Lurkers

It's crazy to think that this blog has had SO MANY people visit it - but no one is posting any comments! I know you're out there! Post something! All you need to do is click the "0 Comments" below each post.

the bigger meaning of things

So - for the past few weeks, I seem to be pushed - tested. First, it was with a woman who was part of a project I did with a friend a few weeks ago (I blogged about in the post that refers to the song "East / West"). I am/was grateful she is out of my life - however, she is still causing storms with several of my friends. It's sad when a business relationship causes such chaos in people's personal lives!

Well, then there was the mail man. Long story short - there is a guy at the Bristol post office who takes his job a little too seriously. He has all these "rules" he never tells anyone - but expects you to abide by. I almost went postal on him (no pun intended) - I got so mad, I had to hand the phone over to my hubby!!

Of course, there was the whole situation with the Embassy that ruffled my feathers.

Now there is a client of my husbands...the client has an employee who is incompetent...so instead of listening - he is always thinking of the next thing to say to cover his butt. In the business of advertising, that is a bad deal. He is one of those people who start every comment by saying "with all due respect, ma'am...." and all I hear is "I'm covering my butt right now and bla blaing on and on to buy time until I can come up with something to say"

My blood pressure must be sky high. I really feel like I am going to completely lose my temper - like I am being pushed and pushed and pushed - to see how much I will take before I go completely ape on someone. That's right - I said ape!

Then I wonder...why?

What am I supposed to be learning? What is the bigger picture? Am I being tested because this is how the judge is going to treat me - and I need to get comfortable with biting my tongue?

I just don't get it.

Tornado hits Nappannee

A Tornado touched down Thursday in a small town called Nappanee - this is very close to our house. Thursday night, we were on our way to Lowe's, and the radio weather guy came on and said, "dangerous storm system heading East...towns in the path of the storm are Goshen, Dunlap, Bristol" Well, we were in Dunlap, heading to Goshn from Bristol. Anyone who knows me at all knows I DO NOT like storms!

After eating dinner, and thinking that all the rhetoric on the radio and TV about the storms was a scare tactic...we learned about what was happening a little south of us.

I saw some photos today of the destruction on another blog...

Derry Prenkert: Tornado Touch Down in Nappanee

on traveling to Russia

This is a Fodor's travel reporter on a trip to Russia. Pretty accurate from what I read.
http://www.fodors.com/forums/threadselect.jsp?fid=2&tid=35068558

more bla bla from Embassy

We FINALLY got a note from MArk Seibel - the man from the Embassy who I spoke with. Here is what he said:

Dear Mrs. Friend:

The Consul General's letter regarding his trip to Irkutsk was intended to provide an overview and general assessment of the trip for all of the families with pending adoption cases in the region. I do want to assure you that information about the specific problems you have encountered was provided to the regional court, as well as the Prosecutor’s and the human rights offices for the Irkutsk region. This includes the problems you noted regarding apostilles and medical examination requirements. We also specifically underscored the problem of allowing independent adoptions in our follow-up correspondence to the court, and pointed out that the regional court's position on this issue differs from that of judges in other regions in the Russian Federation.


In your case, we understand that there is no need for you to request refusal documentation from the court, as your attorney already has correspondence from the court. While I cannot give legal advise, I would offer a couple of ideas based on the advice given to the Consul General by the Prosecutor’s office and the regional human rights representative. You could run these ideas by your attorney to see if she thinks they are worth pursuing. As noted in the Consul General's letter, the chairman of the court said that all persons have a right to appeal to him if their dossier is rejected for any reason. In your case, the judge seems to be stalling you with perpetual demands for additional documentation, which constitute at least an interim rejection of your dossier. It seems to me that your attorney might be able to appeal that decision to the chairman of the court. I would be happy to provide you with a document from the Hague working group on apostilles that may help make the case that the judge's rejection of those documents was not proper (the same document we provided under cover of our diplomatic note). If the chairman of the court were to reject an appeal, you would at that point have the right to bring the matter up as a complaint to the human rights office in Irkutsk or to the office of the Ombudsman for Human Rights in Moscow. Such a course of action could raise the profile of your case and bring the judge's actions under the scrutiny of others. We would also be happy to speak to your attorney if she wishes to call us, or to correspond with her, to explore ways in which we might be of assistance.

