East from West

The past 8-10 days have been yuck for me and one of my close friends. It is all wrapped up in a work project. One thing that I've learned through the adoption process is to sit back and wait to react...not something I've been known for in the business world prior to a few years ago. I was very reactive, and took everything personally. With the garbage surrounding this recent project, I felt myself going back to that reactive way...at one point, I was ready to get on the phone and tell 'so-and-so' exactly what I thought! Probaby not the best idea...I got in my car, and this song came on. It's one I hear all the time - but really spoke to me this week - for MANY MANY reasons...so I thought I would share it.

Casting Crowns
East To West

Here I am Lord,
and I'm drowning
in your sea of forgetfulness
the chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I dont want to end up where you found me
and it echoes in my mind,
keeps me awake tonight

I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
and I stand before you now,
as if I've never sinned
but today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
from you leaving me this way

and Jesus can you show me
just how far the east is from the west
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest,
cause you know just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I start the day the war begins
endless reminding of my sin
time and time again your truth is drowned out
by the storm I'm in
today I feel like I'm just one mistake away,
from you leaving me this way and Jesus can you show me,
just how far the East is from the West
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know
just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I know you've washed me white,
turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through,
to get me through this night
can't live by what I feel
but by the Truth your Word reveals,
I'm not holding on to you
but you're holding on to me,
you're holding on to me

Jesus you know
just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been,
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know just how far the East is from the West,
just how far,
from one scarred hand to the other.

updates on documents

Nothing can be easy. How long do I need to be at this to know that? Seriously???

Last week, I spent some time on the phone with Mark Seibel from the Embassy. Yes - the same Mark Siebel I sent the email to (see in post about the Embassy letter). Well, he is a really nice man, and is actually DOING something. The Chief Deputy Council bla bla bla...is going to Irkutsk this weekend to meet with the Chief Judge on behalf of American families. THIS IS CRAZY! Our case is the most complete and most current, so Mr. Siebel was interested to talk with us at length.

We thought our (new) documents would be presented to the Judge next week - so the timing was going to be perfect.

But then we learned that the Judge has decided to take a vacation until Nov. 5. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The good news is that the Chief Judge will accept our documents since Judge Stepanova will be out.

It will be interesting to see what happens in the meeting with the Embassy and Chief Judge. I am sitting on pins and needles!!!

touching adoption story

I want to share an adoption story. This is the story of a friend of ours (who will remain anonymous). This person has been a great support to us, and has prayed with us throughout this entire process. Today, he is an amazing man of God – someone anyone would be humbled to call ‘friend’. Below is a recap of an email conversation we have had over the past few days.

Dear Marty and Kathy,
My heart has been very moved by your love for this girl. I think you both know that I was adopted when I was five. My brother and I slept in a cardboard box in Chicago. In the winter we rode the streetcar back and forth across the city all night to keep warm. The family who adopted me also had some struggles; and my "blood parents" later tried to kidnap me. My adopted family sold their business and home in Illinois, and left all of their relatives and friends and secretly moved to Indiana, just to make sure that I'd be safe. What a sacrifice they made for little 'ole me.

So I know what "ADOPTION" means! I will continue to pray for Anya and all of your efforts to reach this precious life.

Irkutsk - the walking street

Many of you have probably heard me talk about the walking street - this is a road in downtown Irktusk. It's where there are a lot of shops - and my fav restaurant. Here is a video of the street - what you will see is VERY typical. For those of you who have been there - the big mall is behind the camera. The camera is pointed toward Karl Marx street (I think). My restaurant, Fiesta, is the bigger red building to the right (I think...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3PzpDfBGoM&mode=related&search=

document update

We got word on our documents today. We were able to gain some assistance from the law school at the University in Irkutsk. They have provided the Russian version of the Hague - highlighting the section that says, "an apostille can not be rejected".

Our lawyer had a meeting with the Judge regarding our case. The judge confirmed that our lawyer will have no trouble submitting our file again with the corrections, clarifications and so on.

YAY!

