Have you ever...

Have you ever had one of those times when you offer someone a discount, and they don't think it's enough of a discount; tell someone you are thankful to be paid for work done, and then feel like you have to fight to actually get the check; offer to pay for something to help a cause, and be told your donation wasn't significant enough; done something nice for someone annomously, and then heard they thought it was a stupid gesture; been in traffic - stuck in the wrong lane, and no-one will let you in; agreed to do a job no one else wanted to do, and then get grief for it; offered to help someone, and be told your help isn't the kind they need.

I am always grateful. Grateful for life, love, work, friends, family. I can't even imagine not being grateful...so those who aren't shock me, and 9 times out of 10 - they ruin my day.

It is so easy to get a bad attitude. I understand that people who are generally miserable can not be made happy by anything I do for them or to help them.

This all got me to thinking about Jesus. And what he must have felt like when he was trying to help people, and they wouldn't take his help. He tried to save people from themselves, only to be laughed at.

So I will continue to do the right thing...be grateful and gracious even to those who I want to smack. I will be careful about who I do business with, and who I hold as a close friend.

I sleep very well at night...I wonder if they do too.

Russian Orphans

I saw this on another blog - but was a good reminder of why Russia...here are some stats:

More than 700,000 orphans are living in 2,000 state-run orphanages. Of those, 95% have a living parent either unable or unwilling to care for them. Sadly, that does not include the estimated 2 million to 4 million homeless orphans living on the streets and in railway stations....

Of those who are nor adopted and leave the orphanage between the ages of 16 and 18:
-50% of the girls become prostitutes
-40% of the children become addicted to drugs or alcohol
-40% commit crimes
-10% commit suicide

As if that were not bad enough...
-Just 1 in 10 former Russian orphans becomes a functional member of society
-132,500 children are abandoned to the state in Russia every year, up from roughly 67,000 in 1992.
-Nearly 4,640 Russian orphans were adopted by Americans in 2005, down from a record 5,865 in 2004. The 2006 and 2007 numbers are lower (because of new regulations)
-13 out of every 100 children adopted by Russians are eventually returned to the orphanage.
-40 million children in the former Soviet Union are living in poverty.

Sources: Ministry of Education of the Russian Federation

Tell Teleflora what you think!

UPDATE: Teleflora did change the website and classification of this kind of Mom. Now, instead of 'non-Mom' it says 'adopting mom'. I will say that I still don't like this - a mom who has adopted a child is every much a MOM as one who birthed a child. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE! A mom is a mom! It is unfortunate that Teleflora had to make a distinction between the 2.

Having said that - I do, however, know there are situations where there is a woman who is a mother figure who isn't really a mom. I have a close friend who has a mother figure in her life (she calls her 'adopted mom')...so, I do see how this can be. Teleflora should call this classification of Mom 'Mother Figure' or "Filling a Moms Shoes".

I was reading one of the chat boards I frequent today, and was SHOCKED to read this!

NBC and Teleflora have this incredible Mother's Day contest going on where an adoptive mom has been labeled a "Non-mom Mom".

http://www.americasfavoritemom.com/mothers-day-2008/static/semiFinalists

Their definition of a "Non-mom Mom"?

"Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody."

Unbelievably insulting!

Can you believe that?! Saying that an adopted mom is a NON MOM! I am spitting mad! And I plan to tell Teleflora and all of the other sponsors what I think about this insensitive comment. Horrible! What do you think?

Who Are You?

I was reading a friends blog today, and got me to thinking about my World Map. So, I looked at it and realized that there are red dots in places I don't *think* I know anyone! Looks like there are some in London, France, Iran (I'm serious), India (makes sense - hello Jilly!), Mexico City (ish), San Diego...

I am just curious who you are! I might have friends who have moved, and I don't even know it! So, if you are one of these mystery people, drop me a comment so I can say hello!

-Kathy

Mom had a heart attack...

