what's going on?

Guess I should post something.

Got the paperwork done, and it is on the way back to Russia. Last time I checked DHL, our stuff was in Germany. Funny thing about this round of changes - I wasn't 100% clear on what the Judge wanted, so what I sent can be called "my best guess".

I am concerned, ok - well, worried...maybe not so much worried as mad - that our coordinator will be on vacation for 2 weeks...starting before our documents are due back to the court. Apparently they will be delivered by one of his assistants. I just wonder how on top of things the assistant will be - will he check on the status of things, or sit back and wait to get a call with an update.

I think the coordinator guy is vacationing here in the U.S. Maybe I should find him here and meet with him.

Will keep you all updated.

Oh ya - talked to Anya last Sunday night on the phone. Will post details on that later. Been so consumed with everything else, haven't had a chance to really sit and think about that call.

Fund Raiser update

ADOPTION FUNDRASIERS...update

Thanks to all of you who came out and supported our Fashion Show Fundraiser last week.
It was a huge success, and we far exceeded our goals and expectations. If you missed it - then you missed lots of clothes, lots of great food, Marty in women's clothing, me crying...and over 60 of you that supported us, it was quite a night!

Several have asked when the next fundraiser will be...and it is THIS WEEK!

Join me on:
Thursday, June 11th
7pm - 9pm

Serendipity Consignment Boutique
7106 Grape Road
Granger, IN 46530

This will be a Silpada fund raiser, with some silent auction items thrown in for fun.

Clean out your closet, and bring some things to be consigned as a donation!

This is also a great opportunity to check out my favorite consignment shop!

Can't make the event, but want to buy a piece of Silpada jewelry for the fundraiser? Contact Michelle at 574-271-1200.

Stop by, if for no other reason than to check out this new consignment shop. It is amazing! If you like designer clothing, handbags (like Coach, Kate Spade, LV etc...) you will LOVE this shop! They also have amazing consigned home decor things...what a great way to give your house a face lift!

after I took a breath

Well, it's been about a week since we got the new statement from the Judge. I've had time to think about it - to read it and re-read it, and honestly, it isn't as bad as I initially thought. There are only 9 things on the statement - and most of them are questions about our laws that are easy to answer.

We will do the best we can to get everything done and back to Russia...the deadline is the 17th - which means I have to mail everything by the 12th - I have a week.

Something just occurred to me. Our documents are due on the 22nd. That is the day after Anya's Birthday. Anya's 7th Birthday...which is also Father's Day.

Found out that our coordinator is going on vacation for 2 weeks - at the end of the Month. He said that he will have someone working for him while he is gone - someone checking with the court on a new statement. I need to talk to him AGAIN about that. For some reason, I still don't feel "ok" about it.

Wondering what the kick in the pants is? Our placing agency - the one with the accreditation to work in Russia...had their accreditation (license) suspended for 3 months today by the Russia government. Why? Who knows. The good news is that our homestudy agency (who was black listed) is now in good standing with the MOE in Russia...

It's always something.

common threads

Through the past 5 years, a lot has happened in my life...things other than the adoption. Although it seems like that is ALL I ever talk about, and that I am consumed by it - believe me when I say there were periods of time when I PURPOSELY didn't talk about the adoption. There was even a time when I deliberately focused on my career and building my business...and NOT the adoption.

Was that the right thing to do? I don't know. But I think my ability to over commit, to get involved, my inability to say 'no' has sustained my sanity. Simply put, many many times over the past few years, I simply didn't have time to think about what I was missing with Anya.

Another thing I have been able to do in the past few years, is make different friends. There are a lot of people who are in my life today, who weren't 5 years ago. There are friends who have come and gone...and that's OK.

I have also found commonalities with several women through a shared way of being 'out there'. Maybe being out there is because of a husband's job, because of some kind of local fame, maybe because of some online success...others have been 'out there' because of a job, a career, a position in the community...even have a friend who is an author.

When a person makes the decision to be "out there" they silently agree to have everything about them scrutinized by people who don't know them. I don't think that is fair. Women can be mean...and it makes me sad.