So now, we are back into prayer-warrior mode. We need for all of the documnets to come across the Judge's desk - and be flawless. We are still praying for a miracle, and want Anya home by Christmas! OK, I know I've said that every year for the past 3 years...but I'm going to keep saying that until I don't have to anymore!!

Russian adoption video

If you've ever wondered about Russia, adoption, what the orphanages are like there...I encourage you to view this video

http://www.thepromise.org.uk/video.htm

There is another vide on this site as well, here:
http://www.thepromise.org.uk/originalvideo.htm

so sad!!

Press On

I talked to a friend tonight who is going through some stuff. As I was talking with her on the phone, I was trying so hard to come up with the right words to comfort her. Nothing was coming to my mind. I wanted to tell her that God would never give her more than she could handle...that she knows the Truth...that the worst is behind her...that I loved her, and would do whatever I could to help her through this.

And no words came to me.

Tonight when I got home, I wrote her a note. The song 'Press On' was ringing in my head so loud - I felt like I needed to turn down the stereo! So, I sent her the lyrics to this song. The words are something I've clung to so many times.

Press On (3:56)
(Dan Burgess)

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

Chorus:
In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on
To press on

©1983 Belwin-Mills Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) All rights admin. by Warner Bros. Publications, Inc. (ASCAP) All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

10 things that make you smile

My friend Brenda "tagged" me on her blog tonight. She posted 10 things that makes her smile, and asked 3 people to post what makes them smile.

What a perfect thing to have me think about today! I've had a particularly crappy (is that politically correct?) day. Ever had one of those days when everyone you have to deal with gets on your last nerve? Ugh!

OK, focus on good things…

1. Knowing there is a God, the He loves me no matter what! (even when I have days like today)

2. My husband…he’s a good one! God has truly blessed me with a good man!

3. Our little Anya…only God could have perfected a union like the one we have with that little one! It still amazes me how much she looks like us and acts like us…and I didn’t birth her – and she is still living in the orphanage! Her laugh, her smile, the way she mimicks everything I do. Pretty much everything about her makes me smile.

4. Good friends – who will listen to you gripe and feel your pain, and love you anyway (and then probably pray for you!). Ya know, those pals who you can call or email from Russia when you're in a panic, and they will answer the phone or email? ...unless then went to bed early? (ha ha, had to get that one in there Kath!)

5. I love the worship band at church, I love the worship music my hubby has made…but ya know, Bon Jovi REALLY makes me smile :) (or maybe it's just John BonJovi?)

6. Great shoes – ok, seriously – I love shoes. I think it is a sickness. Better than therapy, healthier than mood-altering drugs or food. ...so I guess my awesome job should make me smile too - so I can buy great shoes! (seriously, I do love my job!)

7. Fall – I love this time of the year – when the air is cool, and the sun is warm (but not as warm as it was today…93 the end of September is nutty!)

8. Relaxing in the pool with my hubby – the only time we’re not working it seems…our cheap little above ground pool is the best investment we’ve ever made!

9. Laughing and being silly…I don’t take myself too seriously, so I love being around other people who don’t either. LIfe is too short to be constantly wondering what other people's motives are, and wondering if they think you're an idiot.

10. The amazing things that God is doing – things I don’t even know about and can’t see…I guess the ‘end of the story’. That makes me smile with tears in my eyes.

Now, I would like to hear from you!! What makes you smile?

documents...wouldn't ya know it

Well, I shipped off a stack of documnets to Russia on Friday. I was witing for a form we needed to get from our social worker. I waited a day before I got tired of waiting, and sent to documents. Wouldn't ya know it...about the second the DHL guy pulled out of the driveway, the FedEx guy pulled in - with what I had been waiting for.

Oh well - what is a little more money lost in overnight fees?

...off to sell more pants and tops :)

What do I do?

I ran into someone the other day who asked me “so, with all this waiting to adopt Anya, what do you do every day?” Seriously - someone said that to me.

My initial instinct was to say that I’ve been spending my time getting massages and pedicures…but as I started to speak, I bit my tongue. Asking me a question like that really means that she doesn’t know me well. What did she think I was going to say? That I sit in Anya’s room and cry away my days? That I sit at my computer and blog about all the ridiculous things people say to me?