Thursday night as I was driving home from work, I was very excited that I had 4 days off. Well – maybe not ‘off’ but 4 days with no appointments. Time to relax, catch up n laundry – maybe start working on the yard – I thought maybe I might even catch on up some filing! I can’t remember the last time I had 4 whole days with nothing to do.

So, on Friday, did some laundry, and shopped for some gifts, and we ate nachos and popcorn for dinner (I am a gourmet). As I was drifting off to sleep, was thinking about all that I wanted to do on Saturday. Sleeping in was pretty high on the list.

At 3:30am, the phone rang (which can never be good). My first thought was there was a tornado, and my brother was calling to tell us to get in the basement. It was St Joe Regional Hospital. My Mom had another heart attack.

My Mom is in her mid-60’s, and this is her 2nd heart attack. The last one was only about 18 months ago. Heart disease runs in out family, so (imo) this is nothing to take too lightly, or brush off by saying ‘whew, she’s going to be OK’.

Mom is doing well, is still in ICU – but we think she will be moved to a regular room today. Her Dr. said she will need to stay in the hospital for 4-5 days.

inspiring trust

Though one of the blogs I follow, I found this video. It is from a pastor of a church in Nashville. I am trying to fin the words for the video I want to share with you - life changing, eye opening, inspiring. I know people who have had failed adoptions, who have had suffered significant loss, who have seen disappointment with a job or relational situation...if that is you - watch this. Even if you are one of the lucky ones who has never experienced unanswered prayer, or never had a disappointment - watch this.

It is kind of long - but WELL WORTH IT! I suggest letting the entire video load (so, get it going, turn off the sound) - and come back to it so you can watch it without the video feed hiccuping.


Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.

Is the grass greener?

I've been following the birth story of a member of a Christian band that I have loved for a long time. The band is Sela. Todd (member of the band) and his wife found out that their unborn child was very sick. If you are a blog-addict (and I am NOT pointing any fingers here...), get some Kleenex and start at the beginning of this story http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/

Well, the end of the story is that baby Audrey died shortly after birth. Gun wrenching, faith testing, ugly-cry producing. The thing I love about this Mom, is that through her pain and grief, she is praising God. She is one that is focusing on the end of the story!

Because this is a family of musicians, they wrote a song in tribute to their dear baby girl, and in the hopes that it will help others that are faced with unimaginable grief. It is a powerful song.

Happy Russian Easter!

Christ is Risen! Христос Воскрес
Easter Blessings Пасхальное Благословение

prayers for a friend

Hello Everyone, and Happy Friday~

I have a good friend who is adopting from the Irkutsk region too - she and I have been in this game together since 2004...and we're STILL in this game together!

Her documents are in the process of being resubmitted to the Judge. The Judge has given her a deadline of April 28th. Everything is falling into place in a miraculous way (DHL delivered the documents faster than you would believe, we think there was an extension to the deadline because of a Russian holiday - which is GOOD!).

Please please pray for our friends and their documents, We are praying specifically that God lays His hands on the whole situation, that the documents are accepted by Judge Stepanova, and that this family is given a court date - and of course, that the court hearing is successful.

the grass is greeener

I read on someones blog recently something that made me think...

We always think that the Grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Sometimes we don't realize that green grass requires a lot of rain.

is this good or bad?

Several of the families who we are waiting with have decided to start a chat group online. This has been GREAT! We have been sharing information, struggles, rumors - all in a safe place where we are assured there is no one lurking (if you've ever participated on a char board, you know there are almost always lurkers that are there for motives that aren't always pure).

Anyway, last night, one of the moms noticed that her child's photo on the Russian database had been changed. Before I go into more detail - let me explain what the database is (in a nutshell)...it is a place for Russian citizen to go to 'shop' for a child. Every child who is available for adoption is listed on this database. Anya is there...and has been for a long time. In the past, the photo that is there was one that was taken of her when she was a baby (like 8 months old) - I thought this was great, since I have photos of her at under 1 - today.

