that anxious belly feeling

Do you know what I mean? That nervous...but not nervous, feeling in the pit of your stomach? It's like an energy - one that won't let you sleep, or let you take a deep breath.

Well, that is me.

We're supposed to get a firm court date tomorrow. That is the one piece of information we need in order to book airline tickets. It's like the first domino to fall.

I know we won't hear anything yet tonight...even tho it is tomorrow in Irkutsk. I think most meetings with the Judge happen around 10am...and I am not paying attention to the fact that RIGHT NOW it is 11am in Irkutsk.

I didn't schedule anything for tomorrow - just in case.

I am refusing to not "what if".

So, that's what's going on today.

that OTHER agency

Many of you have asked me about our agency. The long and short answer is...we don't have one. I am our agency. I guess you could say THE FRIEND AGENCY is handling our adoption (hee hee!).

I do want to ask for your prayers on one thing. You all know about THE OTHER AGENCY. The one we started with in 2004; the one who took $12,000* of our hard earned moola and then left us stranded right before a trip to Irkutsk in 2006, and stopped returning our phone calls. This is the same agency I ranted about a few months back when the director wanted to "friend" me on Facebook.

*note: I thought it was $8,000 - but when I went back and looked at all the fees we paid to her, and her agents in Russia - it was actually $12,000...that motivated me to write her a letter

Well, I sent the Director (owner, whatever) a letter today. FedEx'ed it to her. It is a very nice letter (I promise!). I asked her to prayerfully consider refunding our money.

Will you all pray with us on this? You all know adoption money is a pretty big issue for us right now. If this woman could find it in her conscious, heart (pension fund, home equity) to refund even 1/2 of what we paid her, it would be a HUGE help.

God's Plan is ALWAYS better than mine

So, where do I even start?!


I mean - nothing is ever easy. I know that - especially with adoptions, and this adoption in particular. I KNOW THIS, I embrace it - I have LIVED it for over 5 years.

But the past 24 hours might take the cake.

Yesterday night at about 8pm, I got online to complete the shipping label for the DHL package that was to be shipped to Irkutsk today. Today I planned to go to Indianapolis to the State House and get everything done that needed to be done - and get the documents in the mail. January 11th is the deadline the Judge in Russia has given us on these last few documents - which means I wanted to get everything there by the 5-6th.







Well, DHL.com wasn't playing nicely with others. Wouldn't let me log in. So I call the 800#, and when the lady answers, I decide to ask her about transit times with the holiday weekend instead of helping me with the log in issue. Why? It was God.

She proceeds to tell me that the delivery date for something mailed to Irkutsk today would be January 13th...JANUARY 13TH! (did I mention that everything was being presented to the count on the 11th?)


Hence starts freak out #1.




I quickly find out that my only option with DHL is to ship through a TSA Authorized business shipper, and even if I find one of those - there is no guarantee because of customs. TO get it through customs, I would have to hire a Broker...and no one could tell me how to hire a broker.


The nice DHL woman also suggested we hire a courier - that would ONLY cost about $3,000 - $4,000.







So I call FedEx. Basically, they told me the same story, but they were giving me a delivery date of January 18th (it's getting worse)




Thus begins freak out #2


I seriously went crazy at this point. I don't cry. I am not a very emotional person. The Fed Ex lady obviously could tell by the tone in my voice that I was desperate. She told me about a service called "Next Flight" - this is only open to authorized shippers who hold a Fed Ex account. After figuring out all of the requirements, and getting everyone involved all over Twitter and Facebook - we found a Plan A, B and C. This wasn't a cheap option, but it was workable.



Then God stepped in and took control.


I should have known that He would have a better plan. An easier plan. A perfect plan.






Our friends that live in Irkutsk told us that they knew of a man that lives in Maine who was flying to Irkutsk on Monday...this Monday! This means he would be arriving in Irkutsk the morning of the 6th. THE 6th! All I would have to do would be to overnight the documents to him in Maine!



I called him - he is VERY VERY nice, and will put the documents in his carry-on baggage to make sure nothing happens to them. Did I mention he is a VERY VERY nice man?



From where I sit, the Jackson's and Mr. Keef were little pieces of Heaven to me.


So - shipping situation handled. Off to Indianapolis.

I go to the State Police Department. I've done this criminal check thing about a million times in the past. I know the drill. You go to the office, you pay $10 and get what you need.

Well, they changed the drill...apparently sometime between when I called last week and when I walked in the doors this afternoon. The secretary told me the check would take 2 weeks, and would have to be mailed to me.