Best regards,

Mark Seibel

So - what does this mean? Your guesses are as good as mine! I'm open to intrepertation!

Well - we FINALLY heard from the Embassy. Below is the letter that we got via email today. Apparently it was also mailed - but because I've been trying to get in touch with them every day for a week...I am sure they decided emailing it to me would shut me up.

Let me say that I am HIGHLY disappointed with the Embassy. This letter is clearly a form letter, and doesn't address ANY of the specific issues about our case that was to be brought up in Irkutsk.

bottom line...talking with, sharing information with, and putting ANY hope in the Embassy helping was a colossal waste of time.

______________________________





Embassy of the United States of America Moscow, Russia
October 15, 2007


Mr. and Mrs. Friend
55754 County Road 19
Bristol, IN 46507

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Friend:

I write to thank you for providing us with information about the difficulties you have encountered in attempting to adopt in the Irkutsk region, and to update you on our efforts to resolve the ongoing impasse there.

I traveled to Irkutsk last week and met with senior members of the Governor’s office, the Chairman of the Irkutsk Regional Court, the regional human rights office, the General Prosecutor, officials in the Ministry of Education, and adoption facilitators serving American families in Irkutsk.

I was encouraged by the fact that the Governor’s staff, the chairman of the court, and others were willing to meet with me to discuss your problems. I presented the chairman of the court, the prosecutor’s office, and the human rights representative with case summaries based on the information that you provided, and asked that they review your case. My exchanges with these officials underscored the fact that there remains deep skepticism on the part of local authorities and the general public in Irkutsk toward international adoptions, notwithstanding official Russian government support for adoptions. Progress on this issue is likely to be slow at best.

That said, the chairman of the regional court in Irkutsk affirmed to me that whenever a judge rejects an adoption dossier before the court, the judge is obliged to provide a written notice of the denial, including the legal reasons for denial. He also affirmed that any person whose case is denied has the right to appeal the decision to the chairman of the regional court. You or your representative have the right to demand such a written notification if the court has rejected your dossier. This document would be an important part of any appeal you or your representative may file with the chairman of the court.

If you have a copy of a notice of rejection from the court, or can obtain one from your representative, I would encourage you to send a copy to the Embassy (unless you have already done so). This information will be helpful to me and my staff as we follow up with the authorities in Irkutsk, which we were encouraged to do.

I also met recently with a senior Ministry of Education official in Moscow to urge expeditious consideration of pending applications for accreditation. As you know, the absence of accreditation for most of the adoption service providers operating in Irkutsk is an ongoing roadblock, as these providers are unable to do business with the regional court. The Ministry of Education indicated that several more adoption agencies may be re-accredited in the near future. I am hopeful that progress in this area will remove a major obstacle for many of the pending adoptions in Irkutsk.

Although the situation in Irkutsk remains difficult, we will continue to work with local and federal authorities on your behalf and on behalf of the many young Russian orphans who deserve better.

Please accept my best wishes.





Sincerely,



Kurt Amend
Consul General

laundry

Well, today we've been home a month...1 month ago, I was having the WORST travel experience of my life!

Today - I FINALLY got caught up on laundry! I'm not kidding - it was OUT OF CONTROL! I feel like we've been going a million miles an hour since our plane touched down in South Bend. I finally had a few days off to catch my breath - so I did laundry. Oh ya, and cleaned my office (it was bad!)

So tomorrow, I can hit the ground running again - while we wait to hear something from Irkutsk (or Moscow!)! Currently, it is 8:10am in Moscow, and 1:10pm in Irkutsk...ya, I am staying up late 'just in case'!

updates

Many of you have been emailing me wondering if we've heard anything about the meeting(s) in Irkutsk. We've heard nothing. Which isn't uncommon. Anytime there is a meeting, it takes days for us to hear anything. I promise, as soon as I know anything, I will post it here.