Anyway - Anya's photo had also changed. You can see the translated version of the site here:
\http://translate.google.com/translate?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.usynovite.ru%2Fdb%2F%3Fdo_search%3D1%26s%3D2%26y%3D2002%26r%255B%255D%3D38%26p%3D5&langpair=ru%7Cen&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&prev=%2Flanguage_tools

So - is this good or bad?

Bad - maybe the officials have been told to 'shop' her around to Russian families. Maybe they are actively looking to place her in foster care? Maybe I am totally freaking out!

Good - or this is good - this will prove to the Judge that the director and officials did everything they could to find a Russian family for Anya (that is always an issue in court). One thing that is good, is that the photo is a horrible one, and her demeanor is listed as troubled (and she is NOT!!..there are lots of kids whoa are listed as social - and I would think a Russian family would choose a child who is social over one who is troubled (YAY!).

The ironic thing, is the the only 'new' photos that we can see on the database are ours and another family who has taken their case to court. That is, well, interesting.

thoughts to blog about

It's funny - every day I think of things to blog about - but then when I get home, I always forget what I was going to say.

Today is a good example - I drug my hubby to the mall - and I HATE the mall (which you wouldn't think, given that I am a professional shopper - seriously - that is my job...) - anyway - we're at the mall, and I think of all the reasons I hate the mall - and think I should share my wisdom with the masses via blog. Truth is, I have very little (or no) tolerance for stupidity or poor customer service. I know - many of you are laughing hysterically now - because in many situations the very definition of the mall is mass stupidity and poor customer service.

Then we go to eat. Went to one of my fav places - Uptown Kitchen. Love that place. Great service (since that is one of my hot buttons) - they seem to recognize me when I walk in (although I know they have no clue who I am, I like the feeling that they remember that I was there before). No stupid people there at all...love it. Good food, good tea...

Then to church - isn't it odd how when you are going through something, you relate everything to YOUR situation - and it's hard to just sit back and take in a message. Does that make us narcissistic?

Got home, and started loading music on my IPod. My plan was to organize songs that I am going to use for 2 HUGE fashion shows I'm producing this week. But - then I get side tracked...and 20 or 30 CDs later - here I sit, singing my heart out to Faith Hill. Have you heard the song "There Will Come A Day"? It's on the 'Breathe' album. That song gets me...and I think Angie H from church should sing it :) - anyway, I know that a lot of pre-adoptive-parents read this blog. I just want to encourage you with this - THERE WILL COME A DAY.

THERE WILL COME A DAY

It's not easy trying to understand
How the world can be so cold, stealing the souls of man
Cloudy skies rain down on all your dreams
You wrestle with the fear and doubt
Sometimes it's hard but you gotta believe

Chorus:
There's a better place, where our Father waits
And every tear He'll wipe away
The darkness will be gone,the weak shall be strong
Hold on to your faith

There will come a day, there will come a day
Wars are raging, lives are scattered
Innocence is lost, and hopes are shattered
The old are forgotten, the children are forsaken
In this world we're living in
Is there anything sacred?

There will come a day, there will come a day
The song will ring out, down those golden streets
The voices of earth with the angels will sing {HALLELUJAH!]
Every knee will bow, sin will have no trace
In the glory of His amazing grace
Every knee will bow, sin will have no trace
In the glory of His amazing grace
There will come a day, there will come a day
Oooh there will come a day
I know there's coming a day, coming a day

Who Do Ya Know in Eugene?

A friend suggested that I find out if Irkutsk has a sister city in the U.S. Sometimes, those relationships are strong, and the officials from both cities become friends. So - off to Google I go...

I appears that Irktusk has a lot of sister cities around the world. But, here in the US, it's Eugene Oregon.