Ugh!

letter from the Chief of the Immigrant Visa Unit at the United States Embassy in Moscow

We got this note today from some new guy with the Embassy in Moscow. To date, no government agency has done squat to help us - so I am more than a little skeptical about this guy.

Below is his note to me - and my reply...happy reading!
________________________________________
From: Moscow Consular, Russian Adoptions
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 8:02 AM
To: kathy@mmprod.com
Subject: FW: Request for information - Irkutsk adoptions

Greetings,

This July I took over as the Chief of the Immigrant Visa Unit at the United States Embassy in Moscow, and I am writing to update you on the Embassy's ongoing efforts to resolve the continuing problems with international adoptions in the Irkutsk region. A few days ago the Ambassador raised this issue in a meeting with Russia's Ombudsman for Human Rights, former Russian Ambassador to the United States Vladimir Lukin. At Ambassador Lukin’s invitation, we intend to follow up with his office to review cases pending in the Irkutsk region to assess how best they might be resolved.

This past summer, the Embassy sent out a request for information to families who have been trying unsuccessfully to adopt in the Irkutsk region, and the information we obtained from those who chose to respond to this request will be extremely helpful as we engage with the Office of the Human Rights Ombudsman. If you have not responded to our earlier request for details about your case, and if you wish the Embassy to raise your case with the Office of the Human Rights Ombudsman, I would invite you to respond to the questions below with any information you may have to offer. Please respond as soon as possible if you wish us to raise your specific case. Details regarding any specific problems or objections given by the court for not accepting your dossier or not providing you with a hearing date would be especially useful.

If have new information to report, we would appreciate updates. If you do not wish us to raise your case in our ongoing dialogues with Russian authorities, please let me know that as well.

I want to assure you that we will continue to raise the problem of American adoptions in the Irkutsk region (and elsewhere) with the appropriate Russian authorities, as we advocate for a fair, transparent legal and regulatory framework for international adoptions in Russia.
Sincerely,

Mark Seibel
Chief, Immigrant Visa Unit
Embassy of the United States
Moscow

Questions:
1) Name of adoption agency (in US and in Russia, if different)
2) Name of Russian adoption agency representative and contact information
3) Yes / No, Was your adoption agency accredited at the time you submitted your application to the court in Irkutsk?
4) Date you submitted your application to the Irkutsk court
5) Docket or case number given to you by the court (or confirmation the application was filed)
6) Explanation the court gave you as to why your case would not be considered
7) If the court had any procedural complaints, were these addressed?
Please feel free to add any further details which may be relevant to identifying the reason that your case was halted by the court. If the court provided any written refusal to you, please provide the substance of that refusal, or even better, a scanned copy of the document.
_________________


Hello Mr. Seibel,

Let me start this note by saying that I think, after 3 years, I have become an expert on adoptions from Irkutsk, and am an expert on being a pre-adoptive-parent.

I am sure prior to you taking over this position, you were given background on the situation in Irkutsk. Allow me to share my experiences with your agency / office.

I have provided information to your office SEVERAL times in the past. I have filled out your forms, and answered your questions. I have spoke on the phone with people in your office. Nothing has ever happened. 2 years ago, we received a letter from the State Department saying that (basically) they are sorry for our frustration, however are choosing not to do anything to help.

We were told (over a year ago) that the Embassy was “looking into the matter”. Looking into a matter and taking bold action are very different things. Bold action is what is required in Irkutsk. Interested onlookers are not helpful; on the contrary, they are bothersome. Unless there is a solid plan to deal directly with the authorities in Irkutsk (the Chief Judge and Governor’s office), and force the courts to adhere to their own law, I politely suggest you remove this project from your desk.

It is cruel and unfair to continue to give American families false hope by saying that you are looking into a matter. As one of the families who have been waiting the longest, and one of the families who were to get a court date the summer Nina Hilt was murdered (2005) – I am tired of empty promises. I am tired of inaction, and I am tired government bureaucracy. The only thing I am interested in is real, solid, swift action to bring my daughter home.

