybe stopping in to see some familiar faces in the cosmetic department. This trip...I only went into Nodies to use the ladies room!


Debbie hurt her leg before they got on the train into the city...and Marty and I were fighting colds.  So it was an interesting trip for the adults!  ...but the kids had a great time, so that is what matters!

a year ago today...

A year ago today, I posted THIS:

After 5 years, 4 months and 3 weeks…

After 5 trips to Russia,

After working with and through 2 agencies, 4 Judges, 3 lawyers, the Secretary of State, Embassy and DHL…

After unmentionable sums of money, energy, frustration, anger, humiliation, praise, glee and prayer

OUR DOCUMENTS HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED BY THE JUDGE IN RUSSIA…and we will have a court date the end of January.

The emotions are still raw.  The memories haven't yet faded (good and bad).  And some days I still wonder if reality has hit me yet. 

So many times people told me that soon after we get Anya home I won't remember the torturous wait.  I remember.  

People have said that I will have such fond memories of our 2 month stay in Russia. My memories are not fond.  Yes, I miss our friends - but thinking about the apartment, being asked time and time again for money, missing home and everything that was normal and familiar...I do not miss that. 

A year after the hardest chapter of our lives; after losing friends, respect and losing my sanity at times, I have never questioned if it was worth it.  

A year later I am amazed by Anya.  I look at her with awe and pure joy.  The gut level feelings I have to protect her is something I never NEVER knew I would have. 

There is so much I know about my daughter today that I didn't know a year ago.  That makes me sad.  I had no idea how funny she was.  How sensitive she would be.   I didn't know how much she would love gum, soccer pants, ice cream or music.  I had no idea that she would hate mushrooms, green beans and mustard.  

I prayed that God would protect her.  That HE would keep her in a little bubble and not let any harm come to her.  We prayed with callused knees that she would be safe, happy, healthy and feel peace. 

He heard our prayer.

the saga continues

Child thought she wanted a ping pong table, but she really wanted a foosball table.  Mommy, Daddy and Santa found this out AFTER they already purchased a ping pong table...and now, more of the story...

The Mommy and Daddy think about taking the ping pong table back to the store, and looking for a foosball table; but they can't.  Daddy thought it would be a good idea to "hide the evidence" so he took the box to the burn pile, and it went up in flames.  [Burn Pile: noun / a word that describes how you get rid of burnable trash (i.e. paper, boxes) when you live in the middle of nowhere]

There isn't enough room in the house for BOTH a foosball table and a ping pong table, and the Mommy and Daddy don't think it is a good idea to get BOTH things for Christmas in one year.

Oi!  What is a family to do?!

Houston...we have a problem

Houston, we have a problem.

Child told Santa she wanted a ping pong table. She has been talking about how much fun ping pong is, and how good she is getting at the game.

So, Santa (and Mommy) had a conversation and decided that maybe a ping pong table would make a fun family gift this year.  Santa searched high and low for a good priced ping pong table, and just when he thought it would cost too much money to get a ping pong table this year, he found one for a very good price. 

Many preparations were made so that Santa could get the ping pong table in the car with out any children seeing it.  The coordinated effort was something that fairy tales are made of!

Then...it happened. The child was looking through a toy catalog that came in the mail.  She saw a picture and came running to Mommy saying, "Look!  It is a ping pong table, it is JUST what I want Santa to bring!  It will be SO MUCH fun!"  ...it was a picture of a Foosball table.

To Be Continued

it is good to look back

I was looking back at what I posted a year ago at this time.  It seems that I was (again) sending a round of documents to Russia to be presented to the Judge. 

We had been told if we were able to get these last few documents, the Judge would accept our case and offer a court date to bring Anya home.  I remember thinking "ya right, I'll believe that when I see it". 

I can't believe THIS WEEK a year ago was the LAST TIME I jumped through crazy, unbelievable document hoops for the courts in Irkutsk.

Anya - aka Petunia

 

I love this picture.  It was taken at a political rally over the summer.  I just wanted to share...

Ahhhh memories

Our friend who is in Irkutsk was able to pick up her son from the orphanage today.  I think for the rest of my life, when I hear of someone bringing their child home from the orphanage - I will be flooded with memories.

3-2-1-0 (or March 2, 2010)...it was a big day. 