Funny thing is, I thought this was just a phenomenon with my little circle of friends. Then I was reading a blog tonight, and it said this:

I'm not going to dignify this with further details, but I will say that apparently there are also people who are wounded enough in this life that they feel the need to try and tarnish the name of someone who has a ministry. Why? Because they don't want someone else to get attention? Because they are jealous? Because they are lonely? I don't know why. But it makes me sad, because that could have been a place where something beautiful grew instead...an offering the Lord would readily receive, but no. The ego and emotions win out again. I just hate that.

I don't want to be here, where Godly women prey on each other instead of seeking to build them up. It breaks my heart to watch firsthand the way that can undo someone who needed to be reminded that the Lord is good, and He is with us. They need a cheerleader, a reason to hope, a glimpse of love. And the stranger heaps coals and sits idly by while that little string she pulled begins to unravel. It is one of satan's favorite ways of distracting us; convincing us that if we bring someone down, we will be higher. It's as anti-Gospel as it gets, and it seems rampant these days.

More commonalities. Because I this kind of 'theme' seems to be coming up again, and again, and again - I had to blog about it. I'm talking about it to beg you - think before you speak. Search your motives when it comes to other women. And if you are on the receiving end of some of this meanness and evil...CHOOSE TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD. Choose to pray rather than react. Believe me, it is HARD, but at the end of the day - the one with the hard tongue needs more than a stern talking to - there is so much going on with her, she NEEDS prayer.

...ok, off my soapbox now

news :(

I don't even know how to post this. We got the legal statement today, and spoke with our coordinator - it seems like the new Judge is using our case as an education. She doesn't know anything about adoptions, therefore is asking a lot of questions about things that are a duh.

Her statement was 8 pages long.

Why is it my job to act as the University level education on adoptions for this Judge?

Most of the things are things we've provided in the past.

She still doesn't understand about the deed / land thing and our home ownership. I don't know how to get her to understand this. Apparently in other countries (as in every other country) there is a purchase agreement for a home - that turns into a certificate of ownership. We don't have that here...and she doesn't get it.

And the changes need to be back in Russia by June 16th.

Which means we have to get them done and in the mail before the 11th or 12th. That means I have 8 days to figure it all out (weekends don't count). It all hurts my stomach.

Oh ya, and our coordinator is going on a 2 week vacation starting on the 21st. The deadline for our changes to go back to the court is the 22nd...our coordinator will translate for us and have one of his representatives deliver our things back to the court. This makes me nervous. Who will be around to check on a statement in that 2 weeks? If a statement is released, but no one picks it up = basically, we lose time. We've lost a week in the process this go-around because of translation...this most recent statement was given on May 22.

And our coordinator suggested we send a personal letter to the Judge. A plea of sorts.

I am rambling. I have a headache. My stomach is starting to hurt. I want to stop whining about this. I am going to bed.

the non-news news

Well, I fully hoped that I would have some kind of grand update to post tonight. But I don't. Today has been a series of "are you kidding me" events.

We got a note from our coordinator, that simply said:

I just got another legal statement ( at least the documents are not rejected), I will put it all in writing for you. Then I think we can talk on the phone to discuss these issues

My first thought was why did he say "at least the documents are not rejected" - was that a concern? What the heck? But then I tried to focus on "discuss the issues", maybe that means there aren't many things to "do". This paperwork redo thing is UNBELIEVABLE!

So - from that email, I had a plan. I was going to call the orphanage and talk to the Director to see if she had heard anything from the Adoption Center. Generally, when the child's documents are called for, that call goes to the Adoption Center, and they work together with the director at the orphanage. Typically, this is the 2-month point to a court date. My plan was a good one...

I lined up our interpreter to make the call for us.

First attempt - the line was busy.

Second attempt - she got a message that said there were troubles on the line.

WHAT?!

Thank goodness for Facebook! As I am posting all my frustrations with calling Russia, I get a message from Tami - our friend who lives in Irkutsk. Found out the phones there have been out for 2 days, and that the land-lines typically go out when it rains. NICE!

Step 2 in my grand plan was to call our coordinator. So, we did. He wasn't ready for our call, and I think we surprised him. He asked that we call back in 12 hours - this will give him time to translate the statement from the Judge and email it to me.