Insert freak out #3 here

It's a long story, but let's just say it got done - I cried in public, had a stranger offer me a Kleenex, and it cost me $30, but it's done...and there is an Indiana State Police Officer who got a nice lunch today.

FREAK OUTS OVER

Thank God.

I am ever so grateful for several things:

1. Good friends who read my random Tweets and Facebook updates, and are always so willing to jump in the middle of my drama to help
2. For Mr. Keef - praying safe travels for him
3. For one of my dearest friends, Stacy - who I always bomb in on when I am in Indianapolis. She is a little dose of reality for me...and tonight was no exception
4. Blessed with crazy random connections to get stuff done...thanks to Jackie Walorski for helping us this round (and yes, this is a political plug - VOTE FOR HER!)
5. For the goodness and perfect plan of God!

So the next time I freak out, will someone please remind me that God has it under control?

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!

I think things have finally stared to settle in with me today. I've been a misty eyed mess most of the day. Today is when my 'to do' list is widdled down, all of my projects are done, and I am officially DONE...well, you know me - as done as I ever am.

Many of you have asked questions about the court date. That won't be given until after Jan. 11. Anya's documents will be presented at that time, as well as the final few things we need to send. After those are given to the court, a firm date will be given.

The fundraising over the past week and 1/2 has gone well...we are working on a big concert to be held on January 15th. Most of you know that my husband is a crazy talented guy, well, so are many of our friends. I even have a friend who is flown to Nashville often to sing as a back up singer for BIG names! Crazy!

Anyway, we're going to have a fun low-key concert. Some Contemporary Christian stuff, some original stuff (Seth Bible is going to be a part...he is WOW!), and some fun things thrown in.

Marty is in the process of perfecting a song that he wrote called "home" (well, that is the working title, it might change between now and then). Anyway, it is a song about Anya. He didn't tell me he was writing it...he just played a rough cut for me today in the car. I need forewarning of things like this! I am not a good crier...I went into the ugly cry!

So save the date, tell your friends...this is going to be our big fundraiser.

We haven't nailed down a location yet - trying to find somewhere with a sound system that can hold a lot of people...kinda a tall order. We are waiting to hear back from one location that would be perfect. Hope to have good news on that place by the weekend.

Stay Tuned!

the call - well, the email

After 5 years, 4 months and 3 weeks…

After 5 trips to Russia,

After working with and through 2 agencies, 4 Judges, 3 lawyers, the Secretary of State, Embassy and DHL…

After unmentionable sums of money, energy, frustration, anger, humiliation, praise, glee and prayer

OUR DOCUMENTS HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED BY THE JUDGE IN RUSSIA…and we will have a court date the end of January.

I’m not kidding.

Ever since the news hit my email in-box yesterday morning, I have been in this constant dialog with God. The conversation is going something like this:

Me: “really? Really? REALLY?”

God: “yes”

Me: “Are you serious, really?”

And so we take this last step in the process to bring Anya home, knowing tat God hears our prayers…and remembering that HE is in control. Yes – we take this step with a nervous shake in our legs – but HE is in control!

God has answered our prayers, because we have trusted Him – completely. He has already shown us that HE is in control and all of the little (and big!) details, and it will all work out for His glory. For that, we are already praising God!

NOW WHAT

There are a few documents we need to update by January 11. By few, I mean 5…only 5 little things (that we’ve done before a million times, but are now expired). Once these documents are submitted to the court, a firm date will be given. Right now, we’re looking at the week of January 25^th.

There is a lot to do, plans to be made, money to be gotten, freaking out to be had. But, it’s all good!

WE ARE GOING TO BRING OUR LITTLE GIRL HOME!

I promised an update

There was a meeting with the Judge (which Judge, not sure...new, old, older, interim) on Monday.

The message we got from our guy in Irkutsk is that he spoke directly to the Judge about our case - and asked her to help set a court date ASAP.

Please keep praying - this is potentially a big deal...or potentially not. After 5 years of dashed hopes, and 5 years of saying "we hope by Christmas" - I don't get too excited about anything.

When we know more...so will you!

the waiting game

Our documents were resubmitted to the Judge again this week. There are some vacations, new Judges, old Judges, bla bla bla drama that we don't want to get hung up in - so our guy in Irkutsk rushed to get things submitted quickly.