East from West

The past 8-10 days have been yuck for me and one of my close friends. It is all wrapped up in a work project. One thing that I've learned through the adoption process is to sit back and wait to react...not something I've been known for in the business world prior to a few years ago. I was very reactive, and took everything personally. With the garbage surrounding this recent project, I felt myself going back to that reactive way...at one point, I was ready to get on the phone and tell 'so-and-so' exactly what I thought! Probaby not the best idea...I got in my car, and this song came on. It's one I hear all the time - but really spoke to me this week - for MANY MANY reasons...so I thought I would share it.

Casting Crowns
East To West

Here I am Lord,
and I'm drowning
in your sea of forgetfulness
the chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I dont want to end up where you found me
and it echoes in my mind,
keeps me awake tonight

I know you cast my sin as far as the east is from the west
and I stand before you now,
as if I've never sinned
but today I feel like I'm just one mistake away
from you leaving me this way

and Jesus can you show me
just how far the east is from the west
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest,
cause you know just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I start the day the war begins
endless reminding of my sin
time and time again your truth is drowned out
by the storm I'm in
today I feel like I'm just one mistake away,
from you leaving me this way and Jesus can you show me,
just how far the East is from the West
cause I can't bear to see the man I've been
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know
just how far the East is from the West
from one scarred hand to the other.

I know you've washed me white,
turned my darkness into light
I need your peace to get me through,
to get me through this night
can't live by what I feel
but by the Truth your Word reveals,
I'm not holding on to you
but you're holding on to me,
you're holding on to me

Jesus you know
just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I've been,
rising up in me again
in the arms of your mercy I find rest
'cause you know just how far the East is from the West,
just how far,
from one scarred hand to the other.

updates on documents

Nothing can be easy. How long do I need to be at this to know that? Seriously???

Last week, I spent some time on the phone with Mark Seibel from the Embassy. Yes - the same Mark Siebel I sent the email to (see in post about the Embassy letter). Well, he is a really nice man, and is actually DOING something. The Chief Deputy Council bla bla bla...is going to Irkutsk this weekend to meet with the Chief Judge on behalf of American families. THIS IS CRAZY! Our case is the most complete and most current, so Mr. Siebel was interested to talk with us at length.

We thought our (new) documents would be presented to the Judge next week - so the timing was going to be perfect.

But then we learned that the Judge has decided to take a vacation until Nov. 5. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The good news is that the Chief Judge will accept our documents since Judge Stepanova will be out.

It will be interesting to see what happens in the meeting with the Embassy and Chief Judge. I am sitting on pins and needles!!!

touching adoption story

I want to share an adoption story. This is the story of a friend of ours (who will remain anonymous). This person has been a great support to us, and has prayed with us throughout this entire process. Today, he is an amazing man of God – someone anyone would be humbled to call ‘friend’. Below is a recap of an email conversation we have had over the past few days.

Dear Marty and Kathy,
My heart has been very moved by your love for this girl. I think you both know that I was adopted when I was five. My brother and I slept in a cardboard box in Chicago. In the winter we rode the streetcar back and forth across the city all night to keep warm. The family who adopted me also had some struggles; and my "blood parents" later tried to kidnap me. My adopted family sold their business and home in Illinois, and left all of their relatives and friends and secretly moved to Indiana, just to make sure that I'd be safe. What a sacrifice they made for little 'ole me.

So I know what "ADOPTION" means! I will continue to pray for Anya and all of your efforts to reach this precious life.

Irkutsk - the walking street

Many of you have probably heard me talk about the walking street - this is a road in downtown Irktusk. It's where there are a lot of shops - and my fav restaurant. Here is a video of the street - what you will see is VERY typical. For those of you who have been there - the big mall is behind the camera. The camera is pointed toward Karl Marx street (I think). My restaurant, Fiesta, is the bigger red building to the right (I think...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3PzpDfBGoM&mode=related&search=

document update

We got word on our documents today. We were able to gain some assistance from the law school at the University in Irkutsk. They have provided the Russian version of the Hague - highlighting the section that says, "an apostille can not be rejected".

Our lawyer had a meeting with the Judge regarding our case. The judge confirmed that our lawyer will have no trouble submitting our file again with the corrections, clarifications and so on.