...so the news is that there is still no news.

for now, I will pout

I am going to go with the opening comments of the blog of one of my pals...

I can't decide if I want to

• burst into tears
• go to bed
• laugh hysterically or
• scream

I know I am refocusing, and trying to concentrate on the good...but today it is hard.

I don't understand why it's been a week shy of 2 months since we have heard anything.

Today I just want to feel sorry for myself and pout. I promise I'll snap out of it...but for now, please let me pout.

refocusing

I have been refocusing lately. Not as a matter of some kind of grand self-improvement plan, but as a matter of survival.

I have found that I tend to dwell on things I can't control, rather than to bask in the glory of missed blessings and focus on the things I can control.

Why is it that we (as women) focus on the one person who might not like us, at the risk of missing the love and respect that we get from the dozens of people who love us? I have to think men do this too...to some degree.

I have a friend who is one I turn to when I need to be talked off the ledge. I believe God put her in my life for a very specific purpose, and that is to unemotionally tell me like it is. Her little pearls of wisdom bring me back to center...she has said things to me like, "Don’t criticize or condemn anyone – just forgive and move on" and "You can’t control any part of this except your own action and reaction". All good stuff, all things I needed to hear at the exact time she said them to me.

I can't control the fact that we haven't heard from the Judge in 6 weeks. But I can control the amount of time I dwell on the fact I've been sitting here for 6 weeks thinking and grousing about it. Fact is, all of this that I've internalized is making me sick.

So it's time to refocus.

Rather than to dwell on the fact it's been 6 weeks since we've heard anything...I am focusing on the fact we DID hear something! The Judge DID accept our documents, and they ARE active in the Irkutsk court system.

Rather than to focus on those who are sucking the life out of me, I am going to focus on those who give me life. I have some very good friends, some pals I've known forever...those girls love me; they KNOW me (I mean, they REALLY know me...they have secrets and stories...); I also have friends who challenge me to look up rather than around for answers - they know me, they 'get' me.

Rather than to focus on my nasty dirty house, I am going to be glad that I HAVE a house that is messy.

Rather than to focus on what money we don't have for the adoption, I am focusing on the money we DO have.

It's a choice...I might have to cry it out to get over it, but it's OK.

and then...

Marty had a dream last night that I was pregnant.


That's all I am going to say about that.

the funny thing about Russian culture

Maybe it's just my experience in Russia - but generally, nothing gets done unless you specifically ask for it. For example, in the United States, you would assume that if someone was traveling here to see someone - and you were facilitating that...you would assume that they would want to see that person as much as they could during their stay. This isn't the case in Russia.

Case-in-point
When we were in Russia a year ago, we got the Irkutsk and settled into the apartment. Typically, you do that - and then late morning you will get a call from your facilitator telling you what time a car will come to get you to take you to the orphanage to see your child. So, we waited, and waited, and waited. After lunch, we called our coordinator and asked about the driver and so on and was told, "oh, I did not know you wanted to visit today, no drivers or interpreters are available at such short notice"

[insert huge disappointment here]

So I have learned that when traveling to Russia, I am very careful to be sure to mention that I want to see Anya on the day of our arrival.

I learned yesterday that our documents seem to fall in the same category as the 'arrival day' assumptions. For 40 days, I've been sitting wondering what is going on with our documents. Every 4-5 days, I send a note to our coordinator asking if there is any news, and ALWAYS hear the same thing "nothing yet".

A few days ago, I sent a note to our coordinator that was a little more stern, with a tone of serious concern, and I said "what can be done to speed things up?". The reply I got said, "Would you like me to submit a letter to the court requesting an written statement as soon as possible"...um YA that would be nice! Especially given that we were due a statement 35 stinking days ago!

Unbelievable...and so typical Russia!

What for Mother's Day?

Why a necklace of course! I am having trouble updating the website with new locations and new fundraising totals, but will figure it out eventually...

I think (and I may be a little bias) that this necklace is the perfect Mother's Day gift! It is a story about a mother...it helps to build a family - and it's fashionable to boot!