I am assuming we won't hear anything more until the end of next week.

about my Anya

In case you were wondering,

1. She has his eyes
2. She has my chin
3. She has his artistic abilities
4. She doesn't like beef (I am a vegetarian)
5. She likes candy, especially cookies (Marty's nick name is Cookie Monster)
6. She comes to me when she isn't feeling well...not the caregivers, ME!
7. She has a crazy sense of humor (if you spend any time in our house, you'll understand!)
8. She loves to dance, but doesn't dance well
9. She is a talker
10. She is very concerned about what she wears
11. She told me she doesn't like numbers (i.e. math)
12. She has a Strong will

So yea, she is ours...

headaches and packages

Over the years, I've sent literally dozens of packages to Russia. DHL, FedEx, Standard Mail...yep - been a customer of all those shipping sources.

I have found that DHL is the best - when shipping to Irkutsk.

Last week, I sent a box with some goodies to Anya. It has been hung up in randomness since it left Indianapolis. Frank (my new best friend at DHL) has called me at 8:30 every morning to tell me the status of the package - no, I am not kidding. This is TREMENDOUS customer service. Even though the package still isn't at the destination (and should have arrived last Friday), I'm not mad...why?

1. When shipping things to Russia, I have learned that I have no expectations, therefore am never upset or mad when something goes wrong

2. Because Frank is on the case

Just wanted to give a little shout-out for good customer service. It's a hot button with me, so when it is perfectly executed - I like to talk about it.

Way to go DHL (now, if you can please deliver the package, that would be great...my little girl needs clothes!)

the docs are in the mail...again

Quick update...

THE DOCUMENTS ARE IN THE MAIL

Not going to bore you with all the drama that came with actually getting in the car to get to Indianapolis, to get the documents to the Secretary of State's office to get them in the mail. But I will tell you that my Mom and I celebrated with a great dinner at PF Chang's!

Documents should be delivered tomorrow (Friday), hope to know more next week. Stay tuned!

Pics of Anya, paperwork updates and more

Wow, there is a lot going on.

First - paperwork. I have been working on updating some documents that had errors on them. Not a big deal, but trying to decipher what the Judge means when she says things in the legal statement like "there is an error on the document showing the license". OK, which document, which license (seriously, we've provided at least 12-15 different agency and professional licenses).

Got a note from Tami, or friend in Irkutsk today. She offered the following info on Anya, as observed by Luda:

Luda said that Anya is a really nice girl. She is outgoing and visits very well. Luda said that Anya knows almost nothing about God. She is learning in the Bible study, but this is totally new to her. I believe Luda said that the first lesson they had was that God made you very special, and you are special to God. The next lesson explains more about God and who He is. Then they have a lesson about sin and what it is. Slowly they introduce about Jesus coming to be the payment
for our sins, and about accepting Him as personal Savior.

This makes me happy - to know that she is learning WHO God is. Can you imagine? Even children who do not go to church in our country, know who Jesus is and who God is - generally. Can you even fathom a world where the words 'God' and 'Jesus' aren't a part of everyday language?

Tami also said:

From what Luda has explained to me, Anya's group lives in a "home-style" apartment. That means they eat, sleep, and live in the same little area. Luda said that there are 2 bedrooms for girls and 2 bedrooms for boys in Anya's group. Anya has one other girl in her bedroom. Of course, the kids go to school each day. Luda said that Anya's group leader often locks the door to their "apartment," so that the older kids can't come in to bother the little ones.

This is so good. I have been very worried about the older kids with Anya.

Here are some pics of Anya:

meet Luda

Before I get into this post, I feel like I need to share something with all of you. As you remember, months back I took this blog private. I did that for several reasons...primarily because I wanted to keep the very PRIVATE details of the last leg of this nightmares PRIVATE.

Russia has some pretty specific laws about photographs of orphans. I won't beat around the bush here....if the Judge got wind that I was using Anya's photo on the Internet, it would NOT be a good thing.

For that reason, I feel like I need to ask you to PLEASE PLEASE not share photos or information that I post here with anyone (ANYONE!). I personally know each and every one of you, that is why I feel comfortable in sharing a lot of very private information here, and posting photos of Anya. Thank you for understanding this delicate place we're in.

I've mentioned the Jackson family before. I have been following their journey in Irkutsk for quite some time. Tami (the Mom) and I traded emailed for a while, and then when I was in Irkutsk in January - I got to spend some time with their family. Since then, they've become very special to us...and we kind of think of them as our family who lives in Irkutsk.

The Jackson's have a wonderful woman, named Luda, who comes to their home to help out from time to time. Luda is from Shelechov, the same city where Anya lives. Luda was an orphan. She grew up in the same orphanage where Anya is. Luda has found Christ, and is sharing God's love with the orphans in that orphanage! In Russia....this is a REALLY BIG DEAL.