Like so much with the final stages of the adoption process, I didn't know what to expect - and what actually happened wasn't what I expected. I blogged about that day HERE.  Anya was so ready to leave the orphanage, we were expecting her to be a little hesitant; to be sad or hug her friends and caregivers goodbye.  I remember walking to the top of the stairs where her room was, and seeing her waiting at the door.  When she saw us, she got a huge smile on her face, and ran into her room to start to put her coat on.  We showed her that we brought a new coat for her to put on, well she just thought that was the greatest thing ever.

She sat in the car clutching Daddy's hand, very interested in everything outside, very quiet.  Wow, has THAT changed!

Those first few days I remember being in a fog.  So much of it felt like a dream...if I am honest, sometimes it was a good dream, and other times it felt like a bad dream. 

I remember one first walk to the grocery store together.  Anya was proclaiming "MAGAZINE" at every turn.  We could not understand why she was looking for magazines...there are news stands on corners, but when we would pass one, she would not be that interested in those kiosks.  We soon realized that the word 'magazine' in Russian means 'store'! 

Another funny language thing was the word 'spot'.  In Russian, that means sleep...well, don't say to your 7 year old at noon "sit on this spot please".  What your Russian speaking child will hear is "go to sleep"...and you will quickly see a very sad faced 7 year old!

I'm sure over the next few days I will be flooded with memories as our friend Lisa goes through her set of "firsts" with her son SV.

Mayberry + Halloween = costume parade

We're fortunate in that we live so close to a decent size city, but are in a very small town school district. The town where Anya goes to school is known because of the large Amish / Mennonite community. This makes for a very nice dynamic in the schools, and a very conservative environment in the town.

So when Halloween came around, I wondered what we would do, where we would go, if we would participate. When I heard about how our little town handles Halloween, I loved it - and we decided that was how we wanted Anya to be a part of Halloween!

There are a lot of schools of thought out there about this "holiday". To us, it isn't a holiday, we aren't celebrating anything. We simply are engaging in a seasonal tradition by carving pumpkins and allowing Anya to dress up in a costume. For us, it isn't anything scary, satanic or spooky...it is simply a little girl dressing up as Ice Cream and running from house to house with her friends. And that is how our little town thinks about it too - a celebration of the children.

Since the majority of the area is made up of farms and rural homes, everyone comes into town and collects treats (for please and thank-yous) up and down Main Street. There are several churches along the route, and they open their doors to the community by welcoming people and passing out candy to the kids. One church also offers a meal, free of charge, to anyone who wants it - don't you love that? Rather than condemning they have decided to embrace and take advantage of those who might be looking for a church, or seeking an answer. I actually saw one Pastor praying (off to the side of the line of kiddos in costumes) with one of the parents.

After an hour or so of getting to as many homes as possible, all the kids meet near the center of town, the street is closed and the parade starts. All of the kids march around and the town council (or maybe town Marshall...not sure) offer prizes for the best costumes. We saw a jelly fish, 3 little pigs, lots of princesses and Supermen, so many cats and dogs I lost count...but what I noticed was the absence of Snookie, Lady Gaga or anything scary.

For Anya, a child who complains about new things (until she does them of course) and is easily scared - this was the perfect way for her to start to learn about this American tradition.

The best part of our Halloween / Parade / Costume Festival were the lessons learned. We went around with 2 other families - between us we had 3 kids. At one house, one of the girls didn't get a piece of candy (for what ever reason). So Anya gave her one out of her bag.

Anya got 33 pieces of candy (don't you LOVE that? Not an overload of candy that you have to say "no" to a thousand times a day). When we got home, she was very excited to spread out the loot to see what she got. She divided up all the candy into 3 piles, and gave one to me, one to Marty and kept one for herself. She said, "not fair that Mommy and Daddy don't get candy too".

Now what kid do you know that does that?

A Time for Prayer

Today is a time for prayer. Another family will go before the Judge in Irkutsk tomorrow morning (tonight our time). They will face the same Judge and same prosecutor that we did in February.

The nervous feelings they are experiencing right now can't be explained..and no one can understand unless you've been there.

In the past, the court hearing was a formality - and in truth, this is still the case in most regions of Russia. Unfortunatley this is not the case in Irkutsk.

You may remember our friends from Georgia that went before the Judge in April. They were not successful in that hearing.