YAY!

So now, we are back into prayer-warrior mode. We need for all of the documnets to come across the Judge's desk - and be flawless. We are still praying for a miracle, and want Anya home by Christmas! OK, I know I've said that every year for the past 3 years...but I'm going to keep saying that until I don't have to anymore!!

Russian adoption video

If you've ever wondered about Russia, adoption, what the orphanages are like there...I encourage you to view this video

http://www.thepromise.org.uk/video.htm

There is another vide on this site as well, here:
http://www.thepromise.org.uk/originalvideo.htm

so sad!!

Press On

I talked to a friend tonight who is going through some stuff. As I was talking with her on the phone, I was trying so hard to come up with the right words to comfort her. Nothing was coming to my mind. I wanted to tell her that God would never give her more than she could handle...that she knows the Truth...that the worst is behind her...that I loved her, and would do whatever I could to help her through this.

And no words came to me.

Tonight when I got home, I wrote her a note. The song 'Press On' was ringing in my head so loud - I felt like I needed to turn down the stereo! So, I sent her the lyrics to this song. The words are something I've clung to so many times.

Press On (3:56)
(Dan Burgess)

When the valley is deep
When the mountain is steep
When the body is weary
When we stumble and fall

When the choices are hard
When we're battered and scarred
When we've spent our resources
When we've given our all

Chorus:
In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on

In Jesus' name, we press on
In Jesus' name, we press on
Dear Lord, with the prize
Clear before our eyes
We find the strength to press on
To press on

©1983 Belwin-Mills Publishing, Inc. (ASCAP) All rights admin. by Warner Bros. Publications, Inc. (ASCAP) All Rights Reserved. Used By Permission.

10 things that make you smile

My friend Brenda "tagged" me on her blog tonight. She posted 10 things that makes her smile, and asked 3 people to post what makes them smile.

What a perfect thing to have me think about today! I've had a particularly crappy (is that politically correct?) day. Ever had one of those days when everyone you have to deal with gets on your last nerve? Ugh!

OK, focus on good things…

1. Knowing there is a God, the He loves me no matter what! (even when I have days like today)

2. My husband…he’s a good one! God has truly blessed me with a good man!

3. Our little Anya…only God could have perfected a union like the one we have with that little one! It still amazes me how much she looks like us and acts like us…and I didn’t birth her – and she is still living in the orphanage! Her laugh, her smile, the way she mimicks everything I do. Pretty much everything about her makes me smile.

4. Good friends – who will listen to you gripe and feel your pain, and love you anyway (and then probably pray for you!). Ya know, those pals who you can call or email from Russia when you're in a panic, and they will answer the phone or email? ...unless then went to bed early? (ha ha, had to get that one in there Kath!)

5. I love the worship band at church, I love the worship music my hubby has made…but ya know, Bon Jovi REALLY makes me smile :) (or maybe it's just John BonJovi?)

6. Great shoes – ok, seriously – I love shoes. I think it is a sickness. Better than therapy, healthier than mood-altering drugs or food. ...so I guess my awesome job should make me smile too - so I can buy great shoes! (seriously, I do love my job!)

7. Fall – I love this time of the year – when the air is cool, and the sun is warm (but not as warm as it was today…93 the end of September is nutty!)

8. Relaxing in the pool with my hubby – the only time we’re not working it seems…our cheap little above ground pool is the best investment we’ve ever made!

9. Laughing and being silly…I don’t take myself too seriously, so I love being around other people who don’t either. LIfe is too short to be constantly wondering what other people's motives are, and wondering if they think you're an idiot.

10. The amazing things that God is doing – things I don’t even know about and can’t see…I guess the ‘end of the story’. That makes me smile with tears in my eyes.

Now, I would like to hear from you!! What makes you smile?

documents...wouldn't ya know it

Well, I shipped off a stack of documnets to Russia on Friday. I was witing for a form we needed to get from our social worker. I waited a day before I got tired of waiting, and sent to documents. Wouldn't ya know it...about the second the DHL guy pulled out of the driveway, the FedEx guy pulled in - with what I had been waiting for.

