I wasn't going to blog about this, but I can't help myself.
I was at a meeting this week - and let me start by saying that I've had 4 meetings this week (just in case you were with me at one of those meetings). This person came and sat at the table across from me and started talking about adoption. Of course, my ears perk up. She talked about how adoption is "cool", how she's met so many people who are adopting and they are "neat", how she wants to be a part of this local adoption group, and how she and her husband "wanna" check out the adoption "thing".
Yes, I was annoyed...but it gets better...
Then she says that she started some kind of paperwork, and her social worker called already (before her paperwork is done) to tell her that they have been matched with a child, and should have a baby before Christmas.
Yes - I can hear all of you out there yelling "NO WAY, SHE IS FULL OF IT" (I know....) . Anyone that knows anything about adoption knows you don't get matched with a child until all of your paperwork is done, redone, and done again. This isn't just with international adoption - this is ADOPTION period!
UPDATE (11/12) - obviously I wasn't thinking clearly - but yes, there are situations where families have a child before the paperwork starts. But - this isn't the norm.
It gets better...
So as she was talking loud enough to be sure I could hear her, she starts talking about domestic adoption versus international adoption. Keep in mind, this person knows we're adopting...knows where we're adopting from. She says, "why would you adopt from somewhere else - I don't want to travel to some third world country when there are kids here to get. I mean, I wouldn't want to spend that kind of money, I could take that money and go to Chicago for the weekend". I almost had a heart attack - right there, just about jumped OUT of my skin!
Oh but wait, there's more!
Before I made the mature decision to tune her out (this decision was weighed against either tuning her out, or making a scene), she says "ya, I just think it would be fun to have another baby"
Clearly this person has no concept of adoption, is completely insensitive - and any agency that would allow her to adopt without thoroughly discussing her motives should be out of business! Even if her comments were tongue-in-cheek (which I don't think they were), NOT funny! ESPECIALLY with adoptive parents in ear shot (I was not the only one).
OK, I feel sorta better now.
My night ended on a high note (haha). We decided to feed the kids (by kids, I mean cats) catnip. They've been bouncing off the walls all day. Jazz has the munchies so bad, she started sniffing out my PB&J. Now THAT'S entertainment!
8 comments:
Ugh. I would have punched her. You are a much better person that I am. LOL
That mentality makes me so sad.
By the way just thought I would share. We had a referal of Hannah before we did ANY paper! LOL Nothing, zero, zilch. Of course this was our 3rd adoption and we started it the next day!
God at work!!!
The whole conversation was insensitive to say the least -- but we also had a baby (JJ) before filling out one piece of paperwork but that was different circumstances also -- we had to find an agency after God led the baby to us! You did good - I would have had to just walk away and then she would have known the comments bothered me!
I would have punched her too. Square in the jaw! You can now say you've heard it all! Thank God for drugged cats :)
The only way she could have made it any worse is by saying that those who adopt internationally do it for the attention. I've never understood that one, especially in Christian circles, we go where God sends us, even to third world countries, even if it means giving up a weekend in Chicago. I agree that agencies should have a better vetting process.
I am sorry you experienced this. I have found the best thing to do in a situation like that is to just pray for them. I know it is tough and I don't know why anybody would do that to you. I am sure you handled yourself with grace, as always.
Hang in there!
I am new to your blog. I wanted to let you know I am saying some prayers for you. I know how hard it can be to wait and wait and wait for everything to come together.
Hey Kathy you and your husband are steping out in obedience and faith. This person of whom you talk is stepping out in pride and ego. The Bible describes orphans as motherless, fatherless, abandon and countryless. Orphans have no borders! Local or international it makes no difference... one is no less important then the other. They are all God's children. Adoption is God's plan A not plan B, I've been adopted into the family of God.
All The Best!
Mike Chaisson
I let my husband give the right comments...my first reaction was "tune her out" how about "take her out"! Hee hee. If we don't laugh sometimes at the ignorance of others we WILL lose it! Hang in there girl.
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