Here is what I found out:

Eugene, Oregon, USA
Eugene Sister Cities Foundation, Inc.
Almost a decade ago, a dedicated group of Eugene citizens pooled their talents and resources to form the Eugene-Irtkutsk Sister City Committee. An agreement between the two cities - so far apart but with so much in common - was drafted and signed by then Eugene Mayor Brian B. Obie and Irkutsk Mayor Yuri Shkuropat. In the years since, the Eugene-Irkutsk Sister City Committee has enriched the life experiences of people here and in Siberia. We in Eugene have stood firm in our friendship with Irkutsk as political changes wrenched the U.S.S.R. apart. We supported our Sister City as they traded their hammer and sickle banners for the red, white and blue of the Russian flag. Both cities have exchanged many delegations representing the cultural, business, and academic communities in each country.
Contacts in Eugene: Galina Groza, ggroza@teleport.com, Phone: 686-0546 George Davis davisassoc@igc.org

Contact in Irkutsk: Ludmila A. Kurbatova, Irkutsk mayor's office, Phone: 243704, 340893 (Mr. Kushnaryov).

Officials from Eugene
An official delegation from Eugene came on June 1-4, 2001, to celebrate the 340th birthday of Irkutsk.
A small but energetic official delegation helped Eugene's Russian sister city, Irkutsk, celebrate its 340th birthday. The delegation, comprising Galina Groza, chair of the Irkutsk Sister City Committee, Sage Ratterman, a board member of the same committee, and Mary Walston, representing the City of Eugene at the request of the Mayor, as neither he nor any of the city councilors were able to attend, arrived in Irkutsk on Saturday, June 1, after a long trip from Eugene. Though weary and tired (in part from the travel and in part due to the 16 hour time difference), the delegation was warmly greeted by smiling faces including Ludmilla Kurbatova, Eugene's long-time sister cities contact, her son Kostya, and several other local officials.

With a population of over 700,000, Irkutsk is the major industrial commercial center between western Russia and the Far East, and between Siberia and China. Built in 1900, the Trans-Siberian Railroad links these distances together, a major engineering feat given the harsh climate, numerous water systems and rugged terrain, requiring especially cold-resistant building materials. There are also numerous educational institutions there, and it is a tourist destination point due to its proximity to Lake Baikal, 40 kilometers to the southeast. The Irkutsk Region is vast, greater in size than the Pacific Northwest, and the city is surrounded by rivers, mountains, and beautifully rugged nature which hides its abundantly rich mineral supplies - in many ways similar to Eugene.

Highlights of the week included attending a private reception with Mayor Yakubovsky and his staff, visiting educational and medical facilities, stopping at a Lake Baikal traditional log village, picnicking on the shore of Lake Baikal on the local fish delicacy, touring the Decembrists' House, attending a youth concert at one of the performing arts centers, and participating in informal discussions with new and old friends.

Mayor Yakubovsky spent a great deal of time with the Eugene delegation; there was an exchange of gifts in connection with the 340th anniversary of the city. The City of Eugene presented a plaque depicting the two continents linked together by the Pacific Ocean and two 17th century sailing ships, or "partner ships". The 18th century exploration of northern Pacific waters was headed by Captain Bering, who finalized his plans in Irkutsk before heading east to set sail. These beginnings led to eventual Russian settlement of Alaska.

Plans are now underway to welcome an official delegation from Irkutsk in late September. For more information, contact Mary Walston, City Manager's Office, 682-5406 or Galina Groza, Chair of the Irkutsk Committee, 686-0546.

For more information see Community page of Eugene, Administration of Irkutsk Region

Link A Family
Link A Family helps establish pen-pal relationships between families in Irkutsk and the Angarsk region of Siberia and families in Eugene (and elsewhere in the U.S. and Canada). Started two years ago as a project of the Eugene-Irkutsk Sister City Committee, Link A Family has linked around 200 families.
Periodically project director Jana Nelson sends an advertisement to friends in Irkutsk via e-mail, and they publish it in a local newspaper. She matches the letters she receives with American families based on profession, family size, and age.