Oh well - what is a little more money lost in overnight fees?

...off to sell more pants and tops :)

What do I do?

I ran into someone the other day who asked me “so, with all this waiting to adopt Anya, what do you do every day?” Seriously - someone said that to me.

My initial instinct was to say that I’ve been spending my time getting massages and pedicures…but as I started to speak, I bit my tongue. Asking me a question like that really means that she doesn’t know me well. What did she think I was going to say? That I sit in Anya’s room and cry away my days? That I sit at my computer and blog about all the ridiculous things people say to me?

Ugh!

letter from the Chief of the Immigrant Visa Unit at the United States Embassy in Moscow

We got this note today from some new guy with the Embassy in Moscow. To date, no government agency has done squat to help us - so I am more than a little skeptical about this guy.

Below is his note to me - and my reply...happy reading!
________________________________________
From: Moscow Consular, Russian Adoptions
Sent: Thursday, September 20, 2007 8:02 AM
To: kathy@mmprod.com
Subject: FW: Request for information - Irkutsk adoptions

Greetings,

This July I took over as the Chief of the Immigrant Visa Unit at the United States Embassy in Moscow, and I am writing to update you on the Embassy's ongoing efforts to resolve the continuing problems with international adoptions in the Irkutsk region. A few days ago the Ambassador raised this issue in a meeting with Russia's Ombudsman for Human Rights, former Russian Ambassador to the United States Vladimir Lukin. At Ambassador Lukin’s invitation, we intend to follow up with his office to review cases pending in the Irkutsk region to assess how best they might be resolved.

This past summer, the Embassy sent out a request for information to families who have been trying unsuccessfully to adopt in the Irkutsk region, and the information we obtained from those who chose to respond to this request will be extremely helpful as we engage with the Office of the Human Rights Ombudsman. If you have not responded to our earlier request for details about your case, and if you wish the Embassy to raise your case with the Office of the Human Rights Ombudsman, I would invite you to respond to the questions below with any information you may have to offer. Please respond as soon as possible if you wish us to raise your specific case. Details regarding any specific problems or objections given by the court for not accepting your dossier or not providing you with a hearing date would be especially useful.

If have new information to report, we would appreciate updates. If you do not wish us to raise your case in our ongoing dialogues with Russian authorities, please let me know that as well.

I want to assure you that we will continue to raise the problem of American adoptions in the Irkutsk region (and elsewhere) with the appropriate Russian authorities, as we advocate for a fair, transparent legal and regulatory framework for international adoptions in Russia.
Sincerely,

Mark Seibel
Chief, Immigrant Visa Unit
Embassy of the United States
Moscow

Questions:
1) Name of adoption agency (in US and in Russia, if different)
2) Name of Russian adoption agency representative and contact information
3) Yes / No, Was your adoption agency accredited at the time you submitted your application to the court in Irkutsk?
4) Date you submitted your application to the Irkutsk court
5) Docket or case number given to you by the court (or confirmation the application was filed)
6) Explanation the court gave you as to why your case would not be considered
7) If the court had any procedural complaints, were these addressed?
Please feel free to add any further details which may be relevant to identifying the reason that your case was halted by the court. If the court provided any written refusal to you, please provide the substance of that refusal, or even better, a scanned copy of the document.
_________________


Hello Mr. Seibel,

Let me start this note by saying that I think, after 3 years, I have become an expert on adoptions from Irkutsk, and am an expert on being a pre-adoptive-parent.

I am sure prior to you taking over this position, you were given background on the situation in Irkutsk. Allow me to share my experiences with your agency / office.

I have provided information to your office SEVERAL times in the past. I have filled out your forms, and answered your questions. I have spoke on the phone with people in your office. Nothing has ever happened. 2 years ago, we received a letter from the State Department saying that (basically) they are sorry for our frustration, however are choosing not to do anything to help.

We were told (over a year ago) that the Embassy was “looking into the matter”. Looking into a matter and taking bold action are very different things. Bold action is what is required in Irkutsk. Interested onlookers are not helpful; on the contrary, they are bothersome. Unless there is a solid plan to deal directly with the authorities in Irkutsk (the Chief Judge and Governor’s office), and force the courts to adhere to their own law, I politely suggest you remove this project from your desk.