Get yours today! http://bring-anya-home.com/necklace.html

1-month and counting

Well, our documents have been waiting for a statement from the Judge for one month...30 days...with NOTHING.

The last word I got from our coordinator (on Sunday) was:

well, the judge should have responded within a few days after the deadline. I spoke to the judge's assistant yesterday and she says that she had no information yet.

So, what do we do? The only choice is to wait - apparently there is no 'law' that says how long a Judge has to reply, unless it is written in the legal statement...or something like that.

UNBELIEVABLE!

I have to ask why? Why waiting AGAIN!? Why when things start moving, do they stall (for what seems like eternity) with us? Do we not have enough Faith? Enough Hope? Have we not prayed enough over this situation? If we don't get Anya out of there (or have a court date) by her 7th birthday, she will be transferred to another orphanage with older kids...without going into details, BAD things happen in those orphanages. She turns 7 the end of June.

Seriously, WHY?!?!?!

still no news

Still nothing.

Earlier this week, I sent a note asking the following:

Just out of curiosity, why is there another new Judge?

I thought the judge had 5 days to respond to our documents. We are past the 14 day mark. With the new judge, do we have to start over – or will the new judge recognize the statements provided by the original judge? I am concerned that our case has been in front of 3 Judges now – and that we have not yet received a new legal statement. From here, what can we expect?

Do you know if the Judge has called for Anya’s documents to be prepared yet? When that happens, I really want to know – from all others account of their experiences, it seems that the court date is generally 2 months from that point…that is good information for us to have from a planning stand point.

Here is the reply I got:

Kathy, hi,

well, we all thought that it would be a man but all of a sudden, a female judge was appointed

So...as you can see, even when you ask specific pointed questions, it is hard to get answers. Yes, we can call, however there is a 13-14 hour time difference between here and there - which makes planning a call a little tricky. If we don't hear anything by the end of the week - we're going to call.

Seriously, can't ONE STINKING THING be easy or as expected?

Seriously, can't ONE STINKING THING be easy or as expected?

Heck no!

2 weeks ago, as you know, we submitted the documents that were requested by Judge #1 (Stepanova). She initially reviewed our case and accepted it in March - this review was done with her replacement, Judge #2 - a man. All we know about this guy is that he is younger, a father, friendly and more pro-international adoption than other Judge's have been. We also learned that this new man judge takes his own sweet time in responding to things.

After we meet the judge's deadline - the Judge then has 14 days to respond. The 14 days was up yesterday...or maybe the end of the week if weekends don't count toward that 14 days (who knows!?). I know that our documents were delivered back to Judge #2 - the guy.

Since that time, there has been some talk about another Judge (Judge #3). So, I asked about the name of the Judge, and was told this Judge is Popova AA (no one knows what the "A" and "A" stand for), but in fact, this is a woman.

Why am I concerned?

Because this is the 3rd Judge our case has been in front of in 30-45 days. Each has a different opinion, take and set of unwritten rules and requirements...apparently we are being asked to meet the requirements and expectations of all 3 stinking judges.

I am not thrilled.

But, that is all my conjecture. I don't know WHO has our case. Judge #1, #2 the guy or this new #3. I've asked, but don't have answers yet.

So - I reiterate. Seriously, can't ONE STINKING THING be easy or as expected?

no news is...well, no news

I keep emailing our "guy" in Irkutsk to ask for an update. I think technically, the Judge has 14 days to respond to our updates...which would be this coming Monday or Tuesday.

Got a note today that said, "what we know so far is that the new judge is friendlier and less biased against international adoptions. I have not received yet the legal statement. For other cases, including the European cases the judge takes more time to issue a legal statement or decisions of acceptance. . "

So...nothing.

thanks

Blogs are funny things. I took this blog private about 6 weeks ago. I sent out invitations to those who asked for one...didn't assume anyone would want to read my ramblings about the adoption.

I quickly found out that a lot of people who I thought would be on the 'inside track' aren't -and that is OK! not complaining at all... Not everyone thinks the adoption is a good idea, and not everyone cares, and not everyone is on our side of this...AND THAT IS OK!