The problem with the ‘plan’ your office has in place is that most American families have not submitted documents to the Judge in Irkutsk. There are very few (2 or 3) American families who have presented their documents to the courts in Irkutsk over the past 2 years. Our dossier was presented in 2006, and again 10 days ago.

I have been diligent about making contacts in Moscow and Irkutsk to keep our adoption moving forward. We just returned from a trip to Irkutsk. We were granted a meeting with the Chief Judge in Irkutsk regarding our case (very unusual for an American family). The Chief Judge accepted our documents, and passed them along to Judge Stepanova (the Judge who is ‘in charge’ of adoption cases). Judge Stepanova issued a legal statement regarding our documents, detailing changes. This is the same thing that happened when we presented our documents a year ago.

The changes the Judge has asked for include some things that do not represent the law (in Russia, or in the United States). Examples include:

1. The way the documents are apostilled. The apostille on all of our 125 documents adheres to every standard and guideline specified by the Hague. The Judge doesn’t like the way it is done. She cites that other countries use a ribbon (for example) to tie all of the documents together. She also cites that the border (box) around the information on the piece of paper that is the apostille isn’t a perfect square (I think the dimensions are 10cm x 10.12cm – something insignificant). Our lawyer in Irkutsk is going to fight this, however, the ultimate ruling is up to Judge Stepanova.

2. She also cited in the legal statement a Russian law that deals with adoption agencies that work in Russia. This law deals with the way the office is to be set up within the Russian Federation. Bottom line – this has nothing to do with us, our case, or our documents. I am not sure why this is even a part of our legal statement. Of course, our lawyer is going to fight this, and ask the Judge to completely remove it from the statement.

3. The statement also make mention that we are independent. It does not say that she will refuse our case because of this, it is just a comment made in the legal statement. I should also preface this by saying that the Judge continues to hear many French cases – all have been successful in court. All are independent.

4. In the past, the Judge in Irkutsk has accepted documents, with the condition that the family obtains a medical exam prior to court. The medical exam (by 8 doctors) needs to be done at a state clinic. The ONLY clinic that is a state institution, that houses each of the specialists is in Moscow. Judge Stepanova is requiring this medical exam before she accepts documents. The medical exam is only valid for 60 days (might be 90) – and the Judge will not offer a court date within that time, so the document expires. When the document expires, the Judge will refuse the documents because of an expired medical exam. This is what has happened to us. Essentially, what this means is thousands upon thousands of money spent unnecessarily by American families. It is a never ending battle that could go on forever.

I am interested specifically in what your office will be doing, other than gathering the same information that has been provided to you time and time again. Quite honestly sir, I am so fed up with the lack of support and help by my own government I could scream. To this point, everything has been a lot of talk, and no action. I refuse to allow our little girl to be a political pawn. I will not stand by and 'wait' for you to gather more information. I won't sit back and be patient and wait to see what happens. I do not trust that anyone or any agency will do anything to help us get a court date in Irkutsk, and bring our little girl home.

It will be interesting to see what you DO.

Sincerely,
Kathy Friend

SO FRUSTRATING!

For a long time, I really thought that God's plan in this adoption (partly) was to teach me patience. Then I thought maybe it was perseverance. Then maybe it was tenacity. Now, I think maybe the lesson is to not lose my mind under extreme pressure!

The changes to our documents was minimal. This is good. I got everything done - and have been waiting to for the document from our social worker. With that, I can send things to the State to be apostilled - then everything can be shipped off to Irkutsk.

Well, I was supposed to get that document from the social worker yesterday, and I still don't have it. It was Fed Ex'ed, and I can't seem to find information on it to trace it.

UGH!

Anya and education

I've been thinking a lot about how much Anya has changed in the past 3 years. Gone are the days when she had chubby cheeks, and barely spoke a word.

Education in the orphanage is a little different than what we would consider education. Anya is very smart. She is quite an artist, can recite poetry, knows several dances. She has no problem singing songs in front of her group.

There is a lot of emphasis on the arts as opposed to science. She can count to 10, but then needs help. She can't write her name, and can't read. But - she loves to 'read'. She loves looking through books, and being read to. This shows me that she is hungry to learn.

