I was going through Anya's mountains of paperwork from school tonight and see this blue form asking for some autobiographical information about her. Apparently there is a class writing project that will require 5 important dates in her life. The examples given are: first step, started Kindergarten.Yes, I am sensitive to this kind of exercise. No I don't expect the teacher to completely redo her lesson plans (that I am sure have worked for years) just because Anya is in her classroom. And I am also quite sure that Anya won't think a thing about it - this is all me...and I know that.
But I don't know many of these things, these "important dates in my child's life". I know she was walking, dressing herself and feeding herself at about 2. I know that she had Chicken Pox when she was about 3-4. I know that after the first time she met me, she knew who I was and that I was her Mommy...but that day-1 was when she was 2 years and 4 months.
I mean, there are a lot of important dates in her life, but not things I want to put on this blue form. I don't want to say that at 6 months that lady (that is what we've taken to calling bio mother...Anya said she is not a Mamma) took her to a hospital and left her there. At 8 months that lady's rights were revoked. And then at 15 months she became a resident of Baby Home #2 - which is where we met her.
Is it age appropirate for me to put on the blue form to say that the most important days in her little life started in July 2004 when we received a photograph of her and committed to being her Mom and Dad? Or in October 2004 when we filed the official paperwork to be her Mom and Dad? Probably not appropirate to mention the weekend of July 4th, 2005 with Peggy Hilt decided to kill her child causing Anya's life to be forever changed too. Or what about on February 17, 2010 when the Judge said the battle was over?
The important dates in her life (up until a year ago) haven't been developmental milestones. The important dates have been in terms of her survival.; those dates that have shapes who she will be as an adult.
I don't know. The blue form and I need to think about this all...
7 comments:
Rewrite that form! Anya's life is extraordinary and deserves to be celebrated.
We had a similar situation here just two weeks ago. Lexi was "star student" and encouraged to bring in photos. Most kids include baby photos. While there was no pressure for us to do so, I felt a little sad that all I have documented is her last year +.
And, while we do have photos from when she was in the orphanage, and she was such a little baby girl then, I didn't include them. Lexi didn't have a clear preference either way. Everyone knows she was adopted.
But...
But, it just seemed too tender, too personal, too fragile to trust that part of her life to a teacher to explain to a group of first graders who aren't always kind.
I know I use this activity with kids to introduce timelines. If I had a child in our children's situation, I'd change the assignment for everyone--not just them. I'd make it about an event a month for the last year instead of an event a year. Did you ask?
I have had to do this with all 3 of my adopted kids. I put the dates from adoption on. I did not do anything from before.
It may be hard to imagine but there are many children in her situation.....not only adopted children but many children in step-families don't have those references or photos......that is why many schools have stopped asking children to create a family tree.....they cannot do that.
I like the idea of choosing an event in the recent past.
God Bless, Pam , South Bend
What did you end up doing?
We've got family trees coming up.
I wanted to put to say something that may give a little perspective on this issue. The second graders at my school just did their timelines and many made me really sad. You could obvously see which parents gave their kids no help at all and which parents took the time to make their child's timeline fun and creative. No matter what dates you add your love and care for Anya will show and that is what people will notice, not what the dates were.
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