Please join with me to pray for this family from South Carolina that will go before the Judge...that the prosecutor will not ask for more documents or clarification, that the changes in their son over the years will not effect the opinion in the court room, that the adoption center and the director of the orphanage paint a glowing picture for this case and agree whole-heatedly to the adoption. I am also praying for L and D's nerves, that they are able to rest tonight (I know praying for sleep may be overly optimistic) , that they feel and rest in the comfort of knowing HE has a plan and HE has gone before them in this situation. I am also praying for protection to surround L and D (and V).

It will be a gut wrenching next 24 hours. I can hardly think about it without tearing up.

L and D -know that so many of us are praying with you now!

He is MIGHTY to Save!

3-2-1- BLAST OFF!

It's happening again, another American family is heading to Irkutsk to go before the regional court to complete the adoption they've been waiting SO LONG for.

This time, it's Lisa and Darren.

It will happen in about 2 weeks. And we should pray. Pray really really REALLY hard.

Regardless of your opinion of adoption, international adoption or really...anything, I think we can all agree that every child deserves a home and a loving family...that is what I am asking you to pray for.

Walking through this with Lisa and Darren brings back so many memories and emotions. I can remember how on-edge I was 1-week to that flight taking off to Russia. The slightest thing would make me break out into tears. I had so much to do, so much to think about...and no time to do it.

I remember getting a speeding ticket about 3 days before we left...and being so mad at the cop who clearly had NO IDEA what I was going through, what I was getting ready to go through - I honestly thought he just wanted to make me miserable. After the cop pulled away, I drove down the block, parked the truck (yes, I was driving a big HUGE truck at the time) and cried. Really boo-hooed for a long time.

I also remember trying to think and re-think what we would need to live in a foreign country for 2 months. I am a person who takes comfort in having a routine in my world (when normally, there is nothing normal about my world). Normal for me is the kind of toothpaste I use, my eye drops, makeup, shampoo...you get the idea. It is a kind of security blanket for me.

I remember all too well that feeling I had in the pit of my stomach for weeks. I didn't think it would ever go away. That nervous almost sick feeling...when you have no time to get sick. I know I told myself more than one time "mind over matter, you can not get sick now!"

The one thing I thing I remember the most was that NO ONE knew what I was going through; the emotions, the random freak outs...except one person - my friend Debbie. She was the only one who had REALLY been in my shoes (a year earlier).

So I know what Lisa is going through; I feel her stress and anxiety. I understand her questions and relate to her fears.

As time goes on, I continue to wonder why, really WHY it took so long to bring Anya home. Maybe one of the reasons is to pass-it-on...to be more compassionate to those who come after us. That seems to be the legacy of the Irkutsk Moms. Generally...we've all bonded together in a unique way. No one can understand what we went through (or are going to go through) than each other. It's a strange sorority.

To those who have gone before, what is your one piece of advice to Lisa and Darren? Please leave it in the comments...and you don't have to be an Irk Mom to comment :)

on life...

I have to say, I can't remember a time in my life where I felt so, well, OK with things. At peace maybe.

It seems that all I can remember is running toward something, fighting for something, stressing over something. In my 20's it was a marriage (or lack thereof), then it became a job/career (or lack thereof), then relationships (or lack thereof), then of course for the past 6 years working, fighting, stressing over the adoption.

Some days I have to pinch myself. I have a beautiful daughter, a great husband, a perfect job. I even have a daughter that likes to help me at work (yes, this is Anya helping me at the beginning of this season...unpacking boxes upon boxes of new samples of current season clothing)

I have found myself waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for something bad to happen. Odd, huh? I am FINALLY settling into LIFE. This is it!

So - fair warning. I am pretty protective of what we've got going on over here. We've worked hard to have the kind of marriage we have, we've worked hard to bring Anya home, and I've busted my booty to get my career on the path that it is currently on. A lot of blood, sweat and tears are behind us now...and we're taking deep breaths - and it's all good.

Maybe this is joy?

The Love of your Life

Today we were in the car...a song came on WFRN, and part of the words are "be the Love of my Life". I am trying to teach Anya the REAL words to her favorite songs...so I was singing 'love of my life' very deliberately. This was a great launch into a "love of your life" conversation.

After explaining to her what that phrase means, the conversation went something like this:

"so, Anya - who is the Love of YOUR life"

fully expecting her to say Mommy and Daddy, she said...

A: "um, God and Jesus"

I might not be the best Mom in the world, and I know I fail more than I get gold stars for the day...I know her teacher doesn't think I work enough with her on reading, spelling and English...but I think we're doing the really important things right.

...and thanks, WFRN - for allowing these kinds of teachable moments.