Initially Nelson tried to establish a regular courier service between Eugene and Irkutsk, but it proved too time consuming. Now letters are exchanged via the post. She has found that mail delivery works fairly well if people follow a few guidelines: use metered mail instead of stamps; don't enclose anything extra with the letter; and use manilla envelopes--they look more official.

Currently Nelson is looking for more correspondents in Irkutsk and environs (she has enough American participants). For more information contact:

Jana Nelson E-mail: 71564.1704@compuserve.com

President Bush to go to Russia

I am searching for a good news story - and will post it as soon as I find one...but President Bush and Putin are going to be meeting this weekend. Let's pray that adoption relations comes up, and that some bridges are built for us!

Thanks to so many that have sent words of encouragement to us. Here are a few that really touched my heart, or made me laugh!:

I don't know if this will help or not, but I recently learned that it's good to pray for "release." i.e. pray for the release of the evil forces against you and that kind of thing

Have you thought of just kidnapping her? I am sure you have!

I’ve decided to start a “Pass along the Passion” for you two… not sure what may happen, or where the message may travel, but going VIRAL has meaning, gives HOPE!

I will continue to pray friend.

You guys have persevered for such a long, long time. Of course we will send you some of our strength through prayer. And in our prayer meetings we will break the demon powers in Irkutsk over your precious Anya.

Just remember that with God all things are possible!

Countless are the stories that we don’t know the endings of yet. Oh, yes, we know that ultimately we will be in Heaven and all will be well, but for now, on this earth we don’t always know how things are going to turn out. Hence, we walk by faith and not by sight. We hold the hand and trust the heart of our all seeing and all knowing God. He alone knows the beginning from the end. He alone knows what lies ahead and the avenues He will use to take us to each point. Joy comes when my delight is found in knowing and following the One who knows what He has in mind for each of my situations and the day it will no longer be hidden from my eyes.

In all this, Thy will be done

Adoption Update - April 2008

TOO TIRED TO PRAY

Have you ever prayed for something in your life for what seems like an eternity? And have nothing significant happen? Have you ever wondered if God was listening, and then prayed some more?

Friends, we need your help to continue to pray for Anya and the adoption. We hate to admit it, but we are so tired, beat up, mentally exhausted by this process we need to lean on the strength of our friends.

We know God's plan is not to keep Anya an orphan. We know that He has opened amazing doors for us to continue this fight. We also know that the only reason we're able to keep fighting for her is because of the power of prayer. We're just tired.

The stronghold that has it's grip on Irkutsk can be moved by the power of God. We need to continue to unite in prayer against anything and everything that is standing between us and bringing Anya home.

In the past when we've come together in prayer, amazing things have happened. Today, there are 4 families (including us) who have documents in the works to bring our children home from the orphanages in Irkutsk. We American families are committed to pray and fast until all of our dossiers are accepted by the courts, until we all have a successful court hearing, and have our children on American soil. We are all trying different approaches, in the hopes that one of us will crack the code.

Each day, we will be specifically praying and fasting. We have friends all over the country who have offered to fast on specific days of the week for us. Will you join with us in this time of prayer?

We won't bore you with everything that is going on in the adoption community right now (if you want details, please visit our blog). Just know that we have more things working against us than for us right now. All we have is prayer, and God on our side!



Help Us Spread The Word
If you are willing to join with us in prayer, help us spread the word.
We know many of you have blogs, are parts of prayer groups, and know people who are prayer warriors. Please pass along our prayer request to everyone you know. Feel free to post the need for prayer for the orphans in Irkutsk Russia on your blog.

WE TV tonight

On We TV tonight at 8PM Eastern, there is a show called 'Women Behind Bars'. Peggy Hilt (the women in Virginia who killed her Russian adopted daughter - that started the downward spiral ultimately leading to all the trouble we're having) will be featured.

