There are things you never thought would tickle you so much. Little things in your day with your little one- firsts that you knew were going to happen, but when the do happen, the pure joy that comes over you makes up for everything else.
Things like:
MORNING. When Anya wakes up in the morning, she always comes to my side of the bed first. She wants to snuggle. Her kinda-whisper (remember the previous post about her communication volume? Her whisper isn't so quiet) - generally counting to 10, or saying 'I love you Mommy'.
PRAYERS. Now that Anya has been with us for almost 2 weeks, she has seen our routines, including prayer time at meals and at bedtime. I posted a little note about her praying the other day. Seeing her eager face the first time she prayed at dinner, or even when I asked her to please wait to start eating, and seeing her 'get it' - and quickly clasp her hands in the praying-position. If my heart had cockles, they'd be warmed.
BATH TIME. I have claimed this time. It is mine, and I will not share it with anyone else, even Daddy (at least for now). I love how Anya wants me to pick her up and out of the bath, how she wants me to bathe her, the little content look she gets on her face when I am washing her hair. It is our time. We talk, laugh...even if I don't completely understand what she is telling me, she talks and chatters on and on. She has seen my bath routine, how after a shower, I put on lotion. Now - she insists on cream, exclaiming, "I need NEED cream". Especially on her face (where the majority of my lotion potions go - hee hee!). Hearing her say "I need cream, like mommy" - yep, THAT is MY girl!
NATURAL ABILITY. Seeing Anya for Anya. Watching her, observing her God given talents. That is amazing. Seeing her throw a ball, the way she love sports. The flip side of that coin is to see her draw. She can really DRAW! When she is creating a picture, she really sees what she is creating (which makes no sense unless you have observed a creative person 'create').
I'm sure throughout the years, her abilities will be finely tuned and will change. I think that is great - I am proud to be her Mommy, and encourage her to seek out those God given talents!
GIRL TIME. Pretty clear that Anya's favorite is Daddy, That is awesome! But there are those times that only a Mommy can handle. Hair brushing, toenail painting, choosing clothes, making dinner. Today, it was toenail painting...and it was awesome! No one told me how great it would be to hear my little girl say "Mommy"!
YUM YUM - for someone who is not a cook, not domestic, and never really tried to be...harvesting that part of my personality for the sake of motherhood has been a - well, opportunity. To make something here, from scratch - and have your little girl look at you and (scream, of course) yum yum yum yum! Well, that is about as good as it gets!
Showing posts with label PI kiddos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PI kiddos. Show all posts
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Things they really should tell you
There are things someone really should tell you about the first week or so together with a newly adopted child.
On a lot of the adoption blogs I've been reading over the years, all I've read about was all the happy happy joy joy - yes, there is A LOT of that during your early days together. So many fun things to witness, firsts for your child.
I wish someone could have prepared me for a few things that most of us PAPs have experienced. Luckily, I have a lot of friends who have adopted children about the same age that Anya is, so I have resources to call in times of question - PRAISE GOD for that!
The first thing is regression. At the orphanage, Anya was always very independent. This made me a little sad because I wanted to 'baby' her...and when I would try (at the orphanage) she would sternly remind me that she is a big girl, and can do it herself.
Because of this, I had prepared myself for her to not want me to help her bathe, get dressed, brush her hair etc. I was mentally challenging myself to pick my battles.
Now that she has been with us for almost 2 weeks, she seems to have forgotten completely how to bathe herself and dress herself. Even when you ask her to please put on her pants, she acts like she doesn't remember how. Also, she is always asking to be picked up and carried around. She is a big girl - 55" tall, and about 55lbs. Tall and skinny - and hard to have on your hip as you are cooking dinner.
For now, this is all OK with me. We want her to be dependent on us for her needs and wants. We want her to come to us for comfort.
As I type this, she just put on her own socks, and made sure I saw that she did that. This is a first! Not sure if that is good or bad...just a first.
Yelling - oi the volume! I remember being in Anya's room at the orphanage when the kids were getting ready to go outside. All 10 (ish) kids were yelling and screaming, vying for the mama's attention (the caregiver). Of course I don't expect Anya to understand "use your indoor voice, please!". Trying to get the overall volume of her communication turned down has been a bit of a challenge. We've had to stop her, put our hand over her mouth (to shhhhh her), and quietly remind her that we are 3 inches in front of her face, there is no need to scream. Not sure she gets this yet, but we have noticed that when we say 'shhhh' she knows where the conversation is going.
The volume goes beyond just her communication volume. She wants everything LOUD. The TV, DVD, IPod - everything.
Attitude - PI kids have never been taught respect or manners. The attitude that comes out when you say 'no' shows that. And as a Mom - it can be a hard pill to swallow. I have friends who have had their Russian kiddos home for years - 6-7-8 years, and they have commented to me on this attitude. One friend even emailed me last week to ask "so, have you seen the sassy pants attitude yet?"
The survival skills all institutionalized kids learn is probably the hardest thing for them to shed once they become a part of a loving family. If you think about it, they have to be tough to be in an orphanage. The weak are taken advantage of and hurt. They have to appear strong, even if they aren't.
The reality of this stings...this is a life-skill that I don't think I've mastered, and I'm 40. My 7 year old has this skill down like a pro.
I am going to break. Seriously, she is going to break me - literally. Kids who have lived in an orphanage play HARD. They play very rough. It is what it is. But, this isn't something that you are completely prepared for. When your precious little one comes running toward you at full speed, you think "oh, she wants to hug me!"...truth is, her goal is to tackle you.