It is cruel and unfair to continue to give American families false hope by saying that you are looking into a matter. As one of the families who have been waiting the longest, and one of the families who were to get a court date the summer Nina Hilt was murdered (2005) – I am tired of empty promises. I am tired of inaction, and I am tired government bureaucracy. The only thing I am interested in is real, solid, swift action to bring my daughter home.

The problem with the ‘plan’ your office has in place is that most American families have not submitted documents to the Judge in Irkutsk. There are very few (2 or 3) American families who have presented their documents to the courts in Irkutsk over the past 2 years. Our dossier was presented in 2006, and again 10 days ago.

I have been diligent about making contacts in Moscow and Irkutsk to keep our adoption moving forward. We just returned from a trip to Irkutsk. We were granted a meeting with the Chief Judge in Irkutsk regarding our case (very unusual for an American family). The Chief Judge accepted our documents, and passed them along to Judge Stepanova (the Judge who is ‘in charge’ of adoption cases). Judge Stepanova issued a legal statement regarding our documents, detailing changes. This is the same thing that happened when we presented our documents a year ago.

The changes the Judge has asked for include some things that do not represent the law (in Russia, or in the United States). Examples include:

1. The way the documents are apostilled. The apostille on all of our 125 documents adheres to every standard and guideline specified by the Hague. The Judge doesn’t like the way it is done. She cites that other countries use a ribbon (for example) to tie all of the documents together. She also cites that the border (box) around the information on the piece of paper that is the apostille isn’t a perfect square (I think the dimensions are 10cm x 10.12cm – something insignificant). Our lawyer in Irkutsk is going to fight this, however, the ultimate ruling is up to Judge Stepanova.

2. She also cited in the legal statement a Russian law that deals with adoption agencies that work in Russia. This law deals with the way the office is to be set up within the Russian Federation. Bottom line – this has nothing to do with us, our case, or our documents. I am not sure why this is even a part of our legal statement. Of course, our lawyer is going to fight this, and ask the Judge to completely remove it from the statement.

3. The statement also make mention that we are independent. It does not say that she will refuse our case because of this, it is just a comment made in the legal statement. I should also preface this by saying that the Judge continues to hear many French cases – all have been successful in court. All are independent.

4. In the past, the Judge in Irkutsk has accepted documents, with the condition that the family obtains a medical exam prior to court. The medical exam (by 8 doctors) needs to be done at a state clinic. The ONLY clinic that is a state institution, that houses each of the specialists is in Moscow. Judge Stepanova is requiring this medical exam before she accepts documents. The medical exam is only valid for 60 days (might be 90) – and the Judge will not offer a court date within that time, so the document expires. When the document expires, the Judge will refuse the documents because of an expired medical exam. This is what has happened to us. Essentially, what this means is thousands upon thousands of money spent unnecessarily by American families. It is a never ending battle that could go on forever.

I am interested specifically in what your office will be doing, other than gathering the same information that has been provided to you time and time again. Quite honestly sir, I am so fed up with the lack of support and help by my own government I could scream. To this point, everything has been a lot of talk, and no action. I refuse to allow our little girl to be a political pawn. I will not stand by and 'wait' for you to gather more information. I won't sit back and be patient and wait to see what happens. I do not trust that anyone or any agency will do anything to help us get a court date in Irkutsk, and bring our little girl home.

It will be interesting to see what you DO.

Sincerely,
Kathy Friend

SO FRUSTRATING!

For a long time, I really thought that God's plan in this adoption (partly) was to teach me patience. Then I thought maybe it was perseverance. Then maybe it was tenacity. Now, I think maybe the lesson is to not lose my mind under extreme pressure!

The changes to our documents was minimal. This is good. I got everything done - and have been waiting to for the document from our social worker. With that, I can send things to the State to be apostilled - then everything can be shipped off to Irkutsk.

Well, I was supposed to get that document from the social worker yesterday, and I still don't have it. It was Fed Ex'ed, and I can't seem to find information on it to trace it.

UGH!