When we were there a year ago - she couldn't count to 10. I think maybe we were the first ones to really count to 10 with her. She could count to 3, but then got confused (and it was like 1-2-3-5-6-4-8-7).

Anya also has some natural athletic ability. I've never seen the kids being schooled in the finer points of athletics at the orphanages...but who knows. That little girl can throw a ball, and catch it like you wouldn't believe.

Anya is very concerned about her appearance. One day, we got to the orphanage a little early - and she was outside playing with her group. She saw us, and RAN inside to "look pretty for mama and papa". It bothers me a little, that somehow she has learned that she has to look nice for us...which of course she doesn't. But, when a new 'mama and papa' come to the orphanage, there is talk among the caregivers about how they have to 'make the children look beautiful'. The kids do put on nicer clothes, bows and ribbons in the girl's hair and so on.

Kids are kids, I guess. And they pick up things, and learn things you wouldn't think they were paying attention to.

If other moms and dads are on this board, and can chime in on this Russian institutionalized education thing, I would love to hear what your experiences were.

piggy-backing on previous post..

To take the previous post (news story called 'Does She Cry in Korean?"...I found this website http://www.adoptlink.com/language.htm. I feel compelled with the strength of pre-adoptive-parents, AND post-adoption-parents everywhere to share this enlightening information.

It is funny the things people say to you when you are part of an adopted-family. Things people would never say to someone who was pregnant - or who had birthed a child. The good-intentioned comments can be naive, and quite honestly, cold-hearted.

In the 3 years we've been on this journey, we've had some amazing things said to us. Most aren't mean-spirited, many made me take a step back and say "huh"? Here are some examples:

"When are you going to look in the mirror and admit that this adoption might not happen"?

"Why in the world would you want to start another family again at YOUR age?"

"Are you SURE you want to do this?"

"It seems you are just throwing away good money after bad"

and my favorite:

"Why would you want to go to Irkutsk, don't you know that the devil lives and breathes there?" ...that one was too much. Anyone that knows anything about being a Christian knows that anywhere the devil is - so is Christ. So, yes, that is EXACTLY where I want to be!!!! And, to take that a step further - If the devil was 'living and breathing' there...why would I want to leave my daughter there?

Something that is said to us all the time, is "so-and-so adopted from Russia, and it only took them less than a year. You should call them". I completely understand the logic and helpful spirit that is behind this kind of comment. And, for a long time - I hunted down and talked to TONS of these families. I quickly found that was a complete waste of time.

This is why. Each region in Russia operates independently. Basically, it's like each region (state) is a different country. Unless the family who has adopted did so in Irkutsk - there is nothing that they can say, and no information they can provide, that will be helpful to us. Unless (of course) they know someone in power in Russia, who might be connected to either the Chief Judge in Irkutsk or the Governor in Irkutsk.

Adoption isn't for everyone. Likewise, birthing a child isn't for everyone! I know there are tons of people out there who don't understand why we're still fighting, and I know that there are even those out there who don't support our fight. So be it. To the naysayers - I say this...UNTIL YOU'VE WALKED A MILE IN MY 3" STILETTOS, KEEP YOUR COMMENTS AND ATTITUDE TO YOURSELF.

on being an adoptive parent

I found this article on another blog. Although it is old - I love it.

'Does she cry in Korean?' Parents get questions when raising adopted kids Bill Dawson
August 10, 2005 ADOVARONLINE0810


Adoptive parents of foreign-born kids get these questions all the time:
“Is she your real daughter?”

“How will you teach him English?”

“How much did she cost?”

Kris Huson of Children’s Home Society and Family Services in St. Paul calls these “the grocery store questions.” Though usually well-intended, they can make an adoptive parent cringe.

Or laugh. “Does she cry in Korean?” is one of the bizarre questions asked of Kim Brown, adoptive mother of a 2-year-old daughter.

“I always thought babies cried in a universal language,” says Brown, who lives in Crow’s Landing, Calif.

My wife, Ila, and I, who adopted a baby girl named Sonali from India, are constantly amused at what people say.

Ila, who is of Indian descent, had a co-worker tell her, “It’s so amazing you were able to get such a beautiful child from such a poor country.”

Hmm.