But, please, be honest...

The other day I was talking with one such friend, and she out and out lied to me. She said "I just went to your blog to get an update, so what's going on with things"...obviously she hadn't gone to the blog - she isn't a reader, fan or one that got an invitation. When I menionted that this summer looked to be THE TIME, she did everything in her power to not change the expression on her face, and she tried to act like she was well aware of that piece of info.

She didn't know.

And, that's OK!

Marty and I have been through a lot of things in our lives, some seriously crazy stuff. One thing that remains a common thread is that when stuff happens in your life that changes the trajectory of things...your real true friends bubble up to the top.

Thanks for being that group of real true friends...who have bubbled up to the top. Our pals from every phase of life, and some that I've never met...thank you for coming to me with money making ideas, and for sending me emails about how you're praying for us (even tho you have things in your OWN life that deserve your uninterrupted prayer!).

I love you all...am blessed and humbled.

That's all!

Guess it's time for an update

I guess I should post an update...it's been a while.

Long story short...we're waiting again. Waiting for the Judge's statement.

We got the Russian certification of our apostilles from the Russian Consulate. Impressive! I think this should be step #1 in the process...so pre adoptive parents can see what a "notary" looks like in Russia. Seeing this explains why ours looks unofficial and fake.

It is bound by a ribbon, and there are grommets that go through each page of the document that is being certified. There is also a stamp that is on both the certification statement and the actual document (so you can't 'fake' that).

I hate this waiting...but it is the story of our lives. I am a little concerned that with this recent wait, it will put off a court date until July - which means we would need to be in Irkutsk in August. August is a vacation month for most Russian people, and I know that the Judge always takes a vacation in August...with any vacation comes crazy shutdowns and waits...I am not so excited about footing the bill for any unnecessary weeks in Russia. But, it is what it is!


I am conflicted about June. From a business perspective, June is a month when I am fairly busy at the first of the month. My dilemma is...do I book things like I normally do? I was holding off booking anything the end of May, but I threw out that idea this week, and booked some events for late May. At this point, there is no way we're going to get a court date that would require us to leave in 6 weeks...and we need money, so I need to work. Ahhh yes, the double edge sword all PAPs face! Put your life of hold, or continue with life as (sorta) usual.

Supposed to be hearing something - anything

Hi friends,

Just wanted to share that we should be hearing something in the next 24 hours. From what I understand, our documents went to the Judge today - and our coordinator was going to ask for a court date.

Of course, I'm not new, so I know that 24 hours in Russian time means 72ish...so I'm not holding my breath.

As with everything, we're praying our way through this.

Easter in Russia

I was thinking the other day, I've been in RUssia for Mother's Day, Easter, New Years, Labor Day and Halloween. THe exact years I was there are a little sketchy, but I think:

2004 - Halloween (I don't think we were there for Halloween day, seems like we got home jsut before Halloween..but we were there for Halloween, that's my story and I'm stickin to it)

2005 - Easter

2006 - Mother's Day

2007 - Labor Day

2008 - New Years

One of my best times of the year in Russia is the Spring time. THe winters there are so cold and long (ha! Kind of like here in the mid-west!), once springtime comes, it is a welcome sight!

Just like here, Easter serves as the kick off to Spring. Some of the Easter traditins in Russia are pretty neat.

I was reading my friend's blog tonight, and she posted this great article on the RUssian Easter traditions:

Easter (Pascha) in Russia

by Don Fairbairn

Of course, Christians all over the globe join together on Easter Sunday to celebrate the resurrection of Christ, and one could probably go to an Easter service anywhere and recognize (to some degree) what was taking place. But there are also many differences in the way Easter is celebrated in different parts of the world. In particular, there are differences in the way Western Christians (Protestants and Roman Catholics) celebrate Easter and the way Eastern Orthodox Christians (members of the churches which descended from the Greek-speaking wing of the early Church) celebrate it. Perhaps it will be interesting to us in the West to learn about some of the customs related to the celebration of Easter in the East (and especially in Russia).