The way kids play in orphanages is different from the way my friends (your kids) play. She is learning - every day. She is realizing that playing rough is not fun, that it hurts. The first few times she did something that hurt one of us, she thought it was hilarious...of course, we didn't. For example, when she plays ball she throws it AT YOU with all her might - generally aiming for your face.
In the meantime, she has bumped my chin (pretty sure I chipped a tooth), jumped on my stomach so hard I thought my spleen burst (and I don't even know exactly where my spleen is), stood on my knee cap (explaining my current slight limp), and can be credited for some interesting bruises on her Daddy.
Mosz it mena. I know I didn't phonetically type that right. Basically, it means "can I have...". Intellectually, we knew that she would be asking for a lot of things. Having never had anything, we were preparred for a nightmare when we went to the market or into a store.
We are grateful that she is not that way in public. She is very well behaved, and is just excited about everything, and wants to be sure that we see everything that she is seeing.
What has been trying is the 'mosz na pechina' (I want a cookie). So, we say no. And she asks again, and again, and again. Obviously trying to figure out how many times she has to ask before we give in. The easy thing to do is...well, give in. Doing the hard thing and sticking to our guns is trying...on all of us.
I will say, she is very convincing at the 'ask'. Really, it is all about learning boundaries. Truth is, we love our little one so much, that we say 'no' a lot!
On a lot of the adoption blogs I've been reading over the years, all I've read about was all the happy happy joy joy - yes, there is A LOT of that during your early days together. So many fun things to witness, firsts for your child.
I wish someone could have prepared me for a few things that most of us PAPs have experienced. Luckily, I have a lot of friends who have adopted children about the same age that Anya is, so I have resources to call in times of question - PRAISE GOD for that!
The first thing is regression. At the orphanage, Anya was always very independent. This made me a little sad because I wanted to 'baby' her...and when I would try (at the orphanage) she would sternly remind me that she is a big girl, and can do it herself.
Because of this, I had prepared myself for her to not want me to help her bathe, get dressed, brush her hair etc. I was mentally challenging myself to pick my battles.
Now that she has been with us for almost 2 weeks, she seems to have forgotten completely how to bathe herself and dress herself. Even when you ask her to please put on her pants, she acts like she doesn't remember how. Also, she is always asking to be picked up and carried around. She is a big girl - 55" tall, and about 55lbs. Tall and skinny - and hard to have on your hip as you are cooking dinner.
For now, this is all OK with me. We want her to be dependent on us for her needs and wants. We want her to come to us for comfort.
As I type this, she just put on her own socks, and made sure I saw that she did that. This is a first! Not sure if that is good or bad...just a first.
Yelling - oi the volume! I remember being in Anya's room at the orphanage when the kids were getting ready to go outside. All 10 (ish) kids were yelling and screaming, vying for the mama's attention (the caregiver). Of course I don't expect Anya to understand "use your indoor voice, please!". Trying to get the overall volume of her communication turned down has been a bit of a challenge. We've had to stop her, put our hand over her mouth (to shhhhh her), and quietly remind her that we are 3 inches in front of her face, there is no need to scream. Not sure she gets this yet, but we have noticed that when we say 'shhhh' she knows where the conversation is going.
The volume goes beyond just her communication volume. She wants everything LOUD. The TV, DVD, IPod - everything.
Attitude - PI kids have never been taught respect or manners. The attitude that comes out when you say 'no' shows that. And as a Mom - it can be a hard pill to swallow. I have friends who have had their Russian kiddos home for years - 6-7-8 years, and they have commented to me on this attitude. One friend even emailed me last week to ask "so, have you seen the sassy pants attitude yet?"
The survival skills all institutionalized kids learn is probably the hardest thing for them to shed once they become a part of a loving family. If you think about it, they have to be tough to be in an orphanage. The weak are taken advantage of and hurt. They have to appear strong, even if they aren't.
The reality of this stings...this is a life-skill that I don't think I've mastered, and I'm 40. My 7 year old has this skill down like a pro.
I am going to break. Seriously, she is going to break me - literally. Kids who have lived in an orphanage play HARD. They play very rough. It is what it is. But, this isn't something that you are completely prepared for. When your precious little one comes running toward you at full speed, you think "oh, she wants to hug me!"...truth is, her goal is to tackle you.
The way kids play in orphanages is different from the way my friends (your kids) play. She is learning - every day. She is realizing that playing rough is not fun, that it hurts. The first few times she did something that hurt one of us, she thought it was hilarious...of course, we didn't. For example, when she plays ball she throws it AT YOU with all her might - generally aiming for your face.
In the meantime, she has bumped my chin (pretty sure I chipped a tooth), jumped on my stomach so hard I thought my spleen burst (and I don't even know exactly where my spleen is), stood on my knee cap (explaining my current slight limp), and can be credited for some interesting bruises on her Daddy.
Mosz it mena. I know I didn't phonetically type that right. Basically, it means "can I have...". Intellectually, we knew that she would be asking for a lot of things. Having never had anything, we were preparred for a nightmare when we went to the market or into a store.
We are grateful that she is not that way in public. She is very well behaved, and is just excited about everything, and wants to be sure that we see everything that she is seeing.
What has been trying is the 'mosz na pechina' (I want a cookie). So, we say no. And she asks again, and again, and again. Obviously trying to figure out how many times she has to ask before we give in. The easy thing to do is...well, give in. Doing the hard thing and sticking to our guns is trying...on all of us.
I will say, she is very convincing at the 'ask'. Really, it is all about learning boundaries. Truth is, we love our little one so much, that we say 'no' a lot!
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