Mary Sjoberg of Apple Valley got a similar jolt after she decided to adopt a child from Calcutta. Her aunt asked, “Oh, are you going to India to adopt because they’re so smart in math?”

Kristin Vonnegut’s mother asked, “Are you going to become Buddhist?” after Vonnegut decided to adopt from India.

“Which is funny,” says Vonnegut of Avon, Minn.,“because most Indians aren’t Buddhist.” Vonnegut’s father-in-law wondered why she wasn’t adopting from Mexico, where “they’re so much more docile.”

Speak to me

Ila and I also have discovered that curiosity around language abounds when you adopt a child, even a non-speaking infant.

“Is she learning English?” is a popular question. Sjoberg, a teacher, was surprised to hear this from a colleague.

“My school is half ELL [English Language Learners], so, excuse me?” says Sjoberg. She adopted Kiran, now 4, when the child was 8 months old.

Kristi Jenkins of Marion, Ill., will soon be united with a 20-month-old boy from Mumbai, formerly Bombay. She’s also mom to two stepchildren and one biological child. Her stock answer for those who wonder how she’ll be able to communicate with her newest child?

“I tell them, we didn’t understand our biological daughter when she spoke to us in English at 20 months,” Jenkins says.

Harsher words

Not all comments are so amusing.

Before her baby joined her, Sjoberg was asked if her little girl would be “dots or feathers.” Sjoberg was baffled until the questioner explained that dots meant dots on the forehead —India-born —and feathers meant feathers in the hair — American Indian.

She’s also heard, “Thank God she’s here and growing up a Christian,” and, from an elderly man in Hoyt Lakes, Minn.: “If you rub her skin, will that make her lighter?”

Others stand out:

“Does that dot on his forehead scratch off?”

“I couldn’t bring a person like that into my home.”

“Aren’t you afraid people will think he’s Middle Eastern?”

The last came from a co-worker who said, “People will think he’s a terrorist,” prompting Jenkins to ask, “How can a 20-month-old be a terrorist?”

Jenkins blames some of this on where she lives in Illinois. “I think I’m kind of in redneck land here, and I think there still is a lot of racism.”

But similar comments are heard in Minnesota, which has the nation’s highest rate of foreign adoptions per capita.

Ask Becky Steeber, who works at Children’s Home Society and is an adoptive mother of three. A physician tending to one of Steeber’s adopted boys, who has spina bifida, asked, “Do they [the adoption agency] have any healthy white kids?”

“One of most appalling comments I ever got,” Steeber says.

What’s worse, Sjoberg said, is that often, “they’ll ask these questions right in front of the child. It really amazes me how people can be so … unsmart. I really want to say stupid.”

Brown sees this as a growing challenge now that her daughter is getting old enough to understand what is being said about her.

“I have to think how Natalie is going to think about these questions,” says Brown. “I don’t want her saying, ‘Are you my real mother?’ ‘Do you love me as much as your other kids?’\u2009”

Cautious questions

So what is the right thing to ask? First, know that adoptive parents aren’t hypersensitive souls who parse every statement, looking for something offensive. We love talking about our kids. And we understand that most people aren’t trying to be insensitive; they just don’t know how, or sometimes what, to ask.

Still, when addressing an adoptive parent, you might want to rethink the following questions:

“How much did he cost?”

What you probably mean is, “How much did the adoption process cost?” That varies, with much of the cost going to administrative fees. “It’s not just paying someone off and taking a child across the world,” Brown says. Some parents find this an intrusive question, others are happy to answer, but none of us likes to think of our kids as having price tags on their foreheads.

“What happened to her real mom?”

We know you mean “birth” or “biological” mom, but it’s still a sore semantic subject. Adoptive parents are real parents and some can get really touchy about this. Try to use the b-words, birth or biological, and we’ll try to understand when you forget.

“Why did you adopt overseas when there are so many children here?”

Multiple reasons. One is the domestic adoption laws that give U.S. birth mothers time to change their mind and reclaim the child. Bonding with a child, and then losing him or her to the birth mother, is heartbreaking, especially for couples who adopt because of infertility. This seldom happens with foreign adoptions.