No - I'm not kidding...

Here is some more info on the program:
http://www.wetv.com/shows/women-behind-bars/episodes/EP010293120004

Wisdom from a child

I can't even think of what to say about this, except - THIS is the way I want to be able to see EVERYTING in my world! Windom from a child...

fall out and need for prayer

Since the most recent tragedy of another Russian child - rumors have surfaced of some regions in Russia stopping adoptions. Funny how these things start - apparently there are up to 9 regions in Russia who are going to stop adoptions until the outcome of this latest murder comes to light.

Amazing...

This news comes on the heels of news that the MOE (Ministry of Education - the government body that oversees orphanages and adoptions in Russia) is once again trying to outlaw independent adoption. Their definition of 'independent' is any foreigner adopting in Russia who isn't using a Russian certified agency. In a press release from the MOE, it states,

"For a more thorough screening of prospective parents and in-depth training of foreign nationals to receive a child in their family, the MinEdSci bill proposes to establish a mandatory psychological examination and passing a specific training program for the admission of a child in foster families."

Who knows what this would include.

I the past week, I've taken a serious look at myself, and my energy level to bring Anya home. My commitment has not changed; but if I am honest, my energy has diminished over the past few months. I have been praying for her, as I always do…but I wonder if my prayers are void of the energy needed.

So, what to do…

I am AGAIN asking for anyone reading this blog to ban with us in prayer. I am asking for you to pass the word on your blogs, chat rooms - anywhere you visit online with those who pray. We are asking specifically for united prayer and/or fasting every Friday. Prayers for the adoption situation in Russia, for all the orphans in that country, and for the families who have adopted and who are adopting children from Russia.

Are you in? Will you ban with us in this prayer?

Another adoption tragedy

On FRUA (www.frua.org) I read about another tragedy in the adoption world. Horrible. I can't understand - why don't these adoptive parents who seem to be overwhelmed seek help?

http://www.abc4.com/mostpopular/story.aspx?content_id=74d63310-3625-487b-a782-9390b58176f5

TOOELE, Utah (ABC 4 News) - A child is dead and his brother is hospitalized.

And now their parents are in jail in connection to the crime.

It was a 9-1-1 call from the Emilyantsev home in Tooele Friday that alerted police to the situation.

Dispatcher: " Yes, what's the problem?

Mom: "I have a problem with my baby. It's a little boy we just adopted ."

Dispatcher: " What type of problem?"

Mom: "...breathing problems."

Inside the home, police found an 14-month old on the floor, barely breathing.

Dispatcher: What exactly happened?

Mom: He is breathing. I don't know. I don't know. We've got five ... He's out fifth child. We just adopted him from Russia."

A day later, the child died at the hospital and the autopsy revealed a cause.

"The child suffered a significant skull fracture and when the child suffered the injury it appears from the investigation that it would have been mom who was in custody of the child," said Tooele County prosecutor Doug Hogan.

Kimberly Emelyantsev is the child’s mother and was jailed. Wednesday she was brought to court to face child murder charges.

Prosecutors said the 14-month old was a baby with Down's syndrome and was adopted by the family two weeks ago.

"It’s hard to reconcile those two facts...somebody that would adopt and then the child suffers a significant injury," Hogan said.

But prosecutors said their investigation uncovered another allegation against the parents.

The husband, Fyodor Emelyantsev was jailed on suspicion of child abuse.

Police claim the couple adopted another four year old baby with Down's syndrome from Russia. The child was malnourished.

"This was also a special needs child,” Hogan said. “This was a child that would not have been the size and weight you would expect for the age."

Back at the Emelyansev home, neighbors are stunned with what's happened to the children.

"As a parent you worry about your kids and that's the absolute worst thing that could happen to them and you can't imagine anything worse,” said neighbor Celese Hansen.

Kimberly Emelyantsev remains in jail and will return to court Thursday for a detention hearing.