The most obvious difference is that Easter is normally celebrated on a different Sunday in the East and the West. Ever since the Council of Nicaea (A.D. 325), Christians have celebrated the resurrection of Christ on the first Sunday after the first full moon after the vernal equinox (March 21). For most of Christian history, the church used the old Julian calendar (invented in the time of Julius Caesar in the first century B.C.) to determine when the vernal equinox would be. But in the sixteenth century it became clear that the Julian calendar was lagging behind astronomical time, and a new calendar (the Gregorian) was proposed. The Western Church accepted this new calendar, but the Eastern Church rejected it. At present, the Julian calendar is 13 days behind the Gregorian calendar, and is gradually losing more and more time. That means that whereas we calculate the date of Easter from March 21 by our Gregorian calendar, the Eastern Church calculates it from March 21 by their older calendar, which equals April 3 by our calendar.

The Eastern Church also insists that Easter must follow the Jewish celebration of Passover in any given year, and that celebration is based on yet a third calendar. Depending on when the full moon occurs and when Passover takes place, Eastern Easter can fall on the same Sunday as Western Easter, or it can follow it by one week, four weeks, or five weeks. Normally Eastern Easter is one week later, and this year is no exception.

A second big difference has to do with the hour of the day when Easter is celebrated. Of course, we are familiar with Easter sunrise services. But in the East (especially in Russia), Easter services last all through Saturday night. The congregation gathers in the church or cathedral on Saturday evening and takes part in an Easter vigil commemorating the buried Christ. Orthodox church buildings have an inner sanctuary blocked off from the sight of the worshipers, and at this point the door to that sanctuary is closed, signifying that the way to God is closed. But at the stroke of midnight, the priest throws the doors open and emerges, shouting, "Christ is risen! Christ is risen! Christ is risen!" After hours of silent anticipation, the congregation comes to life and shouts back, "He is risen indeed!" This custom powerfully demonstrates the way Christ’s resurrection has opened up for us the way to God.


One of my favorite Russian Easter customs has to do with dyeing Easter eggs. In Russia, children always dye the eggs red, never using other colors. The red dye, of course, symbolizes the blood of Christ. Furthermore, people crack the eggs open using nails, in order to remind themselves again of the death of Christ. As the eggs are cracked and the whites are exposed, people remember that the blood of Christ cleanses us from sin. Although our sins were as scarlet, we have been made as white as snow.

A mainstay of our Easter celebrations is the family Easter dinner following our worship services. In Russia, the corresponding dinner is actually a picnic, in which the entire congregation celebrates together. People bring food to the church on Saturday evening and ask the priests to bless it. Then after the long Easter vigil through the night and the celebration of the Lord’s Supper on Easter morning, people eat together on the lawn outside the church building. They believe that such an important celebration cannot be merely a private or family affair, and the worshipers are reminded by this communal picnic that all members of the body of Christ belong to one another.


Perhaps these tidbits about the celebration of Easter in Russia will not simply be interesting to us in America. Instead, they may also give us some ideas which we can incorporate into our own Easter celebrations, ideas which may help to re-focus our attention on the great truth which we all celebrate this Sunday: Christ is risen!

Fundraising necklace gets national play on website

Most of you know that I occasionally write for a national online magazine called "Blissfully Domestic". The editor of the fashion section did a story this week on the BRING ANYA HOME necklace.

Here is the story:

A Stylish Necklace to Help Out a Stylish Friend
By Jenny Rapson on April 6, 2009

One of the very vital team members here at Blissful Style and Blissfully Domestic is contributor and fashion expert Kathy Friend. Kathy has written some of my all-time favorite Blissful Style articles like this one on how clothes should fit. Girlfriend is a professional wardbrobe consultant and she knows what she's talking about!

Something you may not know about Kathy is that for five long years, she and her husband Marty have been trying to adopt Anya, a lovely little girl who lives in an orphanage in Irkutsk, Russia. (Please read their whole story here!) Now, after five years of tears, five trips to Russia and tens of thousands of dollars, Marty and Kathy, who have never given up on the little girl they love, see an end in sight - there is a very real possibilty that Anya could officially be their daughter by her 7th birthday in June 2009.

Read the rest of the story HERE