“Why was he put up for adoption?”

A fair question, but don’t be offended if we decline to answer. Many parents consider the details private, and want the child, when he or she is old enough to understand, to know this information before others do.

“Do you get to go to an orphanage and pick one out?”

No, it’s not like choosing a puppy at a kennel. Usually, the prospective parents submit a preference for a boy or girl, a range of ages, and whether they’d be willing to take on a “special needs” child, which is usually a youngster with a disability or health concern. The agency or service eventually sends them the picture and profile of a possible “match,” which parents can accept or refuse. If they refuse, they’ll get another match, until they finally find the right child for them.

“Isn’t she lucky, being raised by loving parents in the U.S.?”

Sure, but it works both ways. Adoptive parents feel immensely lucky and blessed themselves. Even non-religious couples often feel that Providence has stepped in and given them the perfect child.



For more information: http://www.childrenshomeadopt.org

Bill Dawson is at wdawson@startribune.com.

What is Russia like?

I've run into a lot of friends who are asking me what Russia is like - aside from my editorial comments. I thought the best way to tell that story is with some photos.


This is a photo of the Novatel in Moscow. Probably one of the nicest in the city.





This is a photo of a typical neighborhood. Most people live in apartments - but the neighborhoods are surrounded by ancient homes like these. Most don't have running water or electricity...which is completely unimaginable considering this is in Siberia!

Anya's English Lesson

Anya Fun Video

Anya Good Bye Movie

I love this video - it was taken on our last day in Irkutsk (last Saturday). In the beginning, you will hear Anya say "ya tibya loobloo" That is 'I love you' in Russian.

Also, when she is on the phone, she says "hello - how are you" and 'paka' is good-bye.

Just a little helpful translation!

Good Things About Russia

I feel like I have been doing a lot of Russia-bashing recently. I kind of feel bad about that - because there are things about Irkutsk I really like. So, in the interest of 'fair reporting', I thought I would post a list of those things I do like and miss about Irkutsk:

1. Anya (duh)

2. the water - I don't know what it is about the water, but it does wonders for your skin and hair

3. Anya (double duh)

4. Walking. We figured that we walked about 5-6 miles a day - which is why on day 1, my feet hurt so bad! But thanks to the Adidas store in downtown Irkutsk, from that point on - I had happy feet!

5. OK, the Adidas store!

6. Since we're on shopping (something that I consider myself an expert at)...boots and shoes. Irkutsk has the greatest shoes - and there are more shoe stores there than anyone could ever visit during one trip. I will say that the 2 boots I got on this trip are some of my favorite (leather, hand crafted for about $35 each!)

7. Another shopping note - fur. This is the place to get a fur. I figure the last time I go there, I will splurge and get a fur...maybe a mink? Or red fox?

8. Anya

9. Simplicity. Everything seems so simple there. Our lives are so busy, and filled with junk. THere isn't time or space for junk when we are in Irkutsk. Everything is very simple. And, we get by nicely (without all of our electronics, gadgets and comforts of home).

10. The people watching. Not only the beautiful Russian women, but in general.

11. Anya (gotta throw that one in again)

12. Bread and Cheese - since that is about the only thing I eat there - I will say they have great bread and cheese.

13. Speaking of food...Fiesta (the restaurant on the walking street that is kind of like a Russian version of Panera) and the new buffet on the corner of Karl Marx and the walking street (best potatoe pancakes I've ever had!)

14. The friends and people we've met in Irktusk and Moscow. Everyone that we're working with (and have worked with) are genuinely great people. Although they don't always appreciate our American sence of humor - we love them all for all they've done for us.

15. Finally...Anya. I miss her laugh, her smile, her inquisitiveness, her mimicking everything I say and do, her hugs, the sparkle in her eyes. I miss her asking me every day if I got her some sunglasses to wear.

I think once we get Anya home, we will still remember Irkutsk with fond memories...traveling there is another story - but being there is always nice. When we were in Moscow - someone said something to me that was interesting. He said, "In Russia, it is very hard to get here, and very hard to leave. It does not make sence, even to me - one who is Russian".

...and I think that is a great way to end this post!