To put this into perspective: in January, I had a conversation with one of the caregivers (via a translator) about God. The caregiver didn't know what God was, and was calling God "the god". The translator didn't know what 'the god' was either, so couldn't translate for me.

This is why the fact that Luda has found the hope that only comes from Jesus Christ...in Irkutsk...is WOW! And, she chooses to share this Love with orphans! Yes, we love Luda!

...meet Luda. Here she is with Anya at a weekly Bible Study.



This photo Luda sent to us - I posted a Facebook message about it, commenting on Anya's "ball boy" shirt. She is not a boy! It makes me so sad to see her little chubby cheeks go away! This means she is growing up....far too fast for my liking!

This is the Bible Study group Anya is a part of. She is the youngest in the group, but is in this group because Luda teaches it. All of those faces deserve the Love of Jesus, and I thank HIM every day that Luda is showing them this kind of love!

time for some humor

You all know my husband is a creative genius. Sometimes that creative energy takes a scary, strange turn - below is the outcome of today's pent-up creative energy.

Yes, it's Mr and Mrs Fraken-Friend...or Kathy-stein and Marty-stein.

Things continue to move....

Last week, I told you the plan was for our case to be taken to the court above this Judge's head. I wasn't freaked out - worried or otherwise upset about this. Really...it didn't phase me. Which is kind of strange.

As we were talking back and forth with our guy in Irkutsk, we began to pray...and pray HARD. There were some decisions to make, some financial things to consider; so we just put it all in God's hands.

Our guy in Irkutsk got a call from the Judge requesting a meeting. odd. The Judge has been refusing appointments and meetings - and SHE is calling a meeting?

Long story short, the Judge told our guy that our case is very VERY close. The Judge encouraged us to make these minor technical changes to our documents.

We felt that this was a clear message - we need to press on with this Judge.

We're really feeling like this is the end of the road. We are nearing the end of this storm - waiting for God's miracle.

more junk

I am having a hard time reading through the entire legal statement we got yesterday.

Let me first qualify something:

• This is not the end of the road, but rather a more forceful direction. Because of that, it is good.

Having said that - I will share that I feel completely defeated. Everyone else who has adopted from Irkutsk has done so with a lawyer who is acting as an agency, or directly with an agency. We are doing neither. Because of that, when something is wrong with a document, it's all me - it's my fault.

Admittedly, I have a hard time seeing my own errors with paperwork when I know what it is supposed to look like and say. With the hundreds of documents we've submitted, I will also admit I have gotten lazy; just want to get it done.

So, we're moving forward. Well be wiring more money to Russia in the next few days to pay for this new lawyer. We're asking for your prayers - we don't have what is required, however I know God is all over this - so I am trying to not worry about it. It'll happen.

Stress

Got an email from our guy in Irktusk...it said that he got the legal statement from the Judge.

The statement is dated September 30th

He wasn't notified that the statement was done until October 9. Yes, he had been checking in on it.

He wasn't allowed to pick it up until October 12

I just got it today, October 14.

The Judge's deadline is October 21.

We have 7 days to appeal....which is what we're going to do.

Oh - and we also heard from our guy in Irkutsk, "I will need you to wire me some more money for the lawyer who is doing the appeal". But no mention of how much money. Since we have no money, I think I will wire about $50. Yes, I am kidding.

Heading to Supreme Court

Just got off the phone with Alex Irkutsk. He is our coordinator. He got a call from the court this afternoon. He was told that our file was not accepted, however he was not given a reason. And yes - according to Russian law, a reason MUST be given.

The court also said that a legal statement was written on September 30th, however Alex was not notified of this until today (Oct 9). This in and of itself is against Russian Law. He was also told that the statement would not be ready to be picked up until Monday.

So we're done. We're hiring a shark lawyer in Russia to appeal the Judge and take our case above her head. According to Alex, he feel s that this judge is asking for things that don't exist, and she doesn't understand...therefore isn't accepting our case. Which is not a reason to not grant a court date.

Alex also feels that the Judge is bias against us (gee, do ya think), so the appeal will include a request to have another judge hear our case.

Know we are not the only family in this current situation. There is one other family who is the same boat with us. It's good to not be alone!

Right now we need prayers. Prayers bigger than I can even verbalize.

update of sorts

I guess I should post something. I've been quiet for far too long.

As you know, we had a deadline to get some documents to the Judge a month ago. Well, the documents were apostilled wrong (apostille is basically, a certification from the Secretary of State)...so I had to redo them...in 4 hours on a Friday. That was fun!

Well, the new deadline for those documents was September 28th. The Judge has 5 days to respond to those changes. We should hear something this week...but in Russia time, that means next week.

Our hope is that the Judge will call for Anya's documents to be prepared. When this happens, it is a 2 month mark until a court date (basically). If the Judge finds that she want more crazy documents to be prepared, we will take our case to the Supreme Court.

After over 5 years, over 12 COMPLETE dossiers later, I am DONE with paperwork! There is nothing more that I can possible send to this Judge.

We've been calling Anya every 2 weeks to talk to her. My sweet friend (Larissa) who is Russian, has been helping us. Even tho it is hard to really hold a conversation with a 7 year old on the phone, it's good to hear her voice. We asked her what her favorite subject is in school...her answer...jumping. Yes, jumping!

She always asks (about the first thing she says) is 'when are you coming to take me home'. That is such a hard question to answer - for so many reasons. Mainly because I don't understand it...how in the world is a 7 year old going to understand it!?

Our missionary friends that live in Irkutsk have a nanny, Luda. Luda was raised in the same orphanage that Anya is in. Luda visited Anya the other day. So good to hear a real report of someone who visited her. Luda will be taking Anya to a Bible study once a week (if THAT isn't answered prayer, I don't know what is?!).

Well - that's all I know. I hope my next post is wonderfully fantastic news!

some the madness!

So, I have been tracking our package with the updated documents. We had about 10 days to come up with the Judge's latest requests...we did it. The documents got to where they needed to be...and then we got the call. The Secretary of State's office had messed up the apostille (certification) of all of the documents.

I'm not kidding.

I called the SOS's office to see what could be done, and it seems that they can't just give me new forms and seals, they need the original documents. Makes sense, I guess.

So I had the distinct pleasure of redoing EVERY SINGLE DOCUMENT today. The good news is that I am going to be in Indy on Monday anyway, so I can get them re apostilled.

The bad news is that this means we are forced to get an extension from the Judge. We've never had to do this before, and I don't know how this is going to make us look. I am a little concerned about it all.

Will keep you all posted!

Sweet Brit

It's happened 3 times to friends in the recent past. I swear, each time - it gets harder, not easier. When it has happened before, I didn't know what to do. I remember one time, I made homemade fudge. I don't know why - it seemed like the right things to do. Another time, I made chips and salsa...I always send flowers...but it is impossible to find the right kind of arrangement. Nothing seems to fit, be right, be exactly what I am looking for.


One time I wasn't here - I was in Russia. That was hard - I wanted to DO something, wanted to be there...whatever that means. I remember feeling horribly guilty that I was in Russia.


It happened again...



I am without words, without witty repartee, can't come up with a grand idea to make things better. I wish I had some kind of Godly wisdom that I could spout that would be so profound, so life-giving it would somehow cover the pain.



I wish I had answers, could point a finger, blame someone...



I wish it was a dream, that I'll wake up and look at the clock and think to myself, "wow, that was a horrible dream!"

All I have is prayer, and my heart. I wonder if trying to lovingly pray someone through a wicked time is enough. I wish I could let my heart run a ticker tape - then those who are mourning could see what I am really feeling, what I wish I could say to their faces...I hate it that all I can do is offer a hug and 'that look'. That stupid look...the one that says "I am so sorry, I have no idea what to say to you".


I don't know why children are taken. I can't sit here and spout some kind nonsense like "it's part of God's plan" (although, we all know it is). Sometimes your head knows things that your heart doesn't 'get'. This is one of those things, I just don't get.


Why is a child given to parents. Why is that child stricken with a horrid disease. Why does this child impact so many people in such a profound way...why was her time on this earth so short?

I think times like this, we remember with heavy hearts, and we try to be strong for those left behind. That is what I've tried to do...tried to not cry, try to be a pillar of silent strength...then hang up the phone and sob.

I wish I knew her better. I'll never forget the love she had for her Dad; the bond they had was a beautiful obvious thing. I won't soon forget the strong will that I saw in her eyes.

Cancer is a horrible thing. It destroys. It took Brit at the age of 17...it was too soon.

I pray that Brit's Dad and her family can draw strength from our Savior. Brit is now in His all powerful, all Loving, healing care. I am sure that our Father in Heaven holds sweet Brit in the palm of his hand, while she listens to her loud scream-y music, and paints her fingernails another new shade of black.

I think I will paint my toenails black - I bet she'd